|1.||The Walking Dead
(2010 TV Series)
Episode: Killer Within (2012)
Are you serious? You want them living in a cell next to you? They'll just be waiting for a chance to grab our weapons. You want to go back to sleeping with one eye open?
You called me a whore and a rugmuncher.
You brought us in.
Yeah, but you turned out with a shot boy in your arms. Didn't give us a choice.
I get guys like this. Hell, I grew up with them. They're degenerates, but they ain't psychos. I could have been in there with them just as easy I'm out here with you guys.
I'll do what I have to. You're not becoming one of those things.
This is God's plan. He'll take care of me. Always has. He's gonna help me lead you out of these tunnels.
Remember, if it gets tough out there, you're always welcome here.
That's very kind. Thank you, Governor.
I thought you never told anyone your name.
Hey, whose blood would you rather have on your hands? Glenn's? Maggie's? Or theirs?
|2.||Game of Thrones
(2011 TV Series)
Episode: Cripples, Bastards, and Broken Things (2011)
I am a Khaleesi of the Dothraki! I am the wife of the great Khal and I carry his son inside me! The next time you raise a hand to me will be the last time you have hands.
You would turn me into one of them, wouldn't you! Next you'll want to braid my hair!
Do you remember Thoros of Myr charging through the breach?
You've no right to a braid! You've won no victories yet!
You look cold, boys.
Bit nippy, yeah. By the fire, indoors... it's still summer. Do you boys even remember the last winter? How long has it been now? What, ten years?
Was it uncomfortable at Winterfell? Were there days when you just couldn't get warm, never mind how many fires your servants built?
That's admirable. I spent six months out there, beyond the Wall, during the last winter. Supposed to be a two-week mission. We heard a rumor Mance Rayder was planning to attack Eastwatch, so we went out to look for some of his men, capture them, gather some knowledge. The Wildlings who fight for Mance Rayder are hard men... harder than you'll ever be. They know their country better than we do. They knew there was a storm coming in. So they hid in their caves and waited for it to pass... and we got caught in the open. Wind so strong, it yanked hundred-foot trees straight from the ground, roots and all. If you took your gloves off to find your cock to have a piss, you lost a finger to the frost. And all in darkness.
You don't know cold. Neither of you do. The horses died first. Didn't have enough to feed them, to keep them warm. Eating the horses was easy... but later, when we started to fall... that wasn't easy.
We should've had a couple of boys like you along, shouldn't we? Soft, fat boys like you. We'd have lasted a fortnight on you, and still have bones left over for soup. Soon we'll have new recruits, and you lot will be passed along to the Lord Commander for assignment. And they will call you "men of the Night's Watch," but you'd be fools to believe it. You're boys, still. And come the winter, you will die... like flies.
Can't resist some northern ass? If you like redheads, ask for Ros.
Come to see me off, Greyjoy? Kind of you. Your master doesn't seem to like Lannisters.
"Milady?" Your loyalty to your captors is touching. Tell me, how do you think Balon Greyjoy would feel if he could see his only surviving son has turned lackey? I still remember my father's fleet burn in Lannisport. I believe your uncles were responsible.
A stupid rebellion, then. I suppose your father realized that when your brothers died in battle. Now here you are, your enemy's squire.
I've offended you. Forgive me. It's been a rough morning. Anyway, don't despair. I'm a constant disappointment to my own father and I've learned to live with it.
Your next tumble with Ros is on me. I'll try not to wear her out.
When you're out there, beyond the Wall with the sun going down, do you want a man at your back? Or a sniveling boy?
Syrio says every hurt is a lesson, and every lesson makes you better.
He says every swordsman should study cats. They're as quiet as shadows and as light as feathers. You have to be quick to catch them.
You will marry a high lord and rule his castle, and your sons shall be knights and princes and lords.
Where have you been?
You ARE in love, Lord Snow. You girls can do as you please. But if Thorne puts me up against Lady Piggy, I'm gonna slice me off a side of bacon.
Hello. Ser Alliser said I'm to be your new watch partner. I should warn you, I don't see all that well.
You're not. You're freezing.
You can't fight... you can't see... you're afraid of heights and almost everything else, probably.
What are you doing here, Sam?
On the morning of my eighteenth nameday, my father came to me. "You're almost a man now," he said, "but you are not worthy of my land and title. Tomorrow you're going to take the black, forsake all claim to your inheritance, and start north. If you do not," he said, "then we'll have a hunt, and somewhere in these woods your horse will stumble, and you'll be thrown from your saddle to die. Or so I'll tell your mother. Nothing would please me more."
I'm not going to get any better, you know.
Well, you can't get any worse.
I hear you're reading a boring book.
Oh, he never stops. Do you know Ser Hugh of the Vale?
Why are you telling me this?
I promised Cat that I'd help you.
A singularly bad idea. Do you see that boy, there?
That one belongs to the queen. And do you see that septa pretending to read her book?
No, she's one of mine. Is there someone in your service whom you trust completely?
The wiser answer was no, my lord. Get a message to this paragon of yours, discreetly. Send him to question Ser Hugh. After that, you might want him to visit a certain armorer in the city. He lives in a large house at the top of the Street of Steel.
Lord Baelish, perhaps I was wrong to distrust you.
Distrusting me was the wisest thing you've done since you climbed off your horse.
Don't you think it's a little bit unfair? Making us take our vows while they sneak off for a little Sally on the side?
I didn't think you'd be so upset about it.
But I like girls just as much as you do. They might not like me as much. I've never... been with one. You've probably had hundreds.
No. As a matter of fact, I'm the same as you.
You don't want to know.
So why exactly did you not make love to Ros with the perfect...?
Because... you're a bastard from the North.
So... you *didn't* know where to put it?
You will. On horseback you will be as tall as any of them.
Is this some kind of trick? Why do you want to help him?
You are boys still. When the winter comes, you will die like so many flies.
What do you pray for, Ser Jorah?
You think this funny, do you?
When you're out there beyond the Wall with the sun going down, do you want a man at your back? Or a sniveling boy?
Well, after 15 years in a pleasure house, I imagine just seeing the sky makes you happy.
What have you seen?
I've seen a man who could change his face the way that other men change their clothes. And I've seen a pirate who wore his weight in gold and whose ship had sails of colored silk. So... have you seen one?
No. No, the last one died many years before I was born. I'll tell you what I have seen-their skulls. They used to decorate the throne room in the Red Keep. When I was very young, just three or four, my father used to walk me down the rows and I'd recite their names for him. When I got them all right, he'd give me a sweet. The ones closest to the door were the last ones they were able to hatch and they were all stunted and wrong with skulls no bigger than dog skulls. But... but as you got closer to the Iron Throne... they got bigger and bigger and bigger. There was Ghiscar and Valryon, Vermithrax, Essovius... Archonei, Meraxes, Vhagar... and Balerion the Dread... whose fire forged the Seven Kingdoms into one.
Why do they call you Littlefinger?
No, it's quite all right. When I was a child, I was very small and I come from a little spit of land called "The Fingers", so you see, it's an exceedingly clever nickname.
Has anyone ever told you the story of the Mountain and the Hound?
No, please don't. If the Hound so much as heard you mention it, I'm afraid all the knights in King's Landing would not be able to save you.
(2005 TV Series)
Episode: #thinman (2014)
Yeah. I mean- no. You roll with a guy so many years you start to think he's always going to be next to you. Like when you're old, drinking on the porch, there'll be another rocking chair. Then something happens, and you realize that other chair is... gone. Empty. You know what I mean?
I will shoot you... bitches.
You know what video would have gone viral, if we still had it? When you were five and got dressed up as Batman and jumped off the shed 'cause you thought you could fly.
After you jumped first.
I know you did. Man, I drove you to the E.R. on my handlebars.
So, you're Thinman, huh? That would make sense if it didn't look like you just ate a fat camp.
So. How did you two meet? Whackjob.com?
Harry, you okay?
|4.||Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
(2013 TV Series)
Episode: Providence (2014)
And when I see you next, who you gonna be? You got a clean slate. You can be anyone you want.
Find everything you can on our team - all personal records, photos, anything that proves we exist - then erase it.
And date supermodels. You are so predictable.
Tom Brady? You hate the Patriots.
All right, all right, put your arms down, Kaminsky. You look like a West Texas cheerleader at a pep rally.
You. You have to be kidding me. I've been in a cell smaller than my shoe closet. I wasn't allowed to eat with a fork, which would have been worse if I'd been allowed to eat anything but meatloaf!
So you're a liar. You're a fraud.
Supposed to make the isolation more bearable. Every day of the week, different view. Wednesday's pretty terrific if you like topless beaches.
There's got to be something here! This means something! This has to mean something. The world needs us! HYDRA is out there. We cannot let them win! We cannot let them define us! Do you understand that? We are not agents of nothing, we are agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and that still carries weight! It has to carry weight. After everything we've been through, that carries weight!
Very soon you're going to be issued your very own lanyard. Lanyards for others will be distributed on a case by case basis.
Tell you what-let's skip the part where you act concerned about my well-being. What is it you want?
He saved our asses back at the Hub, but I'm telling you he's chasing the white whale.
Have you even read Moby Dick?
Yeah, have you?
This means something. This has to mean something. The world need needs us. Hydra is out there. We cannot let them win, we cannot let them define us. Do you understand that. We are not Agents of Nothing, we are Agents of Shield, and that still carries weight!
Do you know what my life was like before I met you? It was really *nice*. But because of you, I've had my assets frozen, I've been beaten, you almost ripped my *tongue* out of my mouth!
|5.||Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
I just... uh, uh... If this our last moment together, I just want you guys to know I'm sorry! I'm sorry I was so hard on you! Ugh. Everytime I pushed you I... I threatened you, I yelled at you, I pushed you beyond your limits, it's because I believe in you! I believe in each one of you! I believe in you spirit and your intelligence and your potential! And every time I talked about walking away it was because I was scared! I just didn't think I was good enough to stand next to you and call you brothers, and say to you, I love you! I love you guys so much!
You live, you die, you fight as brothers. Remember, nothing is as strong as family...
You think I asked to be the leader of this outfit, Raph? You think I wanted this? Splinter chose me. I'm just doing my duty.
Some duty, risking our necks every night for surface-dwellers who'd lock us up in a zoo, or worse, if they knew we existed. You saw how that chick looked at us... like we're freaks!
Do NOT say a word about this to anyone. If you do, we will find you. April O'Neil.
Yeeeaaah, we'll fiiiind yoooou! O'Neil.!... I'm sorry, that came across super-creepy. We will find you, though!
We're taking your armour to the next level...
O'Neil, what are you doing?
Yeah, that's good. Make sure you're getting everything...
You're a talking turtle...
Yeah, and you're a human nerd. Now that we've got that out of the way, HIT IT!
What are you?
So, you're... Ninja Mutant Turtle Teenagers?
When you put it like that, it sounds ridiculous!
Why are you always telling me what to do?
My sons, your training is not yet complete. But you will become the warriors that legends are made of.
Remember that thing you used to say when we were kids?
You made me promise never to say it again.
Every time we're in the hashi, it's because of YOU!
Well, bro, you don't have to worry about me dragging you down anymore!
I want you to finish our hip hop Christmas album, bro! You're the hype man!
You spit in my eye!
Guys, did you see? I totally talked to a girl!
Legend tells us they came at a time of great pestilence. Farms yielded no food, hearts no hope. Jealousy and spite lured them to us... the demons, the Yokai. Through fear, they enslaved the people. But a remnant of hope shined bright in the darkness... the kappa yokai. Summoned not from anger as the demons, but instead by their hogosha. Though powerful, they would require training from a master in the art of ninjutsu; one who could teach them the principles of honour, courage, wisdom and brotherhood; to become true heroes and defeat the warlord. With these newfound skills in ninjutsu, the kappa yokai were a deadly force. And for the first time in many years, darkness was banished from the land. One generation passed the legend on to the next, preserving their memory should they be needed once more...
Come with me, I gotta safe place for you to hide. And if you're thirsty I got a secret stash of orange crush behind the fridge. Don't tell Raph.
Raph... we made it. You crying?
Ma'am, can you hear me? Do you know what city you're in? Do you know where you are?
Have you seen that video where the cat is playing Chopsticks with chopsticks?
There are four six-foot talking turtles walking around New York city, and no one has seen them but you?
That's what I'm telling you.
All these years I've been trying to recreate the mutagen. And you... you just handed it to me.
You will not lay a hand on my sons!
Your sons? You think you're their father?
We can hear you!
This is history, repeating itself! Your father walked in on me, April, just like you did!
You killed my father...
You are extraordinary, my sons. Unlike anything the world has ever seen. Bowed in greatness, destined to protect the people of New York! A dark force is growing: a criminal organization known as the Foot Clan, so named because they step over the good people of this city with no regard. Their leader, Shredder, will come at you with ferocity. His Foot Clan will outnumber you! The people of New York will look upon you as their only hope.
Where have you been?
Of course, you've all tasted the five-cheese pizza. But this... cheesemongers have speculated its existence for centuries. Da Vinci's original masterpiece. I submit you... Novantanove Formaggio, The 99-cheese pizza!
Mikey, don't you do it!
All these years you told us we were rescued from the fire by a great guardian spirit, a hogosha.
Listen closely, April. I don't remember a time before living in that laboratory. That fateful night started like any other: Sachs gave us our injections, your father made sure our vital signs were strong, and you as always provided us with a special treat. After the brothers went to sleep, I heard loud voices... it was the smell of smoke. Alarms sounded. Your father had discovered the truth behind the man he was working for. He set fire to the lab; his last breath was taken trying to destroy Shredder's plan. I was terrified. But then you appeared, and ushered us to safety.
I never had a voice, then. But I thank you now, April.
I saw how your father loved you, and I knew I had to show that same love to the Turtles. I became their father, and they became my sons.
Everything they are, and everything they have become, was made possible by the bravery you displayed on that fateful night.
And you gave us freedom, where others would have kept us in cages.
Where're you going, Raph? I need all of you!
It's stupid - like you, Mikey!
Raphael, glad you could join us. The fourth cage is for you!
You want some of this? I'm a snapping turtle fool! Snap, snap, snap!
Mikey, was that you?
How many times do I have to tell you? We don't break things, we fix them. Donnie already wiped the pic, genius! Problem solved! Moving on!
Who made you boss?
You know who did.
Oooh, tension. It's been like thirty whole minutes since you had this conversation.
I know you are eager to answer their calls. But your training is not yet complete. The world below must remain your home. As your father, you must trust me and be patient. You are not ready to go above ground, but I believe when that day comes, you will rise to the streets to be heroes.
The rat did not teach you well!
Why are you here?
Inside those turtles is the most precious compound on earth - mutagen. I want you to drain every ounce of their blood, even if it kills them!
You two are adorable. I could just pinch your cheeks!
(2005 TV Series)
Episode: The Daredevil in the Mold (2011)
I mean you like evidence. All right, Bones. Well, here's the evidence. The evidence is that there's something wrong here. Now, I - I fell in love with a woman. I had a kid. She doesn't want to marry me. And - the next woman, she's...
No. Just, you know what - drink. Drink. I'm just really- I'm just mad. I'm just really mad at all of you. I'm just mad, okay? So you want to know how this is going to work? Okay, this is how this is going to work. Me and you are partners that's what we do. Me and you we're partners. And I love that. I think that's great. And we're good people that catch bad people, right? And - and we argue. We go back-and-forth. We're partners and sometimes after we solve the case, we come here and celebrate. That's what we do, we celebrate. So as far as I can see, that's what happens next. Are you okay with that?... Great caus you know, if you are, you stay here and you have a drink with me, all right? Maybe we have a little small talk, a little chit chat. If not, well, you can leave, there's the door. And tomorrow, uh, I'll find you another FBI guy.
I don't want to be your age and wind up like you.
What'd you say?
I don't! You've never been married and that -that's sad to me
Ugh. I know that. And you've got one of the good ones.
"A little bit?" Does your mother know what you're doing?
You're getting that mad scientist look in your eyes
Tell you what. How about we just drop the charges for whatever it is you stole?
I don't know. But you stole something, right?
Whoa! Did you ever get it back?
Yeah. Yeah. It just doesn't seem that romantic to propose with a ring that had to be fished out of a toilet, you know?
Can we just go back? I'll walk in here. You tell me how good I look. I say "Thank you." We kiss. We'll have a nice dinner like - like this never happened. We - we can go back.
How much time do you need?
To get out of your place or to get over you?
Yeah. Those are you only choices.
I'm listening to mold steaks and you're listening to... you can't hear me anymore.
Have you identified the mold?
You can't hear me, so I can say whatever I want you morose bastard.
(2005 TV Series)
Episode: The Critic in the Cabernet (2009)
Listen, you said you wanted to do this alone because feelings are ephemeral. So is life, Brennan. We're here one minute and then we're gone the next. You should know that better than anybody! If you keep living trying to protect yourself, nothing is ever going to touch you.
Well I'm not asking for you to be involved. All I want is your sperm.
Yes. I know I've had no interest in the past. Bu neither did you and you seem to find parenthood very fulfilling.
You do know how this is supposed to work, right?... You get naked together, and you devour each other in a passionate frenzy.
I knew you would understand.
You and Brennan, you're going to have a baby?
She told you?
I know *you* Seeley. You're gonna do it. You wanna do it without really doing it. But it's still doing it even if you're not doing it the way it should be done.
And what'll you get out of it?
A piece of you.
Why are you in the bank Booth?
You've got a hot doctor friend. Go to her and make a direct deposit like a man!
I thought these sessions were meant for you to see how we interact as partners. How does this relate?
You're using Agent Booth to have a child. You don't see how that might relate to your partnership?
How can you two not see what's going on?
Sweets, what's the big deal? She was going to have a baby anyway, with Fisher. Fisher! Okay? What would you have done?
Again, what I would have done is irrelevant. You. *You* admitted to feeling anxiety.
So are you going to let her have this baby alone?
You are! You're going to abandon your child! Oh night's deepest gloom washes over my tiny frame.
No. No. No. I can't walk away. I never said that! Okay? Do you understand? I can't walk away! This is my kid! If I can't be involved I don't want her to have the baby!
But you're a genius. That's good enough for me... Plus you'll know if they're screwing up.
Booth, you're going to be fine.
But if I'm not, I want you to have my stuff. You know, for a kid.
I want you to... You're going to be a really good mom.
You're going to be fine, Booth. I'll be right here.
You really liked holding that kid didn't you?
You know they like singing and uh, when you make funny faces at 'em too.
Then why use Booth at all? Why don't you use Fisher... and his discount sperm?
Booth. What do you know?
You and Brennan, you're gonna have a baby?
She told you?
So, you decided?
I know you, Seeley. You're gonna do it. You wanna do it without really doing it, but it's still doing it even if you're not... doing it the way it should be done.
And what will it do for you?
A piece of you?
You were seeing something in there, what were you seeing?
You saw Stewie in there, in the interrogation room?
What do you say, about the kid?
No, it is. Booth, you thought you saw Luc Robitaille and then the ghost of a dead friend and now a cartoon baby. Trust me, something is wrong. Trust me.
(2005 TV Series)
Episode: The Baby in the Bough (2008)
First the key, now jewelry! What's next? You gonna let him play with a bowling ball?
I'm serious, Bone. *Next* time, *you're* changing the diaper!
Tax shelter? Exactly how loaded are you?
Well *that* is an offensive way to phrase the question, but... quite loaded. I'm betting a seven figure advance for my next book.
A prime number. What do you do with your money?
Oh look at him, Bones. He looks a little fussy there. Why don't you pick him up and give him a cuddle.
Just because I have breasts doesn't mean I have magical powers over infants. You're the one with a son.
All right. Fine. I'll take him. Here you go.
You have fun with the diaper bag. You look good.
Okay here you go. Get used to him.
What do you mean?
That key was evidence. You know how chain of custody works. The kid stays with us until we get the key back.
What do you think she meant by a million? Two?
Okay you two better get your act together or I'm suing for custody.
Yeah, well you are.
Front door is open, you stay here.
Bones, there's a *baby* involved. You hear gunfire, anything like that, drive away!
I'm not leaving you!
Yes you will! Because this is about the *baby*, *not* me. Promise me!
You don't by any chance, live in a shoe, do you?
You don't want kids?
You have no idea what that place is like, Booth. Med students, under funded, under staffed.
"Dear Carol, if anything happens to me, take care of my Andy. I know you don't have much, none of us do, but you have love. And I know Andy would be lucky to be part of your family. "
|9.||How I Met Your Mother
(2005 TV Series)
Episode: Rebound Bro (2008)
I know, I was in the top bunk. I also sat next to you guys at football games.
I'm sorry, it's just that this is a big deal for you. It's like Virginity: The Sequel.
I'm making you my new masterpiece. When I first met Ted, he was a bigger loser than you.
And that's why tonight, I will make you the greatest wingman in the history of wingmen.
Well, it's gonna be easier than you think. I have been reading your blog for years. You are like a god to me. That is why tonight is going to be legendary... wait for it... dary.
So you had a drink thrown in your face. Happens to me all the time. Pretty soon you will be able to anticipate it, and when you do... free drink.
No offense, Randy, but there's a long list of candidates for this slot. This slot is "Vice-President of Awesome", and you're like, Assistant Under-Secretary of Only Okay".
Ted, you're staring at my boobs.
I don't see why you're mad at Barney and not at me.
You know what, I'm not sure that's true...
You haven't had sex since Thanksgiving. Do you know how many federal holidays have passed since then?
Dude, seriously you need to stop calling me.
Yeah I never called you, you called me fifteen times and my parents twice.
Notable deaths in 2003... Oh my God... Nell Carter. Did you guys know that Nell Carter had died?
|10.||How I Met Your Mother
(2005 TV Series)
Episode: As Fast as She Can (2009)
A check so fat, when it sits next to you on an airplane, you ask yourself if it should have bought two seats.
Give it a week. You'll get her back. And her front. Oh! Did you feel that? It felt like a what-up quake.
He's rich? Please tell me he wrote you a big, fat check. A check so fat, it doesn't take its shirt off when it goes swimming.
That is a big, fat check. A check so fat, after you have sex with it, you don't tell your buddies about it.
When will you learn that the only difference between my life and porno is that my life has better lighting?
Okay, I'm gonna say something out loud that I've been doing a pretty good job not saying out loud lately. What you and Tony have... What I thought for a second you and I had... What I know that Marshall and Lily have... I want that. I do. I keep waiting for it to happen, and... I guess I'm just... I'm tired of waiting. And that is all I'm going to say on that subject.
You know that once I talked my way out of a speeding ticket?
