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1-94 of 94
- In Totville the invalids are much disturbed because, since the death of Dr. Fairthorn there has been no doctor in the village, but upon learning from the Widow Fairthorn that a Dr. Martin will arrive they brighten up somewhat. Dr. Martin arrives in due time, but misses the omnibus that runs from the railroad station to Totville. As there are no other vehicles at hand, he sets out to walk, carrying his medicine case. On the way he passes a stream of water, and decides to take a swim. While he is enjoying his cool bath a tramp steals his clothes and medicine case. The doctor envelops himself in an old empty barrel and gives chase. The fleet-footed tramp, however, is soon out of sight, leaving the poor doctor to wander about in his wooden bathrobe. The tramp in the doctor's outfit arrives in Totville, and is welcomed by the Widow Fairthorn, who mistakes him for Dr. Martin. He is installed in her late husband's office, and is almost immediately besieged by the invalids of the village. He keeps up the deception and has a series of ludicrous adventures with the patients. Dr. Martin is finally rescued by a farmer, who provides him with an ill-fitting suit of clothes. He manages to reach the widow's home in time to denounce the tramp as an impostor.
- The story begins when a high-strung bear escapes from his keeper and sallies forth in search of adventure. He is an eminently respectable bear with nice manners, and when he comes upon two ladies conversing across the fence he taps one playfully with his paw, and she, misunderstanding the gleam of affection in his "gentle" eyes, flees in alarm, the bear's feelings are hurt. And the same lack of confidence on the part of the other human beings with whom be comes in contact is noticeable wherever he goes. By the time he reaches the good ship "Sally R," the ridiculous behavior of people in general has spoiled his usual good temper, and he takes a melancholy delight in chasing the crew into the rigging. Then suddenly becomes upon the captain's daughter, a little girl of nine, sitting on deck with a big bowl of bread and milk. She tells the bear that he is a naughty big doggy to chase people, and feeds him bread and milk with a spoon, smacking him sharply with it when he becomes impatient.
- While on their summer vacation, Joan and Susie found a hornet's nest that they brought back to the city with them. Shortly after their return. Susie's young man, Dick Moreton, came to call on her. Susie's family at the time was suffering hideous torture on account of the family overhead, who made objectionable noises at all hours of the day and night. Filled with a wild and helpless rage, Susie's father promised Dick his full consent to the marriage of the two young people on condition that Dick should instantly throw the objectionable neighbors out of the house. Dick rushed upstairs and ordered the noisy family to leave the building. The noisy family replied by throwing Dick down the stairs. Dick picked himself up and reported to his fiancée that the family upstairs seemed very unwilling to leave, and that he did not have the heart to throw them out bodily. During one of the warmer moments of Dick's dispute with the noisy family, a large section of plaster fell from the ceiling in the apartment below. As luck would have it the plaster fell directly on the box containing the hornet's nest. A few hundred hornets flew out. When Dick returned from his unsuccessful mission, he was met by a family who had little interest in anything but hornets. After he had been stung twice himself, Dick got an idea. Carefully placing the cover on the box containing the supposed bird's nest, he carried it upstairs, and dumped it out on the noisy family's floor. The noisy family left very quickly indeed, and Dick returned as a conquering hero.
- Bobbie played with his little sister and she began to cry, nobody would believe it wasn't his fault; if he played ball in the yard, his mother said he was a nuisance and made him stop; when he wanted to go fishing they made him stay home and meet fussy old people he didn't like; and when he acted sullenly and broke things because of his great shyness before those same fussy old people, they sent him out of the room in disgrace. Bobbie stood the nagging and scolding as long as he could, then ran away. He did not run very far because he found what he was looking for within a couple of miles of his home. A tired farmer's wife was only too glad to humor the lad with wistful eyes who wanted to play with her children. So Bobbie played with them to his heart's content and had a glorious time. Bobbie's mother and father, off on an automobile ride, were greatly touched by the sight of a lad playing with a number of smaller children. "Why can't our Bobbie be like that?" they asked each other sorrowfully, and then these blind parents saw, not that it was Bobbie, but that it was another boy they had never suspected was their son. To their credit, be it said, that they realized how wrong their attitude had been, and that they made a fervent resolution to enter into a more sympathetic understanding with their son.
- An actor, preparing for a part in a romantic drama, grows tired of rehearsing a duel scene and falls asleep. He finds himself in a magnificent palace. Wandering about in increasing bewilderment through the unfamiliar surroundings, he at last reaches the throne room where, alarmed by the noise of approaching trumpets, he hides himself behind the throne. Preceded by her obsequious court, a queen enters and sits on the throne behind which the actor is hidden. The queen is neither peculiarly young nor particularly beautiful, but she is intensely playful and has an affectionate disposition. Three princes enter and pay their addresses to the queen. None of them comes up to her ideal of a husband, however, and she dismisses them cavalierly. At this stage the hidden actor is discovered. He flees in terror, but is captured by guards in the courtyard below and dragged before the queen. She immediately falls violently in love with him and announces that she will marry him. Meanwhile the three rejected suitors have determined to revenge themselves on the haughty queen. Joining forces, they march to the castle and attack it. Within the castle all is mirth and revelry. The actor, unversed in the motions of the stately minuet, has succeeded in teaching the court the Turkey Trot and is dancing vivaciously with the queen. Suddenly the three suitors rush in at the head of their men. A general engagement ensues in which the queen's men are rapidly getting the worst of it. Then the actor takes a hand, fights all three princes at once and slays them. The hostile forces are routed and the castle is saved. The grateful queen covers her doughty champion with caresses. At this delightful moment the victorious hero awakes and finds that the queen's head, which has been resting affectionately on his shoulder, is really his fencing mask.
- Dorothy, a much loved young lady had two suitors, Bob and Dick, both of them lack the courage to propose to her. Bob calls on her fully determined to pop the question and while alone in the drawing room decides to rehearse his proposal. Just as he utters the words "Will you be my wife" the house maid, with matrimonial aspirations, happens to enter the room and accepts him before he has time to explain. Bob's embarrassing position is relieved by the ringing of the front doorbell only to he renewed the next moment by coming face to face with Dick, his rival, whom the gushing house maid has just ushered in. Now ensues a battle of wits between the two men, each trying to get rid of the other. Dorothy finally makes her appearance and the situation can readily be imagined. They smile and glare alternately making their position awkward, but exceedingly laughable. Meanwhile the house maid has descended to the kitchen and informed the chef, her admirer, that all is off between them as she is about to marry a fine gentleman. The chef, an impulsive individual is not so easily jilted and rushes into the drawing room with a carving knife seeking revenge. Dorothy, however, sternly commands him to return to the kitchen. In explanation the house maid claims that Bob's proposal to her aroused the chef's jealousy. This tangles matters up completely, and when the maid discovers that the proposal was not intended for her ears, she struts from the room to the kitchen below arriving there just in time to prevent the chef, her admirer, from committing suicide. Dorothy, Bob and Dick are still having a three-cornered struggle in the drawing room. Finally Bob clears the matter up by repeating the words he rehearsed, assuring Dorothy that they were intended for her. Dorothy really in love with Bob, accepts him then and there much to the chagrin of the other suitor who has to be satisfied with being best man.
- A farmer's daughter helps a farmhand win the heart of a cook by convincing him to serenade her, with unexpected results.
- The Rev. John Ashton, unmarried, has accepted a call in a village and. with his sister, gives a housewarming. Mary, a young member of his flock, notices during the party, a pair of worn slippers and decides to make him a new pair. Consequently all the village spinsters also make slippers: but those the parson's sister trades off for a bread mixer to an itinerant peddler, who innocently takes them around to the back doors through the community. Mary's slippers are the only ones the minister wears.
- Mr. and Mrs. Dorner were in that epoch of their newly-married bliss which in any other disease would be termed the last stages. They hung around each other's necks and cooed at each other. Hence, when one day Mr. Dorner threatened, with playful ferocity, to beat his doting wife if she didn't behave herself, anyone except a peculiarly dense servant would realize that the ferocity was only another manifestation of Mr. Dorner's deep and abiding devotion. Since she was a peculiarly dense servant. Mary Ann casually informed her friend, the domestic next door, that Mr. Dorner had threatened to beat his wife. From the maid next door the news spread quickly to her employers, the Jones, and from them to the Smiths. Thence, with astonishing rapidity, it flew to the Browns. Robinsons, Schultzes and Murphys. Every time the tale was told it gained in strength and color. Imperceptibly the shadows closed about the Dorner household, imperceptibly the character of Dorner grew blacker and blacker. From a mere vulgar wife beater, Dorner's reputation climbed to somber criminal heights and at last, when the story reached the Murphys and they learned that the terrible Dorner had brutally murdered his saintly wife, there seemed nothing for them to do except summon the police. When the police arrived, they found the Dorner's engaged in their usual occupation of telling each other how nice they were.
- Three bad boys come into possession of the famous Aladdin lamp and without realizing its marvelous power cast it away at the lake side as a valueless article, where it is found by poor penniless Tim, the gardener, who is about to commit suicide because Farmer Jenkins objects to him as a son-in-law. He picks up the lamp and examines it curiously. In trying to remove the sand and dirt he rubs it vigorously when to his astonishment a slave of the lamp suddenly appears coming from nowhere and informs Tim the slaves of the lamp are at his service, and by simply rubbing it his every wish will be granted, then he disappears as mysteriously as he came. This is a delightfully unusual comedy, full of trick work, which is wonderfully well done.
- In a small seaport town, Mary boards a train to New York. On the train she attracts the attention of a flashy-looking individual who starts a conversation with her. Unused to the ways of the world she does not know whether to resent this or not. However, the conductor interferes and tells the young man to go about his business. He has managed to give Mary his business card. On arriving in New York, Mary is completely puzzled and she feels the loneliness that comes to any stranger in the midst of a great city. She reaches one of the parks and proceeds to look up advertisements for a lodging. Sitting next to her is a chorus girl, entirely out of money and facing eviction. She watches Mary nervously, and as Mary gets up and drops her purse, the temptation is too strong for the chorus girl: she quickly seizes that purse. Mary inquires the way to one of the addresses of a policeman, but upon discovering the loss of her purse they go back to the bench. The chorus girl is still there and during the conversation the policeman discovers that she has the purse folded in her handkerchief in her right hand. He is about to arrest her when Mary catches her look of appeal and with the terror of the law and imprisonment felt by anyone in her station, she tells the officer that the purse does not belong to her at all. Therefore the chorus girl is released and Mary leaves. Evening is coming on and Mary walks through the streets of New York without money. The strains of an organ coming from a church attract her and she goes in. Here she spends the night. In the morning, hungry and tired, she starts out to find work. Suddenly she remembers the card given her by the young man on the train and decides to apply to him for employment. He greets her enthusiastically and proposes something to eat and drink. He takes her to a Bohemian restaurant. The chorus girl is sitting nearby and immediately recognizes Mary. Grasping the situation she takes Mary by the hand, tells her that this is no fit place for her, and despite the young man's protests, takes her from the restaurant. She confesses her own fault, takes Mary to her humble lodging, where she is refreshed by something to eat and a place at least to lay her head and here we leave them for the present.
- The first thing a bride and groom in the rural districts does after the ceremony is performed and the opportunity presents itself, is to have their photographs taken. Here we find Zeb and Cynthia going into a photograph gallery to engage the services of the artist. They are an exceedingly eccentric pair, both lacking all the elements that would make them attractive. In fact, they are just exactly the opposite and the moment the bride looks into the mirror to fix her hair it cracks into a dozen pieces. Her husband's attention is attracted by her to the catastrophe. Both are surprised and when their attention is attracted to the camera it runs around the room and finally exits precipitously. The photographer returns after a short absence, and to his dismay sees the damage that has been wrought by the couple's ugliness. He tries to run them out, but the bridegroom, being well supplied with money, readily offers to pay for the damage and all is well. The camera is again brought in, but refuses to stay, out it runs. The photographer brings it in again and nails it to the floor. This proves too much for the camera and it explodes. The enraged photographer insists on their leaving. His assistant then announces another customer to the dismayed photographer. In comes a very attractive young woman whose beauty is such that when she looks into the mirror it is immediately made whole, the camera becomes whole again, and the photographer is happy once more.
- Terrified at the sight of the dentist's forceps, his victim takes gas and dreams that he is in the clutches of demons. The extracted tooth grows as he gazes at it, and pursues him when he flees, but he awakens in time to escape disaster.
