Ninotchka: Must you flirt?
Leon: Well, I don't have to, but I find it natural.
Ninotchka: Suppress it.
Ninotchka: Why should you carry other people's bags?
Porter: Well, that's my business, Madame.
Ninotchka: That's no business. That's social injustice.
Porter: That depends on the tip.
Ninotchka: We don't have men like you in my country.
Leon: Thank you.
Ninotchka: That is why I believe in the future of my country.
Buljanoff: How are things in Moscow?
Ninotchka: Very Good. The last mass trials were a great success. There are going to be fewer but better Russians.
Comissar Razinin: This anonymous report was sent to me. They're dragging the good name of our country through every cafe and nightclub. Here: How can the Bolshevik cause gain respect among the Muslims if your three representatives Bujlianoff, Iranoff and Kopalski get so drunk that they throw a carpet out of their hotel window and complain to the management that it didn't fly?
Ninotchka: I have heard of the arrogant male in capitalistic society. It is having a superior earning power that makes you that way.
Leon: A Russian! I love Russians! Comrade, I've been fascinated by your five-year plan for the last fifteen years.
Ninotchka: Your type will soon be extinct.
Leon: Ninotchka, it's midnight. One half of Paris is making love to the other half.
Ninotchka: You merely feel you must put yourself in a romantic mood to add to your exhilaration.
Leon: I can't possibly think of any better reason.
Prologue: This picture takes place in Paris in those wonderful days when a siren was a brunette and not an alarm - and if a Frenchman turned out the light it was not on account of an air raid!
Ninotchka: What have you done for mankind?
Leon: Not so much for mankind... for womankind, my record isn't quite so bleak.
Ninotchka: I should hate to see our country endangered by my underwear.
Ninotchka: I must have a complete report of your negotiations and a detailed expense account.
Buljanoff: No, non, Ninotchka. Don't ask for it. There's an old Turkish proverb that says: If something smells bad, why put your nose in it?
Ninotchka: And there is an old Russian saying: The cat with cream on his whiskers had better find good excuses.
Russian Visa Official: To an unseen caller: "Hello! Comrade Kasabian? No, I am sorry. He hasn't been with us for six months. He was called back to Russia and was investigated. You can get further details from his widow."
Leon: It's midnight. Look at the clock, one hand has met the other hand, they kiss. Isn't that wonderful?
Iranoff: What a charming idea for Moscow to surprise us with a Lady Comrade.
Comrade Kopalski: If we had known, we would have greeted you with flowers!
Ninotchka: Don't make an issue of my womanhood. We're here to work, all of us.
Anna: Oh, that Burganoff. You never know if he's on his way to the washroom or the secret police.
Leon: A radio's a little box that you buy on the installment plan, and before you tune it in, they tell you there's a new model out.
Swana: The morning after always looks grim if you happen to be wearing last night's dress.
Leon: What kind of a girl are you, anyway?
Ninotchka: Just what you see. A tiny cog in the great wheel of evolution.
Leon: You're the most adorable cog I've ever seen.
Ninotchka: I am so happy. Oh, I'm so happy! No one can be so happy without being punished. I will be punished and I should be punished.
Leon: I'll picket your whole country! I'll boycott you! That's what I'll do. No more vodka. No more caviar. No more Tchaikovsky! No more borscht!
Ninotchka: [to Leon] I want to tell you something which I thought I would never say, which I thought nobody should ever say because I thought it didn't exist. And Leon, I can't say it.
Mercier: Frankly gentlemen, we're expected to take a loss.
Iranoff: Capitalistic methods...
Buljanoff: [nodding in agreement] They accumulate millions while taking loss after loss!
Ninotchka: Let's form our own party.
Leon: Right. Lovers of the world, unite!
Ninotchka: And we won't stretch up our arms?
Leon: No! No-no-no.
Ninotchka: We won't clinch our fist?
Leon: No. No.
Ninotchka: Our salute will be a kiss.
Leon: Yes. A kiss. Salute!