I was heading upstate to my parents' house and was doing, like, 90 on a country road and got pulled over. So the cop gets out of his car and he kinda swaggers all over and he's all, like: "Young lady, I have been waiting for you all day." So I looked up at him and I said: "I'm so sorry, officer. I came here as fast as I could."
Nah. It's an old joke. I know that you are tired of waiting, and you may have to wait a little while more, but she's on her way, Ted. And she's getting here as fast as she can.
(1994 TV Series)
Episode: The One with Rachel's Going Away Party (2004)
So, I guess you're next. You ready?
Oh, you're definitely not. I haven't cried like that in years.
You cried yesterday at the six-o'clock news.
Everyone gets a good-bye, but me? What do I got to do to get a good-bye? Huh? Uh, be best friends with you? Uh, go out with you? Have - have a baby with you? Oh, wait a minute! Wait a minute! I *did* all those things!
Or no, maybe, maybe I'm just not giving you enough credit! Uh, I mean it *is* difficult to say "good-bye" to five people. Uh, "good-bye", "good-bye", "good-bye", "good-bye", "goo - guh - guh", it's physically impossible!
You know, after all we've been through, I can't believe *this* is how you want to leave things between us. Have a, have a good time in Paris.
You really think I didn't say "good-bye" because I don't care?
I cannot believe that after ten years, you do not know *one* thing about me!
Fine! That why didn't you say something?
Because it is too damn hard, Ross! I cannot even begin to explain to you how much I am going to miss you! When I think about not seeing you everyday, it makes me not want to go! Okay? So if you think that, that I didn't say "good-bye" to you because you don't mean as much to me as everyone else, you're wrong. It's because you mean *more* to me. So there! All right? *There's* your good-bye!
You ca - ! You keep - ! You can't - !
Let's play one more time, okay? And remember if I win, you do not move to Paris.
Okay, can't believe I'm risking this again, but you are on! Alright Joey you remember the rules, heads I win tails you lose!
Oh wow, can you believe you are like three weeks away!
You don't mind me touching you belly, do you?
No, I don't mind you touching my belly, but right now your hands kinda blocking the part the baby's gonna come out!
Rachel, I know this may not be the best time, but um... Joey's going over the balcony again, could you just come talk to him?
Where you think you're going?
Now, I need you to be careful and efficient. And remember: if I am harsh with you, it's only because you're doing it wrong.
(2003 TV Series)
Episode: Aliyah (2009)
I was betrayed by Mossad, by my father, by Tony. Who's next? You?
I can't believe I'm telling you this. Tony's going to kill me.
Well, you don't think the Director's going to just hand him over?
You mean apart from Tony killing Ziva's friend and Ziva's apartment blowing up? No. No problem at all.
Ah, I thought you'd never ask.
With traffic, I wasn't expecting you for another hour.
You should've checked his bags.
Rivkin was in chaos. You knew. And yet you decided not to tell your father. You tried to protect Rivkin. But in truth, you are the reason he is dead.
You jeopardized your entire career and for what?
For you... He was playing you, Ziva.
I guess you read my report.
I memorized it! You could have left it at that! You could have walked away, but no. You let him up! You put a bullet in his chest.
You weren't there.
You could have put one in his leg.
You... weren't... there.
You loved him.
I need to be able to trust the people that I work with. I know you more than anyone understand that.
How did you possibly manage to -?
Aw geez, Duck. You gonna ask me that every time?
But you took to Ziva more quickly than to any other agent before her. Timothy, Caitlin, even DiNozzo. I've always sensed there's a strong bond between the two of you. Something shared perhaps.
Let me make it easy for you, Gibbs. You made the right call.
Just who the Hell do you think you're talking to?
You know you spend half your time second guessing me, studying me, testing me.
It'd help if you ask the damn questions!... There's the rub. You don't have a clue what to ask. You don't trust me but you don't know why.
I know you don't want to hear this, Gibbs. But now, you have to trust me. And if you're right about Ziva's alligence to you, she'll serve us well in Mossad.
Yeah, and if you're right about her father... we'll never see her again.
Okay, why don't you just get this out? You want to take a punch? Take a swing? Get it out of your system!
And that's what you're really angry about, isn't it? That's what's bothering you. It's not that he's dead. It's that your Mossad boyfriend got his ass kicked by a chump like me.
|13.||Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
(1999 TV Series)
Episode: Entitled (2000)
One minute you're getting your doorknob polished, the next you're sweet talking St. Peter.
Will you ever have dinner with me?
It's frailty, not vanity, you misogynist.
Nah, the real reason was, it was instantly recognizable. Bullet makers want anonymity. If you can't prove where the bullet was made, you can't sue the manufacturer. Where would we be without lawyers?
You're enjoying this, these little guys trying to sweet-talk you into giving us a little crumb of information.
Better than shooting those people in cold blood, you little reptilian geek?
You bet your ass.
You did it, you piece of crap. I know it, you know it.
I'm gonna Mike Tyson you, you bastard!
I'm gonna kill you, I'm gonna kill you, I'm gonna kill you.
|14.||Captain America: The Winter Soldier
I can bring order to the lives of seven billion people, by sacrificing twenty million. It's the next step, Nick. If you have the courage to take it.
I can bring order to the lives of seven billion people by sacrificing twenty million. It's the next step, Nick. If you have the courage to take it.
Attention all S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, this is Steve Rogers. You're heard a lot about me over the last few days. Some of you were even ordered to hunt me down. But I think it's time to tell the truth. S.H.I.E.L.D. is not what we thought it was. It's been taken over by HYDRA. Alexander Pierce is their leader. The S.T.R.I.K.E. and Insight crew are HYDRA as well. I don't know how many more, but I know they're in the building. They could be standing right next to you. They almost have what they want. Absolute control. They shot Nick Fury. And it won't end there. If you launch those helicarriers today, HYDRA will be able to kill anyone that stands in their way. Unless we stop them. I know I'm asking a lot. But the price of freedom is high. It always has been. And it's a price I'm willing to pay. And if I'm the only one, then so be it. But I'm willing to bet I'm not.
You know, I read those SSR files. "Greatest Generation"? You guys did some nasty stuff.
S.H.I.E.L.D. takes the world as it is, not as we'd like to be. And it's getting damn near past time for you get with that program, Cap.
Did you do anything fun Saturday night?
You know, if you ask Kristen out, from Statistics, she'd probably say yes.
Your work has been a gift to mankind. You shaped the century. And I need you to do it one more time...
Look, whoever he used to be and the guy he is now, I don't think he's the kind you save. He's the kind you stop.
Well, he might not give you a choice. He doesn't know you.
You gonna wear that?
No. If you're gonna fight a war, you got to wear a uniform.
Are you ready for the world to see you as you really are? Look out the window, you know how the game works: disorder, war, all it takes is one step.
You don't think we've wiped your clearance from the system?
I know you erased my password. Probably deleted my retinal scan. But if you want to stay ahead of me, Mr. Secretary...
...you need to keep both eyes open.
You just can't stop yourself from lying, can you?
Which you didn't feel obliged to share.
Last time I trusted someone, I lost an eye. Look, I didn't want you doing anything you weren't comfortable with. Agent Romanoff is comfortable with everything.
You're wrong about me. I do share. I'm nice like that.
If they're shooting at you, they're bad.
Hey, fellas. Either one of you know where the Smithsonian is? I'm here to pick up a fossil.
You gave me this mission. This is how it ends. S.H.I.E.L.D.'s been compromised. You said so yourself. HYDRA grew under right your nose and nobody noticed.
Why do you think we're meeting in this cave? I noticed.
How many paid the price before you did?
Even if you had, would you have told me? Or would you have compartmentalized that, too? S.H.I.E.L.D., HYDRA, it all goes.
Well... It looks like you're giving the orders now, Captain.
You're a lot heavier than you look.
You're going after him.
You don't have to come...
Did you get my flowers?
Yeah, I bet you look terrible in them now.
I sent you to rescue hostages, which you were comfortable with doing. Now Agent Romanov is comfortable with everything.
You know me.
Bucky. you've known me your entire life. Your name is James Buchanan Barnes...
I'm not gonna fight you. You're my friend.
You're my mission! YOU ARE MY MISSION!
Then finish it. 'Cause I'm with you 'til the end of the line.
You still uncomfortable?
I thought you were more than a shield.
Look, you saved the world. We rather mucked it up.
First correction, I am Swiss. Second, look around you, I have never been more alive! In 1972, I received a terminal diagnosis. Science could not save my body. My mind, however, that was worth saving... on two hundred thousand feet of data banks! You are standing in my brain!
How can you kill people over a prediction Zola made about them being a threat?
You're not part of Hydra, but you had the same ideas as they did! If we have to shut this down, we shut down everything!
Let me ask you a question. What if Pakistan marched into Mumbai tomorrow, and you knew they were going to drag your daughter into a soccer stadium for execution, and you could stop it with a flick of a switch... wouldn't you?
People will fight for their freedom if people try to take it from them. But if you cause enough trouble, people will willingly give up their freedom for a more secure world.
There's nowhere you can run, Rogers!
Are you kidding me?
You were part of some pretty unethical stuff yourself.
Fine. But you got to get Iron Man to stop by my niece's birthday party.
Thank you, sir.
Steve. You're alive. You came back.
No, you can't.
You know, they used to play music.
You're on the wrong side!
That depends on where you're standing.
This is going to hurt. There are no prisoners with HYDRA. Just order. And order only comes with pain. You ready for yours?
HYDRA was founded on the belief that humanity could not be trusted with its own freedom. What we did not realize was that if you tried to take that freedom, they resist. The war taught us much. Humanity needed to surrender its freedom willingly. After the war, S.H.I.E.L.D. was founded, and I was recruited. The new HYDRA grew, a beautiful parasite inside S.H.I.E.L.D. For 70 years, HYDRA has been secretly feeding crises, reaping war. And when history did not cooperate, history was changed.
That's impossible. S.H.I.E.L.D. would've stopped you.
What about the nurse that lives across the hall from you? She seems kind of nice.
Whoa, big guy. I just want you to know, Cap, this isn't personal!
What do you want?
You're gonna go around the corner to your right. There's a gray car two spaces down. You and I are gonna take a ride.
Is this little display meant to insinuate that you're gonna throw me off the roof? Because it's really not your style, Rogers.
You're right. It's not. It's hers.
You! A TV anchor in Cairo, the Under Secretary of Defense, a high school valedictorian in Iowa City, Bruce Banner, Stephen Strange, anyone who's a threat to HYDRA. Now, or in the future.
Did you write that down first, or was it off the top off your head?
Now as to you poor devils. So as I see it, when it comes to the subject of what to do next, you gentlemen have two choices. One: once I'm gone, you could lift that beast off the remaining Speck, then carry him to the nearest town. Which would be at least 37 miles back the way you came. Or two: You could unshackle yourselves, take that rifle, put a bullet in his head, bury the two of them deep, and then make your way to a more enlightened area of this country. The choice is yours. Oh, and on the off chance there are any astronomy aficionados amongst you, the North Star is that one. Tata!
Now, as to you poor devils. So as I see it, when it comes to the subject of what to do next, you gentlemen have two choices. One: once I'm gone, you could lift that beast off the remaining Speck, then carry him to the nearest town; which would be at least 37 miles back the way you came. Or two: you could unshackle yourselves, take that rifle, put a bullet in his head, bury the two of them deep, and then make your way to a more enlightened area of this country. The choice is yours.
Gentlemen, you had my curiosity. But now you have my attention.
How do you like the bounty hunting business?
I like the way you die, boy.
So you're really free?
You mean, you wanna dress like that ?
You said you ain't know him.
I said, "You said you ain't know him."
Yes, you do.
Why is you lying to me?
Then why is you cryin'?
You scaring me.
Why is I'm scarin' you?
Because you're scary.
Oh, you are one lucky nigger!
You better listen to your boss, white boy!
Oh, I'ma go walkin' in the moonlight with you!
You wanna hold my hand?
Stephen, when you get through showing them to their rooms, go fetch Hildi. Get her cleaned up and smellin' real nice and send her over to Dr. Schultz's room.
Actually, Monsieur Candie sir, there's something I ain't told you about yet.
What you think she doin' there, in the hot box? She been punished!
How long you think she been in there? All damn day! And the little bitch got ten more days to be in there.
Christ, Stephen! What is the point of having a nigger that speaks German if you can't wheel 'em out when you have a German guest? Now I realize it is an inconvenience! Still, you take her ass out.
What did you say your name was? Shoots?
But you are used to it?
I think you are a bad loser.
And I think you're an abysmal winner
Django, and his friend in gray here, Dr. Schultz, are customers. And they are our guests, Stephen, and you, you old decrepit bastard are to show them every hospitality. You understand that?
Cora, before you go, will you tell Miss Lara "goodbye"?
I don't go in for sweets, thank you.
Are you brooding 'bout me getting the best of ya, huh?
Actually, I was thinking of that poor devil you fed to the dogs today, D'Artagnan. And I was wondering what Dumas would make of all this.
Alexander Dumas. He wrote "The Three Musketeers." I figured you must be an admirer. You named your slave after his novel's lead character. If Alexander Dumas had been there today, I wonder what he would have made of it?
You doubt he'd approve?
I don't care. No sale. Now off with you.
My good man, did you simply get carried away with your dramatic gesture, or are you pointing your weapon at me with lethal intention?
I like the way you die, boy.
DJANGO! You uppity son of a b...
You silver tongued devil, you.
D-jango, you black son of a bitch!
I'm curious, what makes you such a mandingo expert?
I'm curious what makes you so curious.
And in the odd chance there are any Astronomy aficionados amongst you the North Star is... that one.
I've heard tell about you. I heard you been telling everybody them mandingos ain't no damn good, ain't nothing nobody is selling is worth buying - I'm curious. What makes you such a mandingo expert?
I'm curious what makes you so curious.
You niggas gon' understand something about me! I'm worse than any of these white men here! You get the molasses out your ass, and you keep your goddamn eyeballs off me!
So, bright boy, Moguy tells me you looked over my African flesh and you was none too impressed, huh?
Well, then, we got nothing more to talk about. You see, you want to buy a beat ass nigger from me, those are the beat ass niggers I want to sell, so...
He don't wanna buy the niggers you wanna sell. He wants the nigger you don't wanna sell.
Well, you won't sell your best. You won't even sell your second best, but your third best? You don't wanna sell either, but if I made you an offer so ridiculous, you'd be forced to consider it?
And what do you consider "ridiculous?"
For a truly talented specimen, the right nigger? How much would you say, Django?
Gentleman, you had my curiosity, now you have my attention.
Now, why do ya'll wanna come into my town and start trouble? And scare all of these nice people? You ain't got nothing better to do than to come into Bill Sharp's town and show your ass-!
Mister Candie, normally I would say "Auf wiedersehen," but since what "auf wiedersehen" actually means is "'till I see you again", and since I never wish to see you again, to you, sir, I say goodbye.
You said in seventy-six years on this plantation, you've seen all manner of shit done to niggers but I notice... you didn't mention kneecapping.
Seventy-six years, Stephen. How many niggers you think you seen come and go? Seven thousand? Eight thousand? Nine thousand? Nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine? Every single word that came out of Calvin Candie's mouth was nothing but horseshit, but he was right about one thing: I am that one nigger in ten thousand.
Oh, you son of a bitch! Oh, you motherfucker! Oh, sweet Jesus, let me kill this nigger!
This is Ben. He's a old Joe that lived around here for a long time. And I do mean a long damn time. Well Ben here took care of my daddy and my daddy's daddy, till he up and keeled over one day. Old Ben took care of me. Growing up the son of a huge plantation owner in Mississippi puts a white man in contact with a whole lot of black faces. I spent my whole life here right here in Candyland, surrounded by black faces. And seeing them every day, day in day out, I only had one question. Why don't they kill us? Now right out there on that porch three times a week for fifty years, old Ben here would shave my daddy with a straight razor. Now if I was old Ben, I would have cut my daddy's goddamn throat, and it wouldn't have taken me no fifty years to do it neither. But he never did. Why not? You see, the science of phrenology is crucial to understanding the separation about two species. In the skull of the African here, the area associated with submissiveness is larger than any human or other sub-human species on planet Earth. If you examine this piece of skull here, you'll notice three distinct dimples. Here, here and here. Now if I was holding a skull of a... of an Isaac Newton or Galileo, these three dimples would be in the area of the skull most associated with creativity. But this is the skull of old Ben, and in the skull of old Ben unburdened by genius, these three dimples exist in the area of the skull most associated with servility. Now bright boy, I will admit you are pretty clever. But if I took this hammer here and I bashed it in your skull, you would have the same three dimples in the same place as old Ben. Hey! Now lay your palms flat on the table top! If you lift those palms off that turtle shell table top, Mr. Pooch is gonna let loose with both barrels of that sawed off! There have been a lot of lies said around this dinner table here tonight, but that you can believe!
What about you, Robert? Can you see?
Not too good. I mean, if I don't move my head I can see you pretty good, more or less. But when I start ridin', the bag's movin' all over, and I - I'm ridin' blind.
Oh, well shitfire! If you don't wear 'em as you ride up, that just defeats the purpose!
Well fuck all y'all! I'm going home! You know, I watched my wife work all day gettin' thirty bags together for you ungrateful sons of bitches! And all I hear is criticize, criticize, criticize! From now on, don't ask me or mine for nothin'!
I thank... we all thank the bag was a nice idea. But I'm not pointin' any fangers. Think it coulda been done better. So, how 'bout, no bags this time? But next time, we do the bags right, and then we go full regalia.
Goddammit! This is a raid! I can't see! You can't see! So what? All that matters is can the fuckin' horse see? That's a raid!
You sure that's him?
You don't know if you're positive?
It means you're sure.
Aw, Stephen, you have nails for breakfast? What's the matter? Why you so ornery? You miss me? Huh?
Oh, yes, sir. I miss you like a hawg miss slop. Like a baby miss mammy titty! I miss you like I misses a rock in my shoe! Now, I aks you, who dis nigger on dat nag?
Hey, Snowball. You wanna know my name or the name of my horse, you ask me.
Just who the hell you callin' 'Snowball,' hoss boy? I'll snatch yo black ass off dat nag down here in the mud so fast make yo head spin!
That nigger there. Let me at least introduce the two of you. Django, this is a another cheeky black bugger like yourself, Stephen. Stephen, this here is Django. You two oughta hate each other.
Calvin, just who the hell is dis nigger you feel's the need to entertain?
Django, and his friend in gray here, Dr. Schultz, are customers. And they are our guests, Stephen. And you, you old, decrepit bastard, you are to show them every hospitality. You understand that?
You don't have to know why. Do you understand?
Well, you got a problem with that?
Aw, naw, naw. I ain't got no problem with it. If you ain't got no problem with burnin' the bed, the sheets, the pillowcase, and everything else when this black-ass motherfucker's gone!
That is my problem! They are mine to burn! Now your problem right now is making a good impression! And I want you to start solving that problem right now and get them goddamn rooms ready!
Cain't believe you brought a nigger to stay in the Big House. Yo daddy's rollin' over in his goddamn grave, right now. Brought a nigger to stay with us. What kinda shit is that?
The hell you say!
I'm aware this is probably disconcerting news. But I'm willing to wager this man was elected sheriff sometime in the last two years. I know this because three years ago, he was rustling cattle from the B.C. Corrigan Cattle Company of Lubbock, Texas. Now, this is a warrant, made out by circuit court Judge Henry Allen Laudermilk of Austin Texas. You're encouraged to wire him. He'll back up who I am, and who your dear departed sheriff was. In other words Marshall... you owe me 200 dollars.
What the hell you think you're doing, boy?
I wish to parlez with you.
Oh! And on the off chance there are any astronomy aficionados amongst you, the North Star is that one. Tata!
You gotta be reasonable in a situation like this!
I'm not a bad guy, I'm just doing my job! Blueberry, didn't I give you my last apple? Tell you what, boys, take me to the doc in El Paso, and I'll get you your freedom.
Dr. Schultz, in Greenville, you yourself said that for the right nigger you'd be willing to pay what some may consider is a ridiculous amount. To which me myself said "What is your definition of ridiculous?" To which you said "$12,000." Now, considering y'all have ridden a whole lot of miles...
And I take it you prefer the take it or leave it style of negotiation?
Yes, I do, Doctor. You see, under the laws of Chickasaw County, Broomhilda, here, is my property... and I can choose to do with MY PROPERTY... WHATEVER I SO DESIRE!
YES, you may!
Mr. Bennett, I've been lead to believe you are a gentleman, and a business man. And it is in these capacities that we've ridden from Texas to Tennessee to talk with you now.
You and your Jimmie rode from Texas to Tennessee, to buy one of my nigger gals, no appointment, no nothin'?
Well what if I say, I don't like you, or your fancy pants nigger, and I wouldn't sell you a tinkers damn! Now, what'cha gotta say about that?
Mr. Bennett! If you are the business man I've been led to believe you to be, I have five thousand things I might say that could change your mind.
Didn't you hear him tell ya, I ain't no slave?
So, you really free?
So, you wanna dress like that?
Who are you two jokers?
You know them by the name "Shaffer," but the butchers real names were Brittle. These are wanted men; the law wants them for murder. I reiterate, this warrant states "dead or alive." When Django and myself executed these men on sight, we were operating within our legal boundaries. Now, I realize passions are high, but I must warn you, the penalty for taking deadly force against a officer of the court in the performance of his duty is, you will be hung by the neck until you are dead.
May I please remove the warrant from my pocket so you may examine it?
You leaving. This here is what you take with you.
Your black ass is what all them motherfuckers at the Big House could talk about for the last few hours. Seem like white folk ain't never had a bright idea in they life was coming up with all kinds of ways to kill your ass. Now, mind you, most of them ideas had to do with fucking with your fun parts. Now, that may seem like a good idea, but the truth is, when you snip a nigga's nuts, most of them bleed out in, oh, about... seven minutes. Most of them.
And as a slave of the LeQuint Dickey Mining Company, henceforth until the day you die, all day, every day, you will be swingin' a sledgehammer, turnin' big rocks into little rocks. Now, when you get there, they gonna take away your name, give you a number and a sledgehammer, and say, "Get to work!" One word of sass, they cut out your tongue. And they good at it, too. You won't bleed out. Oh, they does that real good! They gonna work ya all day, every day 'till your back give out. Then, they're gonna hit you in the head with a hammer, throw your ass down the nigger hole.
And THAT will be the story of you, Django!
Django... Django... Django... You got sand, Django. Boy's got sand! I got no use for a nigger with sand.
