Alice: If it wasn't for nervy little Alice, you'd all be sinking your weary bones into the soft recesses of some park bench, with light sleepy coverlets made by the great American press.
Jo: Press! That reminds me. I have pressing business.
[she begins to iron her underwear]
Buckley: Oh! Stealing through my body! Creeping though my veins! Pouring in my blood! Oh, DARTS OF FIRE IN MY BRAIN! STABBING ME! I CAN'T STAND IT! I WON'T!
Maxwell: I think too much of Satan to use cats as experiments.
Dr. Meirschultz: [opening line] Tonight, my dear Maxwell, I'm ready to try my experiment on a human!
Blonde: Hay, Mazie! We know you're hard boiled. You don't have to stay in the water thirty minutes to prove it.
Mazie: Oh, lemme alone. I may not be decent, but I'm sure gonna be clean!
Maxwell: It was in Miersholtz' eyes when he wanted to murder me. It was in Mrs. Buckley's eyes when she wanted to murder her husband. Alice had the gleam in her eye when she wanted to find me. She'd murder me! I must get rid of her. How? Mrs. Buckley! She will help. She must help!
Detective: What's with all the cats? What's the trouble? Rats?
Cat Man: Aw, thousands! Right here in my back yard.
Cat Man: Yeah, got a thousand cats too. Wanna see'em?
Marvel: It's pretty though. Imagine the poor guy. I'll betcha nobody knows him all his life, and then... Say, wasn't there some guy in history who spent all his life looking for an honest man?
Jo: Sure! In his day, men were men, but now they're too scared to be anything but honest.
Mrs. Buckley: I think we speak the same language. I am right?
Maxwell: I don't get what you mean. Same language?
Mrs. Buckley: Doctor! He seems to be getting worse instead of better!
Masie: Here's one for the books. "Sandwich man walks onto a wallet with forty-two grand in it."
Jo: I'd like to find that man.
Masie: Can you imagine? The darn fool turned it in.
Marvel: His head must be a jellybean instead of what they thought it was!
Jo: Why don't you ditch that ham and get yourself a rich husband.
Alice: Rich husband? Hah! I've heared they come that way. Not very often.
Marvel: Often enough, but not our way.
Alice: Oh, the girl has brains!
Embalmer: By gosh, them stiffs is gettin' heavier and more of them every day.
Other Embalmer: Between the gangsters and auto drivers we won't need another war to carry out the population.
Embalmer: You didn't even mention suicide.
Embalmer: Say, did you see the ?beaut? that come in today.
Other Embalmer: Did I!
Embalmer: She's the one that's got the coroner doin' the night work.
Unnamed reporter: A rat eating a cat? Why, that is news! By the way, did you hear a shot last night?