I Hope These Movies Are Never Made

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2.
The Karate Kid 2 (????)
After the sudden death of Dre's old Kung Fu Instructor, Mr. Han, young Kung Fu Champion, Dre Parker must learn The Dark Stepstones of how to become a good Instructor and teach his old fellow enemies a little more than respect.
 
3.
Annie (2014)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.3/10 X  
A foster kid, who lives with her mean foster mom, sees her life change when business tycoon and New York mayoral candidate Will Stacks makes a thinly-veiled campaign move and takes her in. (118 mins.)
Director: Will Gluck
“ The Honeymooners, Karate Kid, Wild Wild West and now Annie. If I say I don't like it, I'd be called prejudice most likely which is silly. I wouldn't want a white person to play Shaft either.
Another Annie just isn't needed though, white redhead or no white redhead. ” - jwoehr
 
4.
Kane & Lynch (????)
A pair of Death Row inmates, a mercenary named Kane and a schizophrenic named Lynch, escape during a prison transport and team up to retrieve a stolen fortune. Based on a video game.
“ If it needs to be made, no Jamie Fox please, Jeff Bridge's or Josh Brolin would own the role. I liked Fox in Django, he should just find more harass roles like that.
Playing a crazy white dude with a beard, he's not my first or last choice. ” - jwoehr
 
5.
Point Break (2015)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.3/10 X  
A young FBI agent infiltrates an extraordinary team of extreme sports athletes he suspects of masterminding a string of unprecedented, sophisticated corporate heists. (114 mins.)
Director: Ericson Core
“ Let us remember the original as a film where the late Patrick Swayze was awesome as a bad dude for once. This just isn't needed, but hey neither was Total Recall. ” - jwoehr
 
6.
Flight of the Navigator (????)
A child returns after disappearing for over a decade - and the world has aged without him.
“ A childhood favorite with out-dated effects, but the film still works and a remake isn't needed. ” - jwoehr
 
7.
“ A good movie that was just a little over-rated but way better than the sequel, we don't need a remake though. ” - jwoehr
 
8.
The Crow (????)
Eric, a poetic guitarist, is brought back to life by a crow a year after he and his fiancé are murdered.
Director: Corin Hardy
“ Brandon Lee was the Crow, sequels weren't needed and neither is a remake. ” - jwoehr
 
10.
The NeverEnding Story (????)
Bastian Balthazar Bux discovers a parallel world in a book. As he immerses himself in the story, his life becomes intertwined with the plot, in which a hero in the land of Fantasia must save the universe on behalf of an empress.
 
11.
Time Bandits (????)
A young boy discovers a time traveling portal in his bedroom. A remake of Terry Gilliam's 1981 film, "Time Bandits".
“ A twisted comedy that just will suck ass without the Terry Gilliam touch. ” - jwoehr
 
12.
The Birds (????)
A remake of Alfred Hitchcock's 1963 thriller about a flock of birds that take over a quiet Northern California town.
“ Just like the Psycho remake, this will suck. ” - jwoehr
 
13.
American Psycho (????)
Wealthy New York investment banker, Patrick Bateman, lives a twisted secret double life. A remake of the 2000 film based on Bret Easton Ellis' 1991 novel.
“ Why ? Now we're remaking 13 year old films already. Lets remake Being John Malkovich and make it Being Michael Bay when you're at it. ” - jwoehr
 
14.
Escape from New York (????)
Condemned criminal Snake Plissken is dispatched to the island of Manhattan -- now a quarantined danger zone -- to rescue a female U.S. Senator in danger.
“ Kurt Russel is Snake...so *beep* off! This isn't needed. ” - jwoehr
 
15.
Short Circuit (????)
Number 5, one of a group of experimental military robots, undergoes a sudden transformation after being struck by lightning...
“ From the director of Alvin and the Chipmunks ? Hell no! ” - jwoehr
 
16.
The Bodyguard (????)
A former military serviceman is hired to protect a famous singer.
“ Hollywood sucks, wait for Patrick Swayze to die....remake all his movies, Whitney Huston died, lets remake her movies as well! ” - jwoehr
 
17.
The Warriors (1979)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 7.7/10 X  
In the near future, a charismatic leader summons the street gangs of New York City in a bid to take it over. When he is killed, The Warriors are falsely blamed and now must fight their way home while every other gang is hunting them down. (92 mins.)
Director: Walter Hill
“ Remake ” - jwoehr
 
18.
Weekend at Bernie's (1989)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6.4/10 X  
Two losers try to pretend that their murdered employer is really alive, leading the hitman to attempt to track him down to finish him off. (97 mins.)
Director: Ted Kotcheff
“ Remake, yeah drag around Adam Sandler' s dead body, tired of hearing his annoying voices for his characters. ” - jwoehr
 
