Change Your Image
sophybliss
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Reviews
Monsters (2010)
Seems Long at 90 minutes
I honestly don't understand why this film has the glowing reviews it does. I personally like small, odd, quirky films, even bad films if they are interesting. Monsters is just dull. The male character is unlikeable, unattractive and frankly stupid. The female seems like some kind of Paris Hilton knock-off. Neither of the lead actors can act. Not very much happens in the movie other than a somewhat unbelievable romance between two people with zero chemistry. The extras are much more interesting, scenery is great considering the equipment they worked with, monsters are actually somewhat cool when you finally get a good look at them. A great premise done in by a boring, boring script.
A Hard Day's Night (1964)
It's Okay
Before I get flamed, let me say I love the Beatles' music and am a huge fan of British humor (I 'get' it and understand the accents). That being said this movie didn't do much for me. Yes, it's cool to see the young Beatles and get a glimpse of their personalities - however manufactured for the film they may be. It's neat to see '60's London, the fashions and dance styles of the time. The music is impeccable.
The rest of it is just kind of blah. The jokes aren't particularly funny, the grandfather bit is lame, the constant running/playing/mugging to the music gets old, as do the screaming, fainting 12 year old fans. It's okay as a time capsule but certainly no masterpiece. Apologies to everyone for whom it's an essential piece of their youth - guess I just missed it by a decade or so!
Homo Erectus (2007)
Actually Felt Like I Was Losing Brain Cells As I Watched
One of the dumbest movies I have ever seen. For some reason I tried to watch it twice, to see if maybe I was missing something, but it only got worse. Rifkin is a horrible actor and his 'jokes' are consistently puerile. Possibly of interest to horny, bored pubescent boys home sick for the day. Any good review this pile of trash receives obviously comes from someone involved with it. Any attempt to associate this with Woody Allen or even Mel Brooks is asinine!! How did this ever get made?? Obviously Busey, Carradine and Arnold were desperate for the cash.
I think this is the maddest I've ever been at wasting my time on a movie. Not even bad-good enough to rate as a cult classic! The shame is there's obviously talented, truly creative people out there who can't get a break because someone's throwing money at crap like this.
A Decent Proposal (2007)
Waste of My Time
Bad acting all around, a totally unsympathetic female lead, and poor writing to boot. How did this piece of junk ever get produced?
The premise is interesting even if it has been done before: woman finds herself pregnant and her lover is killed in an accident so she accepts a marriage proposal from her wealthy boss. From the beginning I was thinking "Ah, the old David/Bathsheba story" and sure enough, the boss financed the climbing expedition that (supposedly) killed off the lover. This part was never really explained well. He financed it, but did he make the accident happen? Who was holding Nick captive all the while he was thought dead?
The female lead was not very good. She came off cold as ice and I couldn't understand why either guy would want her. I actually had more sympathy for the boss than her when she was trying to divorce him to go back to Nick. She was bad, but actually none of the actors were good enough to make me have an emotional response to their characters.
I watched this on a rainy day with nothing else to do and it was still a complete waste of time. My brain would have been better off napping!
Attack of the Gryphon (2007)
So Bad I Had to Laugh
Extremely bad "Lord of the Rings" wannabe. (The Delphi king even seemed to be trying to look like the king in LOTR.) Bad acting, bad battle staging (notice how the "dead" soldiers disappear), bad COSTUMES, and incredibly bad CGI. Poor Larry Drake - when I say him in that getup at the end, all I could think of was John Candy in those old SCTV skits!! Plus, what was with his two Xena reject warrior women? Why did the queen need to sacrifice herself to get rid of them? Obviously meant to be a big meaningful "sacrifice" scene, it had no emotional impact. To top it all off, Benson & LaPaglia were totally unbelievable and miscast. Don't get me wrong - I love cheesy movies, but this was just BAD!!
Amber's Story (2006)
Awful, Awful, Awful.......
