Movies For Stupid Tween And Teen Girls
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- DirectorJosh SchwartzStarsVictoria JusticeJohnny KnoxvilleChelsea HandlerWren's Halloween plans go awry when she's made to babysit her brother, who disappears into a sea of trick-or-treaters. With her best friend and two nerds at her side, she needs to find her brother before her mom finds out he's missing.The new movie “Fun Size” is one of the strangest film concoctions I’ve ever seen. Like syrup eaten with ketchup, the film attempts to combine two disparate genres— family drama and raunchy comedy -- and it's bad in both areas.
At one moment it feels like a kid’s film but in the next, it's like a PG-13 version of the hard-R comedy Project X.
The comedy is laced with crude and obnoxious jokes. From a fake shooting that could scare little kids to a robotic chicken humping a car, the plot finds ample opportunities to escape the family genre and find ways to offend.
Fun Size also is too formulaic to survive comparisons to the awesome '80s teen movies it eagerly imitates.
And to think, I made it this far without mentioning the rap sequence that evokes cult essential Teen Witch. So wrong, so very, very wrong. - DirectorElizabeth Allen RosenbaumStarsEmma RobertsJoJoSara PaxtonTwo teenage girls discover a mermaid in their beach club's swimming pool.The film that attempts to be the modern day version of The Little Mermaid turns out to be a sugary bubblegum pop film that manages to be the more milder of teen comedies.
Although the plot of the film bears little resemblance to that of the book, I never read it, so I will ignore it was based on something.
The story is very simplistic and predictable in the extreme and I kept getting the sense of an Afternoon Special that had blundered into a theater by accident on its way to a TV set.
Piling on pathologically lame subplots and inane coincidences, plus an undercurrent of unchecked sappiness that even young girls will find excruciatingly obvious. And unless you have a high tolerance for cute, girly wish-fulfilment, the final scenes are so glaringly (and hilariously) awful that you actually feel seasick. - DirectorMartha CoolidgeStarsHilary DuffHaylie DuffAnjelica HustonTwo wealthy sisters, both heiresses to their family's cosmetics fortune, are given a wake-up call when a scandal and ensuing investigation strip them of their wealth.An insipid mess not worthy of the girls who flock to such flicks.
Material Girls is proof that you don’t need brains, talent, or appeal to have a considerable hit film.
If you are a fan of trendy clothes, superficiality, and emptiness, "Material Girls" is the film for you.
Plagued by paper-thin characterizations and a hackneyed script, Material Girls fails to live up to even the minimum standards of its genre.
How can we sympathize for two of the most obnoxious and despicable characters ever written who have nothing more to them than their best memory about their dead dad involving make-up? Do studios actually think teens are this stupid? - DirectorJames HaymanStarsLucy HaleCourtney Thorne-SmithAmanda SchullStarting college, Katie and her BFF Sara try to get into Delta sorority. Katie overhears something that splits her from Delta and Sara. Things get nasty and she joins Kappa.
- DirectorGurinder ChadhaStarsGeorgia GroomeAaron Taylor-JohnsonKaren TaylorThe story centers on a 14-year-old girl who keeps a diary about the ups and downs of being a teenager, including the things she learns about kissing.The story is based on two UK novels by Louise Rennison: Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging and It's OK, I'm Wearing Really Big Knickers.
I guess Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging is the female equivalent of the teenage male sex comedies, without the sex or gratuitous nudity that is, because this is firmly in chick flick territory.
Fans watched hoping for some good drama and comedy, but left disappointed by the lack of depth in the characters and the coarseness of the jokes.
An other problem with this movie is that it takes a hilariously silly, lighthearted book and tries to fit it into the normal template of a tween/teen movie. They stuffed in too many clichés, made the audience sympathize with Georgia's meant to funny shallow complaints, and threw in some morals and "maturity".
