The Dentist (1932)
Dentist: That kid's so dumb he doesn't know what time it is.
Charley Frobisher: Say, by the way, what time is it?
Dentist: I don't know.
Dentist: Have you ever had this tooth pulled before?
Miss Mason - Patient: No!
Dentist: This won't hurt you - much.
Daughter: [after her father has patted her on the derriere as she looks into the ice box] Fifty pounds and chop it fine.
Dentist: [reading from a newpaper] "Mrs. Unclebeck..."
[looking up when her words have sunken in]
Dentist: What do you mean, "Fifty pounds and chop it fine"?
Daughter: Oh, I thought you were Arthur.
Dentist: Who's Arthur?
Daughter: He's the man I intend to marry.
Dentist: Oh, well, don't tell me anything about it - I'm only your father. I can read about it in the newspapers. What does he do for a living?
Daughter: Well, he's the iceman.
Dentist: [shocked] An iceman?
Daughter: Yeah, he goes to college. He's a Cornell man.
Arthur the iceman: [voice from outside] Iceman!
Daughter: Red Grange was an iceman.
Dentist: He's still an iceman as far as I'm concerned!
Miss Peppitone - Patient: [nervously] You won't hurt my leg, will you? My doctor says I have a very bad leg.
Dentist: [looking at her shapely leg] Your doctor is off his nut! I don't believe in doctors anyway. There's a doctor lives right down the street here. Treated a man for yellow juandice for nine years and then found out he was a Jap.
Dentist: Shall I use gas?
Miss Peppitone - Patient: [nervously] Well, gas or electric light. I'd feel nervous to have you fool around me in the dark!
Dentist: [First lines] Where are my glasses?
Daughter: They're on your head.
Dentist: Oh, yeah, thanks, Where's the newspaper?
Daughter: You're sitting on it!
Dentist: Where are my golf clubs?
Daughter: In your golf bag.
Dentist: Yeah, but, where's the golf
Daughter: You just fell over it.
Daughter: Where's the ice?
Dentist: In the icebox!
Daughter: There's just a little piece left. Now I'll have to get some more.
Dentist: Keep that Iceman outta here! I'm going to order a Frigidaire.
Dentist: Open the door!
Daughter: I can't. You locked me in.
Dentist: Where's the key?
Daughter: In your pocket.
Daughter: [Last lines] Father, you're not reeeaally going to buy a Frigidaire, are you?
Dentist: [turning in a huff and addressing Arthur the Iceman in an irritable gruff "okay-you-win-but-I'm-not-happy-about-it" tone] Fifty pounds and make it snappy!
Daughter: [throws her arms around Arthur in relieved joy that she can still have him as her beau]
Dentist: Don't stand behind when I'm shooting!
Dentist's Caddy: You told me to stand over there, sir.
Dentist: Never mind where I told you to stand. You stand where I tell you!
Dentist: [Woman screaming in the next room with a tooth ache, interrupting a golf story being told to another patient] Oh, to hell with her.
Dentist: Were they burned up! You could have fried eggs on the back of his neck.
Dentist: A dog bit you?
Miss Peppitone - Patient: Yes! He was a little dash hound. What a little tiny dog.
[bends over, backside to the Dentist]
Miss Peppitone - Patient: He sneaked right up behind me and he bit me right like that.
[pointing to her ankle]
Miss Peppitone - Patient: And I was standing with my back to him and here he was, this little dog, who bit me - right - here!
Dentist: [Looking at her backside] You're rather fortunate that it wasn't a Newfoundland dog that bit you.
Miss Peppitone - Patient: Oh, Doctor! I can't let you do that again! Oh!
Dentist: [Talking to his Dental Assistant behind the dentist chair while a patient, Miss Mason, eavesdrops on the converstation] When I tell you to go out and tell one of these palookas that I'm out, go out and tell them I'm out. Don't have these buzzards walk in on me.
Dental Assistant: Relax. Would you like a drink?
Miss Mason - Patient: What is it?
Dental Assistant: Water!
Miss Mason - Patient: No, thanks.