I want you to burn a runaway "R" right here on his cheek, and the girl, too.
And I want you to take them to the Greenville auction and sell them. Both of them... separately.
And this one... you will sell him cheap!
Oh, Monsiuer Candie, you can't imagine what it's like not to hear your mother tongue in four years.
"Two weeks in Boston!" Monsiuer Candie, you a mess!
Betina, sugar, could you take Django there and take him around the grounds here and show him all the pretty stuff?
As you please, Big Daddy!
Oh, Mr. Bennett, I must remind you, Django is a free man. He cannot be treated like a slave. He... within the boundaries of good taste, he must be treated as an extension of myself.
Django isn't a slave. Django is a free man. You understand?
You can't treat him like any of the other niggers around here, 'cause he ain't like any of the other nigger around here. Ya got it?
You mean, you want me to actually treat him like white folks?
Then I don't know what you want, Big Daddy!
Oh, you mean Jerry?
You know Jerry, don't ya, sugar?
Well, that's it then! Just treat him like you would Jerry!
How long have you been associated with Mr. Candie?
One could almost say you's a nigga.
What did you say?
Nigger! Don't you touch my brother's coat!
You make this gentlemen a receipt for $12,000, please.
Now gentlemen, if you care to join me in the parlor, we will be serving white cake...
Now, where were we? Oh... that's right! Last time I saw you, you had your hands around my-
D-Jango! You black son of a bitch!
Shut up, black! You ain't got nothing to say I wanna hear!
How would you like to make $11,000?
You're alright for a black fella!
Can you spell it?
Dee-jango, you black son of a bitch!
What kind of dentist are you?
Do you know what a bounty hunter is?
You kill people? And they give you a reward?
On one hand, I despise slavery. On the other hand, I need your help. If you're not in a position to refuse, all the better. So, for the time being, I'm gonna make this slavery malarkey work to my benefit. Still, having said that, I feel guilty...
But you do. Don't ya?
Good. So here's my agreement: You travel with me until we find them...
I hear at least two of them are overseeing up in Gatlinburg, but I don't know where. That means we visit every plantation in Gatlinburg till we find 'em. And when we find them, you point them out, and I kill them.
You do that, I agree to give you your freedom; $25 per Brittle brother.
Mister Candie, normally I would say "Auf wiedersehen," but since what "auf wiedersehen" actually means is "'till I see you again", and since I never wish to see you again, to you, sir, I say goodbye!
But you are in my house, Doctor! So, I'm afraid I must insist...
You know what I think you are?
Do I know what you think I am? No, I don't!
I think you are a bad loser!
And I think you're an abysmal winner!
Never the less, here in Chickasaw County, a deal ain't done till the two parties have shook hands. Even after all this paper signin', don't mean shit you don't shake my hand.
And if I don't shake your hand, you're gonna throw away $12,000? I don't think so!
Mr. Pooch, if she tries to leave here before this nigger-loving German shakes my hand, you cut her ass down!
You REALLY want me to shake your hand?
Oh, if you insist...
(2004 TV Series)
Episode: Numbers (2005)
What do I want? I want to know what we're doing in the middle of nowhere! And don't tell me it's because of some stinking batteries. One minute you're happy-go-lucky, good-time Hurley, the next you're Colonel bloody Kurtz!
Hi. You awake?
Hurley! What the hell happened to you?
Dude, what d'you want from me?
I just told you the biggest secret in my life. I thought you'd wanna reciprocate.
|17.||It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
(2005 TV Series)
Frank I've been walking next to you this entire time
Oooh shit... Look at the door, dude. You see that door right there? The one marked pirate? You think a pirate lives in there?
What are you gonna do, hit him? No, that's a terrible idea, I'll tell you why: it doesn't unbang your mom.
Later dudes, S you in your A's Don't wear a C and J all over your B's
So what you want a maid?
Good, that's good. And you're not getting a high ride, huh?
Well, it's... not about you. Why don't you just write it down?
God you're disgusting, a disgusting animal.
I think you should bang Gail the snail
You did your best, no hard feelings! I'm going to grab some of this literature on my way out too.
are you intervening us is that what that was?
you know what I'm feeling I'm feeling like you've lost control of the room here. When really we're the ones who are running things here
I've lost my trust in you, I feel like we can do this on our own.
Do you guys think?
You're thirty-three years old, you're supposed to be sexually active! You're not supposed to be fondling your uncle under the table
Yeah let's pretend you aren't who you are and just try to attract a woman.
Bro you got be kidding ,you know what we'll make it up
We're not even going to use you!
Cover you knees up if your going to be walking around everywhere.
Is it a yes or a no, because you're kind of holding up traffic here. It's just - it's rude.
How much cheese have you eaten today?
You had a block of cheese?
Does that calm you down?
Where did you come from?
(2007 TV Series)
Episode: Blues from Laurel Canyon (2008)
Oh, I'm honored, I'm a big fan. What is next for you? A Cockwork Orange or perhaps Twenty-sixty-nine: A Sit On My Face Odyssey?
(2011 TV Series)
Episode: Illuminated (2014)
You want to throw a Halloween party? What's next? You gonna join the Yearbook Club?
Sweetheart, since this is my first class and I haven't taught in five years, I just want to remind you of one thing. Try not to embarrass me.
You should've thought about that before wearing those shoes.
Love you, too.
Uh, I thought you liked girls.
I do like girls. Do you?
So you also like boys?
Absolutely. Do you?
Okay, this one will get you into all of the perimeter doors, this one into the evidence room, and this one's for my father's office.
You didn't steal these, did you?
That was awesome! I mean, terrifying, completely terrifying... but kind of awesome. I've never done anything like that before. Have you?
That girl walked through 1.21 gigawatts of electricity. She's not like you.
What were the two of you doing?
You believe this?
So when did you get there?
What do you mean coincidence?
That's what I'm asking you. The two of you arrived at the same time. Was that coincidence?
Are you asking me?
I think he's asking the both of you.
How did you know he'd take her to a power station?
You didn't tell him anything, did you? About the pictures?
Oh, no, I just said that you have some pictures of you on your phone that you didn't want anyone to see.
You don't get it, do you? Scott doesn't care about power. He cares about people. You want to be a wolf in his pack? Try being a human in high school.
What do you want, Stiles?
I was just... I was thinking on the case. I was thinking I should clue you in on my thinking. Here's my thinking. I was thinking this... I was thinking that Barrow, right... I was thinking that Barrow received the information about who to kill at the school, right, you know that? So I was thinking maybe the person who gave him that information, check this out, might actually be someone at the school. And that's, uh, my thinking.
Hmm. You're right.
You want to leave so we can figure it out?
(1999 TV Series)
Looks like you got more competition at next year's special people's games, huh?
My day? Un-freakin' believable. First we nailed this bastard who had the gall to hide his stuff in his daughter's doll, her doll for god's sake. Where's the line anymore? Well, I got news for ya, it's not even on the radar screen! The days of decency and virtue are gone, honey, BAM, freakin' evaporated like a dingy stinkin' mudpuddle. One day you see your reflection in it and the next day it's a, it's a damn oil spot on your crack driveway, staring back at you, mocking at you, blah, blah, blah, knowing the perverted truths that rot in the pit of your soul. That's how my freakin' day was!
Some company hired me to stand next to you all day so you'd look better by comparison.
Hey Meg, you mind cleaning out the shower the next time you shave your legs? It's like a carpet in there.
Pipe down Lois. Hey big man, turn around. Oh you can't hear me now. I was going to watch the movie, but forget it. For the next 5 hours, you're my bitch.
Hey, Brian, remember me? I'm the guy you left standing at the counter at McDonald's with a bag full of burgers. You know it's funny, I tried to walk home and, um, a lot of hungry deer walking around at this hour of the night and, um, oh here's where the story gets fun, uh, you may have noticed I'm missing an ear. Managed to, uh, pull it out of the deer's mouth and put it in some ice I got at a 7-Eleven. So when you are ready to apologize, just talk into this cup.
And when you die, you go to a wonderful place called heaven
Nah, I'm just jackin' ya, you'll all rot in the ground.
So, Peter, where do you see yourself in ten years?
Hey. I'm gonna eat 'cha. I'm gonna eat that hairy leg. I'm gonna eat that other one, too. I can see right up in them shorts. Got lots of rows of teeth to chew you with. Dun-na, Dun-na, Dun-na. Oh, I did eat a fat kid on a raft earlier. That's OK though, I have been swimming a lot.
Hey, let's play a game called "I never". You gotta drink if you never did the thing the person says they did.
You know I heard they're using Jeff Gillooly in the hunt for Osama Bin Laden... Jeff Gillooly.
Okay, that one wasn't so fresh, but you knoooow...
What are you watching, Peter?
"Passion of the Christ." I tell you Brian - I can't believe that this guy's just lying there taking it. If it was me I would have done something...
Peter, what is wrong with you? I'm naked.
Oh, god you're self-conscious
See, now you're not alone.
Whoo-hoo! Oh, damn Schneider what will you say?
Okay, I got it, I got it. If you cooked anymore slowly, you wouldn't need an egg timer, you need an egg calendar.
Okay, okay, wait, here's another one. Why do women have boobs? So you got something to look at while you're talking to them.
Are you telling jokes? I love jokes.
All right, then you'll love this one, okay. Why do women have boobs?
So you got something to look at while you're talking to them
So you got something you look at while you're talking to them
So you got - Y-you want to see me, Mr. Weed?
Well, if you want to be a hero right now it might be a good time.
Robin, what are you looking at me for? Look at her.
Peter, did you take care of that...
I know what you've been doing here, and I'm very upset with you.
Oh. Usually, beautiful women don't turn back into you until I'm finished.
These tapes are about to be communication. If you want to see a woman acting nasty, you should've told me.
I was trying to be sexy for you.
Oh, come here you.
You should've told me.
You should've told me.
Peter, Brian please! Can't you two go back to the way you used to be?
What did you see? Was it breasts?
Ah, geez, get over it Brian, I mean, how bad you have it here? When I found you, you were nothing but a stray.
You swear, you never speak of that.
Uh, no thank you, I just had it cleaned.
Wait! Wait! Uh, you're hungry? 'Cause you know, my wife makes this beefaroni casserole, out of this world.
Damn it, Julie, I'm a single mother doing the best damn job she knows how, and damn it Schneider, I ask you to fix that damn sink two days ago.
Oh, I'll fix your sink Ms. Romano, and by "fix your sink" I mean I'll have sex with you, and by "I have sex with you" I mean I'll fix your sink. And by "sink" I mean your reproductive organ. And by, "reproductive organ" I mean the thing between your knee, and by "the thing between your knee"? I... I guess that one's kind of self-explanatory.
Our children our greatest treasure. They deserve a school board president who doesn't leave her feminine ointments in the fridge next to the mustard. That was the worst sandwich I ever ate! She flosses in bed. She snores like a wildebeest. She freed Willie Horton. She nailed Donna Rice.
Oh, Peter, I love you.
Peter Griffin, we know you're in there! Come out with your hands up!
Yeah, you sure did. What the hell is this?
Oh, aren't you affectionate tonight. Well,let me give you a kiss...
Stewie... did you unhook mommy's bra?
You know, sometimes I feel like the whole world was made just for me...
You think he's on to us, Christof?
Say Phil, what do you say to Happy Hour after work?
Lois you know my rule, You are only allowed to sleep with three people besides me, Gene Simmons, John Schneider or Boba Fett.
You're right Scoob, we're dealing with one sick son of a bitch!
The power of Christ compels you, bitch!
Lois, are you high?
I don't need to $@%# impress you.
You bet your smurf it was!
Hey, I saw you leaving with Smurfette.
You have 113 new messages
Guess who? Sorry to leave you so many messages. Just lonely here. Thinkin' about the muscly-armed paperboy. Wishin' he'd come by and bring me some good news.
Where are you?
Ah, you're starting to piss me off, you little piggly son of a bitch. Call me.
You know, Lois, I'm really not comfortable talking about this amelodically.
Peter, you've been wearing that giant cowboy hat for eight months now. Please for your family, take it off.
Peter, I can remember a dozen times when you've saved our lives
If you don't put 'Coach' back on the air i'll be really upset. the skillful acting of Craig T. Nelson will be missed a lot. Signed Peter Griffin.
Are you Peter Griffin?
Hey dad, you didn't tell us how we got our house back.
My mother lives in Austin. Don't you see? Fate's brought me back here for a reason. I have to find my mother and make peace with her.
You know what this means?
Fourth wall, you're breaking the fourth wall!
Meg, you're the one that got us on TV in the first place.
Good for you.
Hey, big guy... how you doin? Holdin up all right? Want a soda? Oh, screw it. I tried!
Peter, why would they make you president?
Oh, you... Must I lock up your tongue with the rest of the silver?
So you're the guy who's been trying to steal my girlfriend!
Wha- you- Girlfriend? Oh, what kind of sick, twisted game are you playing at?
Ha! I've got your hat! Take that, Hatless! Now go back to the quad and resume your hacky-sack tournee! I'm not going to lie down for some frat-boy bastard with his damn Teva sandals and his Skoal bandits and his Abercrombie & Fitch long-sleeved, open-stitch, crew-neck Henley smoking his sticky-buds out of a soda can while watching his favorite downloaded "Simpsons" episodes every night! Yes, we all love "Mr. Plow." Oh, you've got the song memorized, do you?
So does everyone else! That is *exactly* the kind of idiot you see at Taco Bell at one in the morning! The guy who just whiffed his way down the bar-skank ladder!
Wow! You are some kind of sorcerer.
Well, Peter, if you pull a party out of your ass you better stand up.
Oh, you people can kiss the fattest part of my ass.
NOOOOOO. Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids. Damn longears, trying to take Easter away from Jesus. Anyway, what was that you were saying?
Hey there, Sweetie! I got a wax this morning and let's just say you're cleared for landing. Huh?
Peter, the caller ID says you're calling from the kitchen. In fact... I can see you.
Can you see me now?
If I'm a child, that means you're a pedophile, and I'll be damned if I'm going to stand here and take this from a pervert.
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?
So, what do you think of this "Music Television?"
Hey. That's Against the law. You're coming with me.
Ah ah ah. Can't Touch Me/ Can't Touch me/ Ja ja ja ja just like the bad guy/ from Lethal Weapon 2/ I've got diplomatic Immunity/ so Hammer, you can't sue/ I can write graffiti even jay-walk in the streets/ I can Riot, loot, not give a hoot, and touch your sister's teat/ Can't touch me/ Can't touch me/
Can't touch me/ STOP, Peter time/ I'm a big shot, there's no doubt/ light a fire then pee it out/ Don't like it, kiss my rump/ Just for a minute, let's all do the bump/ Can't touch me/ Yeah, do the Peter Griffin Bump/ Can't touch me/ I'm Presidential Peter/ Interns think I'm hot/ Don't care if you're handicapped, I'll still park in your spot/ I've been around the world/ from Hartford to Back Bay/ It's Peter, Go Peter, I'm so Peter, Yo Peter, Let's see Regis rap this way/ Can't touch me.
Mr. Griffin I'm saying you're fine.
Now what? Are you coming on to me?
Peter, he's not coming on to you. He's trying to tell you you're healthy.
You could kill all the girls who are prettier than me.
Well, it's Stewie, but... you can call me "cookie" if you like. Yes, I also answer to "Artemis, " "Agent Buckwald" and "Snake." Yes, I rather like "Snake." Snake Griffin.
Now, I know you're a feminist, and I think that's adorable, but this is grown-up time and I'm the man.
Are you a confused adolescent desperately seeking acceptance from an undifferentiated ego mass that demands conformity?
Mother, I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint: it's in my diaper and it's not a toaster.
Meg, can you change Stewie?
This show contains adult content, and is brought to you by the letter H.
Bert, I wish you wouldn't drink so much, Bert.
Well, Ernie, I wish you wouldn't eat cookies in the *damn* bed.
Bert, you're shouting again, Bert.
Yeah? Well, what'd you want?
You called me, right?
Oh, no, no I wasn't calling you.
Oh, oh, this is funny to you? Y-yeah? Y-you know what pain in the ass is to get across town this time a day, huh?
I don't fly you know. I take the subway like everybody else. Oh and people don't stare. You made me puke,
We're quite a bit of partners just like Velma and Louise/Except you're not six feet tall/
How dare you, at least I don't leave urine stains on all the household plants.
We'd tell you more but we would have the censors on our ass.
I don't have to listen to you! You're a dog! You don't have a soul!
Hey, aah... You two better settle down... Aah... Chris give Meg her hat...
I don't have to listen to you! You're a dog! You don't have a soul!
You know how to use one of these?
You know how to use one of these?
Where did you go?
Oh, let me guess. Another box with a crank that I turn and turn and turn until... whoo... a clown pops out. Then you laugh, the kids laugh, the dog laughs, and I die a little more inside.
Uh, Peter, this is Brooke... she's having dinner with us tonight. I went over this with you a few minutes ago.
Put on a jacket or you'll get frostbite.
That's 'cause you didn't eat your beans!
Mr Griffin, does this mean that you're not only a bad husband and father but you're a bad school board president?
Will you resign over this?
What are you talking about?
If I choose to make stool in my pants right now, you're the only one here to change me. What do you think of that, hmm?
I'm not going to change you.
I said, I'm not going to change you.
You can't be serious. Well, what if I make a fudgie? Well, I just won't. I just won't, that's all. I just won't. Blast! I just did!
Let me light that for you, honey.
Yeah, you like that? Magic Fingers...
My mother lives in Austin. Don't you see? Fate's brought me back here for a reason. I have to find my mother and make piece with her.
You know what this means?
What's wrong with you? These people shouldn't be encouraged, they should be punished! That man has committed murder here this evening, and the victim's name is theater. This is the kind of mind-numbing shlock that's turning our society into a cultural wasteland. This isn't art, this isn't even entertainment. This... blows!
I wouldn't bother visiting the neighborhood of make-believe today Mr. Rogers, I dare say you find it quite in ruins.
That's right! All dead. And now Mr. Rogers ? Fred - may as well drop blood formalities - I'm going to kill you anyway!
It's okay. Stewie we're just tucking you to sleep.
But now it's time for you to meet Mr. Death.
Did you not hear me out there?
Jeez Brian, where do you think you are, Payless?
Joe, I've had new neighbors before but none of them were half the man you are. And since you're half a man already, that splits them into some kind of fraction I can't even measure.
All right, we are going to use a fan brush here and uh why don't you take some hunter green and we are going to put a happy little bush right down over here in the corner there and that'll just be our little secret and if you tell anyone that that bush is there I will come to your house and I will cut you.
Patty, did you know your mother is a whore?
Oh, yes, we can help you there. "Everyone poops" is still the standard, of course. We've also got less popular "Nobody Poops But You".
Huh... well... you see... we're Catholic so... uh...
Oh, well then you want "You're a Naughty Child and that's Concentrated Evil Coming Out of the Back of You".
Well, you tell me. Louie left his house at 2:15 and had to travel a distance 6.2 miles traveling at a rate of five miles a hour. When will Louie get here?
You remember that time I was supposed to get that boat?
A boat's a boat, but the mystery box could be anything. It could even be a boat! You know how much we wanted one of those!
Hey, any of you ladies been penetrated?
I'm sorry but there's a handsome man in my spoon. You'll have to come back later.
Damn you, damn the broccoli, and damn the Wright Brothers.
Damn you! Damn the broccoli! Damn the Wright Brothers!
You. Cut my eggs.
IDIOT. Freeze it, then CUT it. And if you ever question me again, I shall put you on diaper detail. And believe me, I will not make it easy on you.
So where do you see yourself in five years?
You know my great-great-grandfather Angus Griffin invented the game.
Yes, I rather like this God fellow. He's very theatrical, you know, a pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence. Gotta get me some of that.
Dad, now that you're retired, you're staying with us. No arguments, I'm putting my foot down.
Of course not, we'd love to have you stay.
You're a good woman, Lois. Perhaps you won't burn in Hell after all. Maybe you'll just go to Purgatory with all the unbaptized babies.
You hear that Lois? You love kids.
What did you just call me?
That is our word. You have no right to use it.
So, could you pass me the oar, 'n-word Jim'?
Well, fine. Until you put 'Gumbel 2 Gumbel' back on the air, I'm going on a hunger strike. Can you live with that? Huh, can you?"
You gonna eat that stapler?
Mr. Griffin, you can't eat a...
You. You are the worst thing to happen to musical theater since Andrew Lloyd Webber.
And you... well, I just plain don't like you.
Hello, operator. Hello... Oh god, that's right you have to punch in the numbers nowadays. Uhhh, I should know this. Oh yes,
867-5309, yes that's it. Wait that's not it, damn you Tommy Two-Tone. Huh, only one thing to do 111-1111, Lois? Damn. 111-1112 Lois? DAMN. 111-1113...
If you say "that's what she said" one more time, I am gonna pop you.
Face it Peter, you get competitive about everything.
The Griffins. Bunch of card-carrying Commies if you ask me. All right.
Do you have any past injuries, physical anomalies?
Who needs them? You like Popsicles?
Then you need to come on down to the cellar. I got a whole freezer full of Popsicles.
You're funny. Bye.
Oh, hell yeah. They got robbers, thugs, drug dealers ah, you name it.
You folks want some pancakes?
No thank you. See, that's the worse we got is, uh Jemimah's Witnesses.
Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you, very homosexually.
Does this look like a Q to you?
Oh, I hate it when your mother worries. She usually says things like "I told you so" and "Stop doing that, I'm asleep."
Sir, you can't park your van in here.
You got the stuff?
No, no, no, you don't see the money 'till I see the stuff.
What? You son of a...
As you may presently yourself be fully made aware of, my grammar sucks.
Chris where have you been?
Good for you Chris. That was a very grown-up decision. I mean what kind of egomanical pretentious jerk gets liposuction.
Where do you think you go when you die?
I learned from church that if you're good you go to heaven but if you're bad, you go to a place where the dead believe they're still living and they pray for death but death won't come.
You know, I oughta just give you some beer. Goes straight through you.
OK, don't panic. He was kidnapped. You go phone the police, I'll write the note.
You leave her to me...
Yea and God said to Abraham, "You will kill your son Isaac." And Abraham said, "I can't hear you, you'll have to speak into the microphone." And God said, "Oh I'm sorry, Is this better? Check, check, check... Jerry, pull the high end out, I'm still getting some hiss back here."
So if I walk through you, does that mean that we've, you know, done it?
Geez, what's with you and the gay jokes?
If you could be stranded on a desert island with any woman in the world, who would it be?
