Starring: Tim Allen (I), Jamie Lee Curtis

2 out of 10 stars
Dear Santa:

I have been a very good film reviewer this year. I did not give away the stupid ending to The Village. I did not like A Shark Tale.

I would like the following for Christmas:

1. Please make Joe Roth the president of some corporation again. Since he left Disney, he has made two bad movies, including America's Sweethearts, but Christmas with the Kranks is his worst. It is really bad. I wish that I had seen Surviving Christmas with Ben Affleck because I heard it was bad and I would like some basis for comparison.

2. Please make Chris Columbus's production company, 1492, stop making Christmas movies. Chris Columbus made Home Alone. His company produced Jingle All the Way. And now this. Does Chris Columbus hate Christmas? Why does he need to comment about how commercial and lousy the holidays are by making commercial, lousy holiday movies? How does he feel about Arbor Day?

3. Please make John Grisham return to writing repetitive lawyer novels and leave short stories alone. He wrote the tale this was based on, "Skipping Christmas," and he better stop before he writes more of them -- because Joe Roth might make them into films. Christmas with the Kranks is about Luther and Nora Krank (Tim Allen and Jamie Leigh Curtis). When their daughter joins the Peace Corps, the Kranks decide to skip Christmas. As their neighborhood is very much into the Christmas spirit, the people around them begin to pressure them to participate in the holiday. They are led by Dan Ackroyd. None of this is done in a funny or believable manner.

4. Please discover why the score by John Debney (who usually does a good job) sounds like it was written by a committee composed of 1492 people.

5. Please make me understand why Jamie Leigh Curtis did the tanning bed scene. Am I to be left no illusions?

   I hope you can help out like you did last year with the Cat in the Hat people; I really appreciated that.

   Your pal,
   Keith Simanton