Iranoff: We can say whatever we want. We can shout! We can complain! Look: THE SERVICE IN THIS HOTEL IS TERRIBLE! See? Nobody comes, nobody pays any attention! That's freedom.
Buljanoff: That's bad management.
Ninotchka: I am a traitor. When I kissed you, I betrayed a Russian ideal. I should be stood up against the wall.
Leon: Would that make you any happier?
Ninotchka: Much happier!
Leon: All right.
[Walks Ninotchka over to the wall, puts a blindfold on her and pops open a cork of champagne]
Ninotchka: I have paid the penalty. Now, let's have some music!
[Ninotchka is examining a map of Paris]
Leon: Pardon me, are you an explorer?
Ninotchka: No. I'm looking for the Eiffel Tower.
Leon: Good heavens, is that thing lost again? Oh, are you interested in a view?
Ninotchka: I'm interested in the Eiffel Tower from a technical standpoint.
Leon: Technical? No, no, I'm afraid I couldn't be of much help from that angle. You see, a Parisian only goes to the tower in moments of despair to jump off.
Ninotchka: How long does it take a man to land?
Leon: Now isn't that too bad? The last time I jumped, I forgot to time it.
Russian Visa Official: Everything is in order. Enjoy your trip to Russia, Madam.
English Lady Getting Visa: Thank you. Oh, by the way, I've heard so many rumors about laundry conditions in Russia. Is it advisable to take one's own towels?
Russian Visa Official: Certainly not, Madam! That is only Capitalistic propaganda. We change the towel once a week.
Ninotchka: Now, don't misunderstand me. I do not hold your frivolity against you. As basic material, you may not be bad; but you are the unfortunate product of a doomed culture. I feel very sorry for you.
Pere Mathieu, Cafe Owner: Now, what shall it be?
Ninotchka: Raw beets and carrots.
Pere Mathieu, Cafe Owner: Madame, this is a restaurant, not a meadow.
Ninotchka: When I kissed you, I betrayed a Russian ideal. I should be stood up against the wall.
Leon: Would that make you feel better?
Ninotchka: Much better.
[as she stands against the wall, Leon ties a handkerchief over her eyes, opens a Champaign bottle, and as it loudly pops she slumps to the floor]
Ninotchka: I have paid the penalty.
Iranoff: Can you imagine what the beds would be in a hotel like that?
Comrade Kopalski: They tell me when you ring once, the valet comes in; when you ring twice you get a waiter; and do you know what happens when you ring three times? A maid comes in - a French maid.
Iranoff: Comrades, if we ring nine times - let's go in!
Swana: Oh, I'm so bored with this face. I wish I had someone else's face. Who's face would you have if you had your choice? Oh, well, I guess on one gets the face one deserves.
Leon: But, darling, we won't have to worry about our future if you're willing to rattle off your past.
Swana: Oh, it's pretty hopeless. There may be a chance, that's all. The French Government has recognized Soviet Russia and he doubts that they will risk a war for my poor sake. He might be able to make up some kind of a case. But, it will cost money. Money! Money! That's all they're interested in - those lawyers.
Mercier: Come, gentlemen, let's put our cards on the table. Right now, there's a Russian commission in New York trying to sell 15 Rembrandts. There's another in London, mortgaging the oil fields in Baku. You need money and you need it quickly. Now, I think my offer is a very fair one. It doesn't even take advantage of your situation.
Iranoff: He is cutting our throat.
Buljanoff: What can we do? We have to accept
Comrade Kopalski: Comrades, comrades. Don't let's give in so quickly. After all, we have to uphold the prestige of Russia!
Buljanoff: All right, let's uphold it for another ten minutes.
Leon: I warn you gentlemen, if this case comes to trial, it'll be before a French court. And when the Grand Duchess takes the stand...
Iranoff: All right, go ahead. Get her on the witness stand. What can she say?
Leon: Well, how will she look? The fashions this Spring are very becoming to her. Oh, Gentlemen, the judge will be French. The jury will be French. Everybody in the courtroom will be French. Have you ever seen a French court, when a beautiful woman sits in the witness stand and then raises her skirt a little? You sit down and pull up your pants and where would it get you?