- Aunty sat up in bed screaming, and the terrified family started on a burglar hunt. Papa tiptoed cautiously upstairs and sonny, slightly the worse for wear, knocked him downstairs with an Indian club, thinking he was the burglar. When the policeman arrived he found, a mouse.
- Aunt Elsa, Mr. Moore's old-maid sister, writes that she is coming to visit. The Moores have no cook and the day Aunt Elsa is to arrive, a party is on hand and the house is at sixes and sevens. 12-year-old Bobby Moore is commissioned to meet her at the railway station, much to his disgust. His father gives him a dollar and a half for lunches and carfare and his mother and sisters tell him to keep Aunty out all day. Aunt Elsa is met by her young nephew, and his eyes are opened in astonishment for he does not find her a typical old-maid aunt, but a middle-aged woman full of life and spirit. She refuses to ride in streetcars and calls a taxi. She gives Bobby the time of his life, and upon reaching home, what does she do but impersonate the new cook.
- A pretty white cat is the joy and pride of an old maid known as Aunt Miranda. Every afternoon she sits at the window with a novel and her cat, and incidentally flirts with Jonathan Biggs, a bachelor who occupies a room directly opposite hers, in the house next door. One afternoon Miranda's cat, in company with another feline, gives a high pitched concert on the back fence and rudely disturbs old Biggs' peaceful slumber. He quickly demonstrates his antipathy for cats by shying the heaviest missile he can lay hands on and with good effect, for Miranda's cat falls to the ground with a thud, apparently dead. Not wishing to incur Miranda's enmity, he hastily descends to the yard, places the limp body of the cat in a bag and buries it under a tree a short distance up the road. Two tramps hiding behind the tree silently observe this proceeding and when Biggs leaves, they feverishly dig up the bag thinking it contains a treasure, only to find a dead cat. Meanwhile Miranda has missed her cat and is frantically searching high and low for it. To make matters worse, she catches her niece in the act of eloping with Dick Perkins, whom she berates and drives from the premises. To escape Miranda's wrath, Dick doesn't let the grass grow under his feet. Up the road he passes Biggs, who is returning from the cat burial, and a little farther on Dick comes upon the two tramps and discovers Aunt Miranda's cat, not dead, but alive, having been stunned. With due haste Dick returns the cat to Miranda's house. Suffice it to say she is overjoyed to recover her darling cat; while, on the other hand, Biggs is so startled at the cat's return that he nearly faints. Dick threatens to tell all he knows. Biggs quickly sees the point and induces Miranda to give her consent and blessing to the young couple after which old Biggs pops the question, Miranda accepts him and all ends well.
- The girls decide to dress up in boys' clothes and kidnap Aunty while she is out for her usual walk. But Bobby tells Aunty the scheme and the girls find themselves in the hands of two desperadoes who later prove to be Aunty and Bobby in disguise.
- When a cradle arrived at the Powell's house one morning, Bobbie was deeply interested. Bobbie was six years old. The nurse and his father assured him that the cradle was not for him, and told him the beautiful old story about the stork who brings little children to deserving homes. Bobbie was much impressed. He wanted a brother, and he intended to have one. That afternoon while walking down town with his nurse, Bobbie observed a sign, "Boy Wanted," in the window of a store. Bobbie went home, inveigled some money out of his father, returned to the shop and bought the "Boy Wanted" sign. That night he slipped out of his room and nailed the sign securely to a post on the front porch. Next morning Bobbie was not at all surprised when they informed him that he had a baby brother. He inspected the infant carefully when it was shown to him. He informed his astonished father that he was responsible for the baby being a boy and led him out to see the sign. They arrived on the front porch just in time to assure an early applicant for the position that no more boys were wanted just at present.
- Bridget O'Hoolihan, a domestic in the employ of a wealthy family, is in love with Patrick Callahan, a policeman. Love runs smoothly until one day she receives a letter informing her that she has fallen heir to a small fortune, by the death of a relative. At the possession of so much money she swells with arrogant pride and her love for Pat. the policeman, turns cold. She visits all the big stores, making many purchases. She sojourns at a high-class hotel with servants to wait on her, buys a pet dog, and finally an automobile. It does not take her very long to get the habit of speeding with almost serious results. She is on the point of being arrested for exceeding the speed limit when to her surprise the policeman turns out to be Pat, who seems compelled to perform his duty in arresting her. The situation seems to be twixt love and duty. After some pleading the old love is rekindled and a compromise is made by Pat resigning from the force and marrying the now wealthy Bridget.
- A fat, good-natured man, after having been bullied for years by an energetic wife, finally asserts himself. There is nothing to do but get divorced. Their lawyer suggests a separation and he goes to the city to enjoy his freedom, but soon comes back and is warmly welcomed.
- An attorney named William II Woodward, is most unfortunate in the selection of his stenographers, for no sooner do they become competent in his employ, when they resign their positions to be married. This happens so often, to the annoyance of Mr. Woodward, that he decides to draw up an article of agreement with the next stenographer to make sure he will not be left in the lurch again. The agreement reads as follows: "I, the undersigned, agree to work industriously in the capacity of stenographer for William II Woodward and I further agree not to get married and resign from my position. In testimony whereof we have set our hands and seals duly witnessed, etc." Among the applicants are several old maids who anxiously seek the position, but shy at signing the agreement, and it is not until Cynthia Temple, a beautiful young girl without love affairs, signs the agreement without hesitation, that Mr. Woodward enjoys peace of mind once more. Before long Cynthia has become indispensable to Mr. Woodward, who grows very fond of her. Cynthia, however, will not entertain his advances on account of the legalized document bearing her signature. As time rolls on he falls in love and on more than one occasion he regrets the drawing up of the agreement. One day while he is absent from the city an article appears in a newspaper amounting to a defamation of Mr. Woodward's character. Cynthia resents this most strenuously, interviews the editor and in a businesslike way convinces him that Mr, Woodward is a man of honor and veracity. The following day the newspaper publishes an article stating that Mr. Woodward was falsely accused and apologizing tor the mistake. This comes as a great relief to Mr. Woodward and upon learning that Cynthia defended his character so ably and well, he proposes to her, only to have the agreement again referred to. He becomes desperate, discovers that by one stroke of the pen he is able to change the wording of the agreement to suit the situation and thus hindrance is removed.
- When Inez came home from boarding-school to live with her uncle and aunt, she was distinctly young, charming and graceful. Her uncle, a grossly material person, decreed that she should start in to work at once. So Inez became her uncle's stenographer. In the same office with her were two young and impressionable clerks. Despite her uncle's warning, Inez could not help occasionally smiling at them. One day, the uncle came in and found one of the clerks proposing to Inez. While he was engaged in throwing the rash young man into the street, the other clerk came in, and finding Inez in tears, essayed to comfort her. Then the uncle came back. After this unfortunate occurrence, the young clerks departed to other fields, and were replaced by two old and hideous men. Inez's third suitor was a somewhat moony young man, who formed the habit of writing her mushy letters and hanging about the gate when Inez came home at night. The uncle interrupted one of these affecting gate scenes, and promised the young man to tear him limb from limb if he ever caught him about the house again. Then he locked Inez in her room. Inez escaped and climbed down a ladder to the anxious swain, only to be again interrupted by uncle. This time, the suitor barely escaped, and the maddened uncle swore that he would teach the next suitor a lesson. Uncle's feelings can be imagined, when he came home a day or so later, and was told that Inez was entertaining a young man in the parlor. He rolled up his sleeves in delighted anticipation, and stalked into the room. The room was dusky and the suitor was seated in an armchair, with his back to the door. Uncle rushed forward. As he approached the chair, a huge and massive shape slowly arose from it, and a deep bass voice politely requested uncle's business. Inez's latest suitor was the captain of the football team. Uncle offered him a cigar.
- A high school youth is invited by his little sweetheart to go to her party. He gets his father's permission to attend. It is the height of his ambition to dress for the occasion so that he may outshine the other boys and appear more pleasing to his sweetheart. Not possessing a dress suit, he borrows his father's but without permission. By chance his mother is let into the secret and joyfully he goes to the party. That evening, his father, wishing to don his dress suit, is unable to find it. By interrogating mother he learns of its whereabouts and immediately starts out to fetch the boy home. By this time the party is in full swing, our hero having become the idol of the girls and the envy of the boys to such an extent that they play all sorts of boyish tricks on him; tripping him while dancing, spilling red lemonade on his white shirt front and so forth. At the height of his dilemma, father unexpectedly appears and leads him out by the ear to the gratification of the boys and disappointment of the girls.
- An injection that can freeze cattle solid for later thawing is prepared by a woman's husband and nephew to be used on her. At her son-in-law's warning, she replaces the fluid with tap water and accepts the injection, faking the freezing, then tormenting them as a "ghost."
- Mr. Buttinsky is a very benevolent sort of a chap and in trying to help his neighbors and friends who are in trouble gets into a lot of trouble himself. He nearly wrecks the automobile of one of his friends by pounding on a cylinder. Later coming upon a young man talking to his sweetheart at the gate, Buttinsky enters into the conversation and accompanies them into the house. Like a bugle call to his chivalrous soul he stops the leak in a water pipe by placing his hand in the hole and tells the family to send for a plumber. The plumber, who was born with humorous tendencies, instead of stopping the flow of water immediately, goes into the cellar and smokes his pipe. He at length turns the water off and returns upstairs to find Buttinsky about exhausted from fatigue. The astonishment of Buttinsky is supreme when he finds upon removing his hand from the leak that water no longer flows.
- Mr. Wood B. Wedd decided to be married. Accordingly, he purchased a large bouquet of flowers and sallied forth in quest of a wife. First he called on Miss Molly Darling, who laughed heartily at his request and Wood B. seized his flowers and left indignantly. A chance meeting with Widow Connor convinced Wood B. that beauty was after all fickle and frail and that what he really wanted was a good, sensible sort of wife. But the Widow Connor proved to be just as much unimpressed as Molly had been, and an unexpected unwillingness on her part to part with the bouquet resulted in reducing Wedd's share to a few crushed flowers. Nor was Wood B. more fortunate in his addresses to the strong minded Samantha Perkins or to the demure Lotta Waite. At last, on the very brink of despair be was confronted by his friend Darby Jenks, who showed him an advertisement wherein a young lady, under thirty, who possessed the attractive amount of fifty thousand dollars, expressed her desire to enter into communication with a prospective husband. Wood B., overjoyed, wrote to the lovely heiress, enclosing a photograph of himself. Receiving a favorable reply, he borrowed carfare from the faithful albeit somewhat reluctant Darby, and set out for the home of his adored in distant California. Arrived in San Michael he hastened to the home of his intended. She was waiting for him in her drawing-room with her back turned toward the door. Wood B. entered and began his carefully prepared little speech. In the outlet of it the lady turned with a glad smile on her handsome face. It really was a handsome face, but all the same Wood B. sprang to his feet and fled with a low howl. His adored was the Bearded Lady in a circus.
- After spending two years in a boarding school, Emily Sprouts returns to her country home and discovers that her family lacks polished manners. The impending visit of her city beau, Edward Easton, is perhaps the primary cause of her fault finding. In due time Emily meets Easton and fetches him to the house. In the meantime the Sprouts family have donned their best Sunday-go-to-meeting clothes and are assembled in the parlor when the honored guest arrives. He is introduced to the family, but the exaggerated politeness with which he is met by the family amazes him to a degree of speechlessness. In the dining-room the fun continues until the limit is reached, compelling Easton to depart. Easton is apprised of the real situation, returns to the house and is welcomed in the good old-fashioned way.
- As a bundle carrier, Mr. Jack is a first-class "chicken chaser." Wifey takes him to the department store, intending to use him as an express wagon on the return trip, but she is left in the lurch when Daisy, a pretty heiress, saunters by. Following heiresses is second nature with Mr. Jack, and when he overtakes her, he makes a hit by allowing her to think him the Duke de Pazaz. A reception is held at the girl's home, and Jack gets a job as butler. Still thinking him the Duke, Daisy feels very romantic when she sees him disguising himself as a butler just to be near her. Jack makes himself a general nuisance as butler and gets himself in various kinds of trouble, but the real fireworks start when the original and genuine Duke de Pazaz appears and asks to be announced. Jack uses his new method of announcing, which consists chiefly of throwing the party to be announced into a spare room, stealing his hat, coat and cane, and then locking the door. He gets his brain working once more when the Mrs. appears at the front door, and waits impatiently for admittance. Seeing the baker in the kitchen, Mr. Jack distracts his attention for a moment and steals his tray, which he uses to cover his face as he passes his better half at the door. He then "borrows" the baker's wagon, and beats a hasty retreat, meanwhile enjoying tasty French pastries "on the house."