The charm of the books are not only Rennison's hilarity, but the way she poked fun at how shallow and ridiculous Georgia was. It was always clear that the things Georgia thought were so important were...just trivial, childish things. Because as many of us know, most things teenagers think are wildly important are...not, and that's quickly realized in a few years, but this movie makes it seem like every other stupid teen movie does--that your desperate search for a boyfriend, and desire for a smaller nose and less embarrassing parents DO actually matter and ARE important. In fact..this movie ended up being just what the books make fun of, shallow and stupid.
Also, the love interests for Georgia and her best mate Jas are personality-less pretty boys without an ounce of charisma, which makes you wonder why they are pursued with such ferocity by our big-nosed heroine and her blonde friend.
The ending deserves a paragraph all to itself. Only a scriptwriter could construct something as ridiculous as this: In the space of five minutes in a 'surprise party' every problem is solved: All relationships are reconciled, an unwanted move to New Zealand is cancelled when her father gets a promotion at home, The nasty girl is humiliated on stage when her boob padding is removed by Jas, and Georgia gets a song dedicated to her by her new beau on the main stage. Oh bless! Even Georgina's other nerdy girlfriends get introduced to more vapid pretty boys so they can have equally vapid pretty babies when they grow up.
One problem: this is the most phony, contrived, unrealistic conclusion to a movie I have seen for ages. I mean dear God, I know they want to end on a happy note, but this definitely overdoing it. By a LOOOOONG way. Oh and Georgie: your new song is pure, unadulterated *beep* And your dreamboat is obviously miming. Sorry, luv. - DirectorDennie GordonStarsAmanda BynesColin FirthKelly PrestonAn American teenager learns that her father is a wealthy British politician running for office. Although she is eager to find him, she realizes it could cause a scandal and cost him the election.Put an attractive, young tv-star in an airplane to Europe and you got your movie-hit. Where Dinsey's Hillary Duff went to Italy and became a singer, Nickelodeon's Amanda Bynes tries out England to meet her father, some big hot-shot up and coming politician.
The film is based on the 1955 play The Reluctant Debutante. It is the second adaptation for the screen of this work.
What was a supporting role in the original movie — an American teenager (Sandra Dee) who spends a season in the social whirl of aristocratic London — is now, in the child-centric universe of contemporary Hollywood, the leading part.
What a Girl Wants is not ONLY a bad adaption, it a shameless derivative of "The Princess Diaries." In both cases, a teen heroine lives with her flaky artist mom, is catapulted into wealth and privilege and ultimately triumphs through honesty, spunk and cheekbones.
What A Girl Wants could be subtitled 'What A Scriptwriter Wants': problems are quickly resolved, most of the characters are mothballed caricatures from yesteryear and convenient plot twists reign supreme.
Highly idiotic, unrealistic (any lessons gleaned by the character or audience are useless because of the way they arrived there), and cliched! I'm always at least two steps ahead of the screenwriter and three ahead of the characters.
I immediately distrust any movie in which the transformation of a character is shown not by virtue of the plot or acting, but ONLY by a change of wardrobe and hairstyle. Scene #1: Amanda Bynes in jeans and T-shirt - the "free, fun and relaxed" teenager. Scene #2: Amanda Bynes in long evening dress - the composed young miss with a circumspect expression on her face.
It as a stultifyingly inept portrayal of Britain. This movie was obviously written by an American who doesn't understand the country.
The killer was the 5 montages I counted in the movie, who wrote the screenplay, that's like 2/9's!
Oh, and those awful "everything fits perfectly" parts of the plot: mom appears at the ball exactly when she has to, somehow perfectly dressed for the occasion; sudden boyfriend Ian is ubiquitous and has 'chosen' to perform all kinds of low-profile jobs, although he attended the best schools and therefore (very convenient) has at least a piece of the necessary substratum to be rightfully considered a peer by "Britain's snobbish upper class"; etc.
This is a throwaway TV movie packaged for a theatrical release.
Overall, *YAY* Colin Firth; *AHHH* (horrified scream) for the rest of the film. - DirectorP.J. HoganStarsIsla FisherHugh DancyKrysten RitterA college grad lands a job as a financial journalist in New York City to support where she nurtures her shopping addiction and falls for a wealthy entrepreneur.