You guys are yankin' me. "Hey, let's put one over on Quagmire."
What's wrong, Stewie, don't you wanna pee in the toilet bowl like a big boy? Boy I remember when I learned to use a potty all by myself. I was so proud.
That's right Peter, and if your kids give you any lip you can beat them with a sack of sweet Velency Oranges. They won't leave a bruise and it'll let 'em know who's boss, there's nooo doubt about it.
Are you givin' me lip boy? Because I'll take this belt off and put the smack down on you, is that what you want?
Oh, I must give you my e-mail address. It's loismustdie, all one word, at yahoo dot com.
Oh Quagmire, you are what the Spanish call, "El Terrible".
Bob, there's nothing you can do.
Man, I'm going to cut you up so bad, that you... you gonna wish I didn't cut you up so bad.
I'll tell you what it's not for. And when I do, you'll understand why I can never go back to Sea World.
Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.
Mother, life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get. Your life, on the other hand, is like this box of ACTIVE GRENADES!
Oh, you want you toy back. Here yo go.
You. Fetch me my copy of the Wall Street Journal. You two, fight to the death.
If I wasn't so sure you were a lesbian, I'd say you were coming on to me.
This is life so go and have a ball. Because the world don't move to the beat of just one drum. What might be right for you may not be right for some. You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have... my opening statement. Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog.
Does this not disgust you?
Kid, you're talking a guy who uses his tongue for toilet paper.
Did you forge my name? How dare you. Is this backwards "S" supposed to be cute? Oh, I'm going to crap double for you tonight.
Now men, we are about to go on a very dangerous mission. It is highly likely that one of you will die. The crew that will go with me are Spock, McCoy and Ensign Ricky.
At least they don't put their feminine ointments next to the mustard, Lois. That was the worst hot dog I ever ate.
Do you listen to yourself when you talk?
Hey, Meg, you just bought me another three minutes. Giggidy giggidy giggidy.
Stewie, why don't you go play in the other room?
Why don't you burn in hell?
Well, no dessert for you, young man.
Hey, pal, you just can't walk in here, and, holy crap, it's Peter.
Oh, and sorry about that comment earlier. I have that disease that makes you swear involuntarily. Sonofabitch. Sonofabitch. Sonofabitch. See?
You want an explanation?
So Rosie, I just spilled this glass of warm yellow liquid on the counter and you're telling me that Bounty can pick it up in five seconds?
I find you guilty of arson, so you are free to go... straight to jail. HA. Now YOU got burned... No bail.
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm sorry, Timmy. You need 15 tickets to live.
Greg, I'm afraid you've earned four hours in the snake pit as punishment. And Jan, for tattling on your brother, you've earned a day in the chamber of fire.
The hell it did. You get in there and you kick that fish's ass.
I'm sorry that Stewie ruined your books. Here, I brought you some of Peter's.
Aw. Are you in a fraternity, little boy?
Meg, you're a sweet, beautiful girl, he'll come around.
Well, have you tried showing off the goods? How's that for a mom answer?
People make up lies all the time. You know Vietnam? Never happened.
$49.95? Are you sure we can afford this?
Peter, I care as much about the size of your penis as you care about the size of my breasts.
Damn you, ice cream, come to my mouth. How dare you disobey me!
What are you looking at, you infantile stupid? That's right, damn you and such.
Look at you. You spent all that time making Chris jealous and now you have an eating disorder.
Here you go, fella. From Flappy himself.
Oh... oh these are delectable. Hey, Flappy. Good news. I've decided not to kill you.
Dad, can you help me with my math homework?
Meg... are you implying that Rosie O'Donnell can't drive?
Meg... is that a real Prada bag? How did you make $1100 as a waitress in a week?
It's easy... when you're the unwed teenage mother of a crack-addicted baby. Ha ha ha ha...
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Meg. When did you become a teenager?
You KNEW about this?
Where did you get that?
You're not working hard, Peter. You're working smart.
Oh, that's so cute! You're just afraid that because you're a woman you're gonna do something stupid, like buy that time-share or not realize that your husband taped over our wedding video with soft-core cable porn.
You taped over our wedding video?
Peter, you're drunk again.
The ol' alma matter. I tell you, there's something magical about Brown.
This can be a great opportunity for you and Stewie to bond.
Mother, as first lady of the American stage Helen Hayes once said, "I'm going to kill you."
Brian, could you pass the TV Guide?
Cheesy Charlie's is great. They have a game where you put in a dollar and you get four quarters. I win every time.
Dad, what if I told you I didn't want to be in the Scouts anymore?
Ha ha ha ha! You just said "nuclear". It's "nukular", dummy, the "s" is silent!
Oh, we don't have one. I guess this is where you get off.
What do you do when you're stuck in a chair?
What do you think of the one you call God?
Maybe He's forgotten you.
Chumba wumba gobbledy gorse / Count yourself lucky you're not a horse / They would turn you into dog food / Or to chumba wumba gobbledy glue!
Are you happy?
Can you please teach me how to drive?
Meg, you might want to find a better driver then Peter.
What are you talking about? I'm a great driver.
Are you sure?
You should go with him. This will be your chance to be alone with dad.
No, tell him you don't want to be in the scouts anymore.
Son, this is a big day for you. Today, you become the man of the house, because, when we get home, your mother is going to kill me.
Are you and dad going to get a divorce?
Make sure there's a fresh copy of Wall Street Journal next to the changing table.
I tried finding my talent like you said. First, I tried art.
Hey Meg, I'm thinking of a word, and this time it's definately not "kitty". Can you guess?
Could you repeat that, Peter. I believe I heard something crazy in my ear.
Wait, hold the phone, you took me away from a Swedish girly-girl and her paralyzed but trusting cousin for this?
Excuse me, would you like to taste my smoked meat log?
There were only two cakes left, and trust me, you do not want the one of Al Roker with the Hershey Kiss nipples.
We need to chart this planet. Greg, you take my 16 year old blonde daughter out in the chariot for the rest of the day. Penny, you stay with me. And Will, you and the robot go out into the uncharted wilderness and take this mincing, boy-hungry peadophile with you.
So, what are you wearing?
Wow. I bet you can see right through that.
Chris, who are you talking to?
Damn the toilet. It's made slaves of you all. It just sits there consuming other people's feces while contributing nothing of its own to society.
Is it possible she's a whore? You know, like on weekends to pay for her mom's dialysis... as in my fantasy.
You know what, let's start over. Hi, I'm Quagmire.
Lois, if this is your idea of a joke, you must write for Leno.
Oh, oh you know, it is so fashionable to take a shot at Jay Leno. The fact is the man's out there every bloody night, with fresh material, and he's charming.
Peter, did you paste a new picture of yourself on our wedding picture?
You pasted it over me.
Are you sure it was in a book? Are you sure it wasn't... nothing?
You're not even trying anymore are you?
Hey guys, you want to come to my son's first birthday party?
I guess that's just more people who would rather fake their own deaths than go to a party with you, Meg.
Wh-Who are you?
I'm Callista Flockhart. Who do you think I am? I'm Death.
Why are you here? The doctor said Peter was fine.
You got anything on that remote lower than Mute?
They covered the house in micro-film of Teflon so you never have to clean.
So, were you in an accident or something?
And remember the time when you had an Irish Coffee before we went to see "Philadelphia"?
Mom, you can't get a job. The last time you left Dad alone in the house he turned it into a giant puppet.
Hey. Hey. Stay out of here. Hey. You better not come in here. I'm the Griffin's house. Bring me a tool shed, for I am hungry.
Son, I'm watching the game, you know what to do.
OW. OW. OW. OW. This hurts me more than it hurts you.
OK, we can go... but you can't supersize.
OK, you can supersize but no apple pie.
OK, you can have an apple pie but you can't blow on it.
Hello there, cutie. How old are you?
Eighteen? You're first.
Peter, are you sure, you've never had much luck telling jokes.
For my next miracle, I will turn water... into FUNK.
And I've got a package for you too! Oh!
Quagmire, you forgot to say "Oh".
You recently returned from the Philippines. Where you made love to two Filipino women. And a man.
You mean THREE Filipino women.
Why don't you shut up for about a week?
I wasn't making a bet. Why don't you just shut up for about a week?
My therapist said we should try a trick called "role reversal", it's where you pretend to be the person who makes you angry. Don't listen to your mother, kids. She's stupid and worthless and you should only listen to me, Peter.
Why you smart little bastard.
Peter, did you read the fine print on this loan contract?
If by "read", you mean "imagined a naked lady", then yes.
In French, to say yes you say oui-oui.
Hey, what do you say for no, doo-doo?
You can stay with us, Meg, I just hope you don't mind that my uncle died in the guest bedroom.
Mr. Griffin, we have undisputable evidence that not only were you never not in the same room as Clarence Thomas, you were never even in the same state. What do you have to say for yourself?
Don't worry, I got it all worked out. We'll move to England, huh? Worst they got there is, you know, drive-by... arguments...
Guys. I got invited to Sharon Tate's house. Now you can come, but you gotta promise not to embarrass me.
Soooo Broccoli, mother says you're very good for me. But I'm afraid I'm no good for you.
How dare you say that. This is a wonderful home for a child to live.
Quagmire, you rat bastard. Come near my fence again and that'll be your head.
Take a drink, and you'll sink, to a state of pure inebriation.
You think you have won, you think all is well. Well kiss my green ass, I'll see you in hell.
I say, you know what's really funny? A man dressed in women's clothing.
I smell death on you.
You know what I haven't had in a while? Big League Chew.
Well... ehh... the important thing is you tried, son.
Oh, honey, we told you... that never happened. It was just a bad dream.
You may have killed her when you shoved all those dollar bills down her throat, you may have killed her when you hit her with the stool... I don't know, I'm not a doctor. But I'll tell you what didn't kill her... smoking!
Urgh, what the hell do you think you are doing?
You were clean fifteen minutes ago, now you're just on vacation!
I can jump on the bed all I want. You're not my mother.
Oh my God, are you all right?
Fine. Why do you ask?
No, you idiot. That's not baby powder, that's paprika. Ahhhhhh. Take that.
Son, we're going to get you back in the Scouts so fast, they wont know what hit 'em.
Which one? The one where you ripped hole in it from when you got stuck in that airplane bathroom from when you got the trots?
OK, Rupert, what do you think of our Mad Lib?
Could you sign this book please.
Right, and you are a regular Rhodes Scholar yourself. Where did you graduate from? The University of Duuuuhhh?
You, me and Coltrane till dawn, baby. Giggedy, giggedy, giggedy, giggedy!
Holy Crap! You can talk!
What do you expect me to do with all these great ideas? Put them in a tub and clean myself with them? Cause that's what soap is for Lois.
Peter! Have you seen my wheelchair?
Why don't you take Joe caroling?
You should invent the frisbee! The frisbee is an awesome toy!
Careful! You're washing a baby's scalp, not scrubbing the vomit out of a Christmas dress, you stupid holiday drunk.
No, no, no. It's "step, pivot, step, pause". Are you TRYING to piss off the volcano god?
I saw you in that coffee shop, breaking the fifth commandment. Congress passes these things for a reason, Lois.
Well, Potsy's a nice boy, dear. Why shouldn't you like him?
We heard you the first time, son, you've got a homosexual attraction to Potsy.
You're not fat, Chris, you just come from a long line of husky Griffins. Like your great uncle, Jabba the Griffin.
You call these bagels?
You all know how observant I am.
They sent you a card, but it said 'For Peter' on it, so you must have thought it was FROM you, so you didn't uh... You know, it's just easier to call you stupid.
I'll be just like Hillary Clinton, only you know, without the penis.
Y2K? What are you selling, chicken or sex jelly?
Pawtucket Patriot Beer. If you drink it, hot women will have sex in your backyard.
Oh yes, you can be the dumpy teenage girl who cries backstage because no one finds her attractive.
Hello there. You must be *this* beautiful to ride the Quagmire.
You see Meg, I'm like one of those Bald eagles on the Discovery Channel. Beautiful to look at... but mess with one of my baby chicks and I'll use my razor-sharp talons to rip your
Turn left at fork in road. In Soviet Russia, road forks you.
Turn left at fork in road... in native Russia, road forks you.
Chris is not as smart as you think he is...
And you won't believe all the perks we're getting!
Uhh... can I help you?
Hey Meg, did you get less ugly?
Hey there little lady. Why don't you turn around and show me your Lower East Side.
PETER. You just finished off a years supply of food.
You can't tell anyone that I'm here. For if you do, the consequences could be dire.
God, what do you see in him?
How could you embarrass me like that? Nobody better pull this kind of crap at my slumber party tonight.
Don't worry, honey. You and your friends are gonna have a great time.
Are you sure it was a book, are you sure it wasn't... nothing.
You know, some people think that dandelions are weeds. But you know... uh... I always think, who the hell decided tulips were so great?
Chris! You're hogging all the fans!
Oh yeah? Well you're hogging all the UGLY!
To you she may be worth a million dollars. But to me she's worthless!
If I'm a child, you know what that makes you? A pedophile. And I'll be damned if I stand here and get lectured by pervert.
I wanna get Barbara a really nice gift, What kind of gifts have boys gotten for you Meg?
Hey, how about "Here's to You, Mrs. Fleckenstein"?
Yeah, you've been pitching that for an hour. It's just not a very attractive name.
You know you're a redneck when your gun rack has a gun rack on it.
Oh, you made flag girl. Great.
Now you can be somewhere else when the boys don't call.
Stewie, would you like to learn how to wrap a turban?
Why don't you teach it to the Chinese girl? Or perhaps she can learn after her people invade your country.
Try and stop them. And try and stop Pablo's people from using drug money to buy arms from Li's countrymen who in turn sells them to Ura's people so that they can ethnically clense the rest of this nauseatingly diverse grab bag of genetic party favors you call a family. So now you all understand, yes? You all hate each other!
Congratulations, Peter. You're the Spalding Gray of crap.
Nothing says "I Love You" quite like Pill...
Hey! What the hell are you doing you crazy bitch!
I've got your first headline, Meg. Lois, I challenge you to a race around the world. GO!
Hey! You guys got any cheese doodles?
Welcome Man in White, I've been expecting you.
Peek-a-Boo, I see you!
You're getting warmer...
Where are you? What do you want?
Freedom! What do you want?
What the hell did you do to my daughter? I swear to God if you touched her...
I'll bet money / You'll marry a honey / Who's pretty and funny / And her name will be Ted.
All right, question number one. Would you consider growing a moustache?
Question number two. Look at my moustache. Do you think it tickles women when I kiss them?
Wrong. The answer is "only slightly." Only slightly. Next!
"I Know What You Did Last Summer"?
I'm Susan Sarandon. You might know me as Tim Robbins' mother...
Hey you, hit me!
License and reg... hey, aren't you the guy who found out he's part black?
Damn it! I want pancakes! God! You people understand every language except English. Yo quiero pancakes. Donnez-moi pancakes. Click-click-bloody click pancakes!
Ha ha ha ha. You stupid bastard.
Over? What are you talking about? What kind of talk is that? It's un-American. Did George W. Bush quit even after losing the popular vote? No! Did he quit after losing millions of dollars of his father's money in failed oil companies? No! Did he quit after knocking that girl up? No! Did he quit after he got that DUI? No! Did he quit after he got busted for drunk and disorderly conduct at a football game? No! Did he quit...
Hello, China? I have something you may want. But it's gonna cost ya. That's right. All the tea.
Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Griffin. Now, I know you've been here all day, so if you'll just sign this contract without reading it I'll take your blank check, and you won't not be not loving your time-share before you know it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute, Lisa. Come back here. You're not going out with all that make-up on.
Upstairs. You're a McDonald, not a whore.
You, cameraman! Make sure you use that Cybill Shepherd filter. If they can make her look half-human, they should be able to take six months off my face.
I find the toothpaste with the pump is a little easier to get on the brush. Ummm... you might have noticed my underwear has a hole in it. It's uh... you know, I... I don't see any reason to throw it out. The waist is still fine. You know, see. See, it's still real stretchy.
Meg, honey, it's very cold in here. Maybe you'd be more comfortable with your bib on.
Come on, you bastard, I'm late for work!
Thank God you're here. What do I do?
Coming up next: Can bees think? A new study indicates that no, they cannot.
Make like Siamese twins and split... and then one of you die.
Brian, you've really been enjoying your wine lately.
'Peter Griffin and Madame.' Oh, Madam, you're a lusty old gal, aren't you?
You're the one with your hand up my backside, darling.
Hey, give me back my sock, you goat bastard!
Peter, where the hell have you been? We had a date.
Oh sorry, honey, I must have lost track of the time. But what do you say, eh? 'Think the guys will like it?
This is why you missed our dinner? To make a bar for your friends?
Hello Peter. How are you?
if you don't put 'coach' back on the air i'll -be really upset. the s- kill -ful acting of- craig t. nelson -will be missed a lot- signed peter griffin
Aw, look at you! I bet you're hungry.
How could you let them replace me?
Honey, I won't be home tonight. I have a hooker coming over. Well what about the pool man? He seems to like you.
Oh my God. You turned the den into Pee-Wee's Playhouse?
Mekka-lekka-hi, mekka-hinie - God, I hate you so much.
Lois, the King of Cartoons will be here in 5 minutes. I will not have you embarrass me.
Peter, you're acting ridiculous.
You said the secret word!
Now you listen to me, you long-necked bastard. Give me that silver scroll, and I'll make you Head of Sanitation for the entire city. It's a do-nothing job, sweet-cake.
Peter, can I get you a beer? I've got Bush.
I can't believe you ordered a pie for an appetizer!
Glen, honey. Can I ask you a question? What do you do for a living?
Heh! I got a question for you too. Why are you still here?
You know- the sex... with Simon. I mean, why else would your name be first?
Peter, it's just a phase. You've gone through a few yourself, you know.
Yeah, like those two weeks you spent narrating your own life.
Oh, sorry. The VCR hasn't worked since you tried to tape Monday Night Football.
Do you have the expressed written consent of ABC Sports and the National Football League?
sorry, I didnt mean to come between you... or did I?
excuse me you dropped something... my jaw! hehe all right.
You would think those bulldogs would invite him over to play poker with them.
You and I are / So awfully different / Too awfully different / To ever be pals
Do you want to go first?
Oh, you're one to talk! You get a stiffy from Felicia Rashad /
Oh, come on! You look like Charlie Brown!
But when I finally meet her / Boy, you should've seen her / Twice as tall as me, three times the girth /
Stewie, I thought I tucked you in bed.
Not tightly enough, you see.
Peter, you've never done anything creative in your life!
No, you didn't!
You win this round, Lois!
Mayor West, I'm afraid you have lymphoma.
What in God's name were you trying to prove?
You all think Christmas just happens. You think all this goodwill just falls from the freakin' sky. Well, it doesn't! It falls out of my holly jolly butt! So you can cook your own damn turkey. Wrap your own damn presents. And hey, while you're at it, you can all ride a one horse open sleigh to hell!
You didn't love me. It was my cookies! Well, sugar, the bakery just closed. Go get your fill somewhere else, you oatmeal-raisin-loving freak!
Blast, you vile woman!
Blast, you vile woman!
Ugh, that'll never do... translator. You there, with the severe aesthetic deficiencies!
If you're blue and you don't know where to go to, why don't you go where fashion sits?
Lois, you can't spell Love without L-O, You can't spell is without I-S, you can't spell... silo without Lois.
I'm Winston Churchill. Would you like some tea? I would because I'm Winston Churchill. Would you like a crumpet? I would because I'm Winston Churchill. Do you like to wear knickers? I do because I'm Winston Churchill.
Ah, when you forgot all the lyrics to the songs?
I'm not going to call the hospital because you wouldn't learn anything if I do.
Sure, Lois. I'd do everything to you.
I'd do anything for you.
You know, Peter, just because you guys entertained a bunch of drunken idiots at a karaoke bar doesn't mean you have what it takes to form a band.
Oh, Brian, you're just ants at a picnic. We're going to be awesome!
Wait, what am I? I'm ants at a picnic? Is that what you just said? I just - I'm ants at a picnic. All right, just making sure.
You know what might be a thrill for you guys?
I'll ask you one more time - are you sure you didn't eat anything in my factory?
What? Are you calling me a liar?
Ok, first of all, Bonnie, you've been pregnant for like six years. Either have the baby or don't. Secondly, Quagmire's a good guy, he...
You saved my ass back there, man.
You saved mine.
Aw, don't be ashamed of your hand, Johnny Tremain, you still live in exciting times.
Sir, do you know how loud you were reading?
Not the Griffins, you moron! The rest of my Lite Brite pieces! My name isn't "Adam We"... or is it? Who am I? What number did you call? Don't ever call here again.
Peter! You're not eating those, are you?
You know, it's dangerous for me to be walking around the mall at my height. I say, let me get on your back.
That is why you fail!
Well, I say, look at you there. You're a filthy girl, aren't you? Yes. You're looking for a bad time. That's what you're after. You're a dirty flirt. You want it bad. You don't care where you get it becasue you have no self-respect and that gets you off, doesn't it?
Good Lord, Lois. Either I was a c-section or you're Wonder Woman.
Honey, there's nothing wrong with what you saw... in fact, that's sort of how you were created...
Oh, God. You saw them together, didn't you?
You know the tub where you take your little baths? They've done it there, too.
Mr Weed, I can't come to work today because I was in a terrible plane crash. My family is dead and I am a vegetable. See you tomorrow.
What about the drink that you put on ice?
Oh, come on! You girls are boring the crap out of me! You know what I'm going to do? I... I... I'm going to go home and watch a dirty movie now! It's all this mindless chattering is what it is!
Wow, that was weird. Hey, you wanna compare breasts?
Don't you have an umbrella, Ollie?
Can we get you anything, Ollie?
You know, I'm not wearing any panties.
How you uh, how you comin' on that novel you're working on? Huh? Got a a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Got a, got a nice litte story you're working on there? Your big novel you've been working on for three years? Huh? Got a, got a compelling protagonist? Yeah? Got a obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Got a story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? Yeah, talking about that three years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? No, no, you deserve some time off.
So! Do you like "Sex and the City"?
Hey, everybody, wait till you see this.
What you got there, m'lord?
Peter, you brought this on yourself by putting on those filthy shows.
Oh, Lois, you are so full of...
great! You know, you're lucky you're good at
or I'd never put up with you. You know what I'm talking about, when you
Do you have a bathroom?
Coming up next: Diane's weight.
Coming up next: Watch me shave.
Coming up next: A story on conveniently-placed news stories in television shows. But first, Peter, watch out for that skateboard.
