Cain and Mabel (1936)
Jacob 'Jake' Sherman: See you later, my little artichoke.
Mabel O'Dare: All right, my Spanish onion.
Aloysius K. Reilly: What you haven't got is glamour.
Larry Cain: No, and I don't wear a beret either.
Aloysius K. Reilly: [aggressively] My name's Aloysius K. Reilly!
Secretary: Well, don't get sore at me. I wasn't at the Christening.
Mabel O'Dare: Something's rotten in Denmark.
Aloysius K. Reilly: Well, don't look at me. I never been there.
Milo, the Stage Manager: I'm gonna give hat girl a crack at Toddy Williams part.
Jacob 'Jake' Sherman: You're not on the level, are you?
Milo, the Stage Manager: I certainly am.
Milo, the Stage Manager: But there's a hundred girls can dance better than that.
Jacob 'Jake' Sherman: Well, what of it? She's got pep, she's refreshing, and she crtainly is a new face.
Milo, the Stage Manager: A new face - yeah - but she's gotta dance with her feet.
Pat 'Pop' Walters: Cut it out, Larry. Hitting a lady ain't cricket. It ain't even pinochle.
Mabel O'Dare: How do they look?
[Serves two eggs, sunnyside up]
Aloysius K. Reilly: I've seen Greta Garbo and the Mona Lisa; but, those are the most beautiful eyes I've ever looked into.
Aloysius K. Reilly: Put down the skull, Hamlet. Everything's gonna be all right.
Aloysius K. Reilly: Now, if you could only sing or dance or juggle or something, I could fix it up like that. Jake Sherman's putting on a show.
Aunt Mimi: You know Jake Sherman?
Aloysius K. Reilly: Couldn't be closer to him if I was his Siamese brother.
Aunt Mimi: Then she works. Mabel can dance. I've been teachin' her steps ever since she was a little nipper.
Mabel O'Dare: Aunt Mimi was right when she said that she taught me all she knew about dancing. But, Aunti's got flat feet and I think it might show up in my work.
Aloysius K. Reilly: You ever see anybody watch a chorus girl's feet? Come on.
Ronny Cauldwell: Boy, you could sell ice blocks in Siberia.
Jacob 'Jake' Sherman: You telling me? That's how I earn my passage money to this country.
Ronny Cauldwell: No foolin'?
Jacob 'Jake' Sherman: Sure. You know when corsets went out of style, I sent two boatloads to China and I sold them to bandits for bullet-proof vests.
Toddy: I can remember when I was a show girl.
Ronny Cauldwell: So can half the male population of New York.
Toddy: Listen, if you ever lose that voice, you'll end up as a ventriloquist dummy.
Aloysius K. Reilly: I grew up with Jake and you ain't him.
Aloysius K. Reilly: What? You grew up with me?
Jacob 'Jake' Sherman: Don't give me that. You ain't you. You're somebody else pretending to be him.
Jacob 'Jake' Sherman: Oh, well, maybe I'm wrong.
Jacob 'Jake' Sherman: I think you're both just a couple of cheap chiselers.
Mabel O'Dare: Just a minute! I don't care whether you're Jake Sherman or the four Marx Brothers. But, you can't get away with calling me a chiseler.
Mabel O'Dare: Listen, the safest thing that can happen to you right now is a case of lock jaw.
Jacob 'Jake' Sherman: Now, look young lady, do I look like the type of man who goes around impersonating himself? Well, I'm not. I would like very much to convince you that I'm me.
Toddy: What am I supposed to do? Stand around while you chat with every little dame that wanders in off the street?
Aunt Mimi: Beware of good looking prize fighters. I knew one once. He spent so much time on the canvas, I started thinking of him as a portrait.
Larry Cain: Some day I'll meet that dame. When I do, I'll spank her so tender she can sit on a newspaper and read the headlines.
Jacob 'Jake' Sherman: I should know about figures, I've handled enough models.
Aunt Mimi: He's probably some old coot with removable hair and an apartment full of etchings.
Aloysius K. Reilly: He got more space this morning than he did when he won the title. I've given him color.
Pat 'Pop' Walters: Well, if he ever lays his hands on that O'Dare dame, he'll give her a couple of colors: black and blue. He thinks she put that stuff in the paper.
Aloysius K. Reilly: Well, so what. He can't deny it without making a sap out of himself.
Larry Cain: I'm supposed to be a fighter and what am I doing? Playing Post Office all over the front page with a dame!
Pat 'Pop' Walters: You've got to remember, champ, all the world loves a lover.
Larry Cain: Who was that?
Pat 'Pop' Walters: Foxy Woxy Corporation. They make Lovies.
Dodo: You've heard their slogan, champ: Say I Love You with a Breathe of Spring.
Larry Cain: What?
Pat 'Pop' Walters: Lovies. You know, them breathe killers.
Dodo: If you been eatin' onions, all you have to do is pop one in your clapper and you blow out like a violet.
Aunt Mimi: You're gettin' paid for being in the show, aren't ya?
Mabel O'Dare: Yes, as a dancer - not a sparing partner for an egotistical pug-ugly!
Aunt Mimi: Just think, Mabel, you'll be on the front page right along with Mussolini and...
Mabel O'Dare: I don't want to be on the front page with anybody.
Aunt Mimi: Well, of course, if you wanna be a snob.
Aloysius K. Reilly: Think of the publicity value. Oh, I can see it now, just as plain as if it were in print: Larry Cain the Battling Adonis of the Squared Circle.
Larry Cain: Don't say things like that.
Pat 'Pop' Walters: Just when I'm gonna cash in on the boy, this beautiful thing comes into his life an kicks me right in the puss!
Aunt Mimi: The girl had a future until you came along. What she got with a prize-fighter?
Pat 'Pop' Walters: Garage mechanic.
Aunt Mimi: With a garage mechanic? Thank you. Nothing but a free valve grind.
Mabel O'Dare: Well, I may be crazy; but, I'm going to Philadelphia, just the same.