If there was a ZERO rating, I would give it to this movie. Today was the second time I tried to watch it and I still couldn't make it through from beginning to end. I can't believe the multiple stars given by others & can only assume they either know the actors or are a publicist in disguise! The acting is atrocious all around, the script is blah, the kid playing Nichole shows zero emotion even when she's being threatened. The "southern" accent from the actress playing Amber's mom is laughable - I'm from Georgia and have friends from Texas - believe me NOBODY talks like that! None of her emotions seemed real in any scene. The subject matter is very serious and deserves much better treatment.
Firewall (2006)
They should have kept the working title........definitely WRONG
I watched this movie on a retreat, miles away from civilization, with no other form of entertainment available. If I had the chance again, I'd stick to the rocking chair on the porch. This movie is the worst piece of illogical crud I think I have ever seen. Examples:
1. How do they get internet access out in the wilds of Washington State? Do they bounce it from coffee shop to coffee shop out there?
2. The secretary just goes along without a single doubt when her crazy, bloody boss (who fired her without cause earlier in the day) shows up at her door?
3. The DOG has a GPS chip. Which they need the aforementioned magical internet to track. 'Nuf said about that one.
4. Harrison Ford who's probably, what, 30 years older than Paul Bettany, manages to fall down stairs, get the snot beat out of himself, yet STILL saves the day.
Mr. Ford, please go home, get Callista to fix you a nice cup of tea and give up the action films. Or at least invest in a new pair of reading glasses the next time someone sends you a script.
Sex & the Single Mom (2003)
In No Way Resembles Real Life, but Still Cheesy Fun
I saw this one when it came out, then again last night with the new sequel, and just had to comment.
I really like Gail O'Grady and I think she does a good job with her character. The daughter is also well played and is a fairly realistic portrait of some 15 year olds (I have one myself, fortunately she has a much better self concept than Sara!) The situation is interesting, with Jess being a little more than mildly hypocritical, and Grant Show is certainly nice to look at. Those are the good parts...
On the bad side, Jess's neighbor is not to be believed. I don't know ANY moms who would let their teenage son, in the age of AIDS and other nasty STDs, "do it" at home because "he's going to do it somewhere". Give me a break.
Then there's the whole unbelievably rosy "I can do it all" ending. SURE, ANYONE can have a baby, go to law school, and continue their successful paralegal career uninterrupted! SURE, EVERY 15 year old is willing to sacrifice her all-important social schedule to care for Mom's new baby and, sure, good old Grandma will gladly sacrifice her peaceful golden years to babysit that little guy every day! We'll just buy two of everything and she'll pitch right in. MY MOTHER would have been on the first plane out of town!!
Oh well, you have to take it for what it is: a guilty pleasure. Lifetime Movies are kind of like junk food: you know they can't POSSIBLY be good for you, but you just can't help yourself!!
Desolation Sound (2005)
Has a Serious Case of Schizophrenia.....
Not the characters, mind you, the movie! Apparently the screenwriter (Glynis Davies, who appears as "Kathy")had several ideas of what was going on, but never really chose one to focus on. First we meet Laurel, Michael & Margaret Elliot. Laurel is scattered, nervous, seems to have something going on, but what is it....we never find out. Elizabeth sleepwalks, even venturing out on the roof (aha! important plot contrivance!), so maybe that's the focus, but no....not really. Michael is a photographer conveniently sent away on a six week assignment, just as Laurel's sexy "friend" Elizabeth (Jennifer Beals) shows up. He hangs around just long enough to establish that he and Elizabeth have had an affair, she smolders at him, he says "no" unconvincingly, then he's gone until the end of the movie. There seems to be more back story with this family, but it's never revealed.