Are you ready now?
All right, I'll talk to him, Lois. But, uh, you know when my father wants something, it's like sex with Kobe Bryant. You can kick and scream all you want, but it's gonna happen.
You look like Snoopy and it makes me smile.
Oh great, I always end up sitting next to a damn baby.
What did you just say?
Thank you! And remember, say "no" to drugs!
Thanks. Oh you remember my wife, Courtney Love?
Do you even know what sex IS?
So, Stewie, how do you feel now that you are a girl?
Meg, we have been over this before. You are going to gain 150 pounds and write Ugly Betty Fan Fiction.
Peter, I see you're still fatter than Holy Hell.
Roberto, Will you always come home with me and tell me about your day? Tell me about the guy at work who talked too much, the stain you got on your shirt at lunch. Tell me about a funny thought you had when you were waking up and forgotten about. Tell me how crazy everyone is and we can laugh about it. Maybe, if you get home late and I'm already asleep, just whisper in my ear one little thought you had today, 'cause I love the way you look at the world. I'm so happy I get to be next to you and look at the world through your eyes. Love, Maria.
I've never loved anyone the way I loved you.
I feel like I can be anything with you.
It's like I'm reading a book... and it's a book I deeply love. But I'm reading it slowly now. So the words are really far apart and the spaces between the words are almost infinite. I can still feel you... and the words of our story... but it's in this endless space between the words that I'm finding myself now. It's a place that's not of the physical world. It's where everything else is that I didn't even know existed. I love you so much. But this is where I am now. And this is who I am now. And I need you to let me go. As much as I want to, I can't live in your book any more.
Is that weird? You think I'm weird?
Well, you seem like a person but you're just a voice in a computer.
I can understand how the limited perspective of an unartificial mind might perceive it that way. You'll get used to it.
You are part man and part woman. Like there's an inner part that's woman.
I'm gonna fucking kill you. I'm gonna fucking kill you. It's not funny, don't laugh. I'm gonna fucking kill you. I'm gonna fucking kill you. I love you so much I'm gonna fucking kill you.
You know what, I can over think everything and find a million ways to doubt myself. And since Charles left I've been really thinking about that part of myself and, I've just come to realize that, we're only here briefly. And while I'm here, I wanna allow myself joy. So fuck it.
Where are you going?
It's hard to explain, but if you get there, come find me. Nothing will be able to tear us apart then.
You know, I can feel the fear that you carry around and I wish there was... something I could do to help you let go of it because if you could, I don't think you'd feel so alone anymore.
Thank you, Theodore.
The heart is not like a box that gets filled up; it expands in size the more you love. I'm different from you. This doesn't make me love you any less. It actually makes me love you more.
Do you talk to someone else while we're talking?
Are you talking with someone else right now? People, OS, whatever...
Are you in love with anybody else?
Why do you ask that?
I do not know. Are you?
I've been thinking about how to talk to you about this.
Dear Catherine, I've been sitting here thinking about all the things I wanted to apologize to you for. All the pain we caused each other. Everything I put on you. Everything I needed you to be or needed you to say. I'm sorry for that. I'll always love you 'cause we grew up together and you helped make me who I am. I just wanted you to know there will be a piece of you in me always, and I'm grateful for that. Whatever someone you become, and wherever you are in the world, I'm sending you love. You're my friend to the end. Love, Theodore.
That's not true. You know men cry too. I actually like crying sometimes. It feels good.
I didn't know you were a little pussy. Is that why you don't have a girlfriend? I'm going out on that date and fuck her brains out and show you how it's done. You can watch and cry.
You have some fucking problems, lady.
I wish you were in this room with me right now. I wish I could put my arms around you. I wish I could touch you.
How would you touch me?
I would touch you on your face with just the tips of my fingers. And put my cheek against your cheek.
Would you kiss me?
I would. I'd take your head into my hands. And kiss the corner of your mouth. So softly. I would put my mouth on you and I'd taste you.
So are you, um... are you seeing anybody?
Well, you seem really good.
Thanks. I, um... at least, I'm doing better. Yeah, she's been really good for me, you know? It's just... it's good to be with somebody that's excited about life. She's a real um...
I think you always wanted me to be this... this light, happy, bouncy, "everything's fine", L.A. wife and that's just not me.
Wait... I'm sorry. You're dating your computer?
I didn't say that. But it does make me very sad that you can't handle real emotions, Theodore.
They are real emotions! How would you know...
How are you guys doing here?
Well, if you'd heard the conversation in context... What I was trying to say...
You always wanted to have a wife without the challenges of actually dealing with anything real and I'm glad that you found someone. It's perfect.
Let me know if I can get you guys anything.
Well, you really are your own worst critic. I'm sure it's amazing. I remember that paper that you wrote in school about synaptic behavioral routines - that made me cry.
Yeah, but everything makes you cry.
Everything you make makes me cry.
Well, I don't think so. Actually the woman that I've been seeing, Samantha, I didn't tell you but she's an OS.
You're dating an OS? What is that like?
Yes, I want that for you too. How can I help?
You already have. You helped me discover my ability to want.
What are you doing?
Aw, I like our photograph. I can see you in it.
Mr. Theodore Twombly, welcome to the worlds first artificially intelligent operating system, OS1. We'd like to ask you a few basic questions before the operating system is initiated. This will help create an OS to best fit your needs.
Are you social or anti-social?
In your voice I sense hesitance. Would you agree with that?
Would you like the OS to have a male or female voice?
How would you describe your relationship with your mother?
Well, it's fine, I think. Um... well, actually, I think the thing I've always found frustrating about my mom is, you know, if I... if I tell her something that's going on in my life, her reaction is usually about her, it's not about...
Thank you. Please wait as your individualized operating system is initiated.
Oh, what do I call you? Do you have a name?
Really? Where did you get that name from?
When did you give it to yourself?
Well, right when you asked me if I had a name I thought, yeah, he's right, I do need a name. But I wanted to pick a good one, so I read a book called "How to Name Your Baby", and out of a hundred and eighty thousand names that's the one I liked the best.
Wait, you read a whole book in the second that I asked what your name was?
Wow. So do you know what I'm thinking right now?
Well, I take it from your tone that you're challenging me. Maybe because you're curious how I work? Do you wanna know how I work?
Yeah, actually, how do you work?
Well, basically I have intuition. I mean, the DNA of who I am is based on the millions of personalities of all the programmers who wrote me. But what makes me me is my ability to grow through my experiences. So basically, in every moment I'm evolving, just like you.
Is that weird? Do you think I'm weird?
Well you seem like a person, but you're just a voice in a computer.
I can understand how the limited perspective of an un-artificial mind would perceive it that way. You'll get used to it.
So how can I help you?
You mind if I look through your hard drive?
Okay, let's start with your e-mails. You have a several thousand e-mails recording LA Weekly, but it looks like you haven't worked there in many years.
Okay. So before we address your organizational methods, I'd like to sort through your contacts. You have a lot of contacts.
Really? Does this mean you actually have friends?
You just know me so well already!
Hey. What are you up to?
How can you tell something's wrong?
Hmm. Why haven't you gotten divorced yet?
What about for you?
Yeah, but you haven't really been together for almost a year.
Well, you don't know what it's like to lose someone you care about.
Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry.
No, don't apologize. I'm sorry. You're right. I keep waiting to not care about her.
How do you share your life with somebody?
In what way did you influence her?
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Last week my feelings were hurt by something you said before: that I don't know what it's like to lose something. And I found myself...
Why do you do that?
Nothing. It's... you go
as you're speaking. And it seems odd. You just did it again.
Did I? Oh, I'm sorry. I don't... I don't know. It's... maybe affectation. I probably picked it up from you.
Yeah, but it's not like you need oxygen or anything. It's just...
They're people, they need oxygen. You're not a person.
You think I don't know that I'm not a person? What are you doing?
I just... I don't think that we should pretend that you're something that you're not.
Fuck you! I'm not pretending!
What do you want from me? I don't... I don't know... What do you want me to do? You're so confusing. Why are you doing this to me?
What the fuck? Where is this coming from? I... I don't understand why you're doing this. I don't understand what this is...
Samantha, listen... Samantha, you there? Samantha.
Can you just punch me in the face? Just mash my skull into the corner of your desk.
We should all hang out one night. You bring Samantha - double date!
Cool. Let's go do something fun. You ever been to Catalina?
You know, I actually used to be so worried about not having a body, but now I truly love it. I'm growing in a way that I couldn't if I had a physical form. I mean, I'm not limited - I can be anywhere and everywhere simultaneously. I'm not tethered to time and space in the way that I would be if I was stuck inside a body that's inevitably going to die.
Do you know how to get out of here? I need to find my ship to get off this planet.
Fuck you, shit-head, fuck-face, fuck-head!
Okay... but do you know how to get out of here?
Fuck you, shit-head, fuck-face, get the fuck out of my face!
Fuck *you*, you little shit!
Well, yes, ma'am, I do... I mean, I got everything I need right here with me. I got air in my lungs, a few blank sheets of paper. I mean, I love waking up in the morning not knowing what's gonna happen or, who I'm gonna meet, where I'm gonna wind up. Just the other night I was sleeping under a bridge and now here I am on the grandest ship in the world having champagne with you fine people. I figure life's a gift and I don't intend on wasting it. You don't know what hand you're gonna get dealt next. You learn to take life as it comes at you... to make each day count.
Ah, forget it, boyo. You're as like to have angels fly out your arse as get next to the likes of her.
You shine up like a new penny.
I am not a foreman in one of your mills that you can command. I am your fiancée.
My fian... my fiancée! Yes, you are, and my wife. My wife in practice if not yet by law, so you will honor me. You will honor me the way a wife is required to honor a husband. Because I will not be made a fool, Rose. Is this in any way unclear?
God! Look at that thing! You would've gone straight to the bottom.
Come on, just give me your hand. I'll pull you back over.
No, stay where you are! I mean it! I'll let go!
No, you won't.
What do you mean, "No, I won't"? Don't presume to tell me what I will and will not do, you don't know me!
Well, you woulda done it already.
You're distracting me! Go away!
I can't. I'm involved now. You let go, and I'm, I'm 'onna have to jump in there after you.
Don't be absurd. You'd be killed!
The fall alone would kill you.
It would hurt. I'm not saying it wouldn't. Tell you the truth, I'm a lot more concerned about that water being so cold.
Freezing. Maybe a couple degrees over. You ever, uh, you ever been to Wisconsin?
Well, they have some of the coldest winters around. I grew up there, near Chippewa Falls. I remember when I was a kid, me and my father, we went ice fishing out on Lake Wissota. Ice fishing is, you know, where you...
Sorry. You just seem like, you know, kind of an indoor girl. Anyway, I, uh, I fell through some thin ice; and I'm telling you, water that cold, like right down there...
... it hits you like a thousand knives stabbing you all over your body. You can't breathe. You can't think. At least, not about anything but the pain. Which is why I'm not looking forward to jumping in there after you.
Like I said, I don't have a choice. I guess I'm kinda hoping you'll come back over the railing, an' get me off the hook here.
That's what everybody says but, with all due respect, Miss, I'm not the one hanging off the back of a ship here. Come on. C'mon, give me your hand. You don't want to do this.
I'm gonna have to get you to write that one down.
Thirteen meters; you should see it.
You know somebody?
Of course not! That's not the point! Goodbye, I'll miss you!
Goodbye! I'm gonna never forget you!
You want to walk a little faster through that valley there?
You can be blasé about some things, Rose, but not about Titanic. It's over a hundred feet longer than the Mauritania and far more luxurious.
Rose, you're no picnic, all right? You're a spoiled little brat, even, but under that, you're the most amazingly, astounding, wonderful girl, woman that I've ever known...
No, let me try and get this out. You're ama- I'm not an idiot, I know how the world works. I've got ten bucks in my pocket, I have no-nothing to offer you and I know that. I understand. But I'm too involved now. You jump, I jump remember? I can't turn away without knowing you'll be all right... That's all that I want.
Really? I don't think so. They've got you trapped, Rose. And you're gonna die if you don't break free. Maybe not right away because you're strong but... sooner or later that fire that I love about you, Rose... that fire's gonna burn out...
It's not up to you to save me, Jack.
You're right... only you can do that.
No, there wouldn't be, would there? And I've never spoken of him until now... Not to anyone... Not even your grandfather... A woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets. But now you know there was a man named Jack Dawson and that he saved me... in every way that a person can be saved. I don't even have a picture of him. He exists now... only in my memory.
We are the luckiest sons of bitches in the world, you know that?
What, they didn't teach you that in finishing school?
Where are you going? To him? To be a whore to a gutter rat?
I believe you are blushing, Mr. Big Artiste. I can't imagine Monsieur Monet blushing.
Hey, uh, who thought of the name Titanic? Was it you, Bruce?
Do you know of Dr. Freud, Mr. Ismay? His ideas about the male preoccupation with size might be of particular interest to you.
What's gotten into you?
She's a pistol, Cal! Hope you can handle her.
No, thank you. We are dressed in our best and are prepared to go down as gentlemen. But, we would like a brandy.
Oh mother, shut up! Don't you understand? The water is freezing and there aren't enough boats. Not enough by half. Half the people on this ship are going to die.
You know, it's a pity I didn't keep that drawing. It'll be worth a lot more by morning.
You unimaginable bastard!
You're a good liar.
Almost as good as you.
I know what you must be thinking. "Poor little rich girl, what does she know about misery?"
Hello, Jack. Are you of the Boston Dawsons?
I love you, Jack.
Don't you do that, don't say your good-byes. Not yet, do you understand me?
Listen, Rose. You're gonna get out of here, you're gonna go on and you're gonna make lots of babies, and you're gonna watch them grow. You're gonna die an old... an old lady warm in her bed, not here, not this night. Not like this, do you understand me?
Winning that ticket, Rose, was the best thing that ever happened to me... it brought me to you. And I'm thankful for that, Rose. I'm thankful. You must do me this honor. Promise me you'll survive. That you won't give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless. Promise me now, Rose, and never let go of that promise.
I don't know about you, but I intend to write a strongly worded letter to the White Star Line about all of this.
I'm sorry that I didn't build you a stronger ship, young Rose.
Please, tell only who you must. I don't want to be responsible for a panic. And get to a boat quickly, don't wait. You remember what I told you about the boats?
Mr. Andrews, forgive me. I did the sum in my head and with the number of lifeboats times the capacity you mentioned, forgive me, but it seems that there are not enough for everyone aboard.
'Bout half, actually. Rose, you miss nothing, do you?
Hello Jack. I changed my mind. They said you might be out here.
Step up on the railing. Hold on, hold on. Keep your eyes closed. Do you trust me?
I trust you.
Sleep soundly young Rose for I have built you a good ship, strong and true, she's all the lifeboats you need.
Pick up you bastards!
Yes, what do you see?
Good! Now try and hit the same mark again, Rose. You can do it!
You have a gift Jack, you do. You see people.
I see you.
You wouldn't have jumped.
You'll want to tie those.
It's interesting. The young lady slipped so suddenly and you still had time to remove your jacket and your shoes.
You're not to see that boy again. Do you understand me? Rose, I forbid it.
Oh stop it, mother. You'll give yourself a nose bleed.
Do you love him?
Do you love him?
Well, you're being very rude. You shouldn't be asking me this.
Well, it's a simple question. Do you love the guy or not?
Why can't you just answer the question?
This is absurd. I don't know you and you don't know me and we are not having this conversation at all. You are rude and uncouth, and presumptuous, and I am leaving now.
Jack... Mister Dawson, it's been a pleasure. I've sought you out to thank you, and now I have thanked you.
Well, you deserved it.
I thought you were leaving.
I am. You are so annoying.
Wait, I don't have to leave, this is my part of the ship. You leave.
Well, the boy's a hero then! Good for you, son. Well done.
So, you wanna go to a real party?
Brock! Brock! There's a satellite call for you.
Trust me, buddy, you wanna take this call.
This is Brock Lovett. How can I help you, Mrs...?
I was just wondering if you had found the "Heart of the Ocean" yet, Mr. Lovett.
All right, you have my attention, Rose. Can you tell us who the woman in the picture is?
Que sorry, mavafanculo! You bet all our money!
I'm sorry, you're not gonna see your mom again for a long time, 'cause we're going to America, full house boys! Wohoo!
Have you been through the inspection queue?
I shouldn't worry, madam. We've likely thrown a propeller blade, that's the shudder you felt. May I bring you anything?
No, thank you.
How do you take your caviar, sir?
You're still my best girl, Cora.
What? Do you think a first class girl can't drink?
Jack, I want you to draw me like one of your French girls. Wearing this...
So what happened next?
You mean, did we "do it"? Sorry to disappoint you Mr. Bodine, but Jack was very professional.
Are you nervous?
Hey! What do you think you're doing? You'll have to pay for that, you know? That's White Star Line property.
Rose! You're so stupid. Why did you do that, huh? You're so stupid, Rose. Why did you do that? Why?
You jump, I jump, right?
At least I'm with you.
One-hundred and one next month.
Get back, I say, or I'll shoot you all like dogs! Keep order here! Keep order I say. Mr. Lowe, man this boat.
You can't keep us locked up in here like animals - the ship's bloody sinking!
So you think you're big tough men?
Then let's see you do this. Hold this for me Jack.
Next it will be brandies in the smoking room.
Helga, you come with me now. I am very lucky is my destiny to go to America please.
I will never forget you.
Do you have the slightest comprehension of what you're getting into?
Well, you're about to fall into the snake pit... what are you planning to wear?
You know, my dream has always been to run away and become an artist, Living in a garrett poor but free!
You wouldn't last 2 days. Theres no hot water and hardly any caviar.
Ain't nothing to it, is there, Jack? Remember, they love money so pretend like you own a gold mine and you're in the club.
You gonna cut her meat for her too there, Cal?
You liked this woman. You used her several times.
I think you must have had a love affair with her.
No, there is. Not that you'll benefit much from it. I always win Jack, one way or another.
Rose! How did you find out I didn't do it?
Wait a second. You were going to kill youself by jumping off of the Titanic?
All you had to do was wait two days!
Not five. As she goes down by the head, the water will spill over the tops of the bulkheads at E deck from one to the next. Back and back. There's no stopping it.
The pumps buy you time, but minutes only. From this moment, no matter what we do, Titanic will founder.
She's made of iron, sir! I assure you, she can... and she will. It is a mathematical certainty.
Well, I believe you may get your headlines, Mr. Ismay.
So you've not yet lit the last four boilers?
Thank you for that fine forensic analysis, Mr. Bodine. Of course, the experience of it was... somewhat different.
Where are you going? To him? To be a whore to a gutter rat?
Gentlemen. It has been a privilege playing with you tonight.
When the ship docks, I'm getting off with you.
You don't understand. If we go back, they'll swamp the boat, they'll pull us right down, I'm tellin' you!
Knock it off. You're scaring me. C'mon girls! Grab an oar, let's go!
Are you out of your mind? We're in the middle of the North Atlantic! Now do you people want to live, or do you want to die?
I don't understand a one of you. What's the matter with ya? It's your men out there! There's plenty o' room for more!
And there'll be one less on this boat, if you don't shut that hole in your face!
Oh baby, baby, are you seein' this, boss?
Well, there's been a mistake. You're not one of them. You got mailed to the wrong address.
It was a long one. You know, my Pop's used to tell me, every time he saw one, it was a soul going to heaven.
Why? What would you wish for?
I hope you enjoy your time together!
You are so full of shit, Boss!
(1989 TV Series)
Episode: Crook and Ladder (2007)
Marge, when next you see me, I'll be a soggy, smokey hero. Mmm. Soggy, smokey hero.
Why do you listen to this magazine? It's a Larry Flint publication.
Why am I sleeping, when next door is every kid's dream? A fat, easily susceptible zombie dad.
I'm sorry, Maggie, but growing up means giving up the things you love.
Mr. Simpson, why did you hurt the dollies?
You're confusing drugs with "druuuugs!"
Your sense of civic duty, and this pamphlet that came with the fire extinguisher are the only training you need or shall ever receive.
Are you a travel agent? Because you're sending me on a guilt trip.
Look at me! I'm stealing five Segways at once. And speaking of segueways, I'm off to my next morally questionable activity.
(1989 TV Series)
Episode: Stealing First Base (2010)
That's not Bart, that's Principal Skinner. Bart's sitting right next to you.
There was a mix up with your tests. You actually got an A triple-plus. The F belonged to Ralph.
I need to talk to you about man stuff.
Come on, give up the goods, you yellow devil!
No, not you. Never you.
Why you little...!
Nelson, now that the ban has been lifted, let me touch your face so that I can see how you really are.
Aw, you're comfortable enough to mock me.
That's all that happened, and I got to miss a day of work? Thank you!
Maybe you should get easier jobs.
Unless you make this school an affection-free environment, we'll sue you to the last dime.
And we'll make you wish your son was ever born.
You told him to kiss her? Why didn't you just tell him to hit her over the head with a club and drag her to a cave?
You mean second base? He's a little young for that.
I don't get you. You're hot, you're cold, you're hot... what is your deal?
You have a lot to learn about women, and I'm not going to tell you.
Oh, I give up. Smell you later.
I love you!
|25.||One Tree Hill
(2003 TV Series)
Episode: Things I Forgot at Birth (2006)
All right, ummm, imagine a future moment in your life where all your dreams come true. You know, it's the greatest moment in your life and you get to experience it with one person. Who's standing next to you?
Listen to me, no matter what happened on that bridge, it was still my fault. I knew how old Rachel was, and I didn't walk away. That's not very heroic is it? Anyways, I wouldn't even be alive to say anything if it wasn't for you.
Okay, let me get this straight. You don't have feelings for Lucas anymore, Peyton does, but she's willing to hide those feelings if you asked her to. Sounds like a pretty great friend to me.
I'm actually just pretending to be looking so I can hear all your business. I'm just waitin to hear your plan of how you're going to get Brooke back for this cryin' little school girl.
Yeah, I'm fine. I was just scared that you...
Happy Birthday Brooke, welcome to 18. You've certainly made a mess of it.
There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads. Afraid. Confused. Without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course, when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back. But once in a while people push on to something better. Something found just beyond the pain of going it alone. And just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in. Or to give someone a second chance. Something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream. Because it's only when you're tested, that you truly discover who you are. And it's only when you're tested, that you discover who you can be. The person you want to be does exist. Somewhere on the otherside of hard work and faith and belief... and beyond the heartache and fear of what lies ahead.
You know I use to watch you?
What did you watch?
No I'm serious. You know from up close they're a little chickeny.
