21 February 2014 3:04 AM, PST | The Guardian - Film News | See recent The Guardian - Film News news »

The only way this film could be made worse would be to be eaten by a badger while watching it

In this modern-day fairytale romance, Colin Farrell has two facial expressions. Number one is roguish lock of hair falling over face. Number two is roguish lock of hair swept back from face.

He plays Peter, a roguish handsome guy in late 19th-century New York, with a wayward lock of hair – and an Irish accent. His character has never been to Ireland. As a baby, Peter had been sent to Manhattan, swaddled up in a model boat, like Moses, by desperate would-be immigrant parents who had been turned back at Ellis Island because of their TB.

As a grownup thief and adorable ne'er-do-well he falls in love with a beautiful young heiress who is dying – of TB! So maybe Peter actually killed her! The selfish bastard.

Anyway, with Downton-typecasting, the ailing »

- Peter Bradshaw

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