Twitter for
Michael Ian Black More at IMDbPro »

twitter.com/michaelianblack
2012 | 2011 | 2010 | 2009

1-100 of 635 items from 2012   « Prev | Next »

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@jakefogelnest Mostly legal briefs.

(11 hours ago )

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@hodgman John, I see you're at Sidecar. Please don't eat too much this late: nightmares, flatulence, etc.

(12 hours ago )

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If anybody is wondering if fried angel food cake with vanilla ice cream and honey is good, I ran the numbers: yes.

(12 hours ago )

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@robdelaney @EliBraden @kenjennings If I can weigh in here, I didn't understand it but still enjoyed it.

(12 hours ago )

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If I tweet that I want to hate fuck the king of Thailand, will that get censored or am I cool?

(17 hours ago )

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RT @gonewiththeword: @michaelianblack SO excited to read this! http://t.co/3yJYQ3Mn

(19 hours ago )

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@SarahThyre That's a great idea. Maybe I'll kill somebody drunk driving the week of release.

(19 hours ago )

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@mtsw Yeah, and it'll be bullshit.

(19 hours ago )

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My new book, "You're Not Doing It Right," comes out in exactly one month. It's time for me to start freaking out. http://t.co/gQeyWpMH

(19 hours ago )

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RT @mulaney: My Comedy Central Special "NEW IN TOWN" premiers TONIGHT at 10/9c. I hope you watch it. I hope you enjoy it. Love, John Mul

(21 hours ago )

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RT @Colin_Hanks: It's Sat. which means #FF+1: Wet Hot American Summer Edish: @davidwain @michaelianblack @mshowalter @MargueriteMorea @K

(21 hours ago )

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My son has a basketball game at noon, which means he'll be crying at one.

(28 January 2012 8:04 AM, PST )

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Good news, guys: the obese black kid from "Hook" is still alive.

(27 January 2012 8:26 PM, PST )

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After I eat as much pizza as I am planning to this evening, I will probably have to check myself into rehab for exhaustion.

(27 January 2012 3:56 PM, PST )

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Turdy turds, I'm giving away 30 copies of my new book, "You're Not Doing It Right." Enter here: http://t.co/7LhQJF3l

(27 January 2012 7:01 AM, PST )

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Pajama Day at my kid's elementary school today, which is cute, but Monday is lingerie day. WTF?

(27 January 2012 6:19 AM, PST )

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RT @WitStreamdotcom: Today's Daily WitPicks: Sajak Would Like to Spin http://t.co/Z9kJH3Yj

(27 January 2012 6:09 AM, PST )

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You know what David Gergen needs? A tiny nose ring.

(26 January 2012 7:25 PM, PST )

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"This is the most important election of our lifetimes." - Every politician during every election.

(26 January 2012 6:55 PM, PST )

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RT @daveweigel: 2052 GOP debate: "Frankly, the moon colonists are an invented people." #CNNdebate

(26 January 2012 6:44 PM, PST )

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Oh cool, Romney just solved the Israeli/Palestinian conflict. #tweetthepress

(26 January 2012 6:38 PM, PST )

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Whoever donated their eyes so Romney could appear human is the real hero. #tweetthepress

(26 January 2012 6:29 PM, PST )

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RT @TyAllOver: Followed @michaelianblack for less than a day and all I had was my twitter blowing up about him crying how he hates repub

(26 January 2012 6:28 PM, PST )

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Oh no, Gingrich just said "All three of the wives represented up here would be great First Ladies." whoops #tweetthepress

(26 January 2012 6:25 PM, PST )

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Why did Michael Imperioli get invited to sit next to Ann Romney? #tweetthepress

(26 January 2012 6:24 PM, PST )

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@Kerry_WithAK Yes, I am oblivious to Obama's many flaws.

(26 January 2012 6:16 PM, PST )

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Romney is making a pretty good case for Obamacare. #tweetthepress

(26 January 2012 6:14 PM, PST )

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It's cool that they made these podiums out of Kinex. #tweetthepress

(26 January 2012 6:08 PM, PST )

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I'm so glad Republicans solved the healthcare problem when Bush was president for eight years. #tweetthepress

(26 January 2012 6:06 PM, PST )

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Follow the GOP debate on Witstream and hashtag #tweetthepress. We're givin' these guys the business!

(26 January 2012 6:04 PM, PST )

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Lynn Frazier, you are unemployed not because of Obama but because you dress like a zoo exploded in a disco

(26 January 2012 6:02 PM, PST )

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How come Newt takes credit for balancing the budget when he was Speaker but doesn't blame Boehner for it not being balanced now?