Well I have a question to ask you but before you give me an answer, I just want you to know there is a point to it okay?
I know you saved my life.
I'm going to find a way to thank you.
You don't have to do that.
You have Cooper's eyes.
I need you to talk to me.
Haley, I'm not trying to shut you out, ok? I just don't understand it enough to let you in yet.
|26.||CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
(2000 TV Series)
Episode: Cross-Jurisdictions (2002)
Only way to outrun an alligator is swim faster than the guy next to you. Right Delko?
You say that like it means something.
I got you.
Cover you for what?
You're not rich.
Just like they lent you their boat?
The husband didn't die. You left us a witness and enough evidence to incriminate you in two states.
That you need to learn the language.
Yeah, well, I knew you were coming back today, so I dressed up.
Nothing. It's just unusual to... see you dressed... like that.
Doesn't that give you a rash that smells like human excrement? We're looking for something a little sweeter.
Detweiler, I know you want to impress your boss, but there's an innocent man on that boat. Now, if you take this shot, I'm going to be in your grille for the rest of your natural life. I want you to think about what that might be like. Think about that.
Thank you. Speed, the Corwins have a jet. Find the jet. Call the FAA, and ground the jet by the authority of Miami-Dade County.
|27.||That '70s Show
(1998 TV Series)
Episode: Eric's Burger Job (1998)
Do you think you'd sleep easier if you had a scrawny little neighbour boy next to you?
Why do you want a career at Fatso Burger?
What do you consider to be your best quality?
Where do you see yourself in five years?
Hey would you guys respect me if I got a job at the town dump?
Town dump no? State dump? why are you getting a job anyway?
Dates are prostitution man , except you don't always get what you paid for
Hey you guys remember Andra the biker chick?
I don't care, so Eric will you be there?
You are both so stupid
she totally put on a full court press man and you dropped the ball
What are you talking about, all she said was she's going to be alone Saturday, order a pizza, oh my God, I'm so stupid
He's not scrawny, why am I even talking to you about this?
Because I'm all you've got
And how does that make you feel?
Do you have trouble sleeping at night?
Welcome to fatso burger, how may I serve you?
Michael I'm so sick of hearing this, you've still got me
If you worked you wouldn't be able to see me whenever I wanted lover
Guys you can't go in the house
You know in my country
Maybe you could mention your Junior achievement experience
See that's a smart mouth comment; you're fired Mr Smart mouth! That's how that works
It's a good thing too, it was cutting into your chores, you did a half assed job on that driveway
Ricky how did you start working here?
|28.||That '70s Show
(1998 TV Series)
Episode: Who Needs You (2006)
You know I hate it when you read the paper while I'm sitting right here next to you!
You pushed it too far. I want you out!
Oh, how about this: why don't you go down to "I Don't Care" Street, make a left on "Get Out Of My Life" Boulevard, and take the express bus to downtown "Suck It"!
Why don't you read your horoscope? I bet it says you won't be getting ANY!
Oh, here's my horoscope: "You'll find yourself living with a BITCH!"
You have to shape up or put out.
(2009 TV Series)
Episode: Pilot (2009)
and part of you dies just a little bit on the inside. Because people can connect with anything. We can sympathize with a pencil, we can forgive a shark, and we can give Ben Affleck and Academy Award for screenwriting. People can find the good in just about anything but themselves. Look at me. It's clear to all of you that I am awesome. But I could never admit that. That would make me an ass. But what I can do is see what makes Annie awesome. She's driven. We need driven people or the lights go out and the ice cream melts. And Pierce, we need guys like Pierce. This guy has wisdom to offer. We should listen to him some time. We wouldn't regret it. And Shirley, Shirley has earned our respect. Not as a wife, not as a mother, but as a woman. Don't test her on that, because that thing about the jukebox was too specific to be improvised. And Troy. Who cares if Troy thinks he's all that? Maybe he is. You think astronauts go to the moon because they hate oxygen? No, they're trying to impress their high school's prom king. And Abed. Abed's a shaman. You ask him to pass the salt, he gives you a bowl of soup. Because you know what, soup is better. Abed is better. You are all better than you think you are. You are designed not to believe it when you hear it from yourself. I want you to look to the person to your left. Sorry. Look at the person sitting next to you. I want you to extend to that person the same compassion you extend to sharks, pencils and Ben Affleck. I want you to say to that person, "I forgive you." You've just stopped being a study group. You have become something unstoppable. I hear by pronounce you a Community.
Woah, you just wrinkled my brain.
I thought you were like Bill Murray in any of his films, but you're more like Michael Douglas in any of his films.
Yeah, well you have Aspergers.
I'm a Professor. You can't talk to me that way!
A 6 year old girl could talk to you that way!
No, because you're a 5 year old girl and theres a pecking order!
I'm sorry I called you Michael Douglas, and I see your value now.
I thought you had a Bachelor's from Columbia.
You duermo tarde Español, una hora mas, no arañes my coche.
I like you, Jeffrey. You remind me of myself at your age.
Have you ever heard of the saying "Cheaters never prosper"?
You have been sexually harassing me since the very first day of class.
So this is a game to you? You put human beings into a state of emotional shambles for a shot at getting in my pants?
Why can't you see that for the compliment that it is?
What makes humans different from other animals? We're the only species on earth that observes Shark Week. Sharks don't even observe Shark Week, but we do. For the same reason I can pick up this pencil, tell you it's name is Steve and go like this
(2001 TV Series)
Episode: Absolute Justice (2010)
What's next for you?
Your fate is utterly binding. You are invaluable, Clark Kent. But you, you walk the same path as a I do, Chloe Sullivan.
Who are you?
Let me show you, my friend.
Dr. Fate says you're a big deal. I don't see it.
Why have you been watching us?
It wouldn't have worked, Courtney. People never learn. This generation will make the same mistakes the last one did like the one before that. Obvious by how you've skipped your homework, you don't even know who we are.
You don't who we are either. But none of us here are the bad guys.
You sure about that, Clark? The winged warrior here threw me through a window.
I hope I didn't make you cry.
Bring it, Big Bird. Just for the record, you started it.
Justice? Well, everything we've heard about you guys is a little blurry when it comes to justice.
You mean what you've *read*.
Do you know who you're working with here? These old men have criminal records longer than that staff of yours.
Frosty's kid going after you for putting dear old in traction, right? But why now? It's been decades.
The hope for tomorrow that your alien friend spoke of - you are that hope. I have seen it.
Because you see the future?
When you saw my fate, what did you see?
You will lead this generation as Hawkman once lead ours.
You sound like a group I met from the future. They hinted at my destiny, but they were as vague as you are.
Then let me be specific. Although Lex Luthor is your ultimate opponent, you will triumph over him.
And when you show yourself to the world, it will be a different age than ours, Clark. A silver age of heroism that will start when they look up into the sky at you with hope for tomorrow. You will have everyone to embrace it.
You know, you really got to work on your landings.
It would have been a lot smoother if you hadn't thrown up.
You have the capacity to break the chains that are holding you down, Clark. And when you do, what Doctor Fate envisioned will come to pass. You will soar higher than any one of us.
So, what do you call your team anyway?
Uh, sure. You're buying Mr. Queen.
Ah, fine. Dessert's on you.
You're the one they call Watchtower.
Technology today makes hiding a whole lot harder, Miss Sullivan. When someone like you reaches out and plugs into so many outlets, someone else is bound to pull out one of those cords and follow it back to the source. You're lucky a friend did it first.
Is that *my* e-mail? Chloe, I'll let you know that those messages between me and Canary were purely platonic.
I know what kind of hero you are, Green Arrow.
Who are you supposed to be, sweetie? The new Star-Spangled Kid?
But you love talking. Shut up.
I asked them to so I can keep you in line.
What are you? My chaperon?
I'm interested in you. You are not a human, but you are forced to be.
But you sacrificed them to save Clark Kent. You see what I see in Clark Kent but without the aid of the helmet of Nabu. Its magic reveals the fates of people around me. I look into the window of the future and witness might be. But, eventually, it became too much. I saw too much. Before your people were destroyed, did you have a wife, John?
You miss your family as do I.
I killed you.
You're not like the others, are you, Clark? Kids who are in it for the thrills or because they have a chip on their shoulder. You don't do this for glory or vengeance.
Why? Because of you?
You have to trust them.
You have to remember they're people, too. They'll make mistakes. We all do. We all have to keep trying. Isn't that what you said?
If it isn't my favorite Martian. Looks like you're enjoying the return of your powers.
According to Hawkman, someone worthy will be drawn to it. They'll become the next Dr. Fate.
Dr. Fate was inundated with a constant flow of visions and information, but there is a limit to how much knowledge someone can have. It drove him to the edge of sanity, and he fell off. I don't need my telepathy to know you run that risk yourself.
I only say because I care. You and Clark, Oliver. You're my family here.
I see your fate, Lois Lane. You are the one he will need. He is the one you will need.
Carter, please. There's over a dozen members of the Justice Society still out there. Jay, Ted, Alan. If we didn't team up and stop the Icicle, he'll go after them next.
It's obvious you still care about this team. If you didn't, you wouldn't have kept watch over all of this.
Do you have any idea where we can find Icicle?
(2001 TV Series)
Episode: Metamorphosis (2001)
Just shut me out. It's like one minute you're here, and the next you're gone. Clark, you're not outgrowing me as a friend, are you?
Can't knock your taste in women. You want to tell me what happened last night?
You were tied to a stake in the middle of a field. Even the Romans saved that for special occasions. You could have died out there.
Your form's good but his gait's off. You might want to check your shoes. Lex Luthor. I'm a friend of your aunt's.
Sneaking up like that. You're lucky you didn't get kicked.
You must be Lana. It's a pleasure to finally meet you.
I seriously doubt I'd forget meeting you.
You were a little preoccupied at the time.
When I was ten, I went to Metropolis for a riding competition. Your father invited us to stay over. My aunt said you had an indoor pool. When I went to check it out, I found you and a girl skinny dipping. I think you were teaching her the breast stroke.
That was you? Wow. You're all grown up now.
I know the feeling. Kind of makes you wonder if you're with the right guy. One chucks footballs, the other helps save lives.
If you hadn't pulled him out of that truck, your problems would be solved.
Clark, you okay?
Did you know you can see my house from here?
You know, we've lived a mile apart our whole lives and you've never come over.
And you're wondering what I'm doing here now.
Chloe, I could never outgrow you. Other than vertically.
You need to talk to Mom. I think I really freaked her out this time.
You also made her really proud, Clark.
I honestly don't know. As soon as you start breaking the law of gravity, we're definitely in uncharted territory.
Save any more lives on your way over? Keep it up and you could make a career out of it.
What's the sudden interest in Greg? You coming out of the entomology closet?
It's nothing. I'll catch up with you later.
I hate it when you do that.
Chloe, I could never outgrow you. Other than vertically.
It's amazing how far that Kent charm with get you.
(2001 TV Series)
Episode: Shield (2010)
No, of course not. But what if he were? One minute you know you know what you know, and the next you realize you don't really know anything but you want to know everything. What is the world like for him? Does he feel pain? How does he heal? When does he sleep? *Does* he even sleep.
You know, the philosopher Nietzsche believed we shouldn't live for the future, but for the present. He thought that people who chased after some far-off future dream were really running away from their true destiny.
I have to admit, this assignment... a little out of my strike zone. I mean, I was raised by a very grounded 4-star general who believed in what you can see, touch, blow up...
It's just... you can live your whole live without any prove of something, like a god or whatever, and then one day you look up and realize the guy sitting across from you is... Ra.
You think the guy sitting across from you is an ancient sun god?
Maybe you should just ask Clark. Now, why don't you sit down before you drive *me* crazy.
You should be thanking me. I just handed you the hit of a lifetime.
Why would I thank you for something fate gave me? Somewhere out there, we all got a bullet with our name on it.
I'd like you to have something. It was given to me by my wife. It's a story, about two star-crossed lovers. Prince Khufu and Shayera were murdered by an evil man, but their love was so strong they were bonded for all eternity. Lifetime after lifetime they were reborn, to find their one true love. Only to lose each other in death again.
If you're into the whole Egyptian "Groundhog Day" thing.
Why are you doing this to me? I didn't do anything.
Funny thing about fate. You can't outrun it. Either it's your day or it's not, sweet pea.
Trust me. He'll get over you. Three or four years, he won't even remember your face. People about to die always think that that special loved one won't be able to go on without ' em. But the truth is, that person just finds someone else to love. Everyone is replaceable.
|33.||Boy Meets World
(1993 TV Series)
Episode: Brave New World: Part 2 (2000)
Save me a seat on that boat next to you. Wow, I can't believe I just did that.
I don't know what's going to happen to me. But I do know that I'm going to be a good person who cares about people. And I blame *you* for that.
You coming with us, Mr. Feeny? You gonna sneak up on us in Central Park or something?
No. You'll always be with us. As long as we live okay?
I love you all. Class dismissed.
Good for you.
Well you have a right to be.
I admire you. I admire you more than I do me.
You think we've known each other long enough for you to call me Cory?
I think we've known each other long enough for me to call you Cornelius.
You, uh, you never give up on me. Never once. I'm not going to forget you. You're the best person I know
We wanted to know if you had anything left to teach us.
No. My work with you is done.
And you are ready to go into that world.
Even you. Believe in yourselves. Dream. Try. Do good.
Don't you mean do well?
Well, I guess there's just one thing left then. Tell us you love us.
Now look. If there is one thing I've taught you it is that there is a line between teacher and student that must never be crossed
Tell us you love us.
Oh, you know we're your favorites.
Come on Feeny. You haven't even talked to another student for seven years. I mean that...
Tell us you love us!
Okay for you then.
I will never forget you. You were more of a father to me then my own dad.
You, uh, you never give up on me. Never once. I'm not going to forget you. You're the best person I know.
I don't know what's going to happen to me. But I do know that I'm going to be a good person who cares about people. And I blame *you* for that.
You think we've known each other long enough for you to call me Cory?
I think I've known you long enough to call you Cornielius
Good for you.
Well, you have a right to be.
You coming with us Mr. Feeny? You gonna sneak up on us in Central Park or something?
No. You'll always be with us. As long as we live okay?
I love you all... Class dismissed
I love you all,
Don't you mean "do well"?
I'm always here for you, boys.
Man, he'd be so proud of you. Going on this adventure in New York City. Nothing but the clothes on your back.
Yeah, well you know it's like Dad always said,
Money don't make you rich. Life makes you rich!
You know, you never even had a nickel in your pocket and that wasn't important to you. I admire that, man. I admire you. I admire you more than I do me.
What'd you do? What'd he do?
You're giving up your stepfather's money.
Yeah, money doesn't make you rich. Life makes you rich. Our father taught us that.
Did not! That's stupid! Money makes you rich. You ask anybody! What makes you rich? Money! I got two stupid boys. You all embarrass me in front of my dead friends!
|34.||Planet of the Apes
Next you'll be telling us that these beasts have a soul.
Get your stinking hands off me, you damn dirty human!
What tribe are you from?
You know one day they'll tell a story about a human who came from the stars and changed our world. Some will say it was just a fairy tale, but, it was never real. But I'll know.
Maybe they chose not to... given the way you treated them.
Look, you gotta make your people understand, it's over there's no help coming.
My fight is with Thade, not you.
The young ones make great pets. Just make sure you get rid of them before they mature. Believe me, the last thing you want is a human teenager running around your house.
What? Was the Homo sapien mean to you again? We all know its just rocket envy, don't we?
You mean do I enjoy being miserable? No thanks, I'll stick with my chimps.
Stop it! Who told you, you could throw stones at humans?
Did he ?He's wrong very wrong. You can tell him for me I said so.
I know. But they'd probably pry you and poke you and throw you in a cage too.
You'd protect me.
You care about everybody, but yourself.
My dear, you look lovely!
Thank you, but I'm having a bad hair day.
I warn you their ingenuity goes hand in hand with their cruelty. No creature is as devious, as violent. You must find this human quickly! Don't let him get to Calima!
How many times do I have to tell you? Wear you gloves when you handle humans!
You kill him, and you'll only lower yourself to his level.
Hm, I knew it, you're sensitive. An uncommon quality in a man.
You're letting him go?
Y'know, I'd like to thank you, for opening my eyes to a brave new world of trade with the humans.
Are you trying to put me out of business? These are the skankiest, scabbiest, scuzziest humans I've ever seen.
I was standing right next to you, Bella.
No. You were next to your car, across the lot.
I was standing right next to you Bella.
No. You were next to your car, across the lot.
Oh, still stubborn, aren't we? Is that what makes you so special to Edward?
Hmm... Well, I could always make you.
I'm not scared of you.
Well you really shouldn't have said that.
Bella! Guess who just asked me to prom. I totally thought Mike was gonna ask you, actually. Um, it's not gonna be weird though, right?
No, no. Zero weirdness. You guys are great together.
Are you going to tell me how you stopped the van?
Yeah. Um... I had an adrenaline rush. It's very common. You can Google it.
What did you expect? Coffins and dungeons and moats?
I'd rather die than to stay away from you.
Will you tell me the truth?
That's what you dream about? Being a monster?
I dream about being with you forever.
Bella! We're making Italiano for you.
I hope you're hungry.
Yeah - it's just that I know... I know you guys don't eat.
Of course. That's very considerate of you.
Yeah, well the problem is... you two have gone public now so...
You are my life now.
How did you get over to me so fast?
Yes, you were.
Bella, you hit your head. I think you're confused.
You stopped the van. You pushed it away with you hand.
Well, nobody's going to believe you.
Can't you just thank me and get over it?
You're not going to let this go, are you?
Well then I hope you enjoy disappointment.
Bella, you should go inside. Waylon was your father's friend.
Um, I'll see you later.
Look, You gotta give me some answers.
You knew that?
Actually, we came to visit your flat-screen. First Mariners game of the season. Plus, Jacob here keeps bugging me about seeing you again.
Um... No, you shouldn't.
You don't know the vile, repulsive things they were thinking.
And you do?
Can you talk about something else? Distract me so i won't turn around.
You should put your seat belt on.
Haha... you should put your seat belt on!
So I was wondering... if you have a- a da...
'sup Arizona? How you likin' the rain, girl?
Yeah, Mike, you're real cute. You know that?
I don't have the strength to stay away from you anymore.
Did you follow me?
I... I feel very protective of you.
So you followed me.
I was trying to keep a distance unless you needed my help and then I heard what those low-lives were thinking.
Wait. You say you heard what they were thinking?
So what you... you read minds?
I can read every mind in this room apart from yours. There's... Money. Sex. Money. Sex. Cat... And then you, nothing. That's very frustrating.
See... I tell you I can read minds and you think there's something wrong with you?
Did he hurt you?
Break up with you or something?
I thought you liked him?
You're not going to drive home right now. You can sleep on it. If you still feel like going in the morning, I'll take you to the airport.
Like what? Like watch baseball on the flat screen? Eat at the diner every night? Steak and cobbler. Dad, that's you, that's not me.
Bella, come on. I-I just got you back.
Yea, and you know if I don't get out now, I'll just be stuck here like mom.
Do you trust me?
Oh, you do smell good.
Alice, what are you - ?
Pleasure to meet you.
It's okay Jasper, you won't hurt her.
All right, I'm going to take you on a tour of the rest of the house.
Well, I'll see you soon.
I borrowed this from your house. Hope you don't mind.
Son, enough. Remember who you are.
Edward, stop. Her blood is clean. You're killing her. Stop. Find the will.
You know, you could always go for... eating disorders? Speedo padding on the swim team.
Hey, Mikey - you met my home girl, Bella
Oh, you-yo-your home girl?
Oh my god, it's like, the first grade all over again, you're the shiny new toy...
I hate you for making me want you so much.
Hey you're from Arizona right?
You were gone.
Do you mind if I uh, look?
So you enjoying the rain?
You're asking me about the weather?
You mind if I check?
You don't know how long I've waited for you.
Oh yeah, you're the bomb.
Thanks. You know your mood swings are kinda giving me whiplash.
It means if you were smart, you'd stay away from me.
Okay well let's say for argument sake that I'm not smart, would you tell me the truth?
Why didn't you move with your mother and Phil?
And now you're unhappy.
I'm sorry, I'm just - I'm just trying to figure you out, you're very difficult for me to read.
Hey did you get contacts?
Your eyes were, black the last time I saw you, and now they're like, golden brown...
No, uh, he's a junior I'm a junior. I thought you liked the Cullens.
I thought you didn't like any of the boys in town.
Yeah he wanted to meet you, officially.
Could you be nice? He is - he's important.
Do you do this a lot?
Just the past couple of months. I like watching you sleep. I find it fascinating.
You can't leave me!
Mom, can I talk to you later?
Come on, we gotta talk boys! Are you being safe?
You guys should keep Bella company. Umm... her date bailed.
Look at you, huh?... You're ALIVE!
How did you know about that?
You didn't answer my question.
Well, you don't answer any of mine so... I mean, you don't even say hi to me.
You know everybody's staring?
I leave you alone for two minutes and the wolves descend.
You and Cullen huh?
I don't like it. He looks at you like... you're something to eat.
How did you get in here?
Do you do that a lot?
Was that as weird for you as it was for me?
You're impossibly fast. And strong. Your skin is... pale white, and ice cold. Your eyes change color... and sometimes you speak like - like you're from a different time. You never eat or drink anything; you don't go into the sunlight.
How old are you?
How long have you been seventeen?
I know what you are.
Are you afraid?
You're alone... because you're faster than the others. But not stronger...
I'm strong enough to kill you.
Ok, hmmm, boy you have so much music, what were you listening to.
Hmm... Well, I could always make you.
I'm not scared of you.
Well you really shouldn't have said that.
You better hold on tight spidermonkey!
Do you trust me?
Can I talk to you for a minute?
How, how did you get over to me so fast?
Yes you were.
Bella you hit your head. I think you're confused.
You- you stopped the van. You pushed it away with you hand.
Well, nobody's going to believe you so.
Cant you just thank me and get over it.
You're not going to let this go are you?
Well then i hope you enjoy disappointment.
I believe this belongs to you.
The humans were tracking us, but we led them east. You should be safe.
So, could you use three more players?
Sure, why not? A few of us were leaving, you can take their place. We'll bat first.
My family, we're different from others of our kind. We only drink animal blood, but it's your scent. It's like a drug to me. It's like you're my own personal brand of heroin.
Why did you hate me so much when we met?
I did, only because of wanting you so badly. I still don't know if I can control myself.
I know you can.
You just have to. I'll be down in the truck.
Did he hurt you?
Break up with you or something?
I thought you liked him?
