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20 items from 2009

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#34's new roomie, EZ, takes Yeyo's old bunk, locker, AND number. He regales awesome tales about his former life as an Oxnard gangbanger.

(24 November 2009 9:17 AM, PST )

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Sickness spreads throughout the facility like brush fires, and #34 is helpless to avoid the outbreak and inevitable infection.

(22 November 2009 9:28 AM, PST )

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A ball of Heroin tar is found on an inmate. The guards react lightning-fast, locking down the facility and "rolling up" those responsible.

(21 November 2009 9:06 AM, PST )

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Nightly, every few hours like clockwork, a guard's flashlight beam strikes #34's face, perhaps to ensure lack of proper rest and exhaustion.

(20 November 2009 9:02 AM, PST )

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Oxy pisses like a racehorse, causing Papa Smurf, a germaphobe in Germaphobe Hell, to shout out "It feels like it's splashing onto me!"

(18 November 2009 9:03 AM, PST )

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The coffee can used for ashes accidentally catches fire and a plume of smoke bellows, causing Control to react as if a riot has erupted.

(17 November 2009 9:00 AM, PST )

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Visiting day brings a worn copy of "The Enchiridion", given to #34 by Admiral James B. Stockdale before he died. Palpable truths are within.

(16 November 2009 9:07 AM, PST )

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The inmates stage mock trials to solve humorous disputes like "did you fart or not?" complete with Judge, Jury, Lawyers, and Punishments.

(14 November 2009 3:33 PM, PST )

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Yeyo was released at Midnight. He was kind when #34 was first so afraid -- and taught him the "Politics". 'Tis bittersweet to see him go.

(14 November 2009 9:13 AM, PST )

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Repoman, who is Emilio Estevez's doppelgänger, teaches #34 how to slimjim & hotwire a car. BTW, the only anti-repo car is a BMW X5 AWD.

(13 November 2009 8:51 AM, PST )

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#34's bowel movements have come to resemble both the color, smell and consistency of Dijon mustard. Grey Poupon, to be exact.

(12 November 2009 11:20 AM, PST )

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Papa Smurf is in for a white collar crime that I view almost as a duty against corporate tyranny. Hardly an infraction worth his punishment.

(11 November 2009 9:11 AM, PST )

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The Loudspeaker calls "Meds!" and the inmates fly, desperate for any kind of drug: Ambien, Xanax, Mobic, Valium, Benzodiazepene, etc.

(10 November 2009 9:30 AM, PST )

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Out of sheer boredom, #34 volunteers to empty trash cans around the facility. It is an opportunity to visit the off-limits dumpster area.

(9 November 2009 1:33 PM, PST )

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"They're putting Saltpeter in the food," one inmate tells #34, "to shrink our dicks and kill our sex drive...don't eat the soy meat." Okay.

(7 November 2009 3:08 PM, PST )

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"It's your birthday!" announces that #34 is to receive a random strip-down and cavity search to be performed by a leering, rotund officer.

(6 November 2009 9:59 AM, PST )

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"Du musst Ambose oder Hammer sein" -Goethe

(5 November 2009 12:33 PM, PST )

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#34's roomies, Oxy & Yeyo, now look forward to night time lockdown, which brings the retelling of classic film plots in bedtime story form.

(4 November 2009 4:46 PM, PST )

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Wash day! The "clean" sheets reek from the nut sweat of a thousand men. Pubes & hair must be peeled off before making your bunk.

(4 November 2009 8:24 AM, PST )

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Long scratched into the black locker are two conjunctive words, never more true: "TIME" and underneath it "FUCK". It has become a mantra.

(3 November 2009 8:54 AM, PST )

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20 items from 2009

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