Marshal Curly Wilcox: Come busting in here - you'd think we were being attacked! You can find another wife.
Chris: Sure I can find another wife. But she take my rifle and my horse. Oh, I'll never sell her. I love her so much. I beat her with a whip and she never get tired.
Dr. Josiah Boone: Your wife?
Chris: No, my horse. I can find another wife easy, yes, but not a horse like that!
Henry Gatewood: [clutching valise with embezzled funds] I can't get over the impertinence of that young lieutenant. I'll make it warm for that shake-tail! I'll report him to Washington - we pay taxes to the government and what do we get? Not even protection from the army! I don't know what the government is coming to. Instead of protecting businessmen, it pokes its nose into business! Why, they're even talking now about having *bank* examiners. As if we bankers don't know how to run our own banks! Why, at home I have a letter from a popinjay official saying they were going to inspect my books. I have a slogan that should be blazoned on every newspaper in this country: America for the Americans! The government must not interfere with business! Reduce taxes! Our national debt is something shocking. Over one billion dollars a year! What this country needs is a businessman for president!
[the telegraph breaks off in mid-message]
Capt. Sickel: Well? What's wrong?
Telegraph operator: The line went dead, sir.
Capt. Sickel: What have you got here?
Telegraph operator: Only the first word, sir.
Capt. Sickel: (reading) Geronimo.
Dr. Josiah Boone: Well, they're saved from the blessings of civilization.
Marshal Curly Wilcox: Yeah.
Marshal Curly Wilcox: Doc, I'll buy you a drink.
Dr. Josiah Boone: Just one.
Henry, the Ringo Kid: Well, there are some things a man just can't run away from.
Ringo Kid: Well, I guess you can't break out of prison and into society in the same week.
Ringo Kid: You may need me and this Winchester, Curly. Saw a ranch house burnin' last night.
[Lt. Blanchard has just informed the stagecoach occupants that the cavalry will not escort them to Lordsburg]
Marshal Curly Wilcox: This stage is going to Lordsburg. If you think it ain't safe to ride along with us, I figure we can get there without you soldier boys.
Henry Gatewood: So you're the notorious Ringo Kid.
The Ringo Kid: My friends just call me Ringo - nickname I had as a kid. Right name's Henry.
The Ringo Kid: That was my kid brother that broke his arm. You did a good job, Doc, even if you were drunk.
Dr. Josiah Boone: Thank you, son. Professional compliments are always pleasing.
Marshal Curly Wilcox: Now folks, if we push on we can be in Apache Wells by sundown. Soldiers there will give us an escort as far as the ferry. Then it's only a hoot and a holler into Lordsburg. We got four men who can handle firearms - five with you, Ringo. Doc can shoot if sober.
[the stagecoach occupants vote on whether to continue without a cavalry escort]
Marshal Curly Wilcox: You, Doc?
Dr. Josiah Boone: I'm not only a philosopher, sir, I'm a fatalist. Somewhere, sometime, there may be the right bullet or the wrong bottle waiting for Josiah Boone. Why worry when or where?
Marshal Curly Wilcox: Yes or no?
Dr. Josiah Boone: Having that philosophy, sir, I've always courted danger. During the late war - when I had the honor to serve the Union under our great president, Abraham Lincoln... and General Phil Sheridan - well, sir, I fought mid shot and shell and cannon roar...
Marshal Curly Wilcox: Do you wanna go back or not?
Dr. Josiah Boone: No! I want another drink.
[Mrs. Mallory, a passenger, has just given birth]
Buck: Hey, Curly, do you think I oughta charge Mrs. Mallory's baby half fare?
Dr. Josiah Boone: I'll take that shotgun, Luke.
Luke Plummer: You'll take it in the belly if you don't get out of my way.
Dr. Josiah Boone: I'll have you indicted for murder if you step outside with that shotgun.
Luke Plummer: [throws the shotgun on the bar] We'll attend to you later.
Dr. Josiah Boone: [to bartender after Plummer leaves] Don't ever let me do that again.
Ed (editor): McCoy! Billy, kill that story about the Republican Convention in Chicago and take this down: "The Ringo Kid was killed on Main Street in Lordsburg tonight. And among the additional dead were..." Leave that blank for a spell.