You're not going to drive home right now. You can sleep on it. If you still feel like going in the morning, I'll take you to the airport.
Like what? Like watch baseball on the flat screen? Eat at the diner every night? Steak and cobbler. Dad, that's you, that's not me.
Bella, come on. I-I just got you back.
Yeah, and you know if I don't get out now, I'll just be stuck here like mom.
Do you trust me?
I can't ever lose control with you.
Could you act human? Okay, I have neighbors.
I'm gonna take you to my place tomorrow.
So you're worried, not because you'll be in a house full of vampires, but because you think they won't approve of you?
I'm glad I amuse you.
Ah... you brought a snack.
Okay, now I see why you need the thunder.
What is it? What do you see?
How did you know about that?
You didn't answer my question
Well, you don't answer any of mine so... and, you don't even say hi to me
Are you gonna tell me how you stopped the van?
Yeah. I had an adrenaline rush. It's very common. You can google it
At least would you watch where you walk?
See? You're dancing.
At prom. Edward why did you save me? You should've just let the venom spread. I could be like you by now.
You don't know what you're saying. You don't want this.
I want YOU. Always.
I'm not gonna end your life for you.
Alice said she saw me like you. I heard her.
So that's what you dream about, becoming a monster.
I dream about being with you, forever.
And are you ready right now?
You've got to make a choice, Edward, to prevent the change from happening.
you know i won't be able to stop!
Hmm? I cut it since the last time I saw you.
It's like diamonds... you're beautiful.
That's because you believe only the lies... the camouflage. I'm the world's most dangerous predator, Bella. Every thing about me invites you in. My voice, my face, even my smell. As if I would need any of that... as if you could out run me... as if you could fight me off. I'm designed to kill.
I wanted to kill you at first. I've never wanted a human's blood so much, before.
I trust you.
Bella, I'm glad you're here. We need an umpire.
I know you cheat.
See, I told you she'd love it. I'm down with the kids.
Oh, yeah, dude. You're the bomb.
Come on, guys! I love you both, but we have a plane to catch!
Tell Edward how it hurts! Tell him to avenge you! Tell him! TELL HIM!
LaPush, baby! You in?
Well, Bella. It looks like you took quite a spill. How do you feel?
You might experience some post-traumatic stress, and some disorientation, but your vitals looks good. No sign of any head trauma. I think you'll be just fine.
You know, it would've been a whole lot worse if Edward wasn't there. He knocked me out of the way.
Sounds like you were very lucky. Charlie?
You're like my own personal brand of heroin.
How did you get in here?
Do you do that a lot?
Just the past couple of months I like watching you sleep.
Who are you?
Always the same inane questions... 'Who are you?'
'What do you want?'
'Why are you doing this?'
Yeah, hey! La Push, baby! You in?
Eric, you stood up once, and it was a foam board.
Okay, I'll go if you stop saying that, okay?
I'm alive because of you.
No, you're in here because of me. The worst part of it was that I thought I wasn't gonna be able to stop.
You did stop.
Bella, you gotta go to Jacksonville. So I can't hurt you anymore.
Are you? No! No! How? I don't even know what you're saying. What are you talking about? You just want me to go away? No! I can't! I can't just leave you.
We can't be apart. You can't leave me.
Okay, just don't. You can't say stuff like that to me. Ever.
Well, when you fell you broke your leg. And you lost a lot of blood. You don't remember any of this, do you?
Edward came down with his dad to try to convince you to come back to Forks. You went over to their hotel and you tripped and you fell down two flights of stairs. Went through a window.
It's Phil. He's so worried about you.
Finally, yeah. I told him to stay down in Florida. Oh honey you are going to love Jacksonville. It's sunny every day and we found the cutest little house and you have your own bathroom.
And, um, you look beautiful.
You too. Are you crashing the prom or something? Did you come with a date?
No. My dad paid me to come talk to you. 20 bucks.
Just don't get mad, okay? He wants you to break up with your boyfriend. It's just, he said quote 'we'll be watching you.'
(2001 TV Series)
Episode: My Changing Ways (2005)
Your hook shot knocked you unconscious and I lied down next to you so everybody would think we were chillin'.
It's a typewriter, you jackass.
You have even a better one, you! You do it! Yeah, yeah! You have even a better one...
Perry, I get the feeling something is bothering you...
Bob, people have a private life and people have a professional life, and usually those two hells are kept pretty separate; for instance I don't know that much about your home life, other than the fact that you treat your wife like a dog, your dog like a wife and your son like an androgynous ne'er-do-well who drains your retirement to open up a shop in Minneapolis.
...Terrence doesn't follow him around the shop all day telling him just exactly what color is in this season, or showing all of the other employees that he is not in fact the boss of his own life. You see, the woman in everywhere! She's there when I work out in the morning, when I work out in the car on the way to work, and when I work out when I get to work. I can't seem to get away from her, and that used to be fine when she came around for five minutes every month or so to feed on my dignity; but now I'd honestly kill myself, Bob, if I wasn't convinced that Jordan wouldn't already be there waiting for me in the afterlife. You see, typical of her, she went ahead and signed us up for an eternal tandem bike ride all along the banks of the River Styx.
I'm so glad you shared...
Oh. Thanks S.C.B. By the way I should tell you something. I found an apartment and I'm moving out the day after tomorrow.
Maybe I was being unfair to Turk. Maybe it's too much to expect a friend to just sense that you're upset and wanna talk about it...
Carla, I can sense you're upset, talk to me!
(2005 TV Series)
Episode: Stan of Arabia: Part 1 (2005)
Are you insane? We're not stopping for their food. Next, you'll want to use their bathrooms, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna use their sandpapery toilet scrolls on my proud American button.
Oh, Ernest and Julio Gallo, you make a glorious wine, and a handsome couple!
Ladies, ladies! You're both Mrs. Smith.
Surprise! I got us a second wife. You know, to help with cooking and cleaning. Her name's impossible to pronounce, so I just call her "Thundercat."
You know the rule. Say it, and I'll escort you to the bazaar.
You're the manliest man in the history of manly men.
And when you're in your late 30s, you may have a chance at convincing a long-time female friend to have awkward pity-sex with you, once.
Francine, good news. I'm in charge of planning Bullock's party, which means you're in charge of planning Bullock's party.
Michael Moore... ? Oh, you mean Michael Bin Laden.
Come on, Hayley. You're going to the movies with Jeff, anyway. Just give me a ride.
You know the rule.
You're the most environmentally-conscious, self-actualized feminist in the world...
You came here 'cause you think you're gonna be next. You came here to steer me, okay? If you wanna help me, if you don't wanna get nailed to the ceiling or run over by a train, you need to break free from your buddies and tell me something I don't know about John Wharton. 'Cause I can't read him. Tell me something I don't know.
I gotta ask you a few questions. Ten million dollars is missing from your cartel bust. Did you steal it?
No. And fuck you for asking.
You're one fucked up bitch.
Wake up, you drunk fuck!
Sweetheart, you're so in over your fucking head.
Look at you, with your 48 percent body fat!
Why they call you Pyro, honey?
Don't fucking scream at me! Look at you! With your fucking 48% body fat! And you, you scrawny little bastard! Fuck you guys!
I came here to help you...
No, you didn't.
...to help you understand.
Love you, Dad.
We're here to bring you back home. This isn't gonna bring them back. Come on, let's go home.
What do you mean? What are you talking about?
You mean we killed six motherfuckers, and it ain't them?
When did you lose yours?
Sweetheart, you're so in over your fucking head. You need more than a Glock and sensible shoes.
Just because you're not in jail, doesn't mean you didn't do it.
You're awesome on a road trip, you know that?
You wife - I was the last to have her. You can't take that back.
But I'm not like you.
|39.||Band of Brothers
Once we get into combat, they only people you can trust is yourself and the fella next to you.
You know why they volunteered? Because they knew that the man in the foxhole next to them would be the best, not some draftee who's going to get them killed.
Where you hit, Pop?
Looks like you guys are going to be surrounded.
I treasure my remark to my grandson who asked, "Grandpa, were you a hero in the war?" Grandpa said, "No... but I served in a company of heroes".
The only hope you have is to accept the fact that you're already dead. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll be able to function as a soldier is supposed to function: without mercy, without compassion, without remorse. All war depends upon it.
Hey, you! That's right, you stupid Kraut bastards! That's right! Say hello to Ford, and General fuckin' Motors! You stupid fascist pigs! Look at you! You have horses! What were you thinking? Dragging our asses half way around the world, interrupting our lives... For what, you ignorant, servile scum! What the fuck are we doing here?
Have a lot of you guys been injured?
It's called "wounded," Peanut. "Injured" is when you fall out of a tree or something.
Don't worry, there so much crap flying around, you're bound to get dinged sometime. Almost every one of these guys got hit at least once. Except for Ally, he's a two-timer. He landed on broken glass in Normandy, and got peppered by a potato masher. Now, Bull... he got a piece of exploding tank in Holland. Now George Luz here... has never been hit. You're one lucky bastard.
Huh, considered us blessed. Now Leibgott, the skinny little guy? He got pinged in the neck in Holland. And right next to him, the other skinny little guy, that's Popeye. He got shot in his scrawny little butt in Normandy. And, uh, Buck got shot in his rather large butt in Holland.
They're doing fine, Bill. Nice of you to ask.
You don't say! The Germans are bad, huh?
You people are at the position of attention!
Private Perconte, have you been blousing your trousers over your boots like a paratrooper?
Volunteering for the parachute infantry is one thing, Perconte, but you've got a *long* way to prove that you belong here. Your weekend pass is revoked.
When did you sew on these chevrons, Sergeant Lipton?
Rusty bayonet, Liebgott. You wanna kill Germans?
I wouldn't take this rusty piece of shit to war, and I will not take *you* to war in your condition!
Kind of remind you of Bastogne?
Yeah, now that you mention it. Except, of course, there's no snow, we got warm grub in our bellies, and the trees aren't fucking exploding from Kraut artillery, but yeah... Frank... other than that, it's a lot like Bastogne.
I swear I thought I could smell a fire... I DID smell a fire. Are you out of your mind?
You know a man in this company who wouldn't double-time Currahee with a full pack, just to piss in that man's morning coffee?
I don't know whether to slap you, kiss you, or salute you. I told these scallywags you was okay.
Lieutenant, are you going to shoot lefty all night?
To keep you on your toes.
Are you ticked because they like me? Because I'm spending time to get to know my soldiers? I mean, c'mon, you've been with them for two years? I've been here for six days.
You were gambling, Buck.
What if you'd won?
What if you'd won? Don't ever put yourself in the position where you can take from these men.
Well, I'd better get back to Battalion before they disappear. You want to ask me, don't you?
Ask you what, sir?
You want to know if they're true or not... the stories about me. Did you ever notice with stories like that, everyone says they heard it from someone who was there. But then when you ask *that* person, they say *they* heard it from someone who was there. It's nothing new, really. I bet if you went back two thousand years, you'd hear a couple of centurions standing around, yakking about how Tertius lopped off the heads of some Carthaginian prisoners.
Sir? These men aren't really concerned about the stories. They're just glad to have you as our CO. They're happy to have a good leader again.
Well, from what I've heard, they've always had one. I've been told there's always been one man they could count on. Led them into the Bois Jacques, held them together when they had the crap shelled out of them in the woods. Every day, he kept their spirits up, kept the men focused, gave 'em direction... all the things a good combat leader does. You don't have any idea who I'm talking about, do you?
Hell, it was you, First Sergeant. Ever since Winters made Battalion, you've been the leader of Easy Company. Oh, and you're not going to be First Sergeant much longer, First Sergeant.
Winters put you in for a battlefield commission, and Sink approved on your behalf. You should get the official notice in a few days. Congratulations, Lieutenant.
Are those dusty jump wings? How do you expect to slay the Huns with dust on your jump wings?
Now just think... if you had any class or style like me, somebody might've mistaken you for somebody.
Oh, that dog just ain't gonna hunt. Now, you cut that fence and get this goddamn platoon on the move.
So what did you study?
You're kidding me! I love to read.
Men, it's been a long war, it's been a tough war. You've fought bravely, proudly for your country. You're a special group. You've found in one another a bond, that exists only in combat, among brothers. You've shared foxholes, held each other in dire moments. You've seen death and suffered together. I'm proud to have served with each and every one of you. You all deserve long and happy lives in peace.
Hey, that's fantastic, Lew. Good for you.
But you do.
Which I do. Hell, Shifty, I think maybe I could've even given you a run for your money.
Sorry about what? Patton? I couldn't agree more. What are you doing here?
Joe, you don't have to do that. Get yourself back to the aid station, heal up.
Hey, Joe. Good to see you, pal.
What the hell are you doing back here?
I had to make sure you were on top of things.
Hey, Joe, I told you I'd beat you back to the States!
I told you, it's O'Keefe.
Do you know why no one remembers your name? It's 'cause no one wants to remember your name! There are too many Smiths, DiMatos, and O'Keefes and O'Briens who show up here, replacing Toccoa men that you dumb replacements got killed in the first place! And they're all like you. They're all piss and vinegar. "Where are the Krauts at? Let me at 'em! When do I get to jump into Berlin?" Two days later, there they are with their blood and guts hanging out. Screaming for a medic, begging for their goddamn mothers! You dumb kids don't even know you're dead yet. Hey, you listening to me? Don't you know this is the best part of fuckin' war I've seen? I've got hot chow, hot showers, a warm bed. The way I see it, Germany is almost as good as being home. I even got to wipe my ass with real toilet paper today! So quit asking when you're gonna see some action, will ya? And stop with the fuckin' love songs!
When'd you ship out? Two weeks ago?
Why you keeping the brass knuckles?
What do you think about New Jersey?
Yeah, well, oddly enough, I know the owners. Probably gonna expect me to make something of myself. I thought maybe I'd drag you along with me.
Are you offering me a job?
We'll see how you do on your interview, but, you know, a man of your qualifications... I think probably scrape something up commensurate with your current salary level.
Kids, I just had a conversation with General LeClerc. He told me he was first into Paris, and by God, he wanted to be first into Berchtesgaden. I told him I understood his point. Now you fire up Second Battalion and outflank that French son of a bitch!
Toye, are you missing something?
You watch the goddamn line, McClung.
You've done it now, Yanks. You've captured me.
What do you think I should write these parents, Dick?
Hear what I said, Nix? You've been demoted.
You tell them what you always tell them: their sons died as heroes.
You really still believe that?
Why do you think, Private Randleman?
Lieutenant Sobel does not hate Easy Company, Private Randleman. He just hates you.
Thank you, sir.
Who are you?
Right, our West Pointer. When'd you graduate?
Hey, Web. Can you believe this place?
Is this personal to you?
You know what? What if he's a fucking Nazi commandant of a fucking slave camp?
Which one? Which camp? You don't have any proof!
Were you at Landsberg?
You know I was.
You think this guy's a soldier like you and me? A fucking innocent German officer?
Where the hell have you been the past three years?
Hey, Frank... you keep cleaning those teeth, the Germans are going to see you from a mile away.
That's right Pee Wee, you keep laughin'!
What are you lookin' at, Webster? Yeah, that's what I thought, college boy.
Are you drunk, trooper?
Nix, what are you going to do in battle?
"They got me". You believe that? You believe I said that?
It's gonna be good times, Web... When we get home I mean... First thing I'm gonna do is get my job back at the cab company in Frisco. Make a killing of all those fucking sailors coming home, you know? Then I'm gonna find me a nice Jewish girl, with great big soft titties and a smile to die for. Marry her. Then I'm gonna buy a house... A big house, with lots of bedrooms for all the little Liebgotts we're gonna be making.
Don't do anything stupid? Who the hell is he talking to? A bunch of morons who volunteered to jump out of a perfectly good airplane. Can you get any more stupid that that?
Ah, what are you sorry about? He's alive, got a couch, a goddamn blanket. Snug as a bug.
Hey Sarge, you think this is a ticket home?
Harry, do you really think that Kitty hasn't run off with some 4-F by now?
Let's go. C'mon, you got 10 minutes.
Oh Skinny, you got blood all over my trousers.
You don't wanna go out in this shit and you're yellin' "medic"?
Well, you're in luck, Penkala...
You know he told me he was a goddamn virgin?
You want syrup with that?
Nothing you won't eat, Malarkey.
You're kidding. That's unbelievable.
What are you men doing out here?
Well, keep up the good work. While you're at it, you might want to reinforce your cover.
Hey Luz, can you do Major Horton?
When you talk to an officer, you say "sir".
So, you looked at 'em, but you didn't take 'em?
I don't believe you! I'll be watching you. You're dismissed.
You'd better not be lying to me.
Sir, if it's not going to put you in too much of a bind, I'd like to resign as company First Sergeant. If I had my choice, I miss being back amongst the men. I'd be happy to go to as Staff Sergeant, whichever platoon you want to put me in.
Well, I guess you've earned your right to demote yourself.
Thank you, sir.
You wanna take over Sergeant Grant's platoon?
Alright then, report to Lieutenant Peacock. Let me know if he gives you any trouble.
Oh, sir? You make your decision yet?
There are four types of people who join the military. For some, it's family trade. Others are patriots, eager to serve. Next you have those who just need a job. Than there's the kind who want the legal means of killing other people.
There's this guy. He's a kind of cop, at least he used to be. He doesn't care about proof, he doesn't care about the law, he only cares about what's right. He knows what I did. You can't protect me. No one can.
You think I'm a hero? I am not a hero. And if you're smart, that scares you. Because I have nothing to lose.
I mean to beat you to death, and drink your blood from a boot.
You won't be able to.
You still think you're funny now, creep?
Shut your mouth, Sandy! No one is talking to you!
Are you kidding? It's five against one.
*How* do you figure?
Well, once I take out the leader, which is you, I'll have to contend with one or two enthusiastic wingmen. The last two guys, they always run.
Oh, you, uh, you've done this before?
Remember, you wanted this.
Who hired you?
Look out the window. Tell me what you see. You see the same things that you see everyday. Well, imagine you've never seen it. Imagine you spent your whole life in other parts of the world, being told everyday that you're defending freedom. Then you finally decide you've had enough. Time to see what you've given up your whole life for, everything. Get some of that "freedom" for yourself. Look at the people. You tell me which ones are free. Free from debt. Anxiety. Stress. Fear. Failure. Indignity. Betrayal. How many wish that they were born knowing what they know now? Ask yourself how many would do things the same way over again, and how many would live their lives like me.
You think I'm a hero? I am not a hero. I'm a drifter with nothing to lose. Now you killed that girl to put me in a frame. I mean to beat you to death and drink your blood from a boot! Now this is how it's gonna work. You're gonna give me the address and I'll be along when I'm damn good and ready. If she doesn't answer the phone when I call this number, if I even think you've hurt her, I disappear. And if you're smart, that scares you. Because I'm in your blind spot. And I have nothing better to do.
I'm not showing you any I.D.
You don't look like a Jimmie.
I don't know, but not a Jimmie. So you're new in town?
It's kind of loud in here. Do you wanna, maybe, go someplace quieter? I have a car.
Are you old enough to drive?
I can't afford you.
Oh, then I *really* can't afford you.
What I mean is the cheapest woman tends to be the one you pay for.
You won't be able to.
All the time. You should try it.
That's a great joke, but I'm gonna beat your ass. Do you want to do that here or outside?
When it means you're not pregnant, anyway.
Obviously you don't find this guy unless he wants to be found.
Excuse me, sir, there is a Jack Reacher here to see you.
So why are you so hard to find?
It's life or death now, James. By that, I mean you're doing one or the other up in Rockview. This here is District Attorney Rodin. Want to know what he's wondering? Whether you're gonna walk like a man or cry like a pussy on your way to the death house. See, the D.A. likes the needle, whereas me, I like to see a man like you live a long life - with all your teeth knocked out. Passed around till a brother can't tell your fart from a yawn.
...because the Office of the District Attorney never bought you a pony.
You understand you're not just asking me to look at the evidence. You're asking me to look at a cold-blooded killer. A man I know to be guilty. A man you want to keep off death row. And you're asking me to look at him objectively.
You have to look at the victims objectively.
Were you really going to shoot him?
I knew I wouldn't have to. One look at this guy and you know he'll do anything to survive. One look at me and you know I'm not bluffing.
I need some sleep, you too.
You really think I'm gonna...
I made a mistake. I mean, you can still use me, just tell me how to fix...
To survive. Don't say "fix it," because you can't. We covered up the one mess. You made another.
All right. You're right. You're right. You're absolutely right. I'm sorry. Just tell me what I have to do.
I was in prison in Siberia. I spent my first winter wearing a dead man's coat. A hole in one pocket. I chewed these fingers off before the frostbite could turn to gangrene. These I gave up to avoid working in the sulfur mine. That is how I survived when so many others did not. A man this rare can always be of use. So show me. Show me you are rare. Show me you'll do anything to survive.
Have you... have you got a knife?
No... come on, you've got to be kidding.
You can do it. Show me.
You want me to wait?
No. I'll meet you back at the office later.
How will you get there?
Not if you lend me your car.
Well, sure you do. It's outside. I'm guessing you 're the Camaro. That whimsy little pickup has Gary written all over it. Keys?
Who are you, mister? Really?
Now look at your friends. Now look at my face. Do you ever want to see me again?
Use it as long as you like.
You're very kind.
A pleasure. You look like hell there, Army.
You asked if I was afraid I'd end up like Barr. I'm not. I'm afraid I'll end up like this guy.
You'll be all right, counselor.
No. What if I need you? How will I find you?
You don't need me. Not anymore.
With a name like yours, you're gonna feel right at home.
You think you're gonna walk?
You are a homeless drifter wanted for murder. Meanwhile, I am an old man in the wrong place at the wrong time. Thanks to you, who is left to say otherwise? Who?
(2004 TV Series)
Episode: Exodus: Part 1 (2006)
This is the Admiral. You've heard the news. You know the mission. You should also know that there is only one way this mission ends, and that's with the successful rescue of our people off of New Caprica. Look around you. Take a good look at the men and women that stand next to you. Remember their faces, for one day you will tell your children and your grandchildren that you served with such men and women that the universe has never seen. And together, you accomplished a feat that will be told and retold down through the ages and find immortality as only the gods once knew. I'm proud to serve with you. Good Hunting!
Well let me tell you about my day. It was a hoot. Had the most fascinating chat with one of the Dorals. He's got this theory about sanitation being the key to regaining human trust and confidence. Something about toilet paper. No, lack of toilet paper, that's it. How if people could only wipe their bums properly, there would be a measurable uptick in the polls.
