Lola Burns: Hey, I didn't give you that for a negligee, it's an evening wrap!
Loretta: I know, Miss Lola, but the negligee what you give me got all tore up, night before last.
Lola Burns: Your day off is sure brutal on your lingerie.
Lola Burns: Get away from me, all of you! You're nothing but a pack of leeches!
Lola Burns: Yes, leeches! At least he
[motions to Space]
Lola Burns: was right; I don't know how I expected to bring a baby in here with an old fool for his grandfather who's half-drunk all the time!...
Pops: After the way I've worked to handle your affairs...
Lola Burns: Well, what about my affairs! Where are they? Why aren't my bills paid? Where does my money go? I never see any of it!
Mac: Lola, you're exciting yourself...
Lola Burns: Well, what are you doing about you? Don't think I don't know about your stealing and all the cuts you get from the stores! And you
Elsie, Hanlon's Secretary: Aw, listen, Sis...
Lola Burns: And you who never, haven't had a job to your name for three years and bringing her in here like it was a hotel for traveling salesmen! I've only stood it because it's the only home and family I've got. But I'm getting sick of it, you understand? There's only Loretta and the dogs that ever do a single thing for me. All the rest of you are just out for what you can get and I'm getting pretty tired of being a golden goose or whatever you call it!
Space Hanlon: Atta girl, Sugar!
Lola Burns: Don't "atta girl" me! I never want to see you again as long as I breath. You're worse than all the rest of 'em!
[starts quoting Space]
Lola Burns: "Stone-Age Stuff!" "Mad with Desire!" "Lovers' Brawl!" Is that the way you prove you just more than care for me? Treating me like a strip act in a burlesque show! A glamorous Bombshell, eh? A glorified chump, that's what I've been! Well, I'm through do you understand? With the business, with everybody! You can get another "It Girl," a "But Girl" or a "How, When and Where Girl." I'm clearing out - and you can all stay here in this half-paid-for car barn and get somebody else to pull the apple cart! I'm going where ladies and gentlemen hang their hats and get some peace and quiet... and if any of you try to interfere with me - I'll complain to the authorities!
Lola Burns: How do you think I enjoy reading all that scandal that hasn't an ounce of truth in it?
Space Hanlon: I've told you, sugar, it isn't what you like to read. It's what the public likes to read.
Gifford Middleton: Your hair is like a field of silver daisies. I'd like to run barefoot through your hair!
Gifford Middleton: Queer place, California - insane chaps running about the desert and all that!
Space Hanlon: You act like I had something to do with it.
Lola Burns: Who else could? Poor Hugo is arrested just two minutes ago and here it is spread all over the front page!
Space Hanlon: Yeah, but, Sugar, modern journalism is speeded up, just like everything else. You know, special open wire story goes right in the linotype, on the presses, you see it in the newsreel. Brrrrrrrrr. Bomp-bomp-bomp. Bomp-bomp-bomp Bam! Out come the editions - all folded up - spread all over the city by special cars. Newsies start selling 'em to the man on the street. He reads the story. Gets the dope exactly as if he'd been right on the spot the minute that it happened.
Lola Burns: Stop this cab and get outta here!
Lola Burns: Good morning, Summers. How's your brother?
Winters: Brother, Miss Burns?
Lola Burns: Sure, the one in San Quentin. Are they gonna let him out?
Winters: But I only have a married sister, Miss Burns?
Lola Burns: Oh, that's right. I was thinking of the guy that was here last week.
Winters: Oh, yes. His name was Summers, I believe. I'm Winters.
Lola Burns: Hmmm. He was Summers and you're Winters. Are butlers always in season?
Lola Burns: That's life for ya. The cook's relatives have babies, and I have sauerkraut juice.
Space Hanlon: Come on, Lola. How about you and me ending this cat and dog fight, huh?
Lola Burns: Gee, I'd like to, Space.
Man tending to Lola: Give him a break, will you, Lola? He's not a bad guy for a publicity man.
Lola Burns: That's just it. We used to have a lot of fun, but ever since I began to make a name for myself, he's been double-crossing me with his rotten publicity. He's nothing...
