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Oh, Mr. Porter! (1937) Poster

Quotes

Superintendent: It's a country station, rather off the beaten track.

William Porter: Oh, I don't mind, as long as it's near the railway.

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[William Porter is wheel-tapping a train]

Managing director's wife: You may think me a little stupid but why do they tap them?

William Porter: Well, you see madam, it's like this. If I tap the wheel with this hammer and the wheel goes clang, then I know that the wheel's there.

Managing director: But supposing that the wheel doesn't go clang?

William Porter: Well, then I know that the train's gone!

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Postman: You're wasting your time.

Porter: Well, what are you doing?

Postman: Just watching you wasting your time.

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Jeremiah Harbottle: Next train's gone!

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Jeremiah Harbottle: [pocket watch to ear, it having been flattened by a train, exclaims in surprise] It's stopped!

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First irate farmer: [confronting the station master about a cancelled train] I've got a return to Dublin.

Second irate farmer: And I've got a single to Belfast.

Third irate farmer: And what am I going to do with my Cork.

Porter: [Opens his mouth to reply but thinks better of it and says nothing]

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William Porter: Well, I can't give you the exact number at the moment.

William Porter: [pauses to think] But in rough figures I would say quite a lot.

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William Porter: [sniffs] Is something burning somewhere?

Jeremiah Harbottle: That would be Albert, cooking the breakfast.

William Porter: Smells more like somebody cooking Albert.

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William Porter: Albert. Who's Albert?

Jeremiah Harbottle: He comes in for me when I'm not here.

William Porter: Well, which is his clock?

Jeremiah Harbottle: [Jerry puts William's clock on the mantelpiece] He hasn't got a clock. He's still alive.

William Porter: [snatching clock] Hey, give me that back!

Jeremiah Harbottle: What? Aren't you go to put it with the others?

William Porter: What, amongst them? They're a lot of tombstones!

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Jeremiah Harbottle: Got yer clock?

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William Porter: [going into danger, reassuringly] I'm behind yer.

Jeremiah Harbottle: Do you want to go in front?

William Porter: No, I can see all right from here.

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Signalman: [wanting to know if he can let a train through] Can I stick me signals up?

William Porter: Yes, if it'll give you any pleasure.

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Mr. Trimbletow: Ther's a place in Ireland called Buggleskelly.

William Porter: That's nothing, there's a place in Wales called Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.

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William Porter: You should have come sooner!

First irate farmer: I couldn't, my wife's had quinsy...

William Porter: Like that woman in Canada?

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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