- Mrs. Brandon is such a prim, particular person that you would never believe she had ever been so unconventional as to give up school teaching to get married. It is a delightful thing to see a young wife taking an interest in her home, but Mrs. Brandon rather overdoes it. She takes so much interest in her home that she forgets to take enough interest in her husband. When Brandon comes into the house wearing his wet rubbers, Mrs. Brandon scolds him, not because she is anxious about his health, but because she doesn't want her carpets to be spoiled. When he lights a cigar, it is her curtains rather than his throat that she is worried about. Brandon is a good-natured, easy-going chap, but his wife's exactions gradually wear on his disposition. He falls into the habit of going to the club in the evening with his friend Bill. Mrs. Brandon, unable to appreciate her husband's dissatisfaction with his home, is deeply aggrieved and sends for her mother. Owing to their sudden marriage, Brandon has never met his mother-in-law, and her prospective arrival seems to him to be the last straw. However, Mrs. Nowall is a charming woman with a great deal of experience and tact. Discovering immediately the source of the discord in the Brandon household, she gives her daughter good advice, with the result that the husband is surprised to find a fashionably dressed young woman awaiting his return from business, in place of the severe looking person he is accustomed to expect. Instead of being treated coldly, Bill is greeted with enthusiasm and asked to stay to dinner, and afterward Mrs. Brandon lights her husband's cigarettes with her own hands.
- Mr. and Mrs. Witherspoon, newlyweds, return from their wedding tour to settle down in their home town. Instead of enjoying peace, their relatives descend on them in a cloud. Cousin Clarence, a lean, lanky, inquisitive individual, annoys them. Another relative suddenly breaks in and the young couple are constantly interrupted in their spooning. The relatives pour in thick and fast, all cranks of the first water, one a health crank, another a spiritual medium, etc. The young husband is timid and hates to evict them, hut Molly O'Hara, the servant, is equal to the emergency. She decorates her face with cranberry sauce and feigns illness. The relatives mistake her painted face for a contagious disease and make a wild scramble for the front hall where there is a laughable mix-up, after which the Witherspoons are left to themselves.
- Mikey O'Hoolihan and Fritzy Schmidtburger, living in what is known as Hogan's Alley, find no end of amusement playing pranks on unsuspecting passersby. They finally settle down to a game of marbles. Mikey accuses Fritzy of cheating and a hot fight ensues, in which Fritzy is beaten, and, crying bitterly, goes home and tells his mother. Mrs. Schmidtburger' "Dutch" is up at once and picking up a broom, she starts on the war path. She sails into Mikey with the broom, who in turn goes home and tells his maternal parent of the undeserved beating he received at the hands of Mrs. Schmidtburger. Mrs. O'Hoolihan, with true Irish pugnacity, starts for Mrs. Schmidtburger and a hair-pulling match takes place in which Mrs. O'Hoolihan is victorious. The neighbors flock about Mrs. Schmidtburger in sympathy just as her husband is returning from the corner saloon with a growler of beer. Finding his poor frau all tousled and beaten he goes at once to the O'Hoolihan home and demands an explanation for the outrageous treatment. He is unable, however, to get satisfaction and gives Mrs. O'Hoolihan a piece of his mind. The latter's husband, though peacefully inclined throughout the entire proceeding, now feels it his duty to take a hand in the matter and protect his wife against Mr. Schmidtburger's insulting remarks, and a battle of words ensues culminating in a fist fight. They create such a rumpus that the neighbors send in a policeman to restore order. Both men are dragged out into the alley and are about to be taken to the lock-up when a recital of the fight and the cause of it all takes place. Meanwhile, Mikey and Fritzy have patched up their differences and appear upon the scene. The parents, seeing their offspring in each other's embrace and to all appearances the very best of friends, now halt and look at each other in amazement. Realizing what fools they have been to take the matter so seriously, they shake hands all around.
- A newly married young couple are anxious not to be recognized as bride and groom so they decide to arrive separately at the hotel. Accordingly, the bridegroom wires the hotel to reserve a room and then leaves, his wife following on the next train. The hotel proprietor becomes rattled by a sudden rush of business, and upon receiving the bridegroom's telegram, assigns him to room 23, marking the number on the telegram, but neglecting to enter the reservation in the proper way. The result is, that when another wire for a room reservation comes from Eliza Merrill, a somewhat mature lady and a delegate to the convention now in session, the cashier makes the mistake of assigning the same room to her. The bridegroom arrives, goes to his room with his luggage and then leaves for a little stroll. Meanwhile Eliza arrives and is shown the same room. She takes immediate possession and commands the bell boy to remove the other person's baggage. When the bridegroom returns and finds Eliza in possession of his room he becomes furious. Neither will give up the room. Then ensue some most laughable scenes in which the young man endeavors to drive her out of the room, but nothing avails. Her grim determination is too much for him. Meanwhile the host and his cashier have a heated altercation over the situation in the office below. The solution comes with the arrival of the young bride, who is dumbfounded to find her husband in the room with a crusty old woman who refuses to budge an inch. The host appears and attempts to explain but only succeeds in making matters worse and causing the bride to weep. As the sympathizing young husband withdraws his handkerchief to dry her tears something falls to the floor which is picked up by the grim old Eliza. It proves to be a few grains of rice. She relents, picks up her belongings and retreats as gracefully as she can, realizing that they are a newly-married couple.
- Finding his daughter Mary reading a novel, Father takes it away from her and starts to read it himself to ascertain how low her tastes have fallen--and soon becomes deeply interested in the leading characters' vicissitudes. of the leading characters. Frequent interruptions from his family move him from room to room until he finally takes refuge in the cellar. The heroine and hero are captured and taken to an old mill, where the villain intends to drop the hero into the waterhole unless the heroine agrees to marry him. But the villain is thwarted by the plucky heroine, who cuts the ropes around her lover's hands while the villain and his gang are discussing the matter, effecting their escape. Later the heroine is lured to a rendezvous by a forged note from the villain; learning of this the hero rides at terrific speed on his bicycle to the place, and a struggle takes place. Father discovers that the last page of the book is missing, while Mother discovers that the stove needs more coal. Descending into the cellar she falls over Father, who, during the resulting lecture from his better half, notes that the last page of the book is among her curling papers; but Mother will not give it to him, so Father will never know the outcome of the fight.
- A hard working father finds it next to impossible to find a room where he can concentrate his thoughts. His mother-in-law's squeaking parrot drives him from the sitting-room, to his bedroom, where he gets into trouble because of his wife's pet dog and entering another room where all seems quiet he is interrupted by his two daughters who come in and scrape ragtime on the violin. Again he removes his account books, this time to his son's mom, where he is about to enjoy peace and quiet when the son begins his usual exercise on the punching bag. In utter disgust he returns to his bedroom where at last he finds quiet, his wife having retired for the night. He manages to put in two hours when he is again annoyed by the dog. It is almost midnight, but he determines to finish the work and decides to try the sitting-room once more. Here, however, he encounters a hungry tramp who has entered the house for the purpose of obtaining food. A bright plan now enters the old man's head; he transforms the tramp into a burglar and loads him down with the parrot and cage, the musical instruments of torture, not forgetting the pesky dog, slips him a ten dollar bill and thrusts an empty revolver into his hand. Shouting for help he arouses the household who see the burglar making a getaway with their beloved pets and musical instruments, while father laughs up his sleeve with assurance that in the future he will be able to make up his accounts undisturbed.
- Patrick Connolly, a wealthy contractor, sees a charming beauty on the street who attracts him. Pat has a friend who is a "card sharp" and in a place of refreshment they happen to meet and Pat catches him cheating. Pat's dislike for his friend is very apparent and while he is walking on the street with his new found sweetheart, Mike presents himself and forces an introduction, much to Pat's disgust. Then a salesman comes into Pat's office offering for sale a "projecto-optican," an instrument that can be attached to the 'phone and enable you to see the person with whom you are conversing. Pat shows that he has not much faith in it, but when the salesman asks if he has a lady love he beams with delight and confesses. The salesman attaches the instrument for demonstration. Pat calls up his sweetheart and the demonstration proves successful, for there Pat discovers his rival. In deep regret he buys the invention that he may watch further developments. However, it is to his ultimate advantage, as he finds out that his fair one is false in more ways than one, and by a "card sharp" trick of Mike's, Pat finds an easy way to bow gracefully out.
- Mrs. Murphy while marketing one day finds a horseshoe which she believes to be the emblem of good luck and brings it home but her husband disagrees with her and insists that she must not keep it as a horseshoe has always been bad luck to him. When a telegram arrives from his mother in-law stating that she is coming for a long visit, Mrs. Murphy exclaims, "This is good luck." Mr. Murphy retorts, "It is bad luck." This starts a lively quarrel which ends in Mrs. Murphy having her way. She insists upon keeping the horseshoe and decides to hang it on the wall and in doing so it falls and breaks a mirror. This means seven years bad luck to Mr. Murphy, who loses all patience with his wife and finally throws the horseshoe out of the window. It strikes a man on the head in the street and nearly fractures his skull. The injured man with blood in his eye quickly finds the thrower of the horseshoe and a pummeling match ensues in which Murphy gets the worst of it. More bad luck; but the straw that breaks the camel's back is when Murphy's mother-in-law arrives and smilingly presents him with a "good-luck" horseshoe all tinseled and trimmed with ribbons. This is too much for Murphy. He throws a fit, shrieks, tears his hair and goes into convulsions. The scene ends in a most laughable tumult.
- Inveterate smoker John Smith gave Miss Brown his word of honor he would never smoke again. On this condition only would she accept him as her future husband. Despite his longing for tobacco, Smith carried out his resolution much to the amusement of his former pals, who decided to play a little joke on him. On the day of his wedding they sent him a cigar containing an explosive, which they told him was "No-to-bac" and by smoking it he would lose the taste for tobacco forever. Still hankering for tobacco and more than anxious to lose the taste, Smith lit the "No-to-bac," which promptly exploded, singeing his mustache and eyebrows; his face is now a comical sight to behold, on the eve of his wedding too. He loses considerable time, being obliged to go to the barber's to have his physiognomy put in shape again. Mr. Jones, who closely resembles Mr. Smith, is passing the house where the non-appearance of the groom has created much excitement among the family who have gathered to witness the marriage. They seize Jones, believing him to be Smith, rush him into the house, and proceed with the ceremony. Jones madly protests and finally manages to telephone his wife to come to his aid. Smith then appears with a clean shave and is not recognized and matters become more complicated. At this point Jones' wife arrives and a laughable scene follows. After much hubbub, matters are straightened out to the satisfaction of all concerned. Mrs. Jonea departs with her husband while the belated Smith and his tear-stained Miss Brown take their positions under the wedding bell as the marriage ceremony begins.
- A mischievous little boy employed in a drug store, resents the clerk's domineering manner and vows he'll be revenged. His opportunity comes when the drug clerk compounds a cough remedy. As soon as the clerk has filled the prescription and the customer has departed with the medicine the boy exchanges a bottle containing syrup for one marked poison and then deliberately accuses the clerk of having poisoned someone. The druggist overhears the accusation and after a hasty investigation concludes his clerk is guilty of an awful mistake. The druggist, feeling the responsibility of it all, berates the clerk in loud tones, attracting a crowd of curious people. Great excitement prevails, the clerk is arrested and the customer, described as a man with a basket who bought the supposed poison, is eagerly sought for in all directions. The druggist is seen to run up one street and down another, accosting every man who carries a basket, but in each case he "gets in wrong," for it proves to be the wrong man. He is on the point of giving up the search when he espies a man with a man with a basket entering a house who answers the clerk's description of the customer. He makes a wild dash for the house but not in time to prevent the patient from taking several doses of the "poison." Consternation now reigns in the sick man's house and a mad rush is made for the nearest doctor. in the doctor's office the excitement runs high, but the doctor fails to discover any symptoms of poisoning and suggests they go to the drug store to make a thorough investigation. Arriving at the drug store the mischievous boy becomes frightened at the state of affairs and confesses that he is the cause of the disturbance and it wasn't poison after all. The collapsed sick man immediately regains his equilibrium. The crowd laughs and the chagrined druggist gives the boy "what Paddy gave the drum."
- Jack tells two people, privately, on a blind date that each of them is hard of hearing and wacky hijinks ensue.