- DirectorTarsem SinghStarsLily CollinsJulia RobertsArmie HammerAn evil queen steals control of a kingdom and an exiled princess enlists the help of seven resourceful rebels to win back her birthright.
- DirectorPhyllida LloydStarsMeryl StreepPierce BrosnanAmanda SeyfriedThe story of a bride-to-be trying to find her real father told using hit songs by the popular 1970s group ABBA.
- DirectorBill CondonStarsBeyoncéJamie FoxxEddie MurphyA trio of black female soul singers cross over to the pop charts in the early 1960s, facing their own personal struggles along the way.
- DirectorDarren SteinStarsRose McGowanRebecca GayheartJulie BenzThree of the most popular girls at Reagan High accidentally kill the prom queen with a jawbreaker when a kidnapping goes horribly wrong.
- DirectorGarry MarshallStarsJulia RobertsJamie FoxxAnne HathawayIntertwining couples and singles in Los Angeles break-up and make-up based on the pressures and expectations of Valentine's Day.
- DirectorGarry MarshallStarsSarah Jessica ParkerJessica BielAshton KutcherThe lives of several couples and singles in New York City intertwine over the course of New Year's Eve.
- DirectorMark Steven JohnsonStarsKristen BellJosh DuhamelAnjelica HustonBeth is an ambitious young New Yorker who is completely unlucky in love. On a whirlwind trip to Rome, she impulsively steals some coins from a reputed fountain of love, and is then aggressively pursued by a band of suitors.
- DirectorJim Field SmithStarsJay BaruchelAlice EveT.J. MillerAn average Joe meets the perfect woman, but his lack of confidence and the influence of his friends and family begin to pick away at the relationship.
- DirectorGarry MarshallStarsJulie AndrewsAnne HathawayHector ElizondoMia Thermopolis has just found out that she is the heir apparent to the throne of Genovia. With her friends Lilly and Michael Moscovitz in tow, she tries to navigate through the rest of her sixteenth year.
- DirectorGarry MarshallStarsAnne HathawayCallum BlueJulie AndrewsNow settled in Genovia, Princess Mia faces a new revelation: she is being primed for an arranged marriage to an English suitor.
- DirectorJulie Anne RobinsonStarsMiley CyrusLiam HemsworthGreg KinnearA rebellious girl is sent to a Southern beach town for the summer to stay with her father. Through their mutual love of music, the estranged duo learn to reconnect.
- DirectorJoe NussbaumStarsAlexa PenaVegaMika BooremScout Taylor-ComptonDesperate to improve their social status, four best friends enter into an all-night scavenger hunt against the popular clique in their school.With a derivative, disturbing script that encompasses almost every adolescent comedy cliche.
If you wanted you could fashion a drinking game out of this movie. - take a shot for every teen cliche they try to throw in. (it comes to about 1 a minute)
MC is a fourteen year old girl who is 'blossoming' who complains about how awful her life and parents are because they wont give her a lock for her door, but they will provide her with a big ass house and trips to Hawaii - they're monsters i know.
A mean popular skinny blonde attractive annoying girl interrupts the innocent sleepover, daring the girls to go on a strange scavenger hunt. I did marvel at how MC's parentally-neglected bedroom had fully-functional broadband and a webcam. (2004) Impressive.
The prize for winning the scavenger hunt is the chance to sit near a fountain during lunch time when the girls go to high school! Whoohoo!
With MC's dopey older brother and a bunch of his friends covering for the girls by engaging in cross-dressing dancing activities, the girls begin their unrealistic, dangerous and often illegal dares.
Young audiences are encouraged to sneak into bars to date teachers, squish as many of themselves into a tiny vehicle as possible, drive despite not holding a licence, steal boxers from your crush, and other dangerous and illegal *beep* (all the while laughing at and damaging the vehicle of the foolishly-portrayed security guard who is simply attempting to put a stop to it all).
