The Wizard of Oz (1939)
Wizard of Oz: A heart is not judged by how much you love; but by how much you are loved by others.
Dorothy: How do you talk if you don't have a brain?
Scarecrow: Well, some people without brains do an awful lot of talking don't they?
Wizard of Oz: Why, anybody can have a brain. That's a very mediocre commodity. Every pusillanimous creature that crawls on the Earth or slinks through slimy seas has a brain. Back where I come from, we have universities, seats of great learning, where men go to become great thinkers. And when they come out, they think deep thoughts and with no more brains than you have. But they have one thing you haven't got: a diploma.
Scarecrow: I haven't got a brain... only straw.
Dorothy: How can you talk if you haven't got a brain?
Scarecrow: I don't know... But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking... don't they?
Dorothy: Yes, I guess you're right.
Miss Gulch: [stopping bicycle and getting off] Gale?
Uncle Henry Gale: Well, howdy, Miss Gulch.
Miss Gulch: [comes into the Gales' yard] I want to see you and your wife right away about Dorothy!
Uncle Henry Gale: Dorothy? Well, what has Dorothy done?
Miss Gulch: What she's done? I'm all but lame from the bite on my leg!
Uncle Henry Gale: Oh! You mean she bit you?
Miss Gulch: No, her dog!
Uncle Henry Gale: Oh, she bit her dog, eh?
[Uncle Henry tries to shut the gate, but it hits her on the backside]
Miss Gulch: [exasperated] No!
Dorothy: [has just arrived in Oz, looking around and awed at the beauty and splendor] Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas any more.
Dorothy: [after a pause] We must be over the rainbow!
[a bubble appears in the sky and gets closer and closer. It finally lands, then turns into Glinda the Good Witch wearing a spectacular white dress and crown, holding a wand]
Dorothy: [to Toto] Now I... I know we're not in Kansas!
Cowardly Lion: All right, I'll go in there for Dorothy. Wicked Witch or no Wicked Witch, guards or no guards, I'll tear them apart. I may not come out alive, but I'm going in there. There's only one thing I want you fellows to do.
Cowardly Lion: Talk me out of it!
Wicked Witch of the West: Just try and stay out of my way. Just try! I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!
Glinda, the Good Witch of the North: You have no power here! Begone, before somebody drops a house on you, too!
Wizard of Oz: You, my friend, are a victim of disorganized thinking. You are under the unfortunate impression that just because you run away you have no courage; you're confusing courage with wisdom.
Dorothy: Now which way do we go?
Scarecrow: Pardon me, this way is a very nice way.
Dorothy: Who said that?
[Toto barks at scarecrow]
Dorothy: Don't be silly, Toto. Scarecrows don't talk.
Scarecrow: [points other way] It's pleasant down that way, too.
Dorothy: That's funny. Wasn't he pointing the other way?
Scarecrow: [points both ways] Of course, some people do go both ways.
Auntie Em: Help us out today and find yourself a place where you won't get into any trouble!
Dorothy: A place where there isn't any trouble. Do you suppose there is such a place, Toto? There must be. It's not a place you can get to by a boat or a train. It's far, far away. Behind the moon, beyond the rain...
[begins to sing "Over the Rainbow"]
Wicked Witch of the West: Going so soon? I wouldn't hear of it. Why my little party's just beginning.
Wizard of Oz: Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.
Wizard of Oz: As for you, my galvanized friend, you want a heart. You don't know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.
Tin Woodsman: But I still want one.
Tin Woodsman: What have you learned, Dorothy?
Dorothy: Well, I - I think that it - it wasn't enough to just want to see Uncle Henry and Auntie Em - and it's that - if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with! Is that right?
Dorothy: Oh, but anyway, Toto, we're home. Home! And this is my room, and you're all here. And I'm not gonna leave here ever, ever again, because I love you all, and - oh, Auntie Em - there's no place like home!
Dorothy: What would you do with a brain if you had one?
Dorothy: [to the Scarecrow] I think I'll miss you most of all.
Dorothy: [Reaches to pick an apple from the apple tree, the tree grabs the apple and slaps her hand] Ouch!
