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- Waiter: Pardon, you, you uh rang sir?
- Egbert Fitzgerald: Who me? Well, my dear fellow, what is there here to ring with?
- Waiter: Pardon sir, that's just a figure of speech.
- Egbert Fitzgerald: Oh, oh. Uhuh. Well, bring me a... let me have a... eh, there there. You see? Your figure of speech has made me forget entirely what I wanted.
- Waiter: Could it have been that you require crumpets?
- Egbert Fitzgerald: No no no, I never ring for crumpets.
- Waiter: Would you be the kind of man who would ring for a toasted scone, sir?
- Egbert Fitzgerald: Scone? Well, now uh, no. no. Try me again.
- Waiter: Well, then could you, could you imagine yourself with a hankering for a nice gooseberry tart?
- Egbert Fitzgerald: Oh what an acid thought. Please.
- Waiter: No crumpets. No scones. No gooseberry tart. Well that lands both of us in a cul-de-sac doesn't it, sir?
- Egbert Fitzgerald: Of course it does. I knew it would.
- Waiter: You know I hate to leave you like this. You torn with doubts and me with my duty undischarged.
- Egbert Fitzgerald: Oh well cheer up old man, cheer up. It will come to me.
- Waiter: Was it animal or vegetable sir?
- Egbert Fitzgerald: No.
- Waiter: Well that leaves us mineral doesn't it sir. Now sir, was it a bit of half and half, a noggin of ale, a pipkin of porter, a stoop of stout, or a beaker of beer?
- Egbert Fitzgerald: Tea.
- Waiter: Tea. Ha. Well isn't it a small world sir.
- Tonetti: [unable to remember his passphrase "Chance is a fool's name for fate," Tonettie repeatedly muffs it] Chance is the foolish name for fate. / Give me a name for chance and I am a fool. / Fate is a foolish thing to take chances with. / I am a fate to take foolish chances with. / Chances are that fate is foolish. / Fate is the foolish thing. Take a chance.
- Egbert Fitzgerald: Guy, you're not pining for that girl!
- Guy Holden: Pining? Men don't pine. Girls pine. Men just... suffer.
- Waiter: Professor Brown, he's a geologist. Him and his wife stopped at the last place I worked. Do you know sir, it was Professor Brown who told me that this sea coast 'round here is really a... an igneous intrusion.
- Guy Holden: You know, you're somewhat of an igneous intrusion yourself.
- Waiter: Oh thank you sir!
- Mimi Glossop: I hope you like what I ordered. I've never had breakfast with two men before.
- Guy Holden: I've tried it. It's no fun.
- Mimi Glossop: Oh, here you are Hortense. I've just had the most embarrassing experience. A man tore my dress off!
- Aunt Hortense: My goodness! Anyone we know?
- Aunt Hortense: [Going with Mimi to check into the hotel] Oh, Egbert, are you coming with us?
- Egbert Fitzgerald: What? Hortense, oh my. You can't remain with her. This is supposed to be a clandestine affair. You can't have a clandestine affair between three people!
- Aunt Hortense: [laughing] Oh, that's what you say!
- Guy Holden: I was chasing you, you shouldn't run away like that.
- Mimi Glossop: Why not?
- Guy Holden: It's bad for my health.
- Waiter: Pardon, you, you uh rang sir?
- Egbert Fitzgerald: Who me? Well, my dear fellow, what is there here to ring with?
- Waiter: Pardon sir, that's just a figure of speech.
- Egbert Fitzgerald: Oh, oh. Uhuh. Well, bring me a... let me have a... eh, there there. You see? Your figure of speech has made me forget entirely what I wanted.
- Waiter: Could it have been that you require crumpets?
- Egbert Fitzgerald: No no no, I never ring for crumpets.
- Waiter: Would you be the kind of man who would ring for a toasted scone, sir?
- Egbert Fitzgerald: Scone? Well, now uh, no. no. Try me again.
- Waiter: Well, then could you, could you imagine yourself with a hankering for a nice gooseberry tart?
- Egbert Fitzgerald: Oh what an acid thought. Please.
- Waiter: No crumpets. No scones. No gooseberry tart. Well that lands both of us in a cul-de-sac doesn't it, sir?
- Egbert Fitzgerald: Of course it does. I knew it would.
- Waiter: You know I hate to leave you like this. You torn with doubts and me with my duty undischarged.
- Egbert Fitzgerald: Oh well cheer up old man, cheer up. It will come to me.
- Waiter: Was it animal or vegetable sir?
- Egbert Fitzgerald: No.
- Waiter: Well that leaves us mineral doesn't it sir. Now sir, was it a bit of half and half, a noggin of ale, a pipkin of porter, a stoop of stout, or a beaker of beer?
- Egbert Fitzgerald: Tea.
- Waiter: Tea. Ha. Well isn't it a small world sir.
- Aunt Hortense: [to Mimi] I do adore Paris. It's so much like Chicago... It's such a relief when you travel to feel that you've never left home at all.
- Egbert Fitzgerald: Oh, what is the matter with you? Are you still moping over that same girl? Why, the world is just full of girls.