McCoy, typesetter: I didn't hear any shootin', Ed.
Ed (editor): You will, Billy, you will.
Dr. Josiah Boone: Jerry, I'll admit as one man to another that, economically, I haven't been of much value to you. But do you suppose you could put one on credit?
Jerry (bartender): If talk was money, Doc, you'd be the best customer I got.
Buck: If I was you, I'd let them shoot it out.
Marshal Curly Wilcox: Let who?
Buck: Luke Plummer and the Kid. There would be a lot more peace in this territory if that Luke Plummer had so many holes in him he couldn't hold his liquor.
Buck: If there's anything I don't like, it's driving a stagecoach through Apache country.
Cavalry scout: These hills here are full of Apaches. They've burnt every ranch building in sight.
[referring to Indian scout]
Cavalry scout: He had a brush with them last night. Says they're being stirred up by Geronimo.
Capt. Sickel: Geronimo? How do we know he isn't lying?
Cavalry scout: No, he's a Cheyenne. They hate Apaches worse than we do.
Dr. Josiah Boone: [drunkenly to his hideous landlady upon eviction] Is this the face that wrecked 1000 ships and burned the towerless tops of Illium? Farewell, fair Helen.
Dr. Josiah Boone: Seems to me I knew your family, Henry. Didn't I fix your arm once when you, oh, bumped off a horse?
Ringo Kid: Are you Doc Boone?
Dr. Josiah Boone: I certainly am. Ah, let's see... I'd just been honorably discharged from the Union Army after the War of the Rebellion.
Hatfield: You mean the War for the Southern Confederacy, sir.
Dr. Josiah Boone: I mean nothing of the kind, sir!
Ringo Kid: That was my kid brother broke his arm. You did a good job, Doc, even if you was drunk.
Dr. Josiah Boone: Thank you, son. Professional compliments are always pleasing. What happened to that boy whose arm I fixed?
Ringo Kid: He was murdered.
Hatfield: A gentleman doesn't smoke in the presence of a lady.
Dr. Josiah Boone: Three weeks ago I took a bullet out of a man who was shot by a gentleman. The bullet was in his back!
Hatfield: You mean to insinuate...
Ringo Kid: Sit down, mister. Doc don't mean no harm.
Ringo Kid: Look, Miss Dallas. You got no folks... neither have I. And, well, maybe I'm takin' a lot for granted, but... I watched you with that baby - that other woman's baby. You looked... well, well I still got a ranch across the border. There's a nice place - a real nice place... trees... grass... water. There's a cabin half built. A man could live there... and a woman. Will you go?
Dallas: But you don't know me - you don't know who I am.
Ringo Kid: I know all I wanna know. Will you go?
Dallas: Oh, don't talk like that!
[the stagecoach occupants are voting whether or not to continue without a cavalry escort]
Marshal Curly Wilcox: How 'bout you, Mr. Hancock?
Samuel Peacock: Peacock. I'd like to go on, brother. I want to reach the bosom of my dear family in Kansas City, Kansas as quickly as possible; but, I may never reach that bosom if we go on... so, under the circumstances - you understand, brother - I think it best we go back with the bosoms... I mean the soldiers.
Dallas: [the ladies of the Law and Order League are running Dallas out of town; Doc Boone is being thrown out by his landlady] Doc, haven't I any right to live? What have I done?
Dr. Josiah Boone: We're the victims of a foul disease called social prejudice, my child. These dear ladies of the Law and Order League are scouring out the dregs of the town.
Dr. Josiah Boone: [Offering Dallas his arm, then making a reference to the French Revolution] Take my arm, Madame le Comtesse. The tumbrel awaits. To the guillotine!
Buck: Well all I gotta say is, that he better stay away from that there Luke Plummer. By gosh, Luke's run all'a Ringo's friends outta Lordsburg. Why the last trip there I seen him hit a rancher on the head with the barrel of his gun and, well he just laid it wide open like a butchered steer.
Dr. Josiah Boone: Well, now that the danger is past, Mr...
Samuel Peacock: ...Peacock.
Dr. Josiah Boone: Ladies and gentlemen, since it's most unlikely we'll ever have the pleasure of meeting again socially, I'd like to propose a toast. Major, Gatewood, Ringo... to your health.