Apple Tree: What'd'ya think you're doing?
Dorothy: We've been walking a long ways and I was hungry and... did you say something?
Apple Tree: She was hungry! Well, how would you like to have someone come along and pick something off of you?
Dorothy: Oh dear! I keep forgetting I'm not in Kansas!
Scarecrow: Come along Dorothy. You don't want any of those apples!
Dorothy: [singing] Somewhere Over The Rainbow, Bluebirds fly. Birds fly Over The Rainbow. Why then, oh why can't I? If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow, why oh why cant I?
Dorothy: It really was no miracle. What happened was just this...
Dorothy: [singing] The wind began to switch / The house, to pitch / And suddenly the hinges started to unhitch / Just then the Witch / To satisfy an itch / Went flying on her broomstick, thumbing for a hitch!
Munchkin: And, oh, what happened then was rich!
Munchkins: [singing] The house began to pitch / The kitchen took a slich / It landed on the Wicked Witch in the middle of a ditch / Which was not a happy situation for the Wicked Witch!
Auntie Em Gale: Almira Gulch, just because you own half the county doesn't mean that you have the power to run the rest of us. For twenty-three years, I've been dying to tell you what I thought of you! And now... well, being a Christian woman, I can't say it!
Dorothy: Oh please, Professor, why can't we go with you and see all the Crowned Heads of Europe?
Professor Marvel: Do you know any? Oh, you mean the... thing. Yes.
Cowardly Lion: I *do* believe in spooks, I *do* believe in spooks. I do, I do, I do, I *do* believe in spooks, I *do* believe in spooks, I do, I do, I do, I *do*!
Wicked Witch of the West: Ah! You'll believe in more than that before I'm finished with you.
Wicked Witch of the West: The last to go will see the first three go before her. And her little dog too.
Cowardly Lion: Put 'em up, put 'em up! Which one of you first? I'll fight you both together if you want. I'll fight you with one paw tied behind my back. I'll fight you standing on one foot. I'll fight you with my eyes closed... ohh, pullin' an axe on me, eh? Sneaking up on me, eh? Why, I'll... Ruff!
Dorothy: Your Majesty, if you were king, you wouldn't be afraid of anything?
Cowardly Lion: Not nobody! Not nohow!
Tin Woodsman: Not even a rhinoceros?
Cowardly Lion: Imposerous!
Dorothy: How about a hippopotamus?
Cowardly Lion: Why, I'd thrash him from top to bottomus!
Dorothy: Supposing you met an elephant?
Cowardly Lion: I'd wrap him up in cellophane!
Scarecrow: What if it were a brontosaurus?
Cowardly Lion: I'd show him who was king of the forest!
Mayor of Munchkin City: Then this is a day of independence for all the Munchkins and their descendants!
Munchkin: If any!
Mayor of Munchkin City: Yes - let the joyous news be spread! The Wicked Old Witch at last is dead!
Coroner: [singing] As Coroner I must aver, I thoroughly examined her, and she's not only merely dead, she's really most sincerely dead.
Dorothy: Did you say something?
Tin Woodsman: [indiscernible sounds from the Tin Man, who is rusted]
Dorothy: He said oil can!
Scarecrow: Oil can what?
Dorothy: Oil can.
[Dorothy watches the Wicked Witch melt]
Wicked Witch of the West: You cursed brat! Look what you've done! I'm melting! melting! Oh, what a world! What a world! Who would have thought a good little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness? Oooooh, look out! I'm going! Oooooh! Ooooooh!
Guardian of the Emerald City Gates: Orders are nobody can see the Great Oz! Not nobody, not nohow!
Dorothy: Oh, Thank you so much! We've been gone such a long time and we feel so messy... What kind of a horse is that? I've never seen a horse like that before!
Guardian of the Emerald City Gates: And never will again, I fancy. There's only one of him and he's it. He's the Horse of a Different Color, you've heard tell about.
Manicurist in Emerald City: We can make a dimpled smile out of a frown.
Dorothy: Can you even dye my eyes to match my gown?
Manicurist in Emerald City: Uh-huh.
Dorothy: Jolly old town!