19.
Van Helsing (????)
The plot is unknown.
“ With Tom Cruise ? Hell no. ” - jwoehr
 
20.
Highlander (????)
An immortal Scottish swordsman faces off with other immortal warriors in order to obtain a coveted ability.
Director: Chad Stahelski
 
21.
Honey, I Shrunk the Kids (1989)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6.3/10 X  
The scientist father of a teenage girl and boy accidentally shrinks his and two other neighborhood teens to the size of insects. Now the teens must fight diminutive dangers as the father searches for them. (93 mins.)
Director: Joe Johnston
“ Remake ” - jwoehr
 
22.
Police Academy (????)
A reboot of the 'Police Academy' comedy franchise.
“ This is the biggest clue that Hollywood screenwriters are dumbasses now. ” - jwoehr
 
23.
Cliffhanger (????)
A former ranger, thinking he's about to rescue a group of stranded wilderness types, unknowingly is helping a collective of thieves locate their missing bounty.
“ Why ? ” - jwoehr
 
24.
Gremlins (1984)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 7.2/10 X  
A boy inadvertently breaks three important rules concerning his new pet and unleashes a horde of malevolently mischievous monsters on a small town. (106 mins.)
Director: Joe Dante
“ remake, *beep* no! ” - jwoehr
 
25.
Fifty Shades of Grey (2015)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 4.1/10 X  
Literature student Anastasia Steele's life changes forever when she meets handsome, yet tormented, billionaire Christian Grey. (125 mins.)
 
26.
The Jetsons (????)
A feature adaptation of Hanna-Barbera's animated TV show about a futuristic family.
Director: Conrad Vernon
“ I wanted this movie for years but with how Scooby Doo and the Smurfs were done by Hollywood, I'm scared how bad this will be. ” - jwoehr
 
27.
Top Gun: Maverick (????)
The plot is unknown at this time.
Director: Joseph Kosinski
Stars: Tom Cruise
“ If Ridley Scott does it as a tribute to his late brother, I'd be the first on line. Otherwise, it shouldn't be made. ” - jwoehr
 
28.
Popeye (????)
The adventures of Popeye the Sailor Man, the strongest seafaring sea dog ever to sail the Seven Seas.
“ A legendary director couldn't even make a good Popeye movie, live action movies based on cartoons are done by awful directors these days. So this will be even worse than the early 80's film. ” - jwoehr
 
29.
Yogi Bear 2 (????)
Plot unknown
“ The original wasn't as bad as they say, it was harmless and the voice work was well done. But we just don't need a sequel. ” - jwoehr
 
30.
Masters of the Universe (2019)
He-Man, the most powerful man in the universe, goes against the evil Skeletor to save the planet Eternia and protect the secrets of Castle Grayskull.
“ This will probably be way worse than the 1987 film even. ” - jwoehr
 
31.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.9/10 X  
When a kingpin threatens New York City, a group of mutated turtle warriors must emerge from the shadows to protect their home. (101 mins.)
“ First Michael Bay made the ooze that created the Ninja Turtles extra terrestrial, then he cast Megan Fox as April O'Neill. On top of that the director of Battle Los Angeles is the director.
My advice: Fire everyone involved and start from scratch. ” - jwoehr
 
32.
Smurfs: The Lost Village (2017)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.8/10 X  
In this fully animated, all-new take on the Smurfs, a mysterious map sets Smurfette and her friends Brainy, Clumsy and Hefty on an exciting race through the Forbidden Forest leading to the discovery of the biggest secret in Smurf history. (90 mins.)
Director: Kelly Asbury
 
33.
Scarface (2018)
An immigrant rises to the top of the criminal underworld in the United States.
Director: David Ayer
Stars: Diego Luna
“ Who the F can replace Al Pacino ? ” - jwoehr
 
34.
House Party (????)
A teenager tries to sneak out of his house to attend his friend's party.
 
35.
Dirty Dancing (????)
Madge flies to Peru for a vacation, and meets alpaca farmer Jorge. While their romance blossoms and the temperature soars in the south American heat, so too does their love for the dance. Now they'll have, the time of their lives.
Director: Kenny Ortega
 
36.
Drop Dead Fred (????)
A young woman who has experienced a series of unfortunate events is reunited with Fred, her imaginary friend from childhood, who promises to make her life better -- though his methods are more violent and abusive than anything.
“ Starring Russel Brand ?? ” - jwoehr
 
37.
Logan's Run (????)
A young man at odds with his society's mandatory death sentence for all those turning 21 plots a daring escape on the eve of his fateful birthday.