Desolation Sound gives off some spooky vibes in the beginning. There's a somewhat pathetic ex-addict guy who lives in a trailer,is Margaret's playmate (!!) and makes incredibly creepy puppets. After Elizabeth meets her fate, he steals some of her hair & makes a witchy looking puppet of her. Could Elizabeth's spirit be inhabiting Laurel, who dyes her hair black (like Elizabeth), starts smoking (ditto), becomes a slob (she was a neat freak before, which Elizabeth made fun of), and begins making bizarre witchy drawings??? She even has a quickie with the local cop (also Elizabeth-like). Laurel and Elizabeth made a blood pact! O-o-o-o, Could Laurel be possessed??? Nah, she's just weird apparently.
This movie tries to be many things and ends up being a confused mush of nothingness. The acting isn't very good, there are lots of plot points left hanging (why DOES Laurel see the cop car after she dumps Elizabeth's suitcase in the lake???) and in the end there isn't a real resolution, just a convenient diary entry that gets Laurel off the hook. Bleah, give me "Diabolique" (1955 version, please) any day over this trash!!
The Ladykillers (2004)
Yuck!!
This movie is the worst disappointment I've had in a long time. I love the original Ealing comedy this is based on & was so excited when I heard the Coen brothers were remaking it, with Tom Hanks to boot. What happened???
Several others have commented on the jarring changes in tone & this is a major problem. The scenes with the old lady evoke a 50's feeling, then suddenly you're in a casino with the F-word spouting every 5 seconds. What the heck is that?? What's the need for all the cursing at all? It's just not funny.
Tom Hanks is a mess. I think it's the script mainly, the majority of his lines are confusing mush. I read somewhere that he didn't view the original before making this, but his sniveling laugh sure looks like a poor imitation of Alec Guinness's monstrously funny snickers. You even get a little of the teeth movement, but again, nothing to compare with Guinness.
The other characters are uninspired & not as well drawn as the originals, with the exception perhaps of "The General" who came off pretty well. It's hard to compete with Herbert Lom & Peter Sellars, of course, but couldn't they come up with anything better than this? The munitions guy was the worst (yes, more than Marlon Wayons' stereotyped role) and his irritable bowel syndrome....gee, nothing like toilet humor to bring on the laughs!! You just don't care about these guys!
Lastly, the old lady character was okay, but no match for Katie Johnson in the original. She was too sharp, too strong. Most of the humor in the original came from the old lady being so dottily sweet, mild and (seemingly) frail. You could see why the police thought she was a little daft. Not so with the new character, I didn't buy it at all.
Don't waste your money on this one. Go for the original and, while you're at it, try some of the other Ealing comedies, too.
The Stepford Wives (2004)
Ack.....
Yes that's me hacking up a hairball - a BIG, TEASED, BACKCOMBED HAIRBALL after watching this awful dreck. Thank you Netflix; if I had paid $9 to see this....wait...I feel another hairball coming on...
Sorry about that. Anyhow, I was really excited about this film after seeing the preview. I loved the original, it scared me as a kid. I thought this would be a fun, comic update on the original film and how could you beat that cast? (Over the head, with a lame, illogical, apparently 30 page script.)
This film is sooo bad. The cast is uniformly awful(Glenn Close does score some points as a maniacal June Cleaver type and Roger Bart is cute, but enough with the queen thing!) Even Bette Midler & Christopher Walken are boring. If Nicole Kidman had tilted her head and arched that eyebrow one more time, I would've screamed. (She is pretty creepy in the transformation reveal scene, but she sort of always creeps me out anyhow. Not that I don't like that.) To top off the nausea factor, there's the oh-so-unsubtle relating of Republican patriotism & "family values" to Stepfordish robotism. How original for liberal Hollywood!! Aren't they being clever!! (Hey, I'm a Libertarian, no skin off my nose, just off my finger as I tried to fast forward through that awful campaign scene.) I'm not even going to touch the whole "are they robots or is it a brain chip?" debacle that has been hashed to pieces here already. It was just a convenient "out" for a lazy writer who wanted a new & 'cute' ending. So all the hotshot husbands are at the grocery...har, har, har...gag.