[Dorothy, the Scarecrow, and the Tin Man watch as the Wicked Witch of the West vanishes into a fireball]
Scarecrow: I'm not afraid of her! I'll see you get safely to the Wizard now, whether I get a brain or not. Stuff a mattress with me. Ha!
Tin Woodsman: I'll see you reach the Wizard, whether I get a heart or not. Beehive, bah! Let her try and make a beehive out of me!
Dorothy: Oh, you're the best friends anybody ever had. And it's funny, but I feel as if I'd known you all the time, but I couldn't have, could I?
Scarecrow: I don't see how. You weren't around when I was stuffed and sewn together, were you?
Tin Woodsman: And I was standing over there, rusting for the longest time.
Dorothy: Still, I wish I could remember, but I guess it doesn't matter anyway. We know each other now, don't we?
Scarecrow: That's right.
Tin Woodsman: We do.
Scarecrow: To Oz?
Tin Woodsman: To Oz.
Dorothy: You go away or I - I'll bite you myself!
Auntie Em: Dorothy!
Cowardly Lion: [singing] I'd be brave as a blizzard...
Tin Woodsman: [singing] I'd be gentle as a lizard...
Scarecrow: [singing] I'd be clever as a gizzard...
Dorothy: [singing] If the Wizard is a wizard who will serve.
Scarecrow: [singing] Then I'm sure to get a brain...
Tin Woodsman: [singing] A heart...
Dorothy: [singing] A home...
Cowardly Lion: [singing] The nerve!
Glinda, the Good Witch of the North: Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?
Dorothy: I'm not a witch at all. I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas.
Glinda, the Good Witch of the North: Oh. Well, is that the witch?
Dorothy: Who, Toto? Toto's my dog!
Dorothy: I've got a witch mad at me and you might get into trouble!
Glinda, the Good Witch of the North: Only bad witches are ugly.
Dorothy: She isn't coming yet, Toto. Did she hurt you? She tried to, didn't she? Come on. We'll go tell Uncle Henry and Auntie Em.
Captain of the Winkie Guard: [after the Wicked Witch has melted] She's... She's dead. You killed her.
Dorothy: I didn't mean to kill her. Really, I didn't. It's just that he was on fire.
Captain of the Winkie Guard: Hail to Dorothy! The Wicked Witch is dead!
The Winkies: [all kneel before Dorothy] *Hail*! Hail to Dorothy! The Wicked Witch is dead!
Dorothy: The broom! May we have it?
Captain of the Winkie Guard: [hands Dorothy the broomstick] Please. And take it with you.
Dorothy: Oh, thank you so much! Now we can go back to the Wizard, and tell him the Wicked Witch is dead!
The Winkies: The Wicked Witch is dead!
Wizard of Oz: [in a booming voice] Step forward, Tin Man!
Tin Woodsman: [terrified, steps forward] Ohhhh!
Wizard of Oz: [still in a booming voice] You DARE to come to me for a heart, do you? You clinking, clanking, clattering collection of caligenous junk!
Auntie Em: Now you go feed those hogs before they worry themselves into anemia!
Zeke: [to pigs] Get in there, before I make a dime bank out of you.
Professor Marvel: Better get under cover, Sylvester. There's a storm blowin' up - a whopper, to speak in the vernacular of the peasantry. Poor little kid, I hope she gets home all right.
Cowardly Lion: [noticing the snow that fallen on the poppy field] Unusual weather we're having, ain't it?
Scarecrow: Come along, Dorothy. You don't want any of *those* apples.
Apple Tree: Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be?
Scarecrow: Oh, no. It's just that she doesn't like little green worms!
Cowardly Lion: Courage! What makes a king out of a slave? Courage! What makes the flag on the mast to wave? Courage! What makes the elephant charge his tusk in the misty mist, or the dusky dusk? What makes the muskrat guard his musk? Courage! What makes the sphinx the seventh wonder? Courage! What makes the dawn come up like thunder? Courage! What makes the Hottentot so hot? What puts the "ape" in apricot? What have they got that I ain't got?
Cowardly Lion: You can say that again! Huh?