- As soon as it becomes known in the gold-mining district that prospector John Brown had made a rich strike, a newspaper reporter is dispatched to his cabin for particulars. After getting them, he next interviews Sam Thompson, an old pioneer of the camp who is suffering from an incurable malady and cannot live six months. These two articles get their headings mixed in the composing room of the newspaper, through the stupidity of the printer's devil, and when published the next morning, the story of John's lucky strike reads as follows: "John Brown, of Valley Camp, discovers a rich gold mine. He came here a year ago in good health, but now he is suffering from an incurable malady and cannot live six months." The item is copied by other newspapers, and finds its way to each of Brown's relatives, who, believing that it will be to their financial benefit to show some little concern, send him pressing invitations to visit them. At first John is inclined to be displeased with the false newspaper report, but on second thought he decides to keep up the joke by accepting the invitations. Accordingly he visits his relatives, pretending to be as sick as the newspaper represented. In making the rounds of his kinfolk, John's good luck does not forsake him, for he makes another strike, not a gold mine this time, but a comely little housemaid with whom he falls in love. After a brief courtship they are secretly married. He then returns with her to the mining camp and extends an invitation to his relatives to call at the cabin on a certain date, that he may impart to them the contents of his last will and testament. On the day in question, the relatives are promptly on hand in keen excitement and anticipation, but to their surprise they learn that Brown is enjoying the very best of health, is married and has bequeathed his entire fortune to his wife.
- Prunes, prunes, delicious prunes, you are known on all boarding house tables in the wide world, but never before have you been known to be the cause of breaking up a happy home. Just because one of the boarders got two more prunes than himself, Nutt thinks his wife, keeper of the house, is flirting with the roomer, and determines to track her and make sure. Nutt's wife has never seen his handsome face, which is shrouded in shrubbery, so he decides to remove the ambush and expose his visage to the ravages of the merciless winds, in order to further his end. He tells wifie that he is going to another town on business, but really goes to the barber instead. Sans whiskers, he returns to the house, where, unfortunately for his scheme, wifie recognizes him immediately, and determines to turn the tables on him. She starts a flirtation with him, and poor Nutt does not know whether to be happy that his manly beauty has attracted her, or sad that his wife is unfaithful. Then, the star boarder, an actor, is "tipped off" by Mrs. Nutt and decides to help her out. Dressed in a pair of whiskers such as formerly adorned Nutt's countenance, he enters, accuses the real Kernel of flirting with his wife, and kicks him out of the house. Nutt's protests are of no avail, and he must now stay out of the house until he can regain his lost facial adornment.
- "Want a wife? They're a fine thing to have around the house." So sayeth the sage, Kernel Nutt, proprietor of a matrimonial agency in his eager search for customers. He finally gets Smith a poor fellow who wants someone to sew buttons on his vest, to advertise in the Matrimonial Gazette. He receives an answer from a woman in a small town. They correspond for some time, each letter containing more than the one before. Then Smith gets an unexpected inheritance and decides to call off the marriage with Martha, and live a gay life. Martha has something to say about that though, and comes to the city to bring suit for breach of promise. Smith gives Nutt a bankroll and tells him to take his place when Martha arrives, thinking that his face will scare her off, but when a woman gets as ancient as Martha without corralling a husband, looks don't make much difference and she determines that Mr. Smith shall not elude her. Nutt does a "fade away" but is brought back by a detective, and forced at the point of a gun, to take the old spinster "for better or for worse, till death do us part, etc.," much to his chagrin.
- Chivalrous Kernel Nutt comes to the aid of beauty in distress, when he sees a pretty damsel trying unsuccessfully to tie her shoelace. When he has tied it for her, a baseball, hot off the bat of a young Ty Cobb, hits the lady in the foot and she, thinking Nutt did it, hits him over the head with her handbag, then forgets to remove the bag, and Nutt discovers that it contains a nice big roll of bills. He takes a manicurist out to lunch, then accompanies her back to her place of business, a beauty parlor, where he is just in time to assume the duties of the boss, who is leaving for a vacation. After many amusing incidents, the lady who had treated him so ungratefully, enters the parlor and makes things hot for Nutt, who is finally forced to return the bag full of coin.
- Satisfying a champagne taste with a beer pocketbook is rather a difficult proposition, but a cute little century note comes to Kernel Nutt's assistance. Nutt finds the hundred bill on the sidewalk and proceeds to spend it, but is unable to do so, as no one has change, that all insist on "chalking it up." Out with a pretty young heiress, Nutt was showing her a good time on the hundred he had found, just when things were coming along fine, all Nutt's creditors find change for the bill and besiege him for payment of their debts. After the young fortune has vanished, he still finds half his bills unpaid, and then, to help matters along, the owner of the hundred gets after him, too. They start condemnation proceedings on his person and divest him of watch, hat, coat, vest, etc., in payment of their debts. When Nutt spreads the glad tidings that Cornelia Van Asterfeller, the millionairess, had promised him her hand, they all become very apologetic and return his belongings.
- Why go to war when there is a fine café, and a pretty senorita handy? No, no, Nutt prefers to make his permanent headquarters where enjoying himself with petite Estrella, her husband comes in, armed to the teeth and out for blood, but when Nutt nonchalantly bends a rubber dagger, hubby is dismayed and seeks healthier quarters. Alone once more, Nutt turns to caress his Spanish beauty, but wakes up and finds himself making love to his own wife in his comfortable flat in old New York. Wifey sees the lay of the land and starts a real war right at home.
- A musical shirt is somewhat of an innovation. When Nutt wakes up from his peaceful slumbers in a spaghetti restaurant he is rather surprised to find a fox trot, that is, the music of one, on his shirt front. An absent-minded female composer, getting an inspiration, and lacking paper, has transcribed her thoughts on Nutt's manly bosom. But then when Nutt awoke from his troubled dreams and walked off with the shirt her melody was lost. After playing it over a few times Nutt finds it a real "foot tickler," he just can't make his feet behave. The composer trails Nutt and demands her brain child. They arrive at the laundress' just in time to see the shirt, with its precious burden, wallowing in suds, but Rastus, "the fox trot kid," remembers the tune and plays it for them on the old mouth organ. All is harmonious once more and Nutt captures the heart of the composer. His shirt has been framed and now hangs in a conspicuous position in their home as a constant reminder of their romantic meeting.
- "Confidence, that's the stuff in landing jobs." Nutt takes the kind advice and starts out with lots of the requirement to connect with old Gotrox, but all he gets is a rather strong "request" to vamoose. Seeing an advertisement for a footman, he lands it, though he knows nothing about feet, and is ignorant of the fact that it is Gotrox's house. Gotrox recognizes him but is restrained from kicking him out by the presence of his guests. Nutt helps himself to samples of all the foods and drinks in the house. Later the host tells a funny story and in laughing, Nutt who is assisting in the serving spills wine all over Gotrox's shirtfront. In his hurry to escape, he snatches a wig from Mrs. Gotrox's head and this gives him an idea. He dons the crowning glory, drapes himself in a curtain, poses as one of the female guests, and gets away with it. While they are searching for him, he appropriates various tender morsels of food and kisses the place good-bye. In the park he spreads the food on a bench before him, and rubs his hands in anticipation of a hearty meal. His fond hope goes soaring away when a cop appears on the scene and poor, disgruntled Nutt sulks off, leaving a free meal for friend officer.
- Nutt finds it impossible to concentrate his mind on fixing radiators when a pretty blond stenographer is in the room. He therefore concentrates on the "steno" instead, and is requested, by the point of a masculine boot, to leave the room. Poor Nutt, a lover of peaceful slumber, is forced by friend wife, to seek employment. He gets a job as janitor, makes himself an all-around nuisance and is finally handed the "grand razoo." This pleases him greatly until the vision of the Mrs. waiting for him with a rolling pin, appears before him. He concludes that it would be safer for him to sleep on the premises. He is awakened from his snoozing by sounds from the superintendent's office and on investigating finds two burglars looting the safe. They are both friends of his, so he plays poker for the "haul" and wins it. They leave him in possession of it when the "bulls" appear on the scene. Nutt then tells a thrilling tale of his battle with the "yeggs" and the grateful superintendent rewards him by offering him his job back. Nutt disdainfully refuses his kind offer and struts majestically from the room. At home wifey is glad to see him, or rather, the young fortune which he had extracted from the roll before returning it to the "supe."
- Bill Hudson's wife is a devout church goer but Bill would rather be in bed Sunday mornings and turn over to have another sleep. One Sunday morning Mrs. Hudson arises and wakes up Bill to go to church with her. He simply turns over. She dresses and before leaving reproaches him for his lack of religion. He listens to her lazily and goes to sleep again and Mrs. Hudson goes to church alone. An hour later he looks out of the window and sees the boy leave a Sunday paper on the front stoop. He goes down stairs in his pajamas, makes a quick dash out of the front door to get the paper when lo, the door slams and Bill finds himself locked out. He tries to open the door in vain. His predicament suddenly becomes worse when he sees his wife, with the minister and several others returning home from church. Bill makes a wild dash for the rear of the house and with the aid of a ladder starts to re-enter his bedroom. Mrs. Hudson and the minister get a glimpse of the strange figure on the ladder and conclude it is a burglar. They send for the policeman, who climbs the ladder to arrest the supposed burglar, but Bill resents the policeman's attack and a battle royal ensues in which Bill is badly battered up by the policeman who is dragging him out in triumph when he is recognized by the frightened Mrs. Hudson and her neighbors. They have difficulty in convincing the policeman that he is not a burglar, but after due explanations the policeman apologizes and Bill promises to be good and become a better church member in the future.
- A. Hunter, wandering through the forest in quest of game, fell into a trap. He was released by a poor Indian. Filled with gratitude, the hunter spoke as follows: "Let Red Hawk come to wigwam of his White Father, there Paleface may give him much Wampum." The poor Indian, who had a casual knowledge of Cooper, partially understood the meaning and followed him to his home. The arrival of the noble aboriginal of the primeval forest at the hunter's home nearly scared the hunter's children into "conniption" fits. The hunter left him in the kitchen and went upstairs to prepare a room for his guest. Left alone, the poor Indian accidentally turned on the water in the kitchen sink. After trying to stop the flow with his thumb, his simple and untrammeled intellect gave up the problem and he sat and watched the sink overflow, with naive enjoyment. The hunter's spouse, called from the cellar by the sudden downpour, caught one glimpse of the red man and fell back into the cellar. The hunter came down, explained things and the startled Redskin was placated with a jar of jam. While licking the knife with which he had removed the jam, the poor Indian came suddenly upon the hunter's daughter and her young man. Conceiving that his hour was upon him, the young man removed his wig, gave it to the savage and fled. The hunter, proud of the ease with which he had tamed the native, decided to deliver a lecture, using the Indian as an object lesson. The "object lesson" got tangled with a quart of firewater before the lecture began and started to "clean up" with a carving knife. So the hunter called the constable and spoke as follows to the Noble Huron: "Oh, grandson of Chingachgook, you are some speed on your Native Heath, but you are not a Household Pet. Back to the reservation."
- Kitty Mulligan, Mr. Logan's fiancée, names Friday the 13th as her wedding day. On this day the landlady of the boarding-house at which Logan is staying volunteers to buy him a new tie if he will mind the baby. On her way to the store she meets with an accident, which causes a delay. In the meantime, Logan has become impatient and rushes out to a haberdasher's and leaves the baby and carriage outside. It starts to roll down to the curb, where it is picked up by a policeman, who takes it to the department that cares for lost children. Logan, learning the carriage's whereabouts, starts immediately to the place, and in his hurry, takes a perambulator containing a Black baby. He hurries to his boarding-house, gives the landlady the carriage, and runs as fast as he can to his fiancée's home, only to find her in hysterics because he's late. In the meantime both the landlady and the Black baby's mother learn where Logan is, and both reach Mulligan's owner of the Black baby learn where Logan is and both reach the Mulligans' just as the marriage is being performed. Logan is handed the babies, and the bride promptly faints.