Space Hanlon: He's seen to it that Lola Burns is a family slogan from Kokomo, Indiana, to the Khyber Pass. Strong men take one look at your picture, go home and kiss their wives for the first time in ten years. You're international tonic, you're a boon to repopulation in a world thinned out by war and famine.
Lola Burns: Well, Hugo happens to be a charming gentleman.
Space Hanlon: Just because a guy with an Ellis Island accent happens to have a dress suit with a hair ribbon across his chest, you dames get a pedigree and start reaching for the diamond tiara.
Jim Brogan: Hi ya, babe!
Lola Burns: They just told me you'd come back on the lot. Gee, you look swell.
Jim Brogan: So do you, Lola.
Lola Burns: I was sorry to hear about your divorce.
Jim Brogan: Oh, don't be. Maybe that's why I'm looking so good.
Lola Burns: Jim, now what are you mad about?
Jim Brogan: [about Hugo] Listen, will you kindly tell that glorified barber to get off my set?
Lola Burns: He's not a barber. He speaks French and Spanish and Italian.
Jim Brogan: I don't care if he speaks Eskimo. I don't like him. Tell him to get off.
Lola Burns: He's got royal blood in his veins.
Jim Brogan: I don't care if he's got a royal flush in his kidneys. Tell him to scram! I can't stand him, I tell you. Tell him to get off!
Lola Burns: You can't talk that way about Hugo.
Jim Brogan: Yeah? They told me you'd fallen for that gigolo, but I didn't believe it.
Man Claiming to Be Lola's Husband: Rib? Rib? That's it! I'm Adam, you're Eve. You came from one of my ribs.
Lola Burns: I came from Peoria.
Pops: This is disgraceful, Gillette! Why, Hugo comes from a noble family. And as for Lola, well, on my side, she's descended from everything back of Edward the Ninth.
Mr. H. Gillette: You mean the Eighth, don't you? There was no Ninth.
Pops: Yes, of course. A slip of the tongue in my excitement.
Mrs. Titcomb: Oh, I just hate to go, but I think I have everything, don't you?
Lola Burns: Oh, do stay and have luncheon, Mrs. Titcomb.
Mrs. Titcomb: No, dear. I must dash off and start putting down the words. They're just itching at the tips of my pinkies!
Mrs. Titcomb: Tell me, dear. You're a woman. You're the sweet, unspoiled child I knew you were. But don't you ever... in the midst of the grueling pace of your career... doesn't there ever come a longing for... the right of all womanhood?
Lola Burns: Uh... let' see, uh... you mean that, uh...
Mrs. Titcomb: I mean, don't you ever find yourself listening for the patter of little feet?
Lola Burns: Why... oh, yes, Mrs. Titcomb. Yes.
Mrs. Titcomb: The call of motherhood is so strong in some women. The call of fatherhood in men, too. Sometimes I think that's what killed Mr. Titcomb. Oh, well, we must all bear the cross that's given us, I always say.
Jim Brogan: Who were those two dowagers in there?
Lola Burns: They're two ladies from the foundling home. How do you think I'm ever going to adopt that little baby when you come in here broadcasting like a sailor?
Jim Brogan: Now, listen, Lola. You're not really serious about that, are you?
Lola Burns: Yes. Oh, he's beautiful. I saw him today. He's got the cutest little button nose and the tiniest little mouth.
Jim Brogan: Those three sheepdogs and that brother of yours are not enough, huh?
Mac: Lola, the Studio car just arrived with this new script. You'll have to get right over there.
Lola Burns: Studio? Well, what about location?
Mac: It's raining out in Riverside...
Lola Burns: Oh, new scenes, new lines everything.
[Looks at the script]
Lola Burns: Well, what's this? I don't recognize it?
Mac: Retakes on "Red Dust". The Hayes Office censored something and the picture's got to open Monday in New York. Come on, we'll have to hurry.
Lola Burns: But, I don't know these lines. Gosh, that means a different make-up and I have to have my hair changed again. I ask you, Miss Carroll, as one lady to another - isn't that a load o' clams?
Mac: Can't you get in time enough to put on your uniform?
Loretta: Don't scald me wit' your steam, woman, I knows where the bodies buried.
