Ollie: Get this house cleaned up! Do you know that my wife will be home at noon!
Stan: Say, what do you think I am? Cinderella? If I had any sense I'd walk out on you.
Ollie: Well it's a good thing you haven't any sense!
Stan: It certainly is!
Ollie: Why weren't you at the party last night?
Stan: I couldn't make it. I was bitten by a dog.
Ollie: I can't understand you. Spell it.
Stan: A dog bit me. B-I-it me. Bit me.
Stan: [Rolls up sleeve and puts the telephone to the injured area] They had to take me to the hospital last night and they said I might have hydrophosphates.
Ollie: Do you realise that this is the only suit I've got left? It's enough to make a man burst out crying.
[Stan starts to cry]
Ollie: Shut Up! Don't you realise my wife will be home at noon?
Ollie: Listen, I'm in a slight predicament. My wife's coming home at noon today unexpectedly. And just look at this house.
Stan: [sees the mess] What's the matter with it?
Ollie: What's the matter with it? You never met my wife, have you?
Stan: Yes, I never did.
Ollie: What do you mean "Yes I never did"?
[shows him wedding photo]
Ollie: That's my wife.
Stan: Isn't she sweet.
Stan: Where is your wife?
Ollie: She's in Chicago with her mother.
Stan: Is she having a nice time?
Ollie: Sure she's having a nice time, she's been gone for more than a week, I- I don't care whether she's having a nice time or not! What I mean is that if she comes home and sees the house like this, she'll know that I've been throwing a wild party!
Ollie: [shouts] Hello!
Mrs. Hardy: Don't you yell at me. I'm not deaf!
Ollie: Oh, hello, honey baby. Where are you?
Mrs. Hardy: Where am I? I'm down here at the railroad station. And if I stay here much longer they'll put me in the roundhouse.