8 February 2013 6:15 AM, PST | The Backlot | See recent The Backlot news »

 

I watch American Idol for one thing and one thing only, and that's the sight of arrogant young men crying near Ryan Seacrest. I basically got a Trainspotting-sized injection of that sweet fix during Thursday night's solo round show, because there were tears, sniffles, anxieties, and sobs galore. Some were crocodile tears, as the astute barrister Nicki Minaj noted, but every salty drop was nonetheless a spectacle of drama king camp. Mmmmm. My absolute favorite.

The judges pared down the list of competing dudes to 28, and these five contestants were my five top selections of the evening. Grab your hanky, wave it in the air, and then cry into it, because this quintet is one weepy bunch of winners. Miss America-style. 

5. Charlie Askew, "Somebody That I Used to Know"

First of all, I'm pretty sure that "Charlie Askew" is the cabaret name of Fran Lebowitz, because I'm getting major Public Speaking vibes from this child. »

- virtel

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