IMDb Polls

Poll: An Apple a Day Better Keep This TV Doctor Away ...

Which of the following inept or inappropriate TV doctors would you avoid at all costs when in need of medical help?

Discuss here: http://www.imdb.com/board/bd0000088/thread/222888628

Make Your Choice

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    Dr. Gregory House

    House, played by Hugh Laurie

    Dr. Gregory House: "Union rules. I can't check out this guy's seeping gonorrhea this close to lunch."

    One quote doesn't do his horrendous bedside manor much justice, but you get the point.

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    Dr. Hannibal Lecter

    Hannibal, played by Mads Mikkelsen

    Dr. Hannibal Lecter: "On a similar note I must confess to you, I'm giving very serious thought... to eating your wife."

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    Dr. Nick Riviera

    The Simpsons, voiced by Hank Azaria

    Dr. Nick Riviera: "The kneebone's connected to the... something. The something's connected to the... red thing. The red thing's connected to my wrist watch... Uh oh."

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    Dr. Julius Hibbert

    The Simpsons, voiced by Harry Shearer

    Dr. Julius Hibbert: "Mrs. Simpson, I'm afraid your husband is dead. Ha ha ha, April Fools. He's very much alive, although I'm afraid he may never walk again."

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    Dr. Leo Spaceman

    30 Rock, played by Chris Parnell

    Dr. Leo Spaceman: "We have no way of knowing where the heart is. See, every human is different."

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    Dr. Drew Baird

    30 Rock, played by Jon Hamm

    Dr. Drew Baird: You're choking? You're choking? I'm a doctor. Stay calm, stay calm. I just need to shake it lose. Don't panic. I just need to find something to push it down with. Like, do you have a chopstick or fireplace match or something?"

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    The Literal Doctor

    (AKA Dr. Fishman) Arrested Development, played by Ian Roberts

    Lindsay Bluth F√ľnke: [Tobias was run over by a car] How is he? The Literal Doctor: It looks like he's dead. Michael Bluth: Wait, is he really dead or does it look like he's dead? The Literal Doctor: It looks like he's dead. He's covered in blue paint or something.

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    Dr. Zoidberg

    Futurama, voiced by Billy West

    Dr. Zoidberg: I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpson's jaundice. Philip J. Fry: Ay, carumba. Dr. Zoidberg: His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Turanga Leela: Well, if it'll help Fry... Philip J. Fry: Careful Leela. He knows less about human anatomy than I do, and I can't even find my own uterus. Dr. Zoidberg: [turns on power saw] You may feel a slight sawing.

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    Dr. Doctor

    South Park, voiced by Trey Parker

    Dr. Doctor: "We accidentally replaced your heart with a baked potato. You have about three seconds to live."

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    Dr. Doug Murphy

    Scrubs, played by Johnny Kastl

    Dr. Doug Murphy: "I'm not sure if I'm supposed to give this to someone or if I took this from someone, but I got a bag of blood."

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    Doctor Krieger

    Archer, voiced by Lucky Yates

    Doctor Krieger: "And so a small power unit goes here on your... spiney... thing, which sends electical impulses to your muscles and ligaments and... stuff, which I will fuse to a vanadium alloy endoskeleton, replacing your current, uh, leg... bones."

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    Maj. Frank Burns

    M*A*S*H, played by Larry Linville

    Maj. Frank Burns: Colonel, what do the records show about my surgical skills? Colonel Carmichael: If you hadn't been drafted as a doctor, I think you'd have been assigned as a pastry chef.

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    Dr. Dave Malucci

    ER, played by Erik Palladino

    Lucy Knight: How much should I decrease his O2? Dr. Dave Malucci: Ooh, I don't know. Crank it down, if he turns blue, crank it back up. Lucy Knight: You're kidding, right? Dr. Dave Malucci: No, purple ain't good.

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    Dr. Ben

    Louie, played by Ricky Gervais

    Dr. Ben: (first checks his eyes) "I know what's wrong with you - AIDS! Ha ha ha!"

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    Doogie Howser M.D.

    Doogie Howser, M.D., played by Neil Patrick Harris

    No quote, just the fact that he's a teenager!