The Lady Vanishes (1938)
Gilbert: Can I help?
Iris Henderson: Only by going away.
Gilbert: No, no, no, no. My father always taught me, never desert a lady in trouble. He even carried that as far as marrying Mother.
Iris Henderson: I've no regrets. I've been everywhere and done everything. I've eaten caviar at Cannes, sausage rolls at the dogs. I've played baccarat at Biarritz and darts with the rural dean. What is there left for me but marriage?
Iris: Boris? Miss Henderson speaking. Look, someone upstairs is playing musical chairs with an elephant. Move one of them out, will you? I want to get some sleep.
Charters: You can't expect to put the two of us up in the maid's room.
Hotel Manager: Well don't get excited. I'll remove the maid out.
Caldicott: [because the hotel is full, Charters and Caldicott have been forced to share the maid's room] They might at least have given us one each?
Caldicott: The room at least.
'Mrs.' Margaret Todhunter: [having been given the choice between a double or two single rooms, Eric Todhunter has hastily chosen the two singles] You might at least have asked which one I preferred.
Eric Todhunter: Please Margaret, a double room in a place like this?
'Mrs.' Margaret Todhunter: You weren't so particular in Paris last fall.
Eric Todhunter: That was different then, the exhibition was at its height.
'Mrs.' Margaret Todhunter: I realise that now. There's no need to rub it in!
Gilbert: What was she wearing? Scotch tweeds wasn't it?
Iris Henderson: Oatmeal tweeds.
Gilbert: I knew it had something to do with porridge.
Charters: If only we hadn't missed that train at Budapest.
Caldicott: Well, I don't want to rub it in, but if you hadn't insisted on standing up until they'd finished their national anthem...
Charters: Yes, but you must show respect, Caldicott. If I'd known it was going to last twenty minutes...
Caldicott: It has always been my contention that the Hungarian Rhapsody is *not* their national anthem.
Iris Henderson: You're the most contemptible person I've ever met in all my life!
Gilbert: Confidentially, I think you're a bit of a stinker, too.
Gilbert: Come on, sit down, take it easy. What's the trouble?
Iris Henderson: If you must know, something fell on my head.
Gilbert: When, infancy?
Iris Henderson: I was having tea about an hour ago with an English lady. You saw her, didn't you?
Charters: Well, I don't know, I mean, I was talking to my friend, wasn't I?
Iris Henderson: Yes, but you were sitting at the next table. She turned and borrowed the sugar. You must remember.
Charters: Yes, I recall passing the sugar.
Iris Henderson: Well then you saw her.
Charters: I repeat we were deep in conversation. We were discussing cricket.
Iris Henderson: Well, I don't see how a thing like cricket can make you forget seeing people.
Charters: Oh, don't you? If that's your attitude, there's nothing more to be said! Come Caldicott. "A thing like cricket!"
Gilbert: Wrong tactics. We should've told him we were looking for a lost cricket ball.
Gilbert: [wearing a deerstalker and brandishing a calabash pipe] Let's marshal the facts over a pipeful of Baker Street shag.
Miss Froy: I never think you should judge any country by its politics. After all, we English are quite honest by nature, aren't we?
Dr. Hartz: And I am Dr. Egon Hartz; you may have heard of me.
Gilbert: Not the brain surgeon?
Dr. Hartz: Yes, the same.
Gilbert: Yes, you flew over to England the other day and operated on one of our cabinet ministers.
Dr. Hartz: Oh, yes.
Gilbert: Tell me, did you find anything?
Iris: [Following Miss Froy back to her compartment] Thank you for looking after me when I was - well, knocked out before.
Miss Froy: Never mind, dear. Now if I were you I'd try to get a little sleep. It'll make you feel quite well again! There's a most intriguing acrostic in the Needlewoman. I'm going to try to finish it before you wake up.
[Watches and then smiles as Iris closes her eyes]
Iris Henderson: Did you notice the nun in there with the patient?
Gilbert: No, not really...
Iris Henderson: Nuns don't wear high heels.