5 December 2012 10:48 PM, PST | twilightersanonymous.com | See recent TwilightersAnonymous news »

There is a very funny article on Vulture, where they had a complete Twilight newbie sit in on a screening of Breaking Dawn – Part 2 while writing down all of his thoughts (and confusion!) on the movie, scene-by-scene. What resulted was a truly funny take on the movie, the characters, and just how many new vampires there really were. Seriously, this is now one to miss, check out some below, then go read it all at Vulture:

I first learned about Twilight four years ago, when a former employer at a talent agency handed me a note that read “Twilight Stephenie Meyer” and instructed me to pick it up at a local bookstore. After walking into the store, I handed this piece of paper to the first employee I could find. I said: “Do you guys have a book called Twilight?” and “It’s by or about someone named Stephenie Meyer.” The employee just laughed and pointed over my shoulder to a six-foot-tall display for the book series. Possibly out of resentment, I remained willfully ignorant of the series ever since. I have gleaned this and only this info in the years since: There is someone named Jacob and someone named Edward. One is a vampire and one is a werewolf, not sure which is which. One is played by Taylor Lautner and one is played by Robert Pattinson (whose last name I recently learned was not Paterson). I also haven’t seen either in any other movies, other than T-Laut’s appearance in Valentine’s Day (appearing with his then-girlfriend Taylor Swift — I know that). Also, Kristen Stewart is in the movies. I don’t know her character’s name or if she is a human or vampire or werewolf. That is all I knew when I was assigned to go see a screening of Breaking Dawn – Part 2 and told to write down my confused thoughts and questions as I watched.

……….

I think Kristen Stewart’s a vampire? But that’s a new development? And are her eyelashes always that long?

Robert Pattinson tells her that their body temperatures are the same now. Are vampires super hot or super cold? I would guess they are warm-blooded because that sounds sexier.

Is his face always like that? It’s like he washed it with a powdered doughnut.

Why is K-Stew stronger than R-Patz? Is it because of Water for Elephants?

Why does R-Patz smirk so much?

Do all these movies take place in the woods? And why is that owl awake during the day? Vampowl?

Vampires are so fast that their movement makes a loud gust sound, like a brooding Speedy Gonzales.

Vampires can fly without turning into bats? Less lost clothes, I guess.

So many smirks from R-Patz.

Vampire diet: Either (a) Suck the blood from humans or (b) Eat mountain lions and other comparable large cats? No happy medium?

Ok, Taylor Lautner is here. Is he Edward or Jacob? I need a clue.

Some people have names like Ed and Jake and some have names like Renesmee? Does it have some vampire meaning or is it like when terrible parents give their kids names like Sebastian?

Why does T-Laut seem to care about this baby so much? Is this going to get creepy?

Read the full story at Vulture.

Thanks Noor! »


- Evie

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