18 January 2013 6:22 AM, PST | The Backlot | See recent The Backlot news »

A few notes before we begin.

1) Get out your VHS of Paris Is Burning, because I just realized Nicki Minaj talks exactly like Venus Xtravaganza. I'm always expecting her to shout, "Touch this skin! Touch all of this skin!" at Mariah, who might just be Dorian Corey.

2) Keith Urban is living proof that most country stars dress like they're in a 2001 Matchbox 20 video.

3) Randy Jackson is still a cauldron of nothing.

Moving along! Idol's second day of season 12 auditions was damn fruitful, as 16 acts won Hollywood tickets and I didn't truly hate any of them. Can you believe it? I am filled with true hatred, and I had nowhere to displace it. In fact, the one auditioner who seemed like an obvious burnout turned out to be most provocative and cool singer of the competition so far. Let's visit with her first, shall we?

1. Kezban Sauerbier: Weird. And Thank God. »

- virtel

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