Mac: Yes, I know it's six o'clock and I know she's due on location at 7:30 and I know she's to wear the white dress without the brassiere and I know you'll always be a second assistant director because you don't think anybody else is capable of thinking for himself or herself!
Lola Burns: Hey! This isn't orange juice.
Winters: No, Miss, it-it's it-it's sauerkraut juice.
Lola Burns: Well, take it away. It's like dipping your tongue in lox.
Winters: But, but I'm sorry, Miss. But, there weren't any oranges.
Lola Burns: No oranges? This is California, Man!
Lola Burns: Gee whiz! With all the dough I drag down every week, I don't see why things can't be run better!
Mac: You know, I can only do one thing at at time. I really think you ought to discharge Loretta! She's becoming impossible and full of lip, too.
Lola Burns: Oh, Loretta's all right.
Lola Burns: You've been out all night and you're still boiled!
Pops: I've been in conference with some racing men. We've been discussing methods of breeding.
Lola Burns: Don't talk to me about your methods of breeding. I don't want to hear another word.
Lola Burns: All right, Mac, have 'em bring around my roadster.
Mac: Your brother took the roadster to Tijuana.
Lola Burns: Tijuana? Say, who told him that...
Pops: I sent Junior down there to look over a crop of fillies with the idea of a possible purchase...
Lola Burns: I know the kinda fillies he'll look over!
Lola Burns: Well, here goes to another day's work and I'm dead on my feet already! What's a way out of this squirrel cage? Who knows? Who cares?
Elsie, Hanlon's Secretary: Mr. Hanlon, London's Calling! London!
Space Hanlon: Tell them to call back.
Elsie, Hanlon's Secretary: But, it's London!
Studio Worker: We're all ready on Stage 7, Lola. So, snap into it, will ya, please.
Lola Burns: All right... all right! Have some coffee on the set, will ya?
Studio Worker: You know the new lines?
Lola Burns: I'll have 'em - but, don't think I'm gonna get in that rain barrel if the water's as cold as it was last time. A polar bear would have died!
Studio Worker: It's heated, Lola. Honest!
Space Hanlon: Well, well, well, I see the bread line already started to form this morning. Here's a couple of more vultures. I've come to collect the skeleton, boys. That is, if you've got all the meat off of it.
Lola Burns: What a minute. Don't tell me. Let me think.
Space Hanlon: One at a time, please, don't crowd. Step right up folks. In the next tent we have, Lola Burns. The girl who actually thinks while thousands cheer.
Lola Burns: You get outta here with your cheap wise cracks!
Space Hanlon: Oh, gee, Lola, what's the idea in running around with that rummage sale Romeo?
Space Hanlon: Listen, Sugar, I know I'm no prize out of a Cracker Jack box. But, at least I don't allow a procession of dames to lead me around by the nose.
Lola Burns: That's because somebody forgot to put a ring in it!
Lola Burns: Hi ya... back in Indochina again! Say, where's Clark? Isn't he working in this with me?
Studio Workman: Clark's on 15, til noon. We're gonna shoot your close-ups first.
Jim Brogan: I was a fool to ever look at anybody but you, Lola.
Lola Burns: You kinda stood me up, didn't ya, Jim. I guess a girl's got to lose her head once, just to get it back again for keeps.
Jim Brogan: Now, look Lola, you're in the barrel, see. And Gable comes around there and when he gets opposite here, you watch my hand for the signal, you start splashing the water and laughing.
Lola Burns: Four hundred dollars.
Pops: Yes, I want to wire it right away.
Lola Burns: Who for?
Pops: Well, Junior didn't explain; he just telephoned...
Lola Burns: Oh, I get it! Tijuana again. They've been giving him a sleigh ride on the roulette wheel.
Pops: Now, Lola, you mustn't be too hard on your brother...
Lola Burns: Not another nickel! He's been supporting every gambling joint on that border with his millionaire complex and my money!
Pops: Yeh, but they're liable to hold him...
Lola Burns: Well, let them hold him. Let them put him to work on a rockpile. I don't care. I'm through. He's a liar and a no-good and a - oh, what the heck. Ma liked him.
[signs the check]
Coconut Grove Bandleader: Good evening, everybody. This is Gus Arnheim speaking to you from the Coconut Grove. I see quite a few notables here this evening, folks. Why, right here in front of us, I see the beautiful Lola Burns. The bombshell herself, folks.