Dorothy: Weren't you frightened?
Wizard of Oz: Frightened? Child, you're talking to a man who's laughed in the face of death, sneered at doom, and chuckled at catastrophe... I was petrified.
Dorothy: Do you suppose we'll meet any wild animals?
Tin Woodsman: Mm, we might.
Scarecrow: Animals that eat... s-traw?
Tin Woodsman: Some, but mostly lions, and tigers, and bears.
Scarecrow: And tigers?
Tin Woodsman: And bears.
Guardian of the Emerald City Gates: Who rang that bell?
Guardian of the Emerald City Gates: Can't you read?
Scarecrow: Read what?
Guardian of the Emerald City Gates: The notice!
Dorothy: What notice?
Guardian of the Emerald City Gates: It's on the door - as plain as the nose on my face! It... oh...
[does a "tisk tisk tisk" expression, goes inside door for a moment]
Guardian of the Emerald City Gates: [Guardian hangs the notice and goes back inside]
Guardian of the Emerald City Gates: Well, that's more like it! Now, state your business!
Dorothy: [Dorothy and friends, all together] We want to see the Wizard!
Guardian of the Emerald City Gates: [gasps] The Wizard? But nobody can see the Great Oz! Nobody's ever seen the Great Oz! Even I've never seen him!
Dorothy: Well, then how do you know there is one?
Guardian of the Emerald City Gates: Oh, you're wasting my time!
[starts to close the window]
Dorothy: Oh, please! Please, sir! I've got to see the Wizard! The Good Witch of the North sent me!
Guardian of the Emerald City Gates: Prove it!
Scarecrow: She's wearing the ruby slippers she gave her.
Guardian of the Emerald City Gates: Oh, so she is! Well, bust my buttons! Why didn't you say that in the first place? That's a horse of a different color! Come on in!
Scarecrow: What about the heart that you promised Tin Man? Or the courage you promised Lion?
Cowardly Lion: I- I- I hope my strength holds out.
Tin Woodsman: [hanging by Lion's tail] I hope your tail holds out!
Dorothy: My goodness, what a fuss you're making! Well naturally, when you go around picking on things weaker than you are. Why, you're nothing but a great big coward!
Cowardly Lion: [crying] You're right, I am a coward! I haven't any courage at all. I even scare myself.
Cowardly Lion: Look at the circles under my eyes. I haven't slept in weeks!
Tin Woodsman: Why don't you try counting sheep?
Cowardly Lion: That doesn't do any good, I'm afraid of 'em.
Scarecrow: Aw, that's too bad.
Wizard of Oz: Do not arouse the wrath of the great and powerful Oz. I said come back tomorrow.
Wizard of Oz: [speaking in a booming voice into microphone] I am the great and powerful...
[then, realizing that it is useless to continue his masquerade, moves away from microphone, speaks in a normal voice]
Wizard of Oz: ... Wizard of Oz.
Zeke: Listen, kid. Are you gonna try and let that old Gulch heifer try and buffalo ya'? She ain't nothing to be afraid of. Have a little courage, that's all.
Dorothy: I'm not afraid of her.
Zeke: Well then, next time she squawks, walk right up to her and spit in her eye. That's what I'd do.
Wicked Witch of the West: Ring around the rosie, a pocket full of spears! Thought you were pretty foxy, didn't you? Well! The last to go will see the first three go before her! And your mangy little dog, too!
[the Cowardly Lion has just received a Courage Medal from the Wizard of Oz]
Cowardly Lion: Shucks, folks, I'm speechless. Ha Ha!
Cowardly Lion: I'll get you anyway, Pee-wee.
[Chases Toto; Dorothy hits him on the nose]
Dorothy: Shame on you!
Cowardly Lion: [Sobbing] Why did you do that for? I didn't bite him.
Dorothy: No, but you tried to. It's bad enough picking on a straw man, but picking on a little dog.
Cowardly Lion: Well, you didn't have to go and hit me! Is my nose bleeding?
Dorothy: Of course not.