- Guy Holden: I know, I know, but not like her. She's music. She's the buzzing of the bees in clover. She's the rustle of the leaves in the trees. She's water lapping on the shore.
- Egbert Fitzgerald: Yes, she sounds like a series of strange noises to me. Well, cheer up Guy, cheer up.
- Egbert Fitzgerald: Your life, Mr. Tonetti, must be full of excitement.
- Tonetti: Full of excitement and full of danger.
- Egbert Fitzgerald: Oh, yes, of course, from the husbands.
- Tonetti: No, from the ladies.
- Tonetti: At home, my wife she do not like me to sing.
- Egbert Fitzgerald: Unquestionably a woman of great perspicacity.
- Mimi Glossop: I really can't eat a thing.
- Aunt Hortense: But you must eat. After all, you can't have a divorce on an empty stomach.
- Mimi Glossop: Well, aren't you even astonished?
- Aunt Hortense: Me? Astonished? I haven't been astonished since I was 8. And mind you, I wasn't precocious just moderately intelligent.
- Mimi Glossop: Please don't ask me to stay.
- Guy Holden: All right, I won't. Don't go, I've so many things to say to you.
- [singing]
- Guy Holden: Like the beat, beat, beat of the tom-tom when the jungle shadows fall, Like the tick, tick, tock of the stately clock as it stands against the wall, Like the drip, drip, drip of the raindrops when the summer shower is through, So a voice within me keeps repeating, you, you, you, Night and day you are the one...
- Guy Holden: [singing to Mimi] There's an oh such a hungry yearning burning inside of me, And its torment won't be through, Till you let me spend my life making love to you, Day and night, night and day.
- [dance sequence, Mimi reluctantly then enthusiastically joins in, the music stops, Guy rests Mimi comfortably on the sofa]
- Guy Holden: Cigarette?
- Mimi Glossop: Oh don't leave me, I can't bear to face him. He seems so different.
- Aunt Hortense: Oh, there's nothing different about any of them except the neckties.
- Aunt Hortense: I think it's much better to have this settled now, at once. And then the poor girl can start a new life.
- Guy Holden: A new life?
- Aunt Hortense: Brand new, she's going to make a clean sweep of the old.
- Guy Holden: I see.
- Aunt Hortense: Yes. Yes and you're the broom.
- Guy Holden: Say, which one of us is crazy?
- Aunt Hortense: Oh well, it's not me!
- Guy Holden: You know, all of this is a bit of a shock to me.
- Aunt Hortense: Well, your being here is a bit of a shock to Mimi too.
- Guy Holden: Yes, but it's, it's Mimi's own doing.
- Guy Holden: That negligee is charming, charming. From Paris, isn't it?
- Mimi: You ought to know. You've probably seen plenty of them.
- Guy Holden: Well, a few, of course.
- Mimi: Of course.
- Guy Holden: It's not a bad tune, what is it?
- Mimi Glossop: The newest thing over here, it's called "The Continental".
- Guy Holden: "The Continental"? Oh. I like it. It's the second thing I found I'd like to take back home with me. Do you know the words?
- Mimi Glossop: [singing] A beautiful music, Dangerous rhythm...
- Mimi Glossop: I hope you like what I ordered. You know, I've never had breakfast with two gentlemen before.
- Guy Holden: I've tried it, it's no fun.
- Mimi Glossop: Aren't the shadows on the sand lovely?
- Guy Holden: Yes they are, lovely.
- Mimi Glossop: And the light on the water. The edge of the cloud crossing the moon. Look, it's coming out. Look Guy, it's coming out.
- Guy Holden: It came out.
- Mimi Glossop: Oh, isn't it beautiful?
- Guy Holden: [singing] Like the beat beat beat of the tom-tom, when the jungle shadows fall. Like the tick tick tock of the stately clock as it stands against the wall. Like the drip drip drip of the raindrops, when the summer shower is through. So a voice within me keeps repeating, you you you. Night and day, you are the one. Only you beneath the moon and under the sun. Whether near to me or far, it's no matter, darling, where you are. I think of you, night and day. Day and night, why is it so? That this longing for you follows wherever I go. In the roaring traffic's boom, in the silence of my lonely room, I think of you, night and day. Night and day, under the hide of me, there's an oh such a hungry yearning, burning inside of me. And its torment won't be through, till you let me spend my life making love to you, day and night, night and day.
- Dance Specialty - Knock Knees: [singing] You're sweet and so agreeable, and I feel so gosh-oh-geeable.
- Guy Holden: I'm gonna start looking for her. I'll find that girl, Egbert, if it takes me from now on.
- Egbert Fitzgerald: Well, it shouldn't be difficult. After all, there are only 3 million women in London.
- Guy Holden: I still don't know what you're doing down here.
- Mimi Glossop: I came down with my aunt.
- Guy Holden: Isn't that a coincidence? I'm here with my aunt too. Aunt Egbert.
- Egbert Fitzgerald: [singing] It's so incomprehensible. It doesn't seem quite sensible. And yet I like it, please. Let's knock knees.
- Guy Holden: Aren't you ever going to stop running away from me? When two people are destined to come together as we are, there's no use in struggling.