Space Hanlon: You can't pull a trick like that here. There was a private party.
First Immigration Officer: Uncle Sam can pull anything, anywhere.
Space Hanlon: Well, that ungrateful little pirate. She wants my job, does she? After I got the whole country talking about her with the coffee cups this morning. No actress has had a break like that, since the dark lady... sung Mamie songs. Imagine that little Peoria cornflower trying to give me the runaround! Ha!
Space Hanlon: Now, don't worry H.E. Where I kick her, the camera will never pick up the scar.
Marquis Hugo: I just want you to know that you are a cheap, common little peasant.
Lola Burns: All right, if that's the way you feel about it - you big, patent leather, peanut vendor!
Lola Burns: What are you gonna do?
Space Hanlon: Oh, I don't know. I've been wantin' to get away for a long time, anyway. China, maybe. Australia. Tahiti. The South Seas. I guess that's as good a place as any, to end things up, when you're a failure.
Lola Burns: You mean, like, Gable did in "Susan Lenox" with all those sailors and women?
Space Hanlon: Yes, I guess it won't be so hard to - forget.
Lola Burns: You go to Tahiti? Why you might get leprosy or - or somethin'.
Space Hanlon: Ha-ha! Anytime Jim Brogan does anything out of pure friendship for a dame, I'll call the undertaker, he's dead!
Space Hanlon: Oh, Sugar, what do you see in that guy!
Lola Burns: I see as much in him as you see in Alice Cole!
Space Hanlon: Oh, that's all over! Besides, you wouldn't know anything about it if you didn't come bustin' into people's offices without knockin'.
Reporter: Is it true Lola Burns is gonna have a baby?
Space Hanlon: [laughs] Why, why don't you change your brand of narcotics!
Space Hanlon: What's all this - em - this - eh - tornado about you gonna kick a bassinet around the house? Huh?
Lola Burns: You would try to be funny about it.
Space Hanlon: Well, do you mean - you mean - it's true? A-a baby?
Lola Burns: Yes. And this is one thing I don't need any help from you on!
Space Hanlon: Oh, Lola, honey, baby girl, you don't have to keep a stiff upper lip with me. You know - hey, listen - what's his name? That's all I wanna know! Don't tell me it's that - it's that...
Lola Burns: Don't be silly! I don't even know his name yet.
Space Hanlon: You don't know his name? You mean you - you know - well, holy smoke, when are you gonna find out?
Lola Burns: If its any of your business, as soon as I adopt the baby and get a good name to suit him.
Space Hanlon: Ohhhhh, so you're gonna adopt a baby.
Lola Burns: So, I'm not gonna kidnap one!
Space Hanlon: For minute there you had me thinkin' you were going in for independent production!
Space Hanlon: Listen, you can't adopt a baby!
Lola Burns: As if you or anybody else could stop me.
Space Hanlon: Yeh, but that isn't your line! The fans don't want to see the "It" girl surrounded by an aura of motherhood leanin' over a cradle, sterilizin' bottles. I dubbed you the Hollywood Bombshell and that's the way the like ya! Men. Scrapes. Dazzing Clothes. A gorgeous pinwheel personality. Not pattin' babies on the back to bring up bubbles!
Space Hanlon: Okay, baby, you win. But I'll tell you one thing, this home, with your family, is as a fine a place to bring up a baby as an alligator farm!
Space Hanlon: I'm from the telephone company. You might not know it but there is something a matter with your telephone. Where is it?
Yokahama: Phone? There! I talk phone just now. Work good.
Space Hanlon: [to the Asian butler] Probably what happened to it - you "confused" it.
Nellie, Junior's Girl Friend: Here's Sonny boy, C.O.D.
Lola Burns: Who are you? Where did you come from?
Nellie, Junior's Girl Friend: Oh, you're Burns, aren't ya? Oh, your little brother ran across me cryin' my eyes out down in San Diego. It's awful lonesome down there when the fleets in Honolulu.
Lola Burns: [Drunken Junior starts to sing loudly] Shhhh! Please! I've got some nice people - some ladies in there.
Junior Burns: Ladies? I love the ladies!