Cowardly Lion: [singing] If I were king of the fore-e-e-est / Not queen, not duke, not prince / My regal robes of the fore-e-e-est / Would be satin, not cotton, not chintz / I'd command each thing, whether fish or fowl / With a r-r-ruff and a r-r-ruff, and a royal growl - R-R-Ruff! / As I click my heels / All the trees would kneel / And the mountains bow / And the bulls kowtow / And the sparrow would take wing / If I, if I were ki-i-i-i-ng! / The rabbits would show respect to me / The chipmunks genuflect to me / Though my tail would lash / I would show compash / For every underling / If I, if I were king / Just ki-i-i-i-ing!
Tin Woodsman: Here, here. Go away and let us alone.
Cowardly Lion: Oh, scared, huh? Afraid, huh? Ah, how long can you stay fresh in that can? Ha ha ha ha.
Scarecrow: First they
[the Flying Monkeys]
Scarecrow: took my legs off and they threw them over there! Then they took my chest out and they threw it over there!
Tin Woodsman: Well, that's you all over!
Scarecrow: The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side. Oh joy! Rapture! I got a brain! How can I ever thank you enough?
Wizard of Oz: You can't.
[Dorothy is brought to the Witch's castle]
Wicked Witch of the West: What a nice little dog. And you, my dear, what an unexpected pleasure. It's so kind of you to want to visit me in my loneliness.
Wicked Witch of the West: Who killed my sister? Who killed the Witch of the East? Was it you?
Dorothy: No, no. It was an accident. I didn't mean to kill anybody.
Wicked Witch of the West: Well, my little pretty, I can cause accidents, too!
Wizard of Oz: You people should consider yourselves lucky that I'm granting you an audience tomorrow instead of 20 years from now.
Scarecrow: Witch? Hmph, I'm not afraid of a witch. I'm not afraid of anything - except a lighted match.
[points to the straw in his arm]
Dorothy: I don't blame you for that.
Cowardly Lion: [singing] I'm afraid there's no denyin' / I'm just a dandy-lion / A fate I don't deserve / I'm sure I could show my prowess / Be a lion, not a mouse / If I only had the nerve.
Ozmites: [singing] We get up at 12 and start to work at 1! Take an hour for lunch and then, at 2, we're done! Jolly good fun!
Dorothy: Goodbye, Tinman. Oh, don't cry! You'll rust so dreadfully. Here's your oil can.
Tin Woodsman: Now I know I've got a heart, 'cause it's breaking...
Dorothy: Goodbye, Lion. I know it isn't right, but I'm going to miss the way you used to hollar for help before you found your courage.
Cowardly Lion: I never would've found it if it hadn't been for you...
Dorothy: [to Scarecrow] I think I'm going to miss you most of all.
Hunk: Now look here, Dorothy, you ain't using your head about Miss Gulch. You'd think you didn't have any brains at all.
Dorothy: I have so got brains.
Hunk: Well, why don't you use them? When you come home, don't go by Miss Gulch's place. Then Toto won't get in her garden, and you won't get in no trouble. See?
Dorothy: Oh Hunk, you just won't listen, that's all.
Hunk: Well, your head ain't made of straw, you know.
Auntie Em: I saw you tinkering with that contraption, Hickory. Now you and Hunk get back to that wagon.
Hickory: All right, Mrs. Gale. But someday, they're going to erect a statue to me in this town, and...
Auntie Em: Don't start posing for it now.
Cowardly Lion: Come on, get up and fight, you shivering junkyard!
[goes over to the Scarecrow]
Cowardly Lion: And put your hands up, you lopsided bag of hay!
Scarecrow: Now that's getting personal, Lion.
Tin Woodsman: Yes. Get up and teach him a lesson.
Scarecrow: Well, what's wrong with you teaching him?
Tin Woodsman: Well, I hardly know him.
Cowardly Lion: Come on, get up and fight, ya shivering junkyard! Put your hands up, ya lopsided bag o' hay!
Scarecrow: Now that's getting personal, Lion!
Tin Woodsman: Yes. Get up and teach him a lesson.
Scarecrow: W-w-what's wrong with y-y-you teaching him?
Tin Woodsman: W-w-well, I hardly know him.
