11 January 2012 1:24 PM, PST | Shadowlocked | See recent Shadowlocked news »

If you've ever seen Channel Five's Hotel Inspector programme, you can almost picture the look of pure horror on haughty inspectorette Alex Polizzi's face as she saunters into what “looks like a 1980s hotel with bad dreams in their bedrooms”. “Oh dwahhling, that décor is so passée... Oh dwahhling, bad dreams are soooo Freddy Krueger. Oh, dwahhling, am I the most patronising woman on the planet?”

Well, on the face of it, The God Complex would almost certainly be shut down and bulldozed on Polizzi's watch – but fortunately, you've come to the wrong place if you're looking for smug hectoring. On the other hand, if you're looking to check into a review peppered with waffle, cheap pot shots and bad jokes, then you've come to the right place. But as a bonus, I'll throw in lashings of praise, mini bars full of admiration and a free bath robe.

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