Starring: Johnny Depp, Freddie Highmore, David Kelly (I)

5 out of 10: "Weird!" chirps Johnny Depp's Willy Wonka repeatedly in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. You said it, Willy. You said it.

The first trailer for Charlie was creepy. A kind of Pee-Wee Herman-creepy. A kind of "This movie will be on the Jumbo-Tron at Neverland" creepy. There was the calliope music and Depp with those ridiculous dentures. Then, another trailer came out which seemed to highlight some of the inventive possibilities of a new version of Roald Dahl's children's classic. As far as reflecting the tone and nature of the film, the first one was the most accurate.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is weird and, to quote Mike Tevee, "totally pointless." What's worse is that it attempts to give back story where none is needed, creating a rather maudlin sub-plot that harks back to the old father-son-angst which seems to drive so many weaker films these days.

It starts out quite lovely, however. We meet the struggling Bucket family, with four invalid grandparents, plucky Charlie Bucket (the really truly fabulous Freddie Highmore) and his parents (Noah Taylor and Helena Bonham Carter). Charlie's dad, as in the book, screws toothpaste caps on toothpaste and they barely eke out a living. Charlie's mom boils cabbage and they all attempt to put a brave face on in spite of their harsh circumstances. Charlie is kind and decent, but with a backbone. When he decides to share his birthday present, a Wonka bar, with the rest of the household his parents protest. "It's my candy bar and I'll do what I want with it," says Charlie. No pushover here.

The Buckets live in a nameless industrial town predominated by the immaculate factory of Willy Wonka (Depp), a mysterious candy manufacturer. He sends out five golden tickets in his chocolate bars unleashing a worldwide melee.

When Burton is restrained, as he is by the first act of Charlie it makes him shine. Much as with Ed Wood he's more interesting when restricted to the mundane. He dashes elements of creativity in, he focuses on character, he focuses on relationships. When he gets a broader canvas (think of the after-life in Beetlejuice, the giant worm-world was much less interesting than everything that led up to it) he tends to squander it (Mars Attacks being a big exception).

Depp, with his insidious chompers and Prince Valiant haircut, appears to be doing a Valley Girl imitation throughout the movie ("Gross! Ewwww!!"). Since his Wonka is a complete adolescent, with a phobia for parents, it's odd that he recoils at the touch of children, but is perfectly comfortable with adults. You have to hand it to Depp though, when he swings, he swings for the fences. But, just like the Sultan of Swat, when he misses he misses big and the air reverberates. The audience can almost feel the force of the whiff.

The combination of Depp's mall-rat Wonka and the factory tour seriously hobble the remainder of the film with the final act laming it irrevocably. The factory tour, the thing that should be the most original, and, one would think, the most enjoyable, is largely inconsequential. Nothing happens, save a few returns to the book's original tour (nut-inspecting squirrels instead of golden egg-laying geese), that offers anything new, or of interest. There is no repartee between Grandpa Joe (David Kelly, grandfatherly in a wheezy sort of way) and Charlie. They don't comment to each other on the horrid nature of the children they're surrounded with, nor their parents. They seem as dumbstruck (note: not awestruck) as we are.

Most egregiously a sub-plot has been inserted into the story that attempts to give Willy Wonka a full backstory. Christopher Lee plays Dr. Wonka, Willy's father who's essentially a sadistic dentist. Dr. Wonka won't let Willy have candy; he even burns the kid's Halloween haul. So cruel is his father that Willy runs away to become a great confectioner, going to far-off Loompa-land and finding the pygmy tribe of Oompa-Loompas (all played by one person, Deep Roy. Again, creepy.). A large portion of the third act revolves around a resolution to the daddy-rift and it's all a mistake. A predictable one at that.

It was widely reported that Roald Dahl hated the original Willy Wonka movie. He hated it so much he refused to grant the producers the rights to "Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator," (which, frankly, is a pretty weird read in its own right). I can't say whether he'd approve of this more faithful version but give me the bastardized Gene Wilder, orange Oompa-Loompa, Slugworth-driven reject any day.