(26 January 2012 6:00 PM, PST )

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Solution that will please all Republicans: send Mexicans to the moon. #tweetthepress

(26 January 2012 5:52 PM, PST )

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I have been waiting for the moon base question MY ENTIRE LIFE! #tweetthepress

(26 January 2012 5:50 PM, PST )

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RT @PFTompkins: What's better than watching rich people argue about being rich? Attractive people eating human flesh? #tweetthepress

(26 January 2012 5:46 PM, PST )

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It's weird that Ron Paul still has all his baby teeth. #tweetthepress

(26 January 2012 5:36 PM, PST )

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Newt Gingrich's face looks like it's filled with Nestle Strawberry Quick.

(26 January 2012 5:32 PM, PST )

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My son is so bad at basketball the Pistons are thinking of drafting him.

(26 January 2012 2:44 PM, PST )

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RT @MargueriteMorea: #whas goodtimes with cast from wet hot at this years sketch fest! http://t.co/NNF4HjGl@davidwain @mshowalter @mich

(26 January 2012 2:12 PM, PST )

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Are the Republican presidential candidates ever going to have any debates?

(26 January 2012 11:51 AM, PST )

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I always click on science articles and never understand them.

(26 January 2012 11:24 AM, PST )

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RT @DanaJGould: This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.

(26 January 2012 9:21 AM, PST )

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RT @WitStreamdotcom: Today's Daily WitPicks: Demi is Exhausted http://t.co/LSK6Q8RB

(26 January 2012 8:28 AM, PST )

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@robdelaney I think you're off by three very dirty anuses.

(26 January 2012 7:53 AM, PST )

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Hey turds, I'm giving out 30 FREE COPIES OF MY NEW BOOK!!! Enter to win here: http://t.co/7LhQJF3l

(26 January 2012 7:53 AM, PST )

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Well guys, I've decided to stop taking Ambien. (j/k)

(25 January 2012 5:19 PM, PST )

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@jessirklein I GET THIS JOKE!

(25 January 2012 3:25 PM, PST )

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@andylevy @GwynethPaltrow NEVER SURRENDER, GWYNETH!!!

(25 January 2012 2:54 PM, PST )

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@Sam_2_Go @chuka1983 I wasn't bluffing.

(25 January 2012 2:45 PM, PST )

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@nickholevas @mulaney John is a comedian! Also, he writes for SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE! But most importantly, he's friends with Nick Kroll.

(25 January 2012 2:22 PM, PST )

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State of the Union was pretty good, but could've used a little more titty.

(25 January 2012 2:21 PM, PST )

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@McCainBlogette @elliottdotabby I'm in.

(25 January 2012 1:27 PM, PST )

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RT @WitStreamdotcom: Today's Daily WitPicks: The Nominations Are In http://t.co/YYClwXCC

(25 January 2012 6:41 AM, PST )

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@McCainBlogette Oh yeah. Stop yelling at me.

(24 January 2012 7:55 PM, PST )

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@McCainBlogette Were you NOT following me on Twitter this whole time? That can't be true.

(24 January 2012 7:52 PM, PST )

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Romney about to come on NBC to announce he is leaving his wife.

(24 January 2012 7:50 PM, PST )

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@elliottdotabby You might be my new best friend. Calling my previous best friend to let him down easy. Sorry, John Hodgman.

(24 January 2012 7:45 PM, PST )

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@K_Rock75 When was the last time you checked? Time and date, please.

(24 January 2012 7:41 PM, PST )

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I see your "spoiled milk" joke and raise you a "pick your own lightbulb" joke. Checkmate, Republicans. #gopresponse

(24 January 2012 7:40 PM, PST )

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No wonder Republicans wanted this guy to run for president - he's DYNAMITE!!! #gopresponse

(24 January 2012 7:36 PM, PST )

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Forget the speeches; Obama, if you really want to get re-elected, just do a cameo on "The Voice."

(24 January 2012 7:20 PM, PST )

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@andylevy They often do.

(24 January 2012 7:14 PM, PST )

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I wish whenever they showed a minority or woman they put a graphic underneath that reads "Democrat."