Iranoff: I suppose you expect us just to hand over the jewels, huh?
Leon: Oh, no! No, I'm not a highwayman, just a nuisance.
Iranoff: That must be the one.
Buljanoff: Yes. He looks like a Comrade.
Man at Railroad Station: [with a Nazi Salute] Heil Hitler.
German Woman at Railroad Station: [with a Nazi Salute] Heil Hitler.
Iranoff: No, that's not him.
Buljanoff: Positively not.
Ninotchka: What's that?
Comrade Kopalski: It's a hat, Comrade. A woman's hat.
Ninotchka: How can such a civilization survive which permits their women to put things like that on their heads. It won't be long now, Comrades.
Ninotchka: How much does this cost?
Iranoff: 2,000 Francs.
Ninotchka: A week?
Iranoff: A day!
Ninotchka: Do you know how much a cow cost, Comrade Iranoff?
Iranoff: A cow?
Ninotchka: 2,000 Francs. If I stay here a week, I will cost the Russian people seven cows. Who am I to cost the Russian people seven cows?
Leon: Your finger, please.
Ninotchka: Why do you need my finger?
Leon: It's bad manners to point with your own.
Ninotchka: So, it's your house?
Leon: Well, let's say I live in it. It's such a pleasant little place. It has all the comforts. Easy to reach - near the subway, bus and streetcar...
Ninotchka: Does it mean you want me to go there?
Leon: Oh, now, please, please, don't misunderstand me.
Ninotchka: Then, you don't want me to go there?
Leon: No, no, no, no. No, no. I didn't say that either. Naturally, nothing would please me more.
Ninotchka: Then, why don't we go? You might be an interesting subject of study.
Leon: I'll do my best.
Leon: Good evening, Gaston.
Gaston: Good evening, Monsieur.
Ninotchka: Is this what you call the butler?
Ninotchka: Good evening, Comrade.
[shakes Gaston's hand]
Ninotchka: This man is very old. You shouldn't make him work.
Leon: He takes good care of them.
Ninotchka: He looks sad. Do you whip him?
Leon: No. But, the mere thought makes my mouth water.
Ninotchka: A day will come when you'll be free. Go to bed, little father. We want to be alone.
Ninotchka: What do we do now?
Leon: Shall we have some music?
Ninotchka: Is that customary?
Leon: It helps. It has ever since King David wooed Bathsheba with his harp. No being so fortunate as to having my harp at hand, I'll turn on the radio.
Leon: Where shall we begin?
Ninotchka: I will start with you.
Leon: Excellent! Now, let's see, I'm 35 years old, just over six feet tall, and weigh 182 pounds, stripped.
Ninotchka: What do you do for mankind?
Leon: For mankind? Yes, eh, not so much, for mankind. But, for womankind my record isn't quite so bleak.
Ninotchka: You are something we do not have in Russia.
Leon: Thank you.
Ninotchka: That's why I believe in the future of my country.
Leon: Ninotchka, tell me, you're so expert on things, can it be that I'm falling in love with you?
Ninotchka: Why must you bring in wrong values? Love is a romantic designation for a most ordinary biological or, shall we say, chemical process. A lot of nonsense is talked and written about it.
Leon: Oh, I see. What do you use instead?
Ninotchka: I acknowledge the existence of a natural impulse - common to all.
Leon: What can I possibly do to encourage such an impulse in you?
Ninotchka: You don't have to do a thing. Chemically, we're already quite sympathetic.
Ninotchka: It's never too late to change. I used to belong to the petty bourgeoisie, myself.
Ninotchka: My father and mother wanted me to stay and work on the farm. But, I preferred the bayonet.
