12 July 2012 6:38 AM, PDT | The Backlot | See recent The Backlot news »

So You Think You Can Dance gave me three things I needed last night, and here they are in descending order of importance: 1) Hard-nippled boy candy with smut undertones! Thanks, Nigel! 2) Big Mentadent smiles! (Including the faaabulous Mary Murphy, who was looking like her old claymation-sealion-modeled-after-Miley-Cyrus self.) And 3) Classy stepping! Yes, class. That. It was all there. And now, so are my rankings of this week's Top 20. Onward!

10. Cyrus and Eliana

This is painful, because I truly dig Eliana and Cyrus. Eliana is a take-no-dollar-bills pole dancer whose legs go on for decades, and Cyrus is a jittery robot sensation. So it's too bad they were assigned a hokey Broadway routine that required a lot of annoying bouncing. And sexlessness. Cyrus knows his inclusion in the Top 20 is a fluke, but this routine cemented the fact that he probably won't master foreign genres at warp speed. Broadway is, after all, »

- virtel

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