MC's posse includes Hannah, a good friend who is moving to Canada for no better reason, as far as I can tell, than to provide an attribute for a character with no other talking points; and Farrah, who functions basically as an element useful to the cinematographer in composing groups of characters and almost does nothing. MC decides to have a sleepover, and at the last minute invites poor Yancy, a girl that you will read about below.
Then time for the big issue - boyfriends - and the final showdown, the high school dance. If you don't have a boyfriend at 14 it means you are a life failure, and the fat girl Yancy is particularly upset because not only does she not have a boyfriend, but boys don't talk to her. Miraculously, the boyfriend problems are solved during the course of the scavenger hunt. A overweight, 20-something guy surprises Yancy by speaking to her, and as this is the first boy who has ever acknowledged her presence, and he loves eating brownies too, he is definitely her boyfriend for life.
This sends across the lovely message to girls that if they are overweight, they will only get an overweight boyfriend, and they had better jump at the opportunity and say yes because they aren't gonna get another one! Sporty MC, on the other hand, suddenly finds a sexy high school student totally in love with her when he sees her skateboard, and she gets the final year's most popular and attractive boy.
Unbelievably, the audience is then faced with the girls discovering that by insulting everybody who never got to sit by the fountain during high school, the girls can wheedle their way into another off-limits dance, where they can mock the bad girl who is, of course, bad because she is refusing to get physical with her boyfriend at age 14. After crashing the high school dance, the girls suddenly become the most popular people there.
Then the girls wreck their tree-house and nearly their real house too when arriving home, but Julie's parents, pleased that she broke all their sleepover rules as well as a lot of laws, take this as a sign she is growing up and needs more freedom, and a lock on her door.
One of the movie's strangest scenes has MC, who is 14, sneaking into a bar because the scavenger hunt requires her to get a photo of herself being treated to a drink by a grown-up. This scene is outrageous even if she orders a Shirley Temple, but is even weirder because the guy she chooses is a teacher from her junior high, who must live in a wonderland of his own since he obviously has no idea of the professional hazards involved in buying a drink in public for one of his barely pubescent students, and then posing for a photo so she will have proof.
How did this get made? - DirectorDaniel BarnzStarsAlex PettyferVanessa HudgensMary-Kate OlsenA modern-day take on the "Beauty and the Beast" tale where a New York teen is transformed into a hideous monster in order to find true love.Beastly is Beauty and the Beast for the Twilight generation. Featuring a cast top-heavy with TV actors and a screenplay that could have been given an assist by Stephanie Meyer, the end result would have ended up on the ABC Family Channel if it had been made by Disney. CBS Films apparently has higher aspirations for this production.
- DirectorAlejandro AgrestiStarsKeanu ReevesSandra BullockChristopher PlummerA lonely doctor who once occupied an unusual lakeside house begins to exchange love letters with its former resident, a frustrated architect. They must try to unravel the mystery behind their extraordinary romance before it's too late.
- DirectorBurr SteersStarsZac EfronKim BasingerCharlie TahanAfter Charlie survives a car crash that kills his younger brother, he is given the gift of seeing the spirits of his brother and others who he has lost, and must use his powers to save the woman he loves from impending disaster.
- DirectorBaz LuhrmannStarsLeonardo DiCaprioClaire DanesJohn LeguizamoShakespeare's famous play is updated to the hip modern suburb of Verona still retaining its original dialogue.
- DirectorLarry ShawStarsHilary DuffChristy Carlson RomanoGary ColeA fashion-conscious youngster is horrified when she is forced to move to military school.
- DirectorJoe NussbaumStarsAmanda BynesSara PaxtonMatt LongA modern retelling of Snow White set against students in their freshman year of college in the greek system.
- DirectorElizabeth Allen RosenbaumStarsJoey KingSelena GomezBridget MoynahanAn adventurous young girl uses her imagination to escape her reality, that is quickly spinning out of reach.
- DirectorDonald PetrieStarsLindsay LohanChris PineSamaire ArmstrongManhattanite Ashley is known to many as the luckiest woman around. After a chance encounter with a down-and-out young man, however, she realizes that she's swapped her fortune for his.
