The Hollywood Revue of 1929 (1929)
[to Chorus girl]
Jack Benny, Himself - Emcee: Oh, Miss - your face is familiar to me. Didn't I meet you in Omaha?
[Chorus girl recognizes him, slaps him, leaves]
Jack Benny, Himself - Emcee: I never forget a face!
Magician: The egg trick is OUT! But, nevertheless, we will show YOU how to put a large cake into OBLIVION!
Jack Benny, Himself - Emcee: Ladies and gentlemen - in fact, all of you. Feeling that you are weary of domestic triangles, we have gone to Europe for our next scene. The locale is Turkey, southern Turkey. You see, Turkey is divided into three zones, namely, the white meat, the dark meat, and the part I always get.
Jack Benny, Himself - Emcee: Now, I believe that most of you are unfamiliar with the adagio. I know I am. And so are the dancers. And if "adagio" means what I think it does, imagine my embarrassment. Incidentally, this is the 1929 Adagio with the standard gearshift. On with the dance.
"Modern" Juliet: Now, listen, boyfriend, you have a nice line of chatter but how do I know you care for me in a big way?
"Modern" Romeo: Julie baby, I'm ga-ga about you. No kiddin', honey, your teeth are like pearls, your eyes are like diamonds and your lips - like rubies.
"Modern Romeo": No, on the level, honest. You're the pansies in my garden, the cream in my mocha and java, the berries in my pie.
Jack Benny, Himself - Emcee: The, uh, little number you just heard called "Singin' in the Rain" is an optimistic song and was, of course, written by an optimist. In fact, all of the lyrics like "There's a rainbow 'round my shoulder" and "Let a smile be your umbrella" and so forth were all written by this same man who finally became so discouraged that he killed himself. Hm.
Romeo: [to Juliet] By yonder blessed moon, I swear. Which tips with silver all these fruit-tree tops...
Conrad Nagel, Himself - Master of Ceremonies: Here's one of my favorites! And I know you all like her too. Its because she's the personification of youth and beauty and joy and happiness: Joan Crawford.
Joan Crawford, Herself: That's awfully kind of you Conrad. Thank you.
Conrad Nagel, Himself - Master of Ceremonies: I think Joan has a surprise for you.
Joan Crawford, Herself: [singing] All day I talk about you, All night I think about you...
Charlie King, Himself: Today, you've got to make love with words and music!
Charlie King, Himself: Just because you're a love bird, don't think that you're a canary.
Jack Benny, Himself - Emcee: The scene is the palace of the sultan. Now, the sultan has a beautiful daughter, Sultine, who has three suitors: Coatus, Vestus and Pantus. Pantus is one of twins, which accounts for the modern phrase of the two pants suit. These boys are inseparable. In fact, you never see Coatus and Vestus without Pantus.
Jack Benny, Himself - Emcee: You notice the young lady keeps running from one to the other. She is undecided what to do. Now get this folks, I want to let you in on a little secret: although she loves Coatus and Vestus, she can't get along without Pantus.
Lionel Barrymore, Himself - Director of 'Romeo and Juliet': Here's a wire from the New York office. They don't like the title, "Romeo and Juliet", so they've changed it. And how they've changed it!
Norma Shearer, Herself: Changed "Romeo and Juliet"? But, they can't do that!
Lionel Barrymore, Himself - Director of 'Romeo and Juliet': They can't, but, they have!
John Gilbert, Himself: What are they going to call it?
Lionel Barrymore, Himself - Director of 'Romeo and Juliet': "The Neckers".
Lionel Barrymore, Himself - Director of 'Romeo and Juliet': As the King commands, the slaves obey.
"Modern" Juliet: You're certainly playing a pretty symphony for my ears. And I've got to admit you're very easy on the eyes, too! I've had plenty of balcony bees buzzing about me, but, you're just about the cookies for me, boyfriend.
"Modern" Romeo: What do you say to a little ride and such?
"Modern" Juliet: Well, the ride part of it sounds interesting, maybe. But, I'm not so sure about that suching!