The Old Fashioned Way (1934)

W.C. Fields: The Great McGonigle, Squire Cribbs in 'The Drunkard'

Quotes 

• Dick Bronson : Mr. McGonigle, I've got to have some money.

  The Great McGonigle : Yes, my lad, how much?

  Dick Bronson : Two dollars.

  The Great McGonigle : If I had two dollars, I'd start a number two company.

  Dick Bronson : For two cents I'd quit.

  The Great McGonigle : [to Marmaduke]  Pay him off!

  [Marmaduke gives him a two cent stamp] 

• Cleopatra Pepperday : [after McGonigle takes a heavy fall]  Marky, are you hurt?

  The Great McGonigle : [sarcastically]  No, I had the presence of mind to fall on my head.

• The Great McGonigle : [referring to Cleopatra]  She's all dressed up like a well-kept grave.

• The Great McGonigle : [after Baby Albert has splashed soup over him]  I don't know whether to eat from the coat or the plate!

  Cleopatra Pepperday : [after Baby Albert throws McGonigles watch into a bowl of molasses]  Oh, Albert! Look what you've done to Mr. McGonigle's watch! Oh...

  [the watch is shown sinking] 

  Cleopatra Pepperday : Oh, I'm so sorry... Oh, Mr. McGonigle!

  The Great McGonigle : It's all right.

  Cleopatra Pepperday : He has such an impulsive nature.

  The Great McGonigle : Yeah, just like my own. Don't apologize. It's all right. It's just a little child... it's just a little child.

  Cleopatra Pepperday : Oh, he does the cutest things!

  The Great McGonigle : That he does!

  Cleopatra Pepperday : You should see him when no one's around.

  The Great McGonigle : Oh, I'd like to catch him sometime when...

  [Correcting himself] 

  The Great McGonigle : Uh, SEE him sometime when no one's around.

  Cleopatra Pepperday : Oh, Albert, why did you do that?

  The Great McGonigle : [Mumbling to himself]  Bet the minute hand won't be a bit of use after this!

  Cleopatra Pepperday : Mr. McGonigle, I hope he hasn't hurt your watch.

  The Great McGonigle : [Sarcastically]  Oh, no, how could you hurt a watch by dipping it in molasses?

  Cleopatra Pepperday : Oh, he's never done that before.

  [She titters] 

  The Great McGonigle : Well, I hope he doesn't do it again - not with this watch.

• The Great McGonigle : [In character in "The Drunkard," the play-within-a play]  It ain't a fit night out for man or beast!

• Sheriff Walter Jones : When is Cleo gonna act in this show?

  The Great McGonigle : Oh, yes, yes, yes. She'll probably go on right after the epilogue.

• The Great McGonigle : [as the boarding house guests are eating]  The soup sounds good.

• Marmaduke Gump : [after McGonigle falls off the stage]  Are ya hoited?

  The Great McGonigle : No I'm not 'hoited'!