- DirectorDennie GordonStarsMary-Kate OlsenAshley OlsenEugene LevyTwo sisters who just can't get along have to travel to New York City together and find themselves on numerous misadventures in order to accomplish their goals.
- DirectorMelanie MayronStarsMeaghan MartinDonn LamkinLinden AshbyThe Plastics are back in the long-awaited follow-up to the smash hit Mean Girls - and now the clique is more fashionable, funny, and ferocious than ever.
- DirectorAllison Liddi-BrownStarsDemi LovatoSelena GomezNicholas BraunA princess whose country has been invaded goes into hiding in Louisiana, where she has to learn to act like an ordinary teenager.
- DirectorTommy O'HaverStarsAnne HathawayHugh DancyCary ElwesElla is under a spell to be constantly obedient, a fact she must hide from her new stepfamily in order to protect the prince of the land, her friend for whom she's falling.
- DirectorWilliam HeinsStrathford HamiltonStarsParis HiltonSimon RexPaula GarcésAt South Beach University, a beautiful sorority president takes in a group of unconventional freshman girls seeking acceptance into her house.
- DirectorVondie Curtis-HallStarsMariah CareyEric BenétMax BeesleyA young singer dates a disc jockey who helps her get into the music business, but their relationship become complicated as she ascends to super stardom.The story has been described as being syrupy enough to kill anyone who suffers from diabetes. (or doesn't)
The longest-lived cat ever? Telepathic songwriting? The most unsympathetic cast of characters since "A Clockwork Orange?"
There's so much to complain about here, from the faux artistic shots and film techniques meant to give the film some false "class", to the insane gaping void of chemistry between the main lovebirds, to the comic relief that is not funny and is unnecessary since there was no drama or romance, to the numerous long, long shots of things that either didn't matter or didn't need to be shown for the 700th time.
It's a bland, soulless procession of cliches.
Only the most inept movie fan or an insanely die hard Mariah Carey fan could ignore the gaping holes in plot, directions, style, and acting that Glitter presents. - DirectorGary WinickStarsAmanda SeyfriedGael García BernalVanessa RedgraveSophie travels to Verona where she finds an old unanswered letter asking for love advice. She answers it and when the recipient shows up along with her grumpy grandson, they head off to find the old long lost love while a young love sparks
- DirectorBurr SteersStarsZac EfronMatthew PerryLeslie MannMike O'Donnell is ungrateful for how his life turned out. He gets a chance to rewrite his life when he tried to save a janitor near a bridge and jumped after him into a time vortex.
- DirectorRobert LuketicStarsKate BosworthJosh DuhamelTopher GraceA small-town girl wins a date with a male celebrity through a contest. When the date goes better than expected, a love triangle forms between the girl, the male celebrity, and the girl's best friend.
- DirectorNick MooreStarsEmma RobertsAidan QuinnNatasha RichardsonA rebellious Malibu princess is shipped off to a strict English boarding school by her father.
- DirectorMichael RymerStarsAaliyahStuart TownsendMarguerite MoreauIn this loose sequel to Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles (1994), the vampire Lestat becomes a rock star whose music wakes up the equally beautiful and monstrous queen of all vampires.
- DirectorRoger KumbleStarsSarah Michelle GellarRyan PhillippeReese WitherspoonTwo vicious step-siblings of an elite Manhattan prep school make a wager: to deflower the new headmaster's daughter before the start of term.
- DirectorRoger KumbleStarsRobin DunneSarah ThompsonKeri Lynn PrattThis takes place several years before Cruel Intentions (1999), back to when Kathryn first meets Sebastian, their sexual attraction to each other and their enjoyment in destroying the lives of their peers.
- DirectorScott ZiehlStarsKerr SmithKristina AnapauNathan WetheringtonTwo guys at a college prep school make wagers on seducing naive young girls, and then meet their match when they agree to see which one can seduce the most popular and devious girl who has her own agenda to everything.