Trouble in Paradise (1932)
Gaston Monescu: Madame Colet, if I were your father, which fortunately I am not, and you made any attempt to handle your own business affairs, I would give you a good spanking - in a business way, of course.
Mariette Colet: What would you do if you were my secretary?
Gaston Monescu: The same thing.
Mariette Colet: You're hired.
Lily Vautier: You see, mother is dead.
Mariette Colet: Yes, that's the trouble with mothers. First you get to like them, and then they die.
Gaston Monescu: Well, what did she want?
Lily Vautier: You. And she's willing to pay as high as 50 francs.
Lily Vautier: Well, I'll leave you alone with that lady. But if you behave like a gentleman, I'll break your neck.
Gaston Monescu: I see. You have to be in the Social Register to keep out of jail. But when a man starts at the bottom and works his way up, a self-made crook, then you say, "Call the police! Put him behind bars! Lock him up!"
Waiter: Yes, Baron. What should we start with, Baron? Hmm?
Gaston Monescu: Oh yes. That's not so easy. Beginnings are always difficult.
Waiter: Yes, Baron.
Gaston Monescu: If Casanova suddenly turned out to be Romeo having supper with Juliet, who might become Cleopatra, how would you start?
Waiter: I would start with cocktails.
Gaston Monescu: It must be the most marvelous supper. We may not eat it, but it must be marvelous.
Lily Vautier: You know, when I first saw you, I thought you were an American.
Gaston Monescu: Thank you.
Lily Vautier: Someone from another world, so entirely different. Oh, one gets so tired of one's own class - princes and counts and dukes and kings! Everybody talking shop. Always trying to sell you jewelry. Then I heard your name and found out you were just one of us.
Gaston Monescu: Disappointed?
Lily Vautier: No, proud. Very proud.
Lily Vautier: I have a confession to make to you: Baron, you are a crook. You robbed the gentleman in 253, 5, 7 and 9. May I have the salt?
Gaston Monescu: Please!
Lily Vautier: Thank you.
Gaston Monescu: The pepper too?
Lily Vautier: Oh, no, thank you.
Gaston Monescu: You're very welcome. Countess, believe me, before you left this room, I would have told you everything. And let me say this, with love in my heart: Countess, you are a thief. The wallet of the gentleman in 253, 5, 7 and 9 is in your possession. I knew it very well when you took it out of my pocket. In fact, you tickled me. But your embrace was so sweet.
Radio Commentator: From Geneva comes the news that the famous international crook, Gaston Monescu, robbed the peace conference yesterday. He took practically everything except the peace.
Mariette Colet: No, no, Francois, I tell you, no. You see, Francois, marriage is a beautiful mistake which two people make together. But with you, Francois, I think it would be a mistake.
Gaston Monescu: It could have been marvelous.
Mariette Colet: Divine.
Gaston Monescu: Wonderful... . But tomorrow morning, if you should wake out of your dreams and hear a knock, and the door opens, and there, instead of a maid with a breakfast tray, stands a policeman with a warrant, then you'll be glad you are alone.
Purse Salesman: This one, Madame Colet, is only 3,000 francs.
Mariette Colet: Oh, no, that's entirely too much! How about that one?
Purse Salesman: Oh, this one, Madame. Well, that's 125,000 francs.
Mariette Colet: But it's beautiful. I'll take it.
The Major: See here, my good man. You've been saying good-bye for the last half hour and staying on. I wish you'd say "How do you do" and go.
Gaston Monescu: Do you remember the man who walked into the Bank of Constantinople, and walked out with the Bank of Constantinople?
Gaston Monescu: I love you. I loved you the minute I saw you. I'm mad about you, my little shoplifter... . my sweet little pickpocket... . my darling.
Mariette Colet: I have a confession to make to you: You like me. In fact, you're crazy about me.
Gaston Monescu: I came here to rob you, but unfortunately I fell in love with you.
Lily Vautier: Don't you remember the day you took that Chinese vase from the Royal Palace? And you made it into a lamp for my night table.
Gaston Monescu: I remember the lamp, I remember the night table... . and I remember the night.
Lily Vautier: [fuming] I wouldn't fall for another man if he was the biggest crook on earth!
François Filiba: Nice day, Major.
The Major: Eh-hmm.
François Filiba: You're looking fine, Major.
The Major: Now see here my good man, I've had just about enough of your insulting remarks.
François Filiba: You know, if I like a man I remember him... and if I don't like him I never forget him.
The Communist: [excitedly and emotionally] Phooey, phooey, and phooey!
Gaston Monescu: [dryly] His phooey is worse than his bite.
Mme. Bouchet: That's that Monsieur La Valle.
François Filiba: La Valle? Who is Monsieur La Valle?
Mme. Bouchet: I don't know. She says he's her secretary.
François Filiba: Oh? So...
Mme. Bouchet: And he says he's her secretary. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he is her secretary.
Lily Vautier: Darling, remember, you are Gaston Monescu. You are a crook. I want you as a crook. I love you as a crook. I worship you as a crook. Steal, swindle, rob. Oh, but don't become one of those useless, good-for-nothing gigolos.
Gaston Monescu: Everything will be all right again. Prosperity is just around the corner.
Lily Vautier: This woman has more than jewelry.
Gaston Monescu: [sighs loudly]
Lily Vautier: Did you ever take a good look at her... ummm...
Gaston Monescu: Certainly.
Lily Vautier: They're alright, aren't they?
Gaston Monescu: Beautiful. What of it? Let me tell you something - as far as I'm concerned her whole sex appeal is in that safe.