Starring: The Rock, Seann William Scott, Christopher Walken, Rosario Dawson

The opening scene in The Rundown is a direct nod and a bit of a mockery of the hyper-inflated, steroid-induced, CGI-saturated pregame introductions to big college and NFL football games (you know the ones, where giant CGI helmets smash each other into smithereens). It only seems fair then to compare the film as a gridiron contest between it and the standard run-of-the-mill action movies (ROMAMs).

Back to that opening scene. We're introduced to Beck, played by the man with the impossible moniker, The Rock (just wait though, five years from now he'll be shooting for respectability and we'll see "Dwayne Johnson" on the marquee for some well-meaning effort like The Mighty, or some true-life war reenactment). Beck is a bounty hunter/collection agent who has to exact payment from a star quarterback named Knapmiller, who is whooping it up in a nightclub surrounded by his mountainous, meat-eating linemen. Each player is given that name-college-position highlight introduction so popular on sports shows, interspersed with images of death and destruction (not so popular, but maybe the success of this film will change all that). Beck asks Knapmiller kindly for some collateral to pay off the QB's recent gambling debts (on what seems like, frankly, a pittance on a winning quarterback's salary, $50,000). Knapmiller insults Beck and he's sent away. Beck reconnoiters to the bathroom and calls his boss. He doesn't want to confront them again, not because he's scared but because, "they've got a legitimate shot at repeating this year." But Beck is ordered out again for some bone-crunching, ACL-tearing fights with the entire front line. He leaves no worse for wear, with the collateral requested.

Director/head coach Peter Berg lifts our hopes up for The Rundown in this opening quarter. Could this be another Under Siege or, even, gasp, another Die Hard? His style is quick and dynamic. His action sequences have a believable pulse to them and with the surprisingly engaging Mr. Johnson, he scores points in quick succession. Things are looking up: Rundown: 14 – ROMAMs: 0

Beck is summoned to his employer for one last big job. He's to retrieve Travis Walker (Sean William Scott), the wayward son of his boss, which will free him of his debt and even give him the capital he needs to start his own restaurant (this sum, quoted as $250,000, again, seems too slight to start up a tony bistro in L.A.). Beck flies to Brazil and the compound masquerading as a town, El Dorado (the town has been nicknamed "Helldorado", which was also the original name for this film).

In Helldorado, Beck asks leave of head honcho Hatcher (Christopher Walken, who really could have brought a Broderick Crawford/Struther Martin aspect to this role, but does pretty much his own shtick) to search for the prodigal son. Leave is granted and Beck quickly finds Travis schmoozing the bartender of the town, Mariana (Rosario Dawson in the glistening cleavage role).

At the end of the second quarter Rundown is still leading, but hasn't moved the ball. ROMAM looks to be girding its loins for control of the game and scores one late field goal when we're introduced to the plight of the villagers/natives/share croppers of Helldorado. When Hatcher shows Beck his strip-mining operation, it is teeming with thousands upon thousands of workers toiling in Dante-esque conditions. The number of employees shown is so over the top that it doesn't fit in with scales shown throughout the rest of the movie, particularly the end when the massive hordes boil down to about 50 extras. But the sudden appearance of the "free the indigenous people" plot seems problematic for an action movie. Rundowns: 14 - ROMAMs: 3

The tide turns, and quickly, in the third quarter. ROMAMs have possession for almost the entire time. Berg launches bomb after audacious bomb downfield, his characters becoming mere caroming cartoons. Beck and Travis, at one point, drive off a steep mountain road and fall down a ravine. They crash into snags and dead-falls, hitting time and time again with such force that it would kill any normal human being. Once at the bottom Beck and Travis moan a bit, but walk off their plunge as if it was no worse than the morning after their first visit to the gym in a long time. More is learned of Martina, and we then have to watch the film struggle through a half-hearted helping of Indiana Jones archeology (or, more appropriately, Romancing the Stone, which this movie could only wish it had the class and ebullience to emulate). Travis, you see, is really after a legendary gold statue (how he's learned its location is utterly ignored), which causes Hatcher's men to ruthlessly pursue them and the local natives, who want to break Hatcher's stranglehold on their land, to fight them for it.

Things briefly get interesting in a fight with Beck and a small, lightning-quick rebel and in a scene where Travis and Beck are immobilized and threatened by a thrill-seeking pack of monkeys. But it's run-of-the-mill, all the way. Rundowns: 17 – ROMAMS: 28

The final quarter has The Rundown heading for the showers and settling ultimately into a standard action picture with ROMAMs adding a few extra points. The movie starts off so well, to then become so PC and ridiculous it's not so much an upset as it is a letdown. Though those looking for a bulked-up, cheesy actioner won't be disappointed, there was a potential for so much more. In the end the film doesn't even cover the spread. Final score: Rundowns: 17 – ROMAMs: 31. Audience? -$7.50