The Show of Shows (1929)
The Minister - Guillotine Sequence: [First lines] Brother, prepare for eternity. The End is at hand.
Executioner - Guillotine Sequence: Prologue is Dead! On with the Show of Shows!
Master of Ceremonies: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm awfully sorry about my being late like this. You see in the last number I was supposed to appear... I was supposed to sing a sort of a sad doughboy song. And, there were - were several people that applied for the position and, eh, I won it. I mean, they wanted a sad singer and after the Warners heard me they said, "Well, he's about as sad as you can get 'em." So, ladies and gentlemen, I was picked! Now, I was to sing the sad number and I-I probably could sing it for you now, but, I've forgotten the lyrics. I have a very nice moon song though, that I could sing for you. You know they write those moon songs every 20 minutes. I'd like to sneak this one in before they write another.
Master of Ceremonies: I want to tell you that I have sung and gotten some real recognition. Decorations for singing. Here's one little medal I got for yodeling.
[Points to his German Iron Cross]
Yankee Girl: [During the "If I Could Learn To Love" number] I represent the Yankee girls
French Girl: And I the maids of France.
Yankee Girl: Now we challenge you to loving, but we want it understood, that Yankee kisses have a kick that will knock you out for good.
French Girl: We French girls also want a chance to get within your arms, for we know you never will be able to resist our charms.
French Boxer in Tails: You girls are all so clever, a neverland of love.
Yankee Girl: Say, don't you know there's no one who can fight this thing called love.
French Boxer in Tails: [During the "If I Could Learn To Love" number] I used to lick a fellow who was nearly twice my size. But, I have no defense at all - for a pair of beautiful eyes. A pretty girl can knock me out. I hear them count to ten. But, when another comes along, I get right up again. If I could learn to love, as well as I fight...
Performer in ''Singing in the Bathtub': [singing] Why am I excited? Why am I so gay? Why am I delighted? Say, what day is today? Pardon my elation. Everything's just right. I get inspiration. Every Saturday night. I"m Singing in the Bathtub...
Performer in ''Singing in the Bathtub': [singing] Never take a shower. It's an awful pain. Singing in a shower's like singing in the rain...
Performer for ''Chinese Fantasy': [SInging] There's a sly mysterious man at Shanghai, Li-Po-Li. I will tell you all about this Chinaman. Have you money? He will demand it.
Performer for ''Chinese Fantasy': [singing] When you go to sleeping, He will come a creeping. Take away all your rice cakes. Take away all your spice cakes.
Al Jolson Impersonator: [singing] Mamie, mine, your little Rolling Stone that rolled away, strolled away... your little Rolling Stone is home today...
Al Jolson Impersonator: Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to announce Larry Ceballos' Black and White Girls.
John Barrymore, Himself: Ladies and Gentlemen, the soliloquy you're about to hear is from the first part of Shakespeare's Henry the VI, when Richard the III is Duke of Gloucester, before he became King. In it, he not only discloses his own peek on psychology but he also infers that he never will be King unless he destroys his elder relations, one by one. Although it is not clearly indicated in this particular soliloquy whether he does or not, permit me to assure you, that he eliminates them all, with the graceful impartiality of Al Capone.