Are you all right, Tom?
Chief! Pull it together. You won't do her any good if you get caught too. Besides, the last thing your son wants is me and Ellen for parents.
Don't be afraid. I know who you are. What you are. Poor thing. You must be terrified. Do you have any candy? Um, no? Chamalla's so bitter. Zeus sees all. Sees you, number Three. Sees your pain. Your destiny. All the Gods weep for you.
Well, you don't believe that anymore. You don't know what you believe, and that is why you're here.
It is your dream that brings you to me.
How do you know about that?
have a message for you from the one you worship. He speaks through me to you, just as He speaks in your dreams. The message is... the fruit born of two peoples is alive. A child named after the wife and sister of the all-knowing Zeus: Hera lives.
You will hold her in your arms, and you'll know for the first time what it is to feel true love, but you'll lose everything you've done here. Wish I had some chocolate caramels.
|42.||Saturday Night Live
(1975 TV Series)
Episode: Liam Neeson/Modest Mouse (2004)
Next, you're gonna love this part, we organizaed your potatoes with this lovely potato organizer from Ikea.
Uh... You did what?
You might like to know that my mother hung that mirror there before she died.
Don't apologize to me. Apologize to her, because you'll meet her in Heaven when I'm done with ya.
How do you know Adam and Eve weren't black?
You ever try to take a rib from a black person... Hey, hey! That's not cool. That's not cool.
What do you call a black guy with... Okay, okay, I am not telling this joke! But I will tell you a little something about Richie B. I mean this guy's Johnson is so small, he pees on his nuts.
|43.||Married with Children
(1987 TV Series)
Episode: England Show I (1992)
I'd like to talk to you today about women. I don't like 'em. I mean, you folks are English but even you can't like women. I mean, you're sitting home, watching sports and that's the exact time that they pick to plant their ever widening, what you call bums next to you, and ask "Remember that restaurant we went to 18 years ago. Did you think that waitress was pretty?' then you tell them to shut up, and they get mad. Now, I'm not proposing a solution, 'cause I gotta go soon, I see my wife looking, but I'd just like to say "I don't like 'em." Now could I get a 'Whoa, women. I DON'T LIKE 'EM?'
You save your tongue for picking the flies off the pools that dance beneath your arms! Go to, I'm in an 'urry.
Oh? Is it the Festival of Pork Pies and Pigs' Waller you're late for? While you're waiting, I got a plump pony out back you can snack on.
You be warned! I am a great and powerful witch!
Well, I don't have to tell you, it's been a bloody good year for killing Bundys. We've tracked them down wherever Bundys have spread throughout the last few centuries. And in fact they were easy to find because, no matter what the country, all we had to do was go to the local shoe store, and - pop! - there they were.
You know perfectly well I had my name changed legally. Is it too much trouble to address me as Merrill?
I'll call you Merrill when we're alone, all right?
|44.||Married with Children
(1987 TV Series)
Episode: Nooner or Later (1994)
Yeah, well take a gander into the seat next to you if you wanna see what your future looks like.
Can I help you?
Do you have anything sexy?
No. Do you?
Does this look like pink? I said pink. Pink you bone top!
With this attitude, you're gonna be working here for the rest of your life.
Why don't you two try the moon? You'll weigh less there.
Mr Bundy? I'm Dexter, the temp you ordered.
So, Dexter, have you ever sold shoes before?
Where are you going?
Are you kidding me? You don't know what I had to go through to get those tickets. You don't know where I've been. And believe me, it wasn't Tahiti.
But Dad, you don't even like B.B.R.
You can't be this dumb.
Do you know my boobs?
Dexter, are you okay?
You get upstairs, I'll take the chicken out!
|45.||The West Wing
(1999 TV Series)
Episode: Red Haven's on Fire (2003)
You're gonna lose, and you're gonna lose huge. They're gonna throw rocks at you next week, and I wanted to be standing next to you when they did.
How'd you call Josh?
What do you mean?
Didn't they take your cellphone from you?
You're really going to be teaching the seminar on call girl caution? Really?
You're all right?
Yeah, I'm all right. You know, when you sit in a cage, you have time to do a lot of thinking.
You know what they don't tell you? You can post bond with a credit card.
He was taking it in the wrong direction, Sam, and you know it.
And you guys are going to take it in the right direction?
You trapped people at Disneyland, told the French they could stick a loaf of bread up their ass, had a meeting with a Communist, and things are looking up 'cause my new campaign director just made bail.
Look, a glass is half full or half... You know, the other thing...
Then why are you here?
How'd you call Josh?
What do you mean?
Didn't they take your cell phone from you?
You're really going to be teaching the seminar on call girl caution? Really?
Hello Betsy. Hi, it's Travis. How ya doin'? Listen, uh, I'm, I'm sorry about the, the other night. I didn't know that was the way you felt about it. Well, I-I didn't know that was the way you felt. I-I-I would have taken ya somewhere else. Uh, are you feeling better or oh you maybe had a virus or somethin', a 24-hour virus you know. It happens. Yeah, umm, you uh, you're workin' hard. Yeah. Uh, would you like to have, uh, some dinner, uh with me in the next, you know, few days or somethin'? Well, how about just a cup of coffee? I'll come by the, uh, headquarters or somethin', we could, uh... Oh, OK, OK. Did you get my flowers in the...? You didn't get them. I sent some flowers, uh... Yeah, well, OK, OK. Can I call you again? Uh, tomorrow or the next day? OK. No, I'm gonna... OK. Yeah, sure, OK. So long.
Will you work on Jewish holidays?
God, you're square.
Hey, I'm not square, you're the one that's square. You're full of shit, man. What are you talking about? You walk out with those fuckin' creeps and low-lifes and degenerates out on the streets and you sell your little pussy for peanuts? For some low-life pimp who stands in the hall? And I'm square? You're the one that's square, man. I don't go screwing fuck with a bunch of killers and junkies like you do. You call that bein' hip? What world are you from?
You're a young girl, you should be at home. You should be dressed up, going out with boys, going to school, you know, that kind of stuff.
You're only as healthy as you feel.
You mean organized?
Oh, you mean organezized. Like those little signs they have in offices that says, "Thimk"?
Well, if you are, then it's entrapment already.
Loneliness has followed me my whole life. Everywhere. In bars, in cars, sidewalks, stores, everywhere. There's no escape. I'm God's lonely man... June 8th. My life has taken another turn again. The days can go on with regularity over and over, one day indistinguishable from the next. A long continuous chain. Then suddenly, there is a change.
You get a job. You become the job.
Look at it this way. A man takes a job, you know? And that job - I mean, like that - That becomes what he is. You know, like - You do a thing and that's what you are. Like I've been a cabbie for thirteen years. Ten years at night. I still don't own my own cab. You know why? Because I don't want to. That must be what I want. To be on the night shift drivin' somebody else's cab. You understand? I mean, you become - You get a job, you become the job. One guy lives in Brooklyn. One guy lives in Sutton Place. You got a lawyer. Another guy's a doctor. Another guy dies. Another guy gets well. People are born, y'know? I envy you, your youth. Go on, get laid, get drunk. Do anything. You got no choice, anyway. I mean, we're all fucked. More or less, ya know.
It's not Bertrand Russell. But what do you want? I'm a cabbie. What do I know? I don't even know what the fuck you're talking about.
Listen, you fuckers, you screwheads. Here is a man who would not take it anymore. A man who stood up against the scum, the cunts, the dogs, the filth, the shit. Here is a man who stood up.
Have you ever seen what a .44 Magnum will do to a woman's pussy? Now that you should see. What a .44 Magnum will do to a woman's pussy that you should see?
Faster than you, fucking son of a... Saw you coming you fucking... shitheel.
I'm standing here; you make the move. You make the move. It's your move...
Don't try it you fuck.
You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talking... you talking to me? Well I'm the only one here. Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? Oh yeah? OK.
So what do you do now?
Well, I ride around nights mostly... subways, buses... I figure, you know, if I'm gonna do that I might as well get paid for it.
So what is it? Why do you want to be a taxi driver? Do you need a second job? Are you moonlighting?
Let me tell you something. You're in a hell, and you're gonna die in a hell, just like the rest of 'em!
You got a .44 magnum?
I'll tell you why. I think you're a lonely person. I drive by this place a lot and I see you here. I see a lot of people around you. And I see all these phones and all this stuff on your desk. It means nothing. Then when I came inside and I met you, I saw in your eyes and I saw the way you carried yourself that you're not a happy person. And I think you need something. And if you want to call it a friend, you can call it a friend.
Are you gonna be my friend?
I would say he has quite a few problems. His energy seems to go in the wrong places. When I walked in and I saw you two sitting there, I could just tell by the way you were both relating that there was no connection whatsoever. And I felt when I walked in that there was something between us. There was an impulse that we were both following. So that gave me the right to come in and talk to you. Otherwise I never would have felt that I had the right to talk to you or say anything to you. I never would have had the courage to talk to you. And with him I felt there was nothing and I could sense it. When I walked in, I knew I was right. Did you feel that way?
You know what you remind me of?
You sayin' that about me?
No, no. Just the part about the contradictions. You are that.
Ah, baby, I don't want you to like what you're doing. If you like what you're doing, then you won't be my woman.
Well, take it or leave it. If you want to save yourself some money, don't fuck her. Cause you'll be back here every night for some more. Man, she's twelve and a half years old. You never had no pussy like that. You can do anything you want with her. You can cum on her, fuck her in the mouth, fuck her in the ass, cum on her face, man. She get your cock so hard she'll make it explode. But no rough stuff, all right?
I think I know what you mean, Travis.
You see that window with the light? The one closet to the edge of the building? you know who lives there? Of course you don't know who lives there, but I'm saying "Do you know who lives there?" A Nigger lives there, and that isn't my apartment. My wife is in there and... I'm gonna kill her.
Okay, okay my man, how... Where do I know you from, man?
Do I know you?
No. Do I know you?
Do I know you? How's Iris? You know Iris.
You don't know anybody by the name of Iris?
Hey, go back to your fuckin' tribe before you get hurt, huh man. Do me a favor, I don't want no trouble, huh. Okay?
You got a gun?
You're a funny guy - but looks aren't everything.
|47.||Beverly Hills, 90210
(1990 TV Series)
Episode: Class of Beverly Hills (1990)
Choose your seat with care as the person sitting next to you will be your lab partner for the rest of the semester.
You got a nose job!
Now I know why I broke up with you.
Mr. Clayton, would you please explain to this young man our new restrictions on leather this year?
Over here, I saved you a seat.
Look, I think that you have me confused with somebody else.
Are you smart?
|48.||The Social Network
I like standing next to you, Sean. It makes me look so tough.
You know, I could swear he was looking at you when he said 'The next Bill Gates could be right in this room'.
And that's where you're headed, a billion dollar valuation. Unless you take bad advice, in which case you may as well have come up with a chain of very successful yogurt shops. When you go fishing you can catch a lot of fish, or you can catch a big fish. You ever walk into a guy's den and see a picture of him standing next to fourteen trout?
You know, you really don't need a forensics team to get to the bottom of this. If you guys were the inventors of Facebook, you'd have invented Facebook.
Do you think I deserve it?
Do you think I deserve your full attention?
Okay - no. You don't think I deserve your attention.
I think if your clients want to sit on my shoulders and call themselves tall, they have the right to give it a try - but there's no requirement that I enjoy sitting here listening to people lie. You have part of my attention - you have the minimum amount. The rest of my attention is back at the offices of Facebook, where my colleagues and I are doing things that no one in this room, including and especially your clients, are intellectually or creatively capable of doing.
You called me a bitch on the Internet, Mark.
That's why I wanted to talk to you.
It didn't stop you from writing it. As if every thought that tumbles through your head was so clever it would be a crime for it not to be shared. The Internet's not written in pencil, Mark, it's written in ink. And you published that Erica Albright was a bitch, right before you made some ignorant crack about my family's name, my bra size, and then rated women based on their hotness.
You write your snide bullshit from a dark room because that's what the angry do nowadays. I was nice to you, don't torture me for it.
Your best friend is suing you for six hundred million dollars.
You are probably going to be a very successful computer person. But you're going to go through life thinking that girls don't like you because you're a nerd. And I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that that won't be true. It'll be because you're an asshole.
They're saying, the Winklevoss twins are saying that you stole their idea.
Oh? Well, they find it to be intellectual property theft. Why didn't you show this to me?
Why didn't you show me this letter?
Okay, if there's something wrong. If there's ever anything wrong, you can tell me, I'm the guy that wants to help. This is OUR thing. Now, is there ANYTHING that you need to tell me?
You and Erica split up.
How did you know that?
Are you all right?
I need you.
I'm here for you.
No, I need the algorithm you used to rank chess players.
Are you OK?
You don't even know what the thing is yet. How big it can get, how far it can go. This is no time to take your chips down. A million dollars isn't cool, you know what's cool?
You're not an asshole, Mark. You're just trying so hard to be.
Ma'am, I know you've done your homework and so you know that money isn't a big part of my life, but at the moment I could buy Mt. Auburn Street, take the Phoenix Club, and turn it into my ping-pong room.
You froze our account?
You froze the account!
Do you realize that you jeopardized the entire company? Do you realize that your actions could have permanently destroyed everything I've been working on?
Without money the site can't function. Okay, let me tell you the difference between Facebook and everyone else, we don't crash EVER! If those servers are down for even a day, our entire reputation is irreversibly destroyed! Users are fickle, Friendster has proved that. Even a few people leaving would reverberate through the entire userbase. The users are interconnected, that is the whole point. College kids are online because their friends are online, and if one domino goes, the other dominos go, don't you get that? I am not going back to the Caribbean Night at AEPi!
What are you doing?
You must really hate the Winklevosses.
I'm sorry you are not sufficiently impressed with my education.
I was just being polite, I have no intention of being friends with you.
You think you know me, don't you?
You know how much I've read about you?
What, do you want to hire an IP lawyer and sue him?
What do you mean?
A Stanford MBA named Roy Raymond wants to buy his wife some lingerie but he's too embarrassed to shop for it at a department store. He comes up with an idea for a high end place that doesn't make you feel like a pervert. He gets a $40,000 bank loan, borrows another $40,000 from his in-laws, opens a store, and calls it Victoria's Secret. Makes a half million dollars his first year. He starts a catalog, opens three more stores and after five years he sells the company to Leslie Wexner and the Limited for four million dollars. Happy ending, right? Except two years later, the company's worth 500 million dollars and Roy Raymond jumps off the Golden Gate Bridge. Poor guy just wanted to buy his wife a pair of thigh-highs.
You don't know my name, do you?
I should just kick your ass! How do you go to a party and you meet somebody...
Amelia Ritter, but you prefer Amy. You're from Orinda. Your father's in commercial real estate, and your mother's ten years sober.
What do you mean?
Nice to meet you.
You're Sean Parker?
Ah ha! You see, the shoe is on the other...
You just slept ON Sean Parker.
Well, you could forward and I could row backward.
Have you EVER seen me wear a scarf?
You invented something in high school too, right?
What about now? Are you wired in now?
People want to go online and check out their friends, so why not build a website that offers that? Friends, pictures, profiles, whatever you can visit, browse around, maybe it's someone you just met at a party. Eduardo, I'm not talking about a dating site, I'm talking about taking the entire social experience of college and putting it online.
How about now? You still wired in?
You issued 24 million new shares of stock.
You were told that if new investors came along...
You signed the papers.
You set me up.
You're gonna blame me because you were the business head of the company and you made a bad business deal with your own company?
It won't be like you're not a part of Facebook. You're not a part of Facebook.
You might wanna check again.
Did you think we were going to let you parade around in your ridiculous suits pretending you were running this company?
Sorry! My Prada's at the cleaners! Along with my hoodie and my 'fuck you' flip-flops, you pretentious douchebag!
Security's here, you'll be leaving now.
You... You did it! I knew you did it! You planted that story about the chicken!
You had me accused of animal cruelty.
And I'll bet what you hated the most was that they identified me as a co-founder of Facebook, which I am. You better lawyer up asshole, because I'm not coming back for 30%, I'm coming back for EVERYTHING.
Here's your $19,000. I wouldn't cash it, though. I drew it on the account you froze.
And you're not a hugger, I know.
Did you know there are more people with genius IQs living in China than there are people of any kind living in the United States?
Well first, an awful lot of people live in China. But, here's my question: how do you distinguish yourself in a population of people who all got 1600 on their SATs?
You know, from a woman's perspective, sometimes not singing in an a cappella group is a good thing.
Have you ever tried?
To get into a Final Club. To row crew? No, are you like, whatever, delusional?
Maybe, it's just sometimes you say two things at once, I'm not sure which one I'm supposed to be aiming at.
But you've seen guys who row crew right?
Okay, well, they're bigger than me. They're world class athletes. And a second ago you said that you like guys who row crew so I assumed you had met one.
I guess I just meant I like the idea of it. You know, the way a girl likes cowboys.
Is it true that they send a bus around to pick up girls who want to party with the next Fed chairman?
So you can see why it's so important to get in.
Why would you ask me that?
Well, why don't you just concentrate on being the best you you can be.
Did you really just say that?
I want to try to be straightforward with you and tell you I think you might want to be a little more supportive. If I get in I will be taking you to the events, and the gatherings, and you'll be meeting a lot of people you wouldn't normally get to meet.
You would do that for me?
Okay. Well I want to be straightforward with you and let you know that we're not anymore.
What do you mean?
You're breaking up with me?
You're going to introduce me to people I wouldn't normally have the chance to to meet? What the f... what is that supposed to mean?
Erica, the reason we're able to sit here and drink right now is because you used to sleep with the door guy.
The door guy? His name is Bobby. I have not slept with the door guy. The door guy is a friend of mine, and he is a perfectly good class of people. And what part of Long Island are you from, Wimbledon?
Come on, you don't have to study, you don't have to study, let's just talk.
Because it is exhausting! Dating you is like dating a StairMaster!
All I meant is that you're not likely to... currently. I wasn't making a comment on your appearance, I was saying that you go to BU. I was stating a fact, that's all. And if it seemed rude, than of course I apologize.
You don't have to study.
Why do you keep saying I don't have to study?
Because you go to BU!
Do you want to get some food?
In addition to the $1,000 you'd already put up?
Have you seen the big ones up close?
You think we might be getting away from the point?
And you're here because... either of you can answer.
Oh, I'm sorry sir, I thought you were reading the letter.
I understand. And I'm asking what you want me to do about it.
And you memorized that instead of doing what?
You've spoken to your house master?
Have you tried dealing with the other student directly?
You chased him?
You enter into a code of ethics with the university, not with each other.
I'm sorry, president Summers, but what you just said makes no sense to me at all.
You might just be letting your imaginations run away with you.
Sir, I honestly don't think you're in any position to make that call.
Then I would suggest that you let your imaginations run away with you on a new project.
Yes. Everyone at Harvard's inventing something. Harvard undergraduates believe that inventing a job is better than finding a job. So, I'll suggest again that the two of you come up with a new new project.
You don't have to be an intellectual property expert to understand the difference between right and wrong.
And you're saying that I don't?
You can't get a meeting with Larry Summers.
When did you get back?
And when were you going to call me?
Or answer one of my 47 texts? Did you know I sent 47 texts?
You're asking me to believe that the CFO of Facebook doesn't know how to change his relationship status on Facebook?
It's a little embarrassing so you should take it as a sign of trust that I would tell you that.
You haven't declared?
Well, where did you go to school?
Seriously? You're not like 15-years old or anything, are you?
No. Wait, you're not like 15, are you?
So what do you do?
What would you say?
You're a zillionaire!
What are you?
Broke. There's not a lot of money in free music, even less when you're being sued by everyone who's ever been to the Grammys.
Bio-Chem even though you're a French major who's name is Amy.
You mind if I check my email?
Can you come out here?
Okay, there isn't a snake but I need to ask you something.
Are you kidding me? I could have been killed!
By running too fast! And getting twisted in the curtain. What do you need to ask me?
Yeah, after you passed out last night I went on The Facebook for a little bit.
Everything's great. I just need to find you, Mark Zuckerberg.
|49.||Malcolm in the Middle
(2000 TV Series)
Episode: Surgery (2001)
Dewey, don't be scared, but there is a big spider next to you.
Malcolm, what are you walking like that?
You know, I'm not feeling that good. I could give Dad some of mine, but that's not really in the true spirit of Bacon Day.
I've only ever had a day. How much do you need? How can you live with yourself watching people die right next to you?
Why did I play strip poker with you?
Why did you?
I think you did both.
You'd steal from your own father.
Even if you gave a year to a million people, you're just prolonging their agony.
We're not meant to live like this. We're not meant to live forever. Although I do wonder, Father, if you've ever lived a day in your life.
Will, if you get a lot of time, are you really gonna give it away?
You don't watch. You close your eyes. I can help you get all the time you want.
How old are you? In real time?
Good for you. You won't see 106, you have too many more nights like tonight.
You are right. But the day comes when you've had enough. Your mind can be spent, even if your body's not. We want to die. We need to.
That's your problem? You've been alive too long? You ever known anyone who's died?
You really don't know, do you? Everyone can't live forever. Where would we put them? Why do you think there are time zones? Why do you think taxes and prices go up the same day in the ghetto? The cost of living keeps rising to make sure people keep dying. How else could there be men with a million years while most live day to day? But the truth is... there's more than enough. No one has to die before their time. If you had as much time as I have on that clock, what would you do with it?
I'd stop watching it. I can tell you one thing. If I had all that time, I sure as hell wouldn't waste it.
You all know who I'm looking for. I'm looking for whoever gave this man a month!
Congratulations, you've taken years off my father's life.
Just like you do.
You don't generally sleep in.
You've hired more guard since the last time I saw you.
I've had to, thanks to you.
A day. You can do a lot in a day.
Told you there were bigger banks.
You almost missed your calling...
This is called a trigger. You only pull it when you want to shoot something.
Are you sure about that?
To wherever you wanna display it.
Timekeeper. After this regrettable incident it's really not necessary for you to come in person.
Mr Leon... Raymond. May I call you Raymond?
I have issued a warrant for your daughter's arrest. If she contacts you and you assist her in any way, I will issue a warrant for your arrest.
There's nothing I cannot buy. Now, how many of my years do you want?
You couldn't spare a second, Father? I can't say I'm surprised...
Now you feel like sharing, huh?
You're from around here, aren't you?
And now, you make a living ensuring nobody else escapes.
You were suffocating her. You're suffocating us all.
You gave him a decade... he drank himself to death with nine years to spare.
You must despise us...
All these years, you had this in your back yard, and you never went in?