Leon: Ninotchka, why do doves bill and coo? Why do snails, the coldest of all creatures, circle interminably around each other? Why do moths fly hundreds of miles to find their mates? Why do flowers slowly open their petals? Oh, Ninotchka, Ninotchka, surely you feel some slight symptom of the divine passion? A general warmth in the palms of your hands. A strange heaviness in your limbs. A burning of the lips that isn't thirst, but, something a thousand times more tantalizing, more exulting than thirst.
Ninotchka: You're very talkative.
Leon: [Leon kisses Ninotchka] Was that talkative?
Ninotchka: No, that was restful. Again.
Ninotchka: Thank you.
Leon: If you wish to approach me...
Ninotchka: You know I want to!
Leon: Then, do it through my lawyer.
Ninotchka: What are you after?
Leon: Must one always be after something?
Ninotchka: Your tactics are useless.
Leon: Ninotchka, when we first went to my apartment, did I have the slightest idea that you were connected to this deal?
Ninotchka: You know now. And I know now that you're a man who employs business methods which in Russia would be punished by death.
Leon: What about life, Ninotchka? Do Russians never think about life? On the moment in which we are living? The only moment we only ever really have.
Leon: Oh, Ninotchka, don't take things so seriously. Nothings worth it, really.
Leon: You like Scotch stories?
Ninotchka: Never heard one.
Leon: Well, two Scotchmen met on the street - and I don't know the name of the street, it doesn't matter anyway - one's name was McGillicuddy. The other one's name was McIntosh. McGillicuddy said to McIntosh, "Hello, Mr McGillicuddy." McGillicuddy, McIntosh said to McGillicuddy, "Hello, Mr. McIn - Mr. McGillicuddy." Then, McGillicuddy says to McIntosh, "How's Mrs. McIntosh?" And McIntosh says to McGillicuddy, "How's Mrs. McGillicuddy?"
Ninotchka: I wish they'd never met.
Leon: A man comes into a restaurant. He sits down at the table. He says, "Waiter, bring me a cup of coffee without cream." Five minutes later the waiter comes back and says, "I'm sorry sir, we have no cream, can it be without milk?"
Ninotchka: Isn't that amazing? At home there is still snow and ice and here - look at the birds. I always felt a little hurt when our swallows deserted us in the winter for capitalistic countries. Now, I know why. We have the high ideals. But, they have the climate.
Gaston: I view with alarm the influence over you of this Bolshevik lady.
Ninotchka: It's funny to look back. I was brought up on goat's milk, had a ration of vodka in the army, and, now, champagne.
Leon: From goats to grapes! That's drinking in the right direction.
Grand Duchess Swana: Isn't it amazing? One gets the wrong impression of the new Russia. It must be charming. I'm delighted conditions have improved so. I assume this is what the factory workers wear at their dances?
Ninotchka: Exactly! You see, it would have been very embarrassing for people of my sort to wear local gowns in the old Russia. The lashes of the Cossacks across our backs were not very becoming. And you know how vain women are.
Grand Duchess Swana: Yes. You're quite right about the Cossacks. We made a great mistake when we let them use their whips. They had such reliable guns.
Ninotchka: Oh, yes. I know what that is. There's one around here somewhere. It has a little knob that you turn.
Leon: A little knob, that's right.
Ninotchka: Yeah, maybe it's in here.
Leon: It has a little knob.
Ninotchka: It has a knob, now. Maybe it's in here?
Leon: It has a little knob.
Ninotchka: Let's see. There it is! There's the knob.
Leon: There's the knob!
Leon: Now, what should we get? The news?
Ninotchka: No, news. We don't want to know what's happening in the world. We want to be left alone. Don't we?
Grand Duchess Swana: Have you forgotten our first commandment? Never complain, never explain. Now, it's worked so often and so perfectly in the past. Let's not break the rule. And please don't look so guilty!
Leon: I want to see a friend of mine - a very dear friend. Its a personal matter that has no relation to social philosophies or politics. It's a girl.
Russian Visa Official: So, it is love which drags you to Moscow.?
Russian Visa Official: No visa.
Anna: You know how it is today. All you have to do is wear a pair of silk stockings and they suspect you of counter-revolution.