- It is Dick's intention to present his sweetheart, Marjorie with a diamond engagement ring. On the way to the jeweler's he meets Marjorie's father, and together they enter the store where Dick selected a beautiful solitaire for which he paid three hundred dollars. In the evening Dick is joyfully preparing to call on Marjorie when suddenly he discovers that the precious ring is missing, then he remembers having left it on the jeweler's counter. As it is after business hours he is in a quandary. However, on his way to Marjorie's house he buys an inexpensive imitation diamond ring, which he presents to Marjorie that evening. The following day Marjorie meets with a mishap. The supposed genuine solitaire drops from the setting, rolls into the marble wash basin and slips down the waste pipe. Bemoaning the sad fate of her diamond, Marjorie arouses everybody's sympathy. Her father, knowing the great value of Marjorie's ring, secures the services of two plumbers who get busy at once, but the stupid servant makes the awful error of directing them to the old spinster's room directly above Marjorie's. The mistake is not discovered until the plumbers have succeeded in ripping out the waste pipes in the wrong room. After considerable excitement the plumbers are directed to Marjorie's room, where they proceed to tear out the waste pipes in their peculiar indolent plumber fashion, and it is nearly sundown when they finally locate the much-sought precious (?) stone. Dick now arrives upon the scene, having recovered the original ring he selected, only to find the house torn up by the plumbers searching for a cheap bit of paste. Meanwhile little sister creates a flood in the room above on account of disconnected waste pipes, which in turn causes the ceiling below to drop upon the heads of the plumbers who happen to be directly underneath, bringing about a most laughable climax.
- Bill Ruff believed that the only way to manage a wife was to keep her in a state of cowed submission. So Martha, Bill's wife, lived in an atmosphere of harsh words and blows. Martha was naturally a meek and lowly person, but even a worm will turn at last. Her opportunity came when Bill left for a long voyage. After Martha had carried all his heavy luggage down to the ship for him, and had received a surly kiss of farewell in payment, she decided that for once in her life she would cut loose and have a good time. So she went to the theater. It happened to be Amateur's Night. Nobody could possibly have mistaken the performers for professionals, except Martha. Martha thought the whole thing was great. She was particularly impressed by a pair of supposedly humorous boxers. They gave her a brilliant idea. The next day, Martha went to see a professional pugilist and made arrangement with him for a series of lessons. In a few weeks' time she had grown so proficient that the professor occasionally had some little difficulty in evading her vicious swipes. When Bill Ruff returned home he was in a reasonably good temper, but thanks to the after effects of a bottle of whiskey, the good temper did not last very long. As usual, he attempted to let his wife have the benefit of his fit of anger. Martha gave him the surprise of his life. She handed him one on the nose to start with, and followed it with a free hand swing that caught Bill under the ear and nearly put him out of business. When she finally finished with him he was so polite that butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.
- Max and Maurice are two mischievous boys. Their first victim is the Widow Tibbets, from whom the boys swipe, by means of a fishing rod, her roast chicken. They then saw in half the little bridge which spans a stream running directly in front of a tailor's door. The tailor, after being called a number of names, rushes out and gets a cold plunge, much against his will. Uncle Fritz is their next victim. He is unable to sleep on account of a deposit of pinching bugs in his bed. He then tries to seek solace in his pipe, which nearly blows his head off, having been filled with gun powder. They then play a joke on a farmer by cutting open his sacks of corn. The boys play many other amusing tricks, which all tend to make the film a highly-amusing comedy.
- The famous detective, Griffith Grafton, is pointed out to our ever-ambitious friend Bumptious, and when he learns of the disappearance of a young lady from her boarding house, he decides that he can become a second Griffith Grafton. He goes to the missing girl's house to investigate the case, representing himself as a private detective. In searching her room for a clue he finds a photograph of her friend, a somewhat stout lady, whom he decides must be the missing one. Subsequently he meets the stout lady face to face in the street and pursues her to an asylum, where she is employed as a stenographer. He manages to gain access to the asylum, but once inside he finds it difficult to get out. However, he finally escapes in his shirt sleeves and contracts a severe cold on his way home. Hastily he dons another coat and rushes to the boarding house to report the whereabouts of the missing lady, only to find that the stout lady was not the missing one after all and, incidentally, that the young lady reported to be missing was none other than his constant hoodoo, the chewing-gum girl, who has absented herself for a few days and has turned up safe, sound, and sarcastic as usual.
- Jack finds his calling at last. At his wife's request, he goes into business, and you can just guess what kind of a business he picks out. That's right. He opens a theatrical agency for ladies only, and more congenial labor never could be invented so far as Jack is concerned. Business flourishes the first day, and Jack has a bevy of queens in the office, so he hangs up the handy "closed for the day" signs and starts rehearsing. Mrs. Jack, at home, is impatient for his return, and finally, unable to wait any longer, starts out for the office. Sounds of revelry greet her ears at the door of her husband's office, but when she enters, all she can see is Jack at the telephone, and various covers, which had just been removed from the new furniture, lying all over the floor. She is puzzled until she sees a dainty size three foot protruding from one of the covers. It would cause great sorrow to relate the tragic incidents which followed. Suffice it to say that the sign on the office now reads "closed for good."
- Mr. Jack now dictates his mail through a screen. And if you saw what was on the other side of the screen, you'd give him credit for being a sensible man. In advertising for a "steno," Jack, with an eye for feminine charm, specifies "good looking." After considerable difficulty, he secures a "pippin." She knows nothing about stenography, but with Mr. Jack this is no drawback. They become friends, and he allows her to believe him single. When wifey enters, things look quite gloomy for Jack, but he gets out of the difficulty by telling the astonished girl that she is a "looney" cousin who thinks she is his wife. Later, Mrs. Jack sees Jack and the girl in an affectionate pose. Once more Jack shows himself equal to the occasion by explaining that the stenographer is "looney" and he is trying to humor her. Mrs. Jack makes sure that the "crazy key pounder" gets the grand bounce. Jack meets the girl once more at lunch, and when wifey appears on the scene Jack beats a hasty exit, disguised as a table, leaving the impression that he is the "looniest" of the trio. The Mrs. then hires an ancient stenographer for Jack, whose only redeeming feature is her ability to write letters well. Jack saves himself much mental agony by using the aforementioned screen.
- Mr. Toots had a toothache. Toots' toothache was a jumping toothache. Every time his tooth started to jump. Toots started instantaneously for the dentist's. You cannot temporize with a jumping toothache. Oddly enough, just as soon as Toots reached the dentist's he invariably discovered that his toothache had disappeared. Once he got as far as the dentist's chair. The dentist attempted to make a primary investigation of the tooth with an instrument of a peculiarly savage appearance, and Toots assured him that it was all a mistake. One of the easiest things people do is suggesting. All of Toots' friends took a hand at curing the painful tooth. Acting on their advice he tried various infallible patent "soothers" and toothache candles. At his office business was entirely suspended and Mr. Toots' clerks and stenographers organized themselves into a relief department. They tied a string around the afflicted tooth and attempted to fasten the other end of the string to a door. Mr. Toots objected strenuously. One of the clerks tied the end of the string around a heavy book and attempted to drop the book out of the window. Pale with terror. Toots caught the book just in time. A moment later, angered beyond endurance by the continued suggestions, he caught a book up from his desk and threw it at one of his clerks. It was the hook with the string tied to it. The string was still tied to his tooth. Hence his tooth followed the book.
- In a letter from college Cyrus Brent tells of a play to he presented by the fraternity. His parents, a country minister and an old fashioned wife, determine to pay him a visit and he present at the rendition of the play. They arrive at the college town the evening before the play is to he presented and manage to locate their son's boarding house only to find that he and his chums are attending a dress rehearsal of the play. The landlady, however, ushers them into Cyrus' room where they decide to await his return. In the meantime Cyrus and his college chums are struggling with their final dress rehearsal at the local Town Hall where the stage carpenters are very busy building the scenery. Their hammering finally becomes unbearable and the stage director calls off the rehearsal for one hour in the hope that by that time they will have finished their hammering. Cyrus and his chums avail themselves of this opportunity to finish the game of cards at his room in the boarding house where the old folks, unbeknown to him, are patiently awaiting his return. At the sound of the boys' footsteps on the stairway the old folks conceal themselves in an adjoining room in order to surprise their son. They see Cyrus and his chums enter, and throw off their overcoats, disclosing their stage costumes. One young man represents a gay young thing in a harem skirt and another a ballet dancer with a short gauze skirt. They resume their game of cards, the old people watching them from their hiding place. When, however, they see the "ladies" smoking cigarettes, they are filled with indignation at their son's downfall and burst into the room upbraiding him and his brazen associates. Explanations follow and wigs are removed to the satisfaction of the old people who decide that college life is too deep for them.
- Nora MacIntyre was young, beautiful and a widow. Naturally she was very popular indeed with the not over-prepossessing individuals who composed Centretown's masculine population. With all her charming ways Nora had a hard business head, and when she found that the burden of running the tremendous house her husband had left her, was becoming somewhat difficult, she decided to take in boarders, relying on her bold upon the susceptible males of Centretown for the success of her plan. A hasty note brought her business-like Aunt Sally from the city to aid her in engineering the new venture. An attractive notice was prepared and posted on the bulletin board outside Centretown's general store, and Nora and her aunt anxiously waited for results. The results exceeded Nora's wildest dreams. As though impelled by a single gigantic impulse, the men of Centretown flocked to the boarding-house and demanded board and rooms. The house was speedily filled, and for many a day the general store saw no more of Nora's boarders. They were seated in the parlor watching Nora play on the piano. The piano proved to be the indirect source of the downfall of several aspiring hopes. Nora had a music teacher, a vigorous young man of rather a different style of beauty than that prevalent in Centretown. Nora and the music teacher played duets on the piano in the gloaming, gazed deep into each other's eyes, and decided to get married. Nora's first act after this epoch-making decision was to go to the real estate agent. A few days later, a strangely unlovely looking person by the name of Amelia Pinkum called and had a mysterious interview with Nora and her aunt. That night Nora was peculiarly sweet to all her boarders. She told each of them to be sure to be on hand the next night, as she bad a little surprise planned for them. The next afternoon, Nora drove away to church with her young man. That evening at dinner, the boarders appeared decked in regal splendor in preparation for Nora's surprise. It was a curious scene, and became even more curious when Aunt Sally cheerfully informed them that the boarding house had been sold, and introduced them to Amelia Pinkum, their new landlady.
- Desmond Haight is going to the home of the poor widow Black. Desmond Haight is going with his feet. This is curious, but true. The widow Black is weeping. Desmond is going to foreclose the mortgage at six o'clock. What does she do? She telegraphs her wealthy son, George, collect. What does George do? He rushes to the rescue with his wife. On, Stanley, on. Speed thee, gentle train. At the junction they change to the L.L. Limited. It is called the Limited because it knows its limitations. Shush. Shush. Is this the L.L.L. getting up steam? No, it is the conductor playing cards with the engineer on the cow catcher. The conductor has no more money. George pays his fare. Pretty soon the engineer wins that. Then the train starts. It is only forty minutes late. In a little while the train stops. It is tired. The engineer and conductor get out. They are also tired. They have been working for an hour. They have brought the L.L.L. safely over the shining rails for almost four miles. After a time they decide to load the engine with wood. George comes out. He is angry. What does he do? He helps them with the wood. What do they do? They let George do it. An hour later. Who is that strange person? That is Samanthy Wiggins. What is she waiting for? She is waiting for the L.L. Limited to catch up with her. Kerblank. Kerblank. Kerblank. That is the L.L. Limited bowling along at three and one half miles per hour. Is it not inspiring? Samanthy walks beside it. She gives the engineer apples. She has a kind face. Oh, see the men fighting right in the middle of the track. Aren't they afraid the L.L.L. will hit them? No. The engineer and conductor stop the fight. Noble-hearted men. George comes out again. He is very angry. It is half-past four. He says mean things to the conductor. The conductor gives him a shove in the face. George and his wife walk the rest of the way. They gain on the train, about one mile in every two. The widow Black is still weeping. The villain is foreclosing. "My noble son." "Hence, uncouth miser." Happy mother. Despicable Desmond. Generous George. Noble L.L. Limited.
- Colonel Crompton, a bachelor, and his nephew, Charles, live in a house adjoining that of Matilda Scraggs, an old maid, whose niece, Nell, is very much in love with the bachelor's nephew. The old folks are neighborly neighbors until one day the colonel's dog bites the old maid's cat and the trouble begins. The colonel declares his nephew must pay no more attention to Nell. The old maid forbids her niece to speak to Charles. The young folks, however, carry on their courtship just the same over the fence which divides the rear courts to their adjoining houses. The elders tear them apart whenever they catch them in conversation, and so persistent are they in their endeavors to separate the young couple that Charles and Nell secretly make an agreement to change their tactics and pretend to quarrel. This has the desired effect on the old people, who are contrary enough to induce the young people to make up again, especially as Charles makes himself quite agreeable to the old maid and Nell captivates the colonel. The deception of the pretended quarrel is so cleverly carried out by the young couple that the elders become quite discouraged in their vain efforts to reunite them. The old maid hits upon a plan and invites the colonel and his nephew to an afternoon tea in her garden. The colonel, of course, accepts the invitation and attends promptly, accompanied by his nephew. Over their tea and cake the colonel mildly discusses the strange attitude of the young people, and after much advice and good counsel, the elders bring about, as they think, a most satisfactory reconciliation of the young couple.