Jim Brogan: Oh, now listen, Lola, if you're really that serious, let's get married.
Lola Burns: Oh, no, Jim, no.
Jim Brogan: Oh, you changed your mind since this morning. What's the matter?
Lola Burns: Oh, it's different now. It's gone beyond anything fleshy.
Space Hanlon: [to the paparazzi outside of Lola's home] Now listen you mugs, get on this, this is a real yarn... well, go on you Comanches, this is Custer's last stand!
Space Hanlon: Now listen you illiterates, play this up big and we'll be on the front page for a month!
Reporter: She's got a fat chance of adopting a kid now.
Space Hanlon: Well, why should she? You think I want my Bombshell to turn into a rubber nipple?
Space Hanlon: Now, get this you Seminoles, get this in your lead: Two Lovers Brawl In Burns Home. You know, jealousy angle. Primitive stuff. Stone age. Two savages fighting over a gorgeous girl. Mad with desire. Use some of the lines you had in those pulp novel you've all been writin' for a long time.
Space Hanlon: Don't worry. She can't get very far without being spotted. There's 110 million people that know that face and know that figure.
Space Hanlon: You aren't the only one that knows about Desert Springs, you know. Besides, the desert is just about the best place that I know of to get dramatically drunk. I've got two suitcases there full of high-tone tonics that's gonna make me forget I ever saw the inside of a studio. The me for Tahiti and the blue lagoon and chasing those brown-skinned babies through the bamboo bushes.
Lola Burns: You know as much as I'd like to, I wouldn't even believe it if I'd heard you'd been eaten by a shark!
Lola Burns: As if, Gillette ever thought of *me* in connection with "Alice in Wonderland".
Space Hanlon: Well, there's the item right there. I released it myself on his own memo. You were to do it next. He finally got wised up to the kind of parts you ought to play.
Lola Burns: Well, it's too late now.
Space Hanlon: Swell part though, I hear that, eh, Alice Cole is gonna do it.
Lola Burns: Just because her name is Alice, I suppose.
Space Hanlon: Oh, no, no, no. She's a perfect Janet Gaynor type. You know, sweet and untouchable.
Gifford Middleton: Well, then, I must have seen you sculptured on a frieze. You're like Diana, riding a Macedonian stallion. You're some slim, lovely Amazon riding proudly in her captor's wake. Or, perhaps you're just the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Do you mind my saying these things to you?
Lola Burns: You hardly know me?
Gifford Middleton: I've known you in every ripple of moonlight I've ever seen. In every symphony I've ever heard. In every perfume I've ever smelt.
Gifford Middleton: Oh, Lola, my dearest, your mouth is like a gardenia open to the sun. Your lips...
Gifford Middleton: We'll be married, dear heart, and go together to Utopia.
Lola Burns: You mean, around the world?
Gifford Middleton: Around the universe! To the moon! I'll put the ring of Saturn on your finger. We'll sleep on Venus. The Milky Way shall be our coverlet.
Lola Burns: Oh, not even Norma Shearer or Helen Hayes in their nicest pictures were ever spoken to like that.
Pops: Daughter! Daughter. What a nightmare! Leaving us this way with bitterness in your heart - and no money.
Mr. Middleton: I knew a Burns in Harvard. George Burns. Class of '98. Any relation?
Pops: How 'bout a little libation?
Mr. Middleton: No, I thank you.
Pops: I don't suppose, Madame M would?
Mrs. Middleton: No!
Junior Burns: You know, Giffy, you know I like ya. And when I like a feller, I like 'em - it comes straight from the shoulder. You know you're gettin' a great piece of goods in Sis. She's a corker! She's all wool and flat on the table.
Lola Burns: You can take your Boston's and your Bunker Hill's and your bloodline's and stuff a codfish with 'em! And then you know what you can do with the codfish!
Lola Burns: Imagine that dopey baked bean wantin' to put his feet in my hair!
Mr. Middleton: I can't understand why Lewis Stone gets all these parts.
Mrs. Middleton: I've always been compared to Alice Brady.
Space Hanlon: Yes. Yes. I know. And you know everybody thought I was Jackie Cooper until Great Garbo took me on her lap one day. Well, I'll be seein' ya!