Police Inspector: Say, which of the two women is this? Mrs. Trewitt?
Ted Markham: [laughs] I'm afraid you're unlucky this time, Inspector. This is Handel Fane - a hundred per cent he-woman. Mr. Fane's our leading man.
Handel Fane: [walking off stage in drag] I assure you, Inspector, I'm not the other woman in this case.
Old Woman: People ought to be ashamed of themselves, kicking up all that racket at this time of night.
Sir John Menier: Ah, my dear, you must save those tears. They'll be very, very useful in my new play.
Police Inspector: Was he popular with the ladies?
Doucie Markham: Who would that be, Stewart? He was a bit too popular if you ask me. Blazes, you could call her a lady!
Ted Markham: Doucie, Doucie, remember, she's only just dead.
Doucie Markham: All right, all right. I never heard yet that tellin' the truth was a disgrace.
Prosecuting Counsel: I need not remind you that in the eyes of the law, men and women are equal. The crime of murder, in England at least, is judged dispassionately. Neither beauty nor youth no provocation, can be...
Judge: If you're convinced that the story of the Defense represents the facts of the case, it is your duty to discharge the accused. I should like to remind you that truth is often stranger than fiction. If on the other hand you're convinced that the evidence is in deed, fiction, then I must tell you in the words of the Counsel of the Prosecution, that neither youth nor beauty nor provocation can be held to mitigate the crime of murder. Go and consider the facts for yourselves.
Foreman of the Jury: Time is money, you know.
Sir John Menier: Time, in this case, may I remind you, is life.
Sir John Menier: My time on the stage would be shortened, had I not for years trained myself to, how shall I put it, to apply the technique of life to the problems of my art. But today, ladies and gentlemen, that process is reversed. I find myself applying the technique of my art, to a problem of real life. And my art is not satisfied.
Sir John Menier: Yes, but that was not all together born out by Fane - you know, the, um, the female impersonator man.
Mrs. Ward - Juror: But his evidence was of little use. He was so obviously in love with the prisoner.
Sir John Menier: The girl said she didn't drink it. Yet, she admits she might have killed Edna Druce. That's queer! Why admit a big thing like that and yet be so sure that she didn't do a small thing, such as drink a drop of brandy?
Sir John Menier: You're shielding this man, because you know you're in love with him.
Diana Baring: Oh, but that's impossible.
Sir John Menier: Impossible? Why should it be impossible? I see no reason why it should be impossible?
Diana Baring: Why, the man's a half-caste!
Sir John Menier: What's that? What did you say? A half-caste? Black blood?
Ted Markham: Yes, that's him, all right. Dressed up as a woman, eh? He always was good at that.
Sir John Menier: An extremely clever way of hiding.
Sir John Menier: Markham, I have an idea. Do you know your Hamlet?
Ted Markham: Every line of it, sir.
Sir John Menier: Then let me suggest for your consideration, the series of events embodied in Act 3, Scene 2.
Ted Markham: That's the play scene, isn't it?
Sir John Menier: Yes - the play scene. Do you remember the title, "The Mousetrap"? Well, when he comes to my flat it will be the part I shall offer him. They'll be 3 of us: 2 cats to 1 mouse.
Ted Markham: Yes, but, what about the cheese, sir?