- A laughable farce-comedy by the Edison Company for release March 27th is entitled, "Percival Chubbs and the Widow," and contains many amusing situations. Chubbs is a middle-aged widower in love with the Widow Oldfield. While at a fashionable restaurant Chubbs pops the question and is accepted, much to the amusement of the attending waiter. He escorts the widow to her home and is duly introduced to her athletic son. Now this son is some athlete and is exceedingly proud of his muscular development and takes occasion to show his prospective father-in-law the trophies of his prowess. While the old gentleman is inspecting the young man's assortment of trophies, the widow is having trouble with her wig, which she takes off to more properly adjust. While thus engaged Chubbs emerges from the young man's studio just in time to catch a glimpse of the bald pate of his intended. He almost faints from the effects of the sight, but recovers in time to present a smiling countenance as the widow turns to him and manages to make a graceful getaway. Upon arriving at his club, Chubbs, filled with disgust, writes the widow a note to the effect that it is all off; that "unforeseen" circumstances" compel him to recall his offer of marriage. The widow shows the missive to her athletic son who immediately proceeds to coerce the fickle Chubbs. He finds Chubbs at the club in a quiet little game and communicates the interesting information to the old fellow that unless he carries out his promise he will probably get his "block knocked off." Chubbs decides to take no chances with the young athlete and immediately pens a note of assurance to the widow. While these events are happening the son of Chubbs arrives from college and is made acquainted with the situation. Together they call upon the widow and young Chubbs is introduced to her son. The young men are about equal in size and the widow's son manages to invite the son of Chubbs to an informal bout with the gloves. Young Chubbs affects to be a novice at the game of fisticuffs and consents to put the gloves on. In the first preliminary passes Chubbs manages to land a stiff punch upon the features of the widow's son which angers the young man and he endeavors to get back. More punches only increase his anger and the fighting becomes in earnest. Finally Chubbs lands a good stiff punch on the jaw and sends the widow's son sprawling. Several knock-downs follow and then young Chubbs lands a punch that lays the boastful young athlete down for keeps. In the outer room Chubbs and the widow hear the disturbance and hastens in. Finding her offspring hors de combat, the widow hastens to his side and raising his battered head she looks unutterable hate upon the Chubbses. Finally she orders them out from the house which dismissal they accept with great pleasure, thus ending the possible alliance between the houses of Chubbs and Oldfield.
- In the classic literature of childhood, we read of a certain Georgy Porgy, who kissed the girls and made them cry. From the time of his early misadventures, Georgy Porgy continued running away from the girls until he reached the age of fifty. At this dangerous period, he fell madly in love with an attractive spinster. One day, while walking downtown with his lady-love, Georgy stopped at a florist's and purchased a magnificent bouquet of flowers. After he had taken the lady home and returned to his own apartment, he discovered that he had absentmindedly forgotten to give her the flowers. Accordingly he immediately sent for a messenger boy, and waving to his inamorata in the opposite window, showed her the flowers, and indicated what he intended to do with them. The Smiths lived in the apartment beneath Georgy's friend. Mrs. Smith, sitting at the window, was highly annoyed when she discovered a strange man apparently trying to flirt with her from the opposite window. She had just received a letter from her father telling her that he intended to make her husband a partner of the firm on the anniversary of their wedding, a week later. Mr. Smith, annoyed by his wife's reticence about the letter, tried to take it from her. The letter tore and Mr. Smith got a piece, which read, "Don't let him suspect this. Your loving papa." Immediately thereafter Mr. Smith discovered the man at the window opposite, and jumped at the conclusion that he had sent the note. When the messenger boy brought the flowers to the Smith's apartment by mistake, it capped the climax. The tenseness of the situation was increased when Georgy came over to hunt for the flowers, which had not reached their proper destination.
- Professor William Nutt, a vegetarian, while lecturing on the evils of eating animal food, meets Mr. Hastings, an old schoolmate, who invites him home to dinner. It happens to be on a Monday, and Mrs. Hastings is obliged to do her own washing, the washerwoman having left in a huff. She is horrified when she sees her husband and the professor coming, and an accident happens which renders the little food she has left in the house unfit to eat. Not wanting to disappoint the professor at not having a good meal, the wife advises her husband of the accident and both, unknown to the professor, hurry from neighbor to neighbor getting eatables. They succeed in obtaining quite a nice menu, consisting of roast chicken, etc., but when the professor is escorted to the table he refuses everything and takes from his pockets his meal, which consists of six peanuts, three walnuts, four prunes and a raw carrot. Husband and wife look at each other, unable to know whether they should swear or laugh.
- Reginald Everly was the star boarder at Mrs. McGinn's select lodging house for ladies and gentlemen. Mrs. McGinn herself considered him a very nice young man indeed. Occasionally he would draw a sympathetic boarder aside and confide to him in low, husky tones that he was one of the first families of Virginia, then would borrow five dollars from the sympathetic boarder. Reginald was very fond of Flossie Benson. Flossie was the daughter of Reginald's employer. Reginald decided that he could not do better than to marry Flossie. Accordingly, he spoke to Mr. Benson about it. Mr. Benson laughed heartily for several minutes, and then asked Reginald how he could possibly expect to support Flossie. "You couldn't afford to buy her a dinner, let alone marry her," he concluded. Reginald resolved to show the proud parent that he was able to buy Flossie a dinner. After a delicious dinner with Reginald, with a nonchalant assumption of indifference, kept well within the limit of his resources, the time came to pay the check, Reginald felt confidently in his pocket and discovered that he had left his money in the boarding house. Excusing himself gracefully, he rushed back to the boarding house. Servants and boarders had all gone to the beach. The house was deserted, locked and Reginald had no key. Finally, he went to the pawn shop, changed his dress clothes for the worst suit in the store, and rushed back with his money to the café. Flossie, tired of waiting, had telephoned to her father and Reginald, arriving in his odd costume, was given a peculiarly warm and unpleasant reception.
- Silas Wilkins goes to the city to deposit the first payment that he received on the sale of his farm. His wife tells him to be careful, but he pays little attention to her precautions. In the city a realization of Sally Ann's misgivings comes to Silas when a "bunco steerer" manages to extract what he supposes to be the bundle of bills. Silas thinks that he has lost his all and goes home in a state of depression. After his wife has admonished him she shows him the bankroll, which she had taken out of his pocket and substituted a similar package containing a bundle of wood. Now Sally Ann goes to the city to deposit the money, while Silas is obliged to do the housework.
- Sue Grant was in love with Jim, and she didn't care who knew it. When Clarence Bell tried to hold her hand at the village store, she got very angry with him and was glad when .Jim pushed him away from her. This disdainful treatment of her son did not please Mrs. Bell in the least. Sue's Uncle Joe invited her to spend a fortnight in the city with his family. Sue, glad of a chance to see the sights, gaily trotted off and had a splendid time. As she waited at the junction for the train which was to carry her back to her home, her attention was suddenly attracted by a small child calmly sitting in the middle of the track. The whistle sounded and the train burst into view around the bend. She sprang on the track, seized the child and rolled safely out of the way as the heavy locomotive thundered past. Mrs. Searle, the child's mother, who had been engaged in a conversation with the station agent, was almost embarrassingly grateful. She took the girl home with her and insisted on giving her a beautiful new dress to replace the old one, which had been sadly soiled and torn in the adventure. Later, she sent Sue all the way home in her automobile. Sue's arrival created an enormous sensation. Everybody knew that her Uncle Joe was poor. Where, then, did she get the clothes. And who furnished the automobile? Mrs. Bell, as may be imagined, was by no means behindhand in circulating spicy rumors. The girl's explanation was received either with suppressed smiles or open scorn. Joe, although he, of course, believed her story, did not like the new clothes and said so. Angered by his attitude and infuriated by the village gossip, Sue accepted an invitation from a scamp named Harry Pearsall, to go out riding in his new car. Harry, who had drawn his own conclusions from the gossip, took her out to a wayside inn, bought wine for her and attempted to kiss her. Fortunately for Sue's reputation, help was near at hand. The grateful Mrs. Searle, who had come to thank Sue again, recognized her on the road and brought Sue's mother and Jim to the inn. Everything was explained and everybody was happy, except Harry.
- Snow White, a beautiful girl, is despised by a wicked queen who tries to destroy her. With the aid of dwarves in the woods, Snow White overcomes the queen.
- Lizzie Wirts, better known as "Stage-struck Lizzie," is employed as a dishwasher in a restaurant where she is discharged for persistently displaying her histrionic powers. On account of a scarcity of servants she has no difficulty in immediately securing another position, this time as cook. Here again she becomes wrapped up in her play book, neglects her duties and almost causes a conflagration. Once more she is discharged. Next we find her employed as a nurse girl taking the children out for an airing where she meets a policeman to whom she confides her undiscovered talent while the children wander away into a nearby coal yard and slide down the banks of coal until they are black from head to feet. It is only natural to surmise Lizzie's immediate dismissal upon her arrival home with the children. Next we see her in the dressing room of a theater in the capacity of maid to an actress. During the performance the stage manager discovers the absence of a lady cast for a minor part and Lizzie is requested to assume the role. She fairly jumps at the offer and quickly dons the wardrobe given her, receives hastily-given instructions and struts fearlessly and boldly upon the stage. When she faces the dazzling footlights and the audience assembled, she suddenly loses all control and succumbs to a severe fit of stage fright. In her frantic efforts to escape she jumps over the footlights and flees in terror up the center aisle of the theater, to the disgust of the stage manager and the delight of the audience.
- Artemas Winthrop suffers from dyspepsia, and he is ordered by the physician to the country to take a rest and live on a diet of tea and toast. Believing himself more feeble than he really is he decides to go to the country to visit a farmer cousin and his wife taking his only friend, a dog, with him. Arriving at the farm he is considered a most unwelcome guest on account of his irritable disposition. It so happens that the farmer and his wife are called away on account of the illness of a relative and he is left in the care of a neighbor. The neighbor is a good natured but domineering woman who does not believe in encouraging his whims. She therefore cooks for him a big meal of corned beef and cabbage. Unused to being opposed he insists on having his tea and toast but she treats him like a child and tries to persuade him that all he needs is good substantial food. He flatly refuses to eat the corned beef and cabbage and is informed he will take that or nothing. He attempts to make his own but she puts him out of the kitchen. His opportunity comes when she goes down to the cellar. He locks her down and in triumph makes his own tea and toast and repairs to his room to enjoy it while the woman who finds herself a prisoner in the cellar is obliged to cut her way to freedom with an axe. Aroused to a high pitch of anger she goes to his room and gives him to understand in plain terms what she thinks of him. The dyspeptic's dog seeing him master abused springs at the woman who hastily makes her escape through the window making a beeline for home with the dog in pursuit. When he finally does get her he helps himself to a goodly portion of her dress and the master at last is able to enjoy his tea and toast.
