25 February 2013 9:00 AM, PST | NextMovie | See recent NextMovie news »

You're a woman at the Academy Awards. Congratulations! Either you're nominated (the nerves!) or you're there to enjoy the show (the glam!). But this isn't just any other night in the spotlight. This isn't the ****ing Blockbuster Entertainment Awards, ladies.

This is the big leagues. This is the Oscars. You have to wear a dress that stuns. And you have to know who made it, and when, and why, and how, and if the dress's designer had any underlying motivations of resentment or jealousy towards his or her extended family that went into the creation of the dress, and how that made him or her feel about living a life in the 21st century. Because Joan Rivers and Ryan Seacrest want to know, dammit, and so does everyone watching at home.

O you're a guy at the Academy Awards. Congratulations! Either you're nominated (the nerves!) or you're there to enjoy the show (the glam! »

- Nick Blake

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