Starring: Ben Affleck, Aaron Eckhart, Uma Thurman, Michael C. Hall (I)

5 out of 10 stars

Is Ben Affleck the new Aramis man? In the futuristic thriller Paycheck, the once-affable Affleck is groomed to a veritable T, eyebrows plucked, pores cleansed, hair mussed just so, and sporting the closest shave you can get with three blades. His skin is silky smooth – candles aren't even waxed this good. And don't get me started on the bronzer – it's as if someone Queer Eyed him big time and overdid the spray-on tan. The suits are impeccable. The accessories are fab. The apartment is modern swank, with just enough steel and concrete for a masculine finish. Everything's ad-worthy; it's as if a photo spread from Esquire or GQ had leapt to life.

Alas, the rest of Paycheck doesn't jump out at you half as much. Based on a short story by Philip K. Dick (Minority Report, Blade Runner) and directed by John Woo in something resembling second gear, this sci-fi tinged thriller sports an intriguing premise, a spirited cast, a sleek look and a tongue that's firmly searching for a cheek. But like Affleck himself, Paycheck's overcoated in what might be referred to as cinematic "product," something like a styling gel for movies that holds everything in artificial place, from its sets to its execution. As such, it holds its shape, but can't really move as well as it should. Suppressing spontaneity except for brief moments, it's a movie that's initially game, but ultimately winds up lame.

Who to blame? Easiest on the punch list is screenwriter Dean Georgaris, who takes Dick's existential ruminations about memory and precognition and molds them into something resembling Michael Crichton's Playboy philosophy. Instead of being very human, Paycheck winds up being all about the gadgets, with a distinctly (straight) male purview of the world circa the Kennedy era, when cigars, babes and bullets were men's playthings. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing – Georgaris played with all that from Lara Croft's viewpoint in his script for The Cradle of Life and came up with glimmers of fun and frolic. The problem is that it's not pumped up enough here; the movie seems to aim somewhere for satire, but if "satire" were the center of a bull's-eye, it winds up hitting the outer ring that says "goofy".

So what we wind up with is a James Bond-style techno-hero named Michael Jennings (Affleck) who sells his talent to various corporations in order to remake competing products better and cheaper (call him a techno-whore). After finishing a job, Michael fulfills the mother of all nondisclosure agreements by having his memory selectively erased -- all the better for comely female execs to seduce him without fear of being hit with a sexual harassment suit. Aching for that big break that can help him retire, Michael's impeccable eyebrows are arched by old pal Rethrick (Aaron Eckhart, whose hair is as flat as Affleck's is fluffy), a mogul who dangles an eight-figure paycheck in front of him in exchange for three years' work featuring close proximity to comely Dr. Rachel (Uma Thurman, sporting Kill Bill eyebags but looking fab nonetheless). Michael bites on the top-secret project, and wakes up three years later expecting mucho dinero, but instead gets an envelope filled with twenty meaningless day-to-day items (hair spray, paper clip, silver dollar, passkey, diamond ring, etc etc). He also finds out he's forfeited his million-dollar salary, and that the feds are on his tail. Of course, he can't remember why.

It's an enjoyably mind-boggling premise, more along the lines of Total Recall than, say, Memento, with pulp fiction trappings eagerly waiting in the wings. And Woo tries to jack up the fun factor, as he did in Face/Off, by the introduction of tons of fantastical technology, absurdly choreographed action and just a hit of camp to offset the broad human emotions on display. And yet, despite the presence of all these elements, Paycheck isn't even half as fun as Face/Off. A couple action sequences are noteworthy, including a nifty motorcycle chase (BMW cycle product placement everyone!), but pale next to any slo-mo shootout from the Nicolas Cage-John Travolta action flick. And the mechanics of the plot are both incomprehensible and utterly facile; it feels as if Woo just gave up on trying to dig deep into anything thematic and decided just to concentrate on getting the shooting and the running and the blowing up of things in clear focus. To explicate the story any further would give away spoilers – and winding your way through the plot is the only way to pass the time – but suffice it to say that Paycheck's notion of quantum physics takes a huge page from Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, which was way smarter (I think the makers of Bill & Ted would have caught the erroneous use of "it's" as a possessive in a newspaper headline) and totally funnier, dude!

You can't blame the cast, even if Affleck has worn out his welcome this year by starring in three disappointing flicks. He grits his teeth and tries hard, and you can see him working to generate some tiny fraction of star quality through sheer drive and energy alone, despite the lack of any tangible talent; he's the Demi Moore of the 21st century. Eckhart seems ready to fly over the top as the bad guy, but is never given a proper chance to let loose – what good is a square jaw like that if it can't chew monster amounts of scenery? Only Thurman seems to be in on the goofy fun the movie wants to project, and most of the movie's energy comes during her sudden morph from standby girlfriend to kick-ass sidekick (her first bad-guy decking incited the movie's only spontaneous cheering and applause at the screening I attended). With her, Woo seems to be ready to try anything for a laugh (watch how she disables a driver in pursuit of her and Affleck) and the movie lights up briefly whenever she gets her hands on a weapon of minor destruction. If it weren't for her, this Paycheck would surely bounce.