Cowardly Lion: [getting a panic attack walking into the Wizard's foyer] Wait a minute, Fellows. I was just thinking. I really don't want to see the Wizard this much. I'd better wait for you outside.
Scarecrow: What's the matter?
Tin Woodsman: Oh, he's just a scared again.
Dorothy: Don't you know the Wizard's going to give you some courage?
Cowardly Lion: I'd be too scared to ask him for it.
Dorothy: Well then, we'll ask him for you.
Cowardly Lion: I'd sooner wait outside.
Dorothy: Why? Why?
Cowardly Lion: Because I'm still scared.
Wicked Witch of the West: Helping the little lady along are you, my fine gentlemen? Well stay away from her, or I'll stuff a mattress with you! And you, I'll make you into a beehive. Here Scarecrow, want to play ball?
Wizard of Oz: You are talking to a man who has laughed in the face of death, sneered at doom and chuckled at catastrophe. I was petrified.
Scarecrow: [singing] I could while away the hours/conferrin' with the flowers/consultin' with the rain/And my head I'd be scratchin'/ While my thoughts were busy hatchin'/If I only had a brain.
Dorothy: [as the Wizard's balloon goes off without her] Come back! Come back! Don't go without me! Please come back!
Wizard of Oz: I can't come back, I don't know how it works! Good-bye, folks!
Scarecrow: I've got a way to get us in there, and you're gonna lead us.
Cowardly Lion: Read what my medal says: "Courage". Ain't it the truth? Ain't it the truth?
Tin Woodsman: Help! Help!
Scarecrow: It's no use screaming at a time like this. Nobody will hear you. Help! Help!
Wizard of Oz: They have one thing you haven't got: a diploma. Therefore, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Universitartus Committiartum E Pluribus Unum, I hereby confer upon you the honorary degree of ThD.
Wizard of Oz: That's... Doctor of Thinkology.
Wizard of Oz: Back where I come from there are men who do nothing all day but good deeds. They are called phila... er, phila... er, yes, er, Good Deed Doers.
Wizard of Oz: To confer, converse, and otherwise hob-nob with my brother wizards.
The Winkies: [singing repeatedly] O-Ee-Yah! Eoh-Ah!
Wicked Witch of the West: And now, my beauties, something with poison in it, I think. With poison in it, but attractive to the eye, and soothing to the smell.
Wicked Witch of the West: Poppies... Poppies. Poppies will put them to sleep. Sleeeeep. Now they'll sleeeeep!
Dorothy: I'm frightened, Auntie Em! I'm frightened!
[Auntie Em's image appears in the crystal ball]
Auntie Em: Dorothy? Dorothy? Where are you? It's me, Auntie Em! We're trying to find you! Where are you?
Dorothy: I'm here in Oz, Auntie Em! I'm locked in the witch's castle, and I'm trying to get home to you, Auntie Em!
[Auntie Em's image fades out]
Dorothy: Oh, Auntie Em, don't go away! I'm frightened! Come back! Come back!
[the Wicked Witch's image appears in the crystal ball]
Wicked Witch of the West: Auntie Em! Auntie Em! Come back! I'll give you Auntie Em, my pretty! Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh!
[to the audience]
Wicked Witch of the West: Heh heh heh heh heh heh!
Dorothy: [in the Wizard's Throne Room with the three others, having returned from the Witch's castle] Please, sir. We've done what you told us. We brought you the broomstick of the Wicked Witch of the West. We melted her!
Wizard of Oz: Oh, you liquidated her, eh? Very resourceful!
Miss Gulch: If you don't hand over that dog, I'll bring a damage suit that'll take your whole farm! There's a law protecting folks against dogs that bite!
Auntie Em: How would it be if she keeps him tied up? He's really gentle... with gentle people, that is.
Wizard of Oz: [booming voice] And you, Scarecrow, have the affrontery to ask for a brain, you billowing bale of bovine fodder!
Scarecrow: Y-Yes... Yes, Your Honor... I mean, Your Excellency... I-I mean, Your Wizardry.
Wizard of Oz: [booming] Enough!
Glinda, the Good Witch of the North: Ooh! What a smell of sulfur.