- Opening Title Card: Mr. Hardy holds that every husband should tell his wife everything - Mr. Laurel is crazy too.
- Ice Cream Attendant: What can I do for you?
- Oliver: We'd like a quart of your best ice cream, please.
- Ice Cream Attendant: Yes, sir. What flavor?
- Oliver: What flavors have you?
- Ice Cream Attendant: Strawberry, Pineapple, and Vanilla.
- Oliver: [to Stanley] What Flavor do you want?
- Stanley: I'll have chocolate.
- Ice Cream Attendant: I'm sorry, but we're out of chocolate.
- Stanley: Have you any mustachio?
- Ice Cream Attendant: No, we're out of mustachio.
- Stanley: You're out of mustachio?
- Ice Cream Attendant: [angry] Yes!
- Stanley: He's out of mustachio.
- Oliver: Mm-Hm.
- Stanley: What other flavors are you out of?
- Ice Cream Attendant: Strawberry... We're out out of Orange, Gooseberry and Chocolate!
- Stanley: Alright, I'll have it without Chocolate!
- [first lines]
- Oliver: Darling, isn't it wonderful to be alone?
- Mrs. Hardy: Oh, it certainly is, honey. And what a relief not to be bothered with those Laurels tonight.
- Oliver: Now we can have a nice quiet evening. Nothing to mar our happiness.
- Mrs. Hardy: Oh, Poppa!
- [the Laurels ring the doorbell]
- Mrs. Hardy: Get up from there, you big chump!
- Oliver: Don't you call me...
- Mrs. Hardy: Don't argue with me! Go get that ice cream.
- Oliver: [to the wives] Just a moment. I'll go and get him. Good night. I mean, goodbye. I'll drop you a line. I mean, I'll be right back.
- Mrs. Hardy: What are you doing?
- Oliver: Just playing.
- Mrs. Hardy: I believe you're going cuckoo! Just because you have the mind of a four year old child, you don't need to display it. Remember, we have company. Come, Mrs. Laurel.
- Mrs. Laurel: Where's Stanley?
- Oliver: He's in the bathroom, taking a bath.
- Mrs. Laurel: Taking a bath?
- Oliver: He said he couldn't wait until it was Saturday.
- Mrs. Laurel: Where's Stanley?
- Oliver: Uh, he's out in the hall.
- Mrs. Laurel: Stanleeeeeeeeeeey! Stanleeeeeeeeeeey!
- Stanley: So then her husband came in and shot the travelling salesman.
- Mrs. Hardy: [angrily] Why you!
- [She attempts to slap Stanley in the face but misses and hits Oliver who has entered the door from behind him]
- Stanley: I must have told the wrong story.