(24 January 2012 7:12 PM, PST )

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RT @robdelaney: Obama said a lot I agree with, but the idea that we should put a Golden Retriever named Timothy on the $5 bill is just s

(24 January 2012 7:10 PM, PST )

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I assume he's saving colonizing Mars for the end. #sotu

(24 January 2012 7:08 PM, PST )

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Really wish Obama would grow a soul patch. #sotu

(24 January 2012 7:06 PM, PST )

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This guy is so good I wish he was president. #sotu

(24 January 2012 7:01 PM, PST )

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Hey Obama, if you love spoiled milk jokes so much, why don't you marry them? #sotu

(24 January 2012 6:54 PM, PST )

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RT @SarahThyre: Guacamole should not be an out-of-pocket expense. #NachoCare #SOTU

(24 January 2012 6:48 PM, PST )

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WTF? Obama just asked ABC to bring "Work It" back. #sotu

(24 January 2012 6:47 PM, PST )

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Hey Obama, if you love clean energy so much, why don't you marry it? #sotu

(24 January 2012 6:44 PM, PST )

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Hey Obama, if you love Mexico so much why don't you marry it? #sotu

(24 January 2012 6:38 PM, PST )

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RT @WitStreamdotcom: Don't forget you can follow the funny on WitStream's FREE app: http://t.co/PVLgWGdP

(24 January 2012 6:34 PM, PST )

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If Stephen Colbert doesn't introduce Obama I'm going to be pissed. #sotu

(24 January 2012 6:00 PM, PST )

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Got my lotion and tissues out for when they show Ruth Bader Ginsburg tonight. #SOTU

(24 January 2012 5:55 PM, PST )

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Wait for it... RT: @MrCraigBierko The Funniest Thing Anyone Has Ever Said http://t.co/4BtugOci

(24 January 2012 5:15 PM, PST )

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@LouisPeitzman @jakefogelnest "Please love me" = trap.

(24 January 2012 5:10 PM, PST )

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@jakefogelnest @LouisPeitzman I know, Jake. I know.

(24 January 2012 5:08 PM, PST )

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If Obama wants to draw a stark contrast between himself and Gingrich tonight, he should do the State of the Union shirtless.

(24 January 2012 5:06 PM, PST )

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RT @JillMorris: Am I RTing "You're Not Doing It Right" right? RT @michaelianblack: Here's my new book cover. http://t.co/6XI5aN0r

(24 January 2012 5:04 PM, PST )

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@JoshMalina Save you load, dude. Save your load. I have a month of whoring to do. But thank you. And lovely to see you this wknd.

(24 January 2012 4:48 PM, PST )

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@CraigyFerg Thanks, buddy. That was very kind of you.

(24 January 2012 4:44 PM, PST )

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@McCainBlogette 47% of people disagree with you.

(24 January 2012 4:42 PM, PST )

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RT @CraigyFerg: Just seen the cover of the @michaelianblack book. I'm kicking myself for not having him do the cover of my book.

(24 January 2012 4:17 PM, PST )

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RT @jamiesleonardo: I literally cannot wait. @michaelianblack #bestbookcover http://t.co/uqFDY1Zu

(24 January 2012 3:30 PM, PST )

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RT @mattob34: Just saw the cover of @michaelianblack 's new book http://t.co/0LPGGFyp and now I can't find my shit.

(24 January 2012 3:30 PM, PST )

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So far, every single person who has seen it is saying it's the best book cover to ever cover a book. http://t.co/yMn8vWoq

(24 January 2012 3:00 PM, PST )

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@LynsieLee Yes book tour. No Portland. But I do like brunch. But I don't like feelings.

(24 January 2012 2:35 PM, PST )

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Here's my new book cover. Honestly, I'm jealous that you guys are seeing it for the first time. http://t.co/yMn8vWoq

(24 January 2012 2:22 PM, PST )

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@GoTeamJosh @BrianLynch We love you too.

(24 January 2012 12:14 PM, PST )

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@BrianLynch No, but this way I get to broadcast your endorsement.

(24 January 2012 12:13 PM, PST )

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@BrianLynch Thanks, lover. So happy for you and congrats.

(24 January 2012 12:04 PM, PST )

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RT @BrianLynch: @michaelianblack I finished the book! It is amazing. It's hilarious, but so emotional at the same time (without strain

(24 January 2012 12:04 PM, PST )

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RT @postpaintgirl: just pre-ordered "you're not doing it right." by @michaelianblack !! counting the days until it's mine. #michaelismor

(24 January 2012 6:50 AM, PST )

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Currently recording the audio version of my new book, "You're Not Doing It Right." Everybody thinks I sound like James Earl Jones.

(24 January 2012 6:15 AM, PST )

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RT @ColtonKeeter: @michaelianblack you have very gay body language

(23 January 2012 10:56 PM, PST )

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@ChrisBaran1 I resent that. I don't live in Hollywood.

(23 January 2012 8:36 PM, PST )

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There might be nobody worse to make Mormons seem mainstream than Mitt Romney.

(23 January 2012 7:43 PM, PST )

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Mitt: I almost bankrupted Ted Kennedy. Congrats, buddy.

(23 January 2012 7:38 PM, PST )

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@NP_Vance Happy to debate.

(23 January 2012 7:36 PM, PST )

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2012 | 2011 | 2010 | 2009

1-100 of 635 items from 2012   « Prev | Next »

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