- This is the fourth story about "What Happened to Mary." When Mary walked into the office of Raynor and Jones she basically caused a magnetic disturbance: Raynor badly needed a stenographer, and his trusted clerk Wilson instinctively disliked Mary. Wilson had been losing steadily at the stock game until he was almost wiped out, and his last hope lay in somehow securing enough money to carry his margin. He knew that it was customary for the collector to allow himself a half-hour to get to the bank, so at first chance he stole over to the collector's coat and set back his watch 30 minutes. As a consequence, the collector arrives at the bank after hours and is compelled to return with the money. Mr. Raynor is forced to put the money into the safe, and, watched by Wilson, he now proceeds to put the safe combination memorandum in his pocket, which hangs on the rack. Later, Wilson, in helping Raynor on with his coat, drops it. Wilson apologizes, takes the coat to the outer office to brush it, and steals the memorandum and hurriedly stashes it behind the washstand. Later, after Mr. Raynor has gone and Mary is preparing to go home, she chances to see the stolen memorandum, and like a flash Wilson's intention dawns upon her. Quickly she makes another memorandum, and changing the figures, replaces it. Wilson unsuspectingly gets the changed slip and asks Mary if she is going home. She makes an excuse about working late, and Wilson leaves. Mary now prepares for her vigil by procuring a revolver and switching off the lights. Hour after hour drags by and Mary gets weary. Suddenly she hears a key in the door and sees Wilson's shadow; she starts up and darts behind the screen. Wilson stealthily enters and Mary, tensely grasping the revolver, breathlessly waits. Swiftly he gets to work; back and forth the combination knob turns and now he tries the handle. Locked. Again and again he tries, the while feverishly consulting the false memorandum. He is beginning to despair. Suddenly he gets up and rushes into Raynor's private office. He must get that combination. This is Mary's opportunity. Stealthily she reaches the telephone and calls up Raynor's club. Explaining hurriedly the situation, she gets back behind the screen just in time to avoid Wilson, who rushes in like an infuriated beast. Again he tries the safe and again he is unsuccessful, and ripping out an oath, clenches his fists. This so startles Mary that she inadvertently makes a noise, which Wilson hears. Quickly turning, he rushes to the screen, only to find a revolver poked in his face. Nonplused for the moment, now he begins arduously to plead, but the revolver never wavers. Becoming frantic, he beseeches and implores. Mary feels that she cannot hold out much longer. She throws the screen toward Wilson and the fight is on. Suddenly the door is thrown open and Mr. Raynor, his brother and an officer rush in. Mary collapses. Wilson is arrested and the next morning Mr. Raynor's brother, whose admiration for Mary is unbounded because of her pluck the night before, succeeds in getting Mr. Raynor's consent to her going to Europe on a private diplomatic mission for him.
- A fly-by-night dramatic company playing all the "tank towns" on the map, finally comes to grief in Farm City, where they play to the smallest house of the season, receiving only four dollars and thirty cents gross. Having no money with which to pay their hotel bill or railroad transportation they are left high and dry at the mercy of a hard-hearted landlord who refuses to serve them any more meals until money is forthcoming. In the leading lady's room they hold council as to what course to follow. Finally the comedian, having discovered the hotel proprietor's fondness for the game of poker, suggests that they pool what little money they have left, give it to him and he will engage the proprietor in a game and thus enable him to win sufficient money to defray their hotel bill. This is agreed upon and accordingly a little game is started in the private office. The heavy villain occasionally pokes in his head and reports the progress of the game to the others. At first the comedian wins and the outlook is bright, but the tide turns and the comedian loses and is finally cleaned out. The actors are now worse off than ever and at their wits' end. The leading man has meanwhile made the acquaintance of Squire Mudge, a venerable and benevolent townsman who invites him and "a friend or two" to dinner. Quickly returning to the hotel the leading man imparts the joyful information to the rest of the company that at last a square meal is in sight. They lose no time in taking advantage of the offer and are soon seated in the Squire's dining room enjoying a hearty repast. Upon returning to the hotel that night they face a new complication; the cruel hearted proprietor now refuses them even a bed. However, they make the best of the situation by sleeping in the hotel office Where the following morning the good Squire hearing of their dire straits, settles their hotel bill and at the depot supplies them with transportation home and in gratitude the ladies of the company hug and kiss him to the utter disgust of the angry wife who happens upon the scene at that moment and soundly reprimands him while the happy actors are waving goodbye from the rear platform of the departing train.
- When the good ship "Evening Star" docked, Pat McCann, the boatswain, intended to go ashore immediately after its anchorage to marry Bedelia, but the stern captain who commanded Pat, the bo'sun, to keep watch over it would not listen to his pleadings. To make matters worse, the captain when going ashore, discovered that Jack Stanley was paying court to his daughter. He ordered her locked up in the ship's cabin, and gave instructions to Pat to see that she does not escape. During her imprisonment Mary writes a letter to her sweetheart expressing her willingness to elope with him. She entrusted the note with Pat, to be delivered at the residence of Jack. Pat refused, but at last consented. Instead of doing what he was told, he went directly to the home of Bedelia. This is his chance to he married, so they started for the parsonage, where they were astonished to meet May and Jack. As the minister was in the act of tying their marital knot, Bedelia and Pat took a seat and waited patiently. During the suspense. Pat let May's undelivered letter fall out of his pocket. Bedelia picked it up and read the note. There was fire in her eyes. She denounced Pat. As they were fighting the old captain came unexpectedly in. When he saw Bedelia he recognized her as being his old sweetheart. To cap the climax, Bedelia and the captain were married, leaving poor Pat to the cruel world.
- When Bob Buster, the famous comedian, saw Semolina Brown sitting on a park bench one morning, his heart tilled to the point of overflowing. For Semolina was unmistakably a militant suffragette and she was just the type Buster had been looking for. So Buster sat down on the next bench and made a careful sketch of her. It was a singularly unfortunate thing that the suffragettes should select Thursday night for their rally in Holborn Hall, because on that same night Mr. Bob Buster was scheduled to appear at the Holborn Club in his latest character sketch. "Holborn Hall" does sound very much like "Holborn Club," if two people happen to be in a great hurry, and that is probably the reason why Bob Buster, dressed in the costume he had carefully copied from Semolina, was enthusiastically greeted by an excited throng of women, while Semolina was clapped on the back by several jovial men and congratulated on the excellence of her makeup. Semolina realized that a mistake had been made when she saw from the stage of the Holborn Club that the entire audience was composed of men. Nonetheless, she was by no means averse to making a few converts, and she plunged into her fervent speech. Naturally enough, the crowd, still thinking her to be Buster, roared and Semolina, infuriated, leaped from the platform and smote a stout individual in the front row, who seemed to be particularly amused. A small riot followed and Semolina was dragged from the building by two policemen. Poor Buster rushed on the stage at Holborn Hall without realizing in the least where he was, and remarked, "To begin with, let me say that I firmly believe a woman's place is in the home." He never exactly remembered what happened after that.
- The owner of a little delicatessen store, Carl Swissburger, has a daughter Lena who is in love with Jakie Schmidt, her father's errand boy. When Mr. Swissburger makes this discovery he determines to get rid of Jakie as quickly as possible. This opportunity comes when Jakie spills a glass of milk on one of his best customers. He is dismissed. Lena and Jakie meet secretly and the courtship continues. The next afternoon Mr. Swissburger, in looking over the evening paper, reads an account of one Jake Schmidt, who, having saved the life of millionaire Brown, is to become the beneficiary of a large legacy for his bravery. Mr. Swissburger writes Jakie a letter, asking him to come back. Mr. Swissburger receives the following letter: "Mr. Swissburger, I think you are mistaken. I am the Jake Schmidt who saved Mr. Brown's life, but 1 don't know you nor your Lena. Thanks, however, for the cash present. It comes in very handy. Schmidt." It now dawns upon Swissburger that be has blundered. Just then poor little Jakie enters the store wreathed in smiles, but he is thrown out into the street in less time than it takes to tell.
- Bill is a husky, lazy lout. He sits at home all day smoking and reading, while his wife does all the work. Bill never lifts a finger to help her, and besides, he persecutes his daughter by driving her suitor from the premises. One afternoon Bill falls asleep and dreams he is arrested on some trumped up charge. Following his arrest he is brought to trial and sentenced to thirty days at hard labor. He is shackled like a criminal and dragged off to prison with a number of other convicts whose services are offered to the public for hire by the day. His wife has sweet revenge by hiring him for thirty days. She takes him home accompanied by an armed guard, makes him saw wood, carry the coal, wait on the table and wash the dishes. Big Bill suddenly discovers that he is possessed of abnormal strength and becomes defiant and rebellious, refusing to do any more work. The attempt of his guard to compel him to work turns out rather disastrously. He snaps his shackles, smashes dishes and furniture, throws the armed guard out of the window and runs amok in the village streets like a raving maniac; tears the village bully limb from limb, and commits other depredations, and it takes the combined force of the village constables to conquer him and drag him back to prison. There he is securely locked up in a padded cell, but steel bars cannot deprive him of his liberty. He twists them apart like a gladiator and boldly walks to his freedom, only to he discovered by the hounding police, and, as a last resort, he jumps out of the third story window and lands with a thud that starts him so that he suddenly awakens to find himself at home in his chair in the kitchen. As he looks about him he sees his wife trying to lift the wash boiler off the stove and to her great amazement he rises to give her a hand and indicates his willingness to work. She is wondering yet what made the lazy lout change so suddenly.
- Walter Clyde was having trouble with his models. He was trying very hard to paint a picture that would represent his ideal of femininity. Imagine the feelings of a man who wanted to paint a picture representing his ideal of womanly charm and grace when he discovered that his model chewed gum. Almost at the point of giving up in despair, Walter looked across the courtyard and immediately discovered a beautiful young girl. Walter seized his brushes and blocked in a rough outline on his canvas. Strangely enough the ideal of Femininity was also having trouble with models. She as it happened was looking for an ideal of masculinity. She wanted to paint the picture of a sturdy young man with a pipe in his month. Imagine the feelings of a woman who wanted to paint a picture representing her ideal of masculine strength and beauty, when she discovered her model smoked only cigarettes. One day when Walter had finished his picture from a number of stolen glimpses of his unsuspecting model, he sat down at the window and gave himself up to meditation, puffing slowly at his pipe. The girl whose name was Betty saw him and shrieked with delight. At once she began to paint him. When Walter laid aside the pipe and started in on a cigar, Betty managed to get rid of the latter objectionable weed by a dexterous manipulation of a long broom. Walter was surprised at the sudden disappearance of his choice Havana but since he did not have another, was obliged to go back to the pipe. Betty and Walter went to the exhibition on the same day and discovered each other's pictures hanging side by side. The rest was easy.
- The Sultan was a sentimentalist. Some men are of the impression that it is impossible for them to love more than one woman, but the Sultan was not so constituted. Every few months he fell in love with some girl or other, and invariably he married her. At the time our story opens, he had twenty wives. When word was brought to the Sultan that a beautiful American girl, with wheels on her feet had been captured by bandits in one of the outlying portions of his realms, his collector's instinct was aroused. In his entire list of wives, he did not have a single American. None of his wives had wheels on their feet. Instantly he commanded that the fair captive should be brought before him. Mae Higgins, the American girl, was lady champion roller-skater of Keokuk, Ia. While the bandits were dragging her to the Sultan, she met Sam Spaulding, the young man with whom she had won the roller-tango contest at the last Firemen's and Farmers' Ball. Mae hastily explained her plight to Sam, and he quickly formulated a plan to save her. In accordance with his plan, Mae pretended to be deaf and dumb, and as the wheels were not in evidence upon her feet, the Sultan dismissed her from his presence in a rage. Sam borrowed a couple of sample cases from three drummers, who had been trying in vain to sell roller skates to the Sultan's subjects, and gained admittance to the Harem. He was captured by the guards and dragged before the Sultan. With immediate execution hanging over his head, he showed the Sultan the roller skates, and offered to teach the Harem how to use them. The Sultan consented and Sam equipped the entire outfit with the skates. While everybody else was skating about on the back of his or her respective neck, Sam and Mae skimmed lightly out of the Harem. Once past the doors, the guards who followed in pursuit were no match for the expert skaters. In a short time they were safe aboard Sam's uncle's yacht, and on their way back to Keokuk.
- A printer and his young assistant take over a local newspaper while the editor is away.
- Mr. A, Butler discharges his man servant, and tiring of celibacy, inserts an advertisement in the same paper that his former servant does. A lady desiring the services of a butler, calls at Mr. Butler's residence and asks a man arranging some plants for the butler. Hearing his name, Mr. Butler steps forward and after exchanging a few words with him, Mrs. Ashburton gives him her card, with a request that be call. Mr. Butler is delighted, for he is under the impression that he has found a wife. And an old spinster, desiring a husband, calls at the address of Mr. Butler's ex-servant. After a few minutes' conversation, which included a request to call at her home, the old spinster leaves. The servant arrives at the old maid's home just in time to see Mr. Butler following Mrs. Ashburton all over the house, declaring his love for her. She screams (thinking the man a maniac), and attracts the attention of her husband, who is about to reprimand Mr. Butler, when the ex-servant explains the conflicting advertisements.
- An Irish widow moves into a flat and proceeds to arrange her household, doing considerable hammering, to the great annoyance of an Italian widower who lives directly underneath. The widow writes her son to come home and protect her from the "insulting Dago down-stairs," while the Italian writes his daughter to come home and comfort him. Her son and his daughter start for home and become acquainted at the railroad station, but neither knows where the other lives. In watering her flowers, a few drops splash into the room. He retaliates by knocking her pots off the sill. The "Dago" takes the widow's table cloth, when she throws the crumbs out of the window. The Italian explains the situation to his daughter, who has just arrived home. She starts up-stairs to return the widow's table cover, while the widow's son goes down-stairs with the "Dago's" broom. They meet in the hallway and are surprised to find that they both live in the same house. They form a great liking for each other and frequently signal one another from their windows. On one occasion he drops a bouquet from his window to the girl; the Italian gets it, and, thinking it is a peace offering from the widow, he immediately goes up-stairs to pay his respects, and they become good friends. A comical mishap causing a crash of china and glassware brings their respective son and daughter into the room. After due explanations the scene terminates happily in typical East Side fashion.
- Jones, an unscrupulous young man of good appearance, does not believe in paying his bills and is constantly being dunned by his landlady for being in arrears for a considerable amount. His claims of having a rich uncle who will pay his debts is finally disbelieved and he finds himself dispossessed. He now finds himself out in the world without baggage but not for long for he buys another suitcase for sixty-nine cents and with it sallies forth to the outskirts of town where he finds a rural house with a shingle bearing the welcome words, "Boarders Wanted." Here the unsophisticated landlady believes the tale of his rich uncle. Taking advantage of these plain country folk he makes desperate love to Sally the daughter. She, thinking him to be a rich city chap, jilts Cy Perkins, a country bumpkin with whom Janes has some ludicrous clashes. Aside from this Jones feels secure as far as three meals a day and his lodgings are concerned until his former landlady, who happens to be a sister of his present landlady, pays her sister a visit. Then the whole scheme is laid bare and cowardly Cy Perkins, whom he has intimidated up to this time, becomes a lion and throws Jones bodily out of the house. The scuffle continues outside and develops into a surprising and ridiculously funny climax, which can hardly be described but is sure to provoke shouts of laughter.
- Mr. Wood B. Wedd's romantic temperament occasionally led him into weird and unusual situations. The sight of a beautiful woman threw him into an ecstasy. Hence one day, when with the aid of field glasses, he espied a lovely apparition in the upper window of a store, his impulsive temperament forced him to rush over to the store and make inquiries. The proprietors and sales force of the store attributed his frenzied demands to insanity until Wood B., with an unmoved saleslady, absent-mindedly wiped his brow with a stocking and put it in his pocket. He was immediately seized and thrown from the store as a shoplifter. He entered the store by a side door, and made his way upstairs. Before a glass stood a lady clad in the exact cloak he had noticed on his beloved. Wood B. immediately proposed. The lady screamed and slapped him. She was not the same. Once again Wood B. was thrown from the store. Then Wood B. enlisted the aid of the faithful Darby Jenks. Describing the lady's costume minutely, he sent Darby into the store with a note for her. Darby found a rather plain person who answered Wood B.'s description with regard to dress exactly. When he gave her Wood B.'s note, she rushed down enthusiastically to meet her admirer. Wood B. saw her coming and tried to run. She, also, was not the one. The lady claimed that she had been insulted, and the sorely tried private detective threatened Wood B. with instant death if he ever returned. Wood B. returned to his apartment disconsolately and looked at the lady with the glass. As he looked, he started with horror. The proprietors of the store were pounding his beloved with their fists. Filled with indignation. Wood B. got a policeman and rushed to the rescue. It did not take the rabid remarks of the almost frenzied proprietors to make him see, after he had reached the lady, that she was a wax model.
- The unfortunate fact that Sue Smith was deaf and dumb did not in any way prevent her from being a remarkably pretty girl. So Stephen Gaines thought, at any rate, when he looked up from his telegraph key, and discovered her staring at him through the window. She had gone out that morning to fish, had lost her oars, and had been carried by the tide out to Cliff Island, where the big wireless station, under Stephen's charge, was located. Stephen got some dry stockings and a pair of rubber boots for the shipwrecked girl, gave her a new pair of oars, and sent her home. The next day she came out to see him. A friendship rapidly sprang into being between them, and Stephen found himself looking forward to the visits of the shy little girl with a considerable degree of interest. Discovering that she could both read and write, Stephen soon taught Sue the wireless code, and occasionally, to her great delight, he allowed her to send some of his less important messages. When Big Tom Curry, Slim Eastman and Maggie Black, unfavorably known to the police of three continents, made their latest and most daring bank robbery in a northern state, they set out in accordance with a preconceived plan for the South. Curry, Eastman and Maggie were by no means ordinary criminals. They had tremendous resources back of them. In this case, they had arranged to have a steam yacht waiting for them off Cliff Island to provide a means of escape from the thoroughly aroused police. But when the three worthless arrived on Cliff Island, after a motorboat ride from the mainland, and went to the wireless station for the purpose of sending a signal to their confederate in the yacht, they found Stephen reading a reward notice, containing a detailed description of each of them. Without hesitating for a moment, they overpowered Stephen, threw him into the boat and put out to sea. But they reckoned without Sue. Discovering her friend's plight, she sent out a general alarm call on the wireless. The message was received by a passing ship, which pursued and captured the motor boat. The first thing Stephen did when he got back to the station was to send a wireless north, claiming the liberal reward offered for the arrest of the criminals in the name of his little friend, Sue Smith.
- The Rev. Anthony Gay is appointed to the pulpit of a church at Newtonville. Unfortunately, he suffers from a nervous affliction of the muscles of the right eye, causing an involuntary wink. Upon his arrival in Newtonville he is introduced to his new flock by the deacon, each individual interpreting the wink differently. Some are shocked, others pleased, girls giggle and two old women matrimonially inclined, take him seriously. One, an old spinster, the other a widow, are both under the impression that the parson is making advances to them. They quickly respond to his winks, overwhelm him with attention and become insanely jealous of each other, which nearly results in a hair-pulling match. Finally it gets too hot for the parson, who realizes he is misunderstood all around and there is but one thing to do and do quickly, resign. His "getaway" is discovered by the two females, who pursue him to the depot. He succeeds in eluding them by grasping the platform of the last coach just as the train is leaving the station.
- When poor laborer Michael Riley unexpectedly fell heir to two thousand dollars, he did not spend it in riotous living; instead he decided to use it to give his daughter Maggie an education. So she was packed off to a fashionable boarding school while her heartbroken mother wept and her father puffed at his empty pipe. Maggie was a charming young girl, so John Boyd fell in love with her. He was the son of the mayor of the town where Maggie went to school. He was a rich young man, an influential young man, and a nice young man, so the school principal invited him to hand out the diplomas on Commencement Day. At the dance afterwards, John asked Maggie to marry him. She was about to accept him when she suddenly remembered: Who was she that she should marry this young aristocrat? She temporized and bade him come to her home for his final answer. Boyd came to the Riley home and met Maggie's uncouth parents. The rude surroundings and the reek of the father's pipe were too much for him, and he turned away disillusioned. As he walked down the street, however, he suddenly realized that all the joy and happiness were going out of his life forever, so he turned back and told Maggie that she was the only person who had ever really mattered anyway.
- Uncle Hiram is the oldest resident of the village, and has appointed himself public censor. To this end he institutes the "skunk list," to which he adds from day to day the names of those who trespass beyond his ideas of the lines of proper decorum. One day Jimmie Long is playing marbles, when a boy considerably older attempts to take them from him. Jimmie resents this and in the fight that follows, he lays his opponent low by striking him with a club. Uncle Hiram seeing this, though not knowing the cause, puts Jimmie on the skunk list as a coward. All pleas are in vain, and when his sweetheart scorns him, Jimmie is heartbroken. He can't eat and at night his bed is surrounded by goblins who jeer at him in fiendish glee for being a coward. Jimmie resolves to redeem his good name and to this end proceeds to lick most of the boys in the village. But Uncle Hiram refuses to erase his name. Jimmie rescues a puppy, which a man is about to drown. Again Uncle Hiram refuses. Finally Jimmie is passing Jones' barn, when some boys rush out, telling him the barn is on fire, and that one of their number was unable to escape. Jimmie goes into the burning barn, finds the boy, but is unable to drag him out and is also overcome. He is rescued in the nick of time and carried home, seriously burned. Through all his pain he has but one thought, he must see Uncle Hiram. Uncle Hiram is brought from the fire, where he is directing the volunteer department, to Jimmie's bedside, and Jimmie repeats his plea to have his name erased. This time Uncle Hiram relents and not only takes Jimmie's name from the skunk list, but adds it to the list of heroes, such as George Washington and Abraham Lincoln.
- Village cutup Reuben is in love with all the pretty girls. While on a visit to the big city one day, he gets the idea to bring home souvenirs for the girls--but what? He is attracted by a street fakir selling imitation solitaires at 10 cents apiece, so he invests the magnificent sum of 50 cents for 5 rings. On his return to his home village he pays court to five girls and makes each a present of a ring, thinking it a huge joke; on the other hand, each girl takes the matter quite seriously and considers herself engaged. At a barn dance one evening the five girls meet and notice the similarity of the rings, compare notes, and to their utter dismay discover that they have been deceived. They confront Reuben and demand an explanation. He is unable to give any, and for a moment consternation reigns, but in the height of the excitement he manages to escape. The next day four girls enter the village attorney's office, firmly determined to bringing damage suits for blighted affections. The fifth girl, a pretty maidservant, is dragged into the controversy but refuses to bring suit. Upon interrogation, the attorney discovers that no promise of marriage had been made, therefore there are no grounds for a breach-of-promise suit. The attorney subsequently meets Reuben, describes the attitude the girls have taken, and incidentally mentions the pretty maidservant who held aloof from the rest. Upon learning this, Reuben really falls in love with the pretty maidservant, proposes to her, and is accepted. They repair to the parsonage where the happy pair are made one. An old village gossip spreads the news that Reuben is about to marry the maidservant, whereupon the jilted girls enter the parsonage and endeavor to prevent the marriage, but too late. The ceremony has been performed and the four girls leave in a jealous rage while Reuben smilingly strolls forth with his bride on his arm.
- Katie Mooney comes home from school one afternoon just in time to hear the doctor tell her widowed mother that her baby sister must have better air and food or she will not live for long. Katie is very fond of the little mite and knows that her mother is having a hard time making a living for the three of them, so she determines that she will help to secure enough money to get her sister what she needs. When he leaves, the doctor playfully leaves a newspaper in her hand, and she finds in it an advertisement for messenger girls at a millinery shop. She secures the position and it is understood that she is to run errands after school hours. On one of her trips she makes the acquaintance of little 7-year-old Florence Chester, who has wandered away from her street and become lost. Katie takes her home. She meets her several times afterward and a great friendship springs up between them. At the millinery shop, the other girls take advantage of Katie being the youngest one there; they play pranks and tricks on her. She doesn't enter into their frolics. While delivering a parcel one day, she meets Florence, and as they are parting a reckless boy on skates bowls Katie over. She falls, crushes the hat she is carrying, and dislocates her arm. A friendly police officer takes her home. Florence finds out where she lives and brings her mother and father to meet her little benefactress and to find out the extent of her injuries. The meeting brings friends for Katie and her mother and baby sister, and Katie's kind act of taking Florence home when she was lost brings her that for which she strove.
- The story hinges about a minister who receives a pamphlet announcing that the melodrama, "Why Girls Leave Home," is to be produced at the local theater. Stirred by the danger to his flock from so pernicious an influence, he prepares a vigorous sermon against the play. In order to make his sermon particularly apt, he decides that he must see the play himself, and so he steals secretly from home on the night of the performance. His daughter, stenographer and cook arrive at the same conclusion and also go to the performance with their respective young men. The simultaneous homecoming of these seven people after the play, produces an extremely amusing situation which is culminated by the arrival of an usher with the minister's coat.
- Ruth, a very nice young girl, is under the guardianship of her Aunt Jane, a straight-laced spinster. Ruth is in love with a young man, and every time her aunt catches her in his company she orders her home to play the piano. No sooner has the aunt left the room when Ruth runs out to her lover, leaving "Shep," their faithful dog, playing the piano. Edward is ordered out of the house, but "Shep" takes a note to him from Ruth, and returns with one, fixing a meeting place. "Shep," seeing no one in the room but the aunt, hides the note in the waste paper basket until Ruth comes. Because Ruth tears up the note without letting her see it, the aunt locks her in the woodshed. When the aunt brings Ruth her supper, she leaves the door open and Ruth, seizing the opportunity, rims away, while "Shep" slams the door, locking in the aunt. She manages to get out just in time to see a fast receding automobile, with the lovers and "Shep" in it.