Proof Hollywood Makes Crap These Days

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1.
Movie 43 (2013)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 4.3/10 X  
A series of interconnected short films follows a washed-up producer as he pitches insane story lines featuring some of the biggest stars in Hollywood. (94 mins.)
“ One of the best casts ever are extremely wasted in this steaming pile of *beep* that even Ed Wood himself wouldn't even like. ” - jwoehr
 
2.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6.2/10 X  
Famed archaeologist/adventurer Dr. Henry "Indiana" Jones is called back into action when he becomes entangled in a Soviet plot to uncover the secret behind mysterious artifacts known as the Crystal Skulls. (122 mins.)
“ I didn't hate the movie but it proves that even greats like Spielberg and Lucas are short on imagination these days. ” - jwoehr
 
3.
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6.5/10 X  
Two Jedi Knights escape a hostile blockade to find allies and come across a young boy who may bring balance to the Force, but the long dormant Sith resurface to claim their old glory. (136 mins.)
Director: George Lucas
“ A long time ago in a galaxy far away, George Lucas cared more about story and characters than he did CGI. ” - jwoehr
 
4.
Spider-Man 3 (2007)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6.2/10 X  
A strange black entity from another world bonds with Peter Parker and causes inner turmoil as he contends with new villains, temptations, and revenge. (139 mins.)
Director: Sam Raimi
“ It's funny how James Franco says he just wasn't impressed by the Amazing Spider-Man, well that film is so much better than this big mess.
Yep, Amazing Spider-Man could have used the Lizard having convenient memory loss and hanging out with Peter until he remembers "wtf, I'm mad at him, why are we hanging-out?!?!!" ” - jwoehr
 
5.
Total Recall (2012)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6.3/10 X  
A factory worker, Douglas Quaid, begins to suspect that he is a spy after visiting Rekall - a company that provides its clients with implanted fake memories of a life they would like to have led - goes wrong and he finds himself on the run. (118 mins.)
Director: Len Wiseman
“ Despite non-stop action, it's unnecessary and dull. ” - jwoehr
 
6.
Red Dawn (2012)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.4/10 X  
A group of teenagers look to save their town from an invasion of North Korean soldiers. (93 mins.)
Director: Dan Bradley
“ Young up and coming actors looking dopey and despressed because....they are in this uninspired and unnecessary remake. How can a remake feel uninspired? Just watch this movie to find out. ” - jwoehr
 
7.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6.0/10 X  
Sam Witwicky leaves the Autobots behind for a normal life. But when his mind is filled with cryptic symbols, the Decepticons target him and he is dragged back into the Transformers' war. (150 mins.)
Director: Michael Bay
“ I loved the first movie but this one is short on originality and seems to only exist so Bay can blow more stuff up. ” - jwoehr
 
8.
The Smurfs (2011)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.5/10 X  
When the evil wizard Gargamel chases the tiny blue Smurfs out of their village, they tumble from their magical world into New York City. (103 mins.)
Director: Raja Gosnell
“ As a fan of the show, I saw potential in this until I found out 1. It was from the director of Scooby Doo and 2. It takes place in NYC. ” - jwoehr
 
9.
Battleship (2012)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.8/10 X  
A fleet of ships is forced to do battle with an armada of unknown origins in order to discover and thwart their destructive goals. (131 mins.)
Director: Peter Berg
“ Hollywood got bored with just remaking films, it's time to make movies based on board games. Coming soon, Ang Lee's the Game of Life. ” - jwoehr
 
10.
A Good Day to Die Hard (2013)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.3/10 X  
John McClane travels to Russia to help out his seemingly wayward son, Jack, only to discover that Jack is a CIA operative working undercover, causing the father and son to team up against underworld forces. (98 mins.)
Director: John Moore
“ A good day to hire any bad director to do a Die Hard film and then rush it into theaters. "Yippi Ki Yay Motha Russia!", I can't think of a worse catch phrase or a worse idea for a movie. ” - jwoehr
 
11.
X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6.7/10 X  
When a cure is found to treat mutations, lines are drawn amongst the X-Men, led by Professor Charles Xavier, and the Brotherhood, a band of powerful mutants organized under Xavier's former ally, Magneto. (104 mins.)
Director: Brett Ratner
“ Kill off Cyclops to get back at James Marsden for being in Superman Returns with former X-Men director Bryan Singer. Have the villains all look like Prince but in black leather. Kill off Xavier too but have him alive in the credits in someone else's body....end of the X-Men movies despite a cliffhanger.
"Lets just make prequels now." ” - jwoehr
 
12.
Jack and Jill (2011)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 3.4/10 X  
Family guy Jack Sadelstein prepares for the annual event he dreads: the Thanksgiving visit of his twin sister, the needy and passive-aggressive Jill, who then refuses to leave. (91 mins.)
Director: Dennis Dugan
“ Sandler shows he has talent in non Happy Madison films. ” - jwoehr
 
13.
That's My Boy (2012)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.6/10 X  
While in his teens, Donny fathered a son, Todd, and raised him as a single parent up until Todd's 18th birthday. Now, after not seeing each other for years, Todd's world comes crashing down when Donny resurfaces just before Todd's wedding. (116 mins.)
Director: Sean Anders
“ "Wuz up! " Really, Adam Sandler actually says that, how old is that line? lol. Plus the whole plot about him only being popular because he f'd his hot teacher when he was like 12 is just creepy and stupid. ” - jwoehr
 
14.
2012 (2009)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.8/10 X  
A frustrated writer struggles to keep his family alive when a series of global catastrophes threatens to annihilate mankind. (158 mins.)
Director: Roland Emmerich
“ "The world might end in 2012....that would make a great movie!" Thought Roland Emmerich. ” - jwoehr
 
15.
Clash of the Titans (2010)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.8/10 X  
Perseus demigod, son of Zeus, battles the minions of the underworld to stop them from conquering heaven and earth. (106 mins.)
Director: Louis Leterrier
“ You know a film is flawed when for some reason the main character has a buzz cut in a film that takes place in a time where there's no electric razors! ” - jwoehr
 
16.
Catwoman (2004)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 3.3/10 X  
A shy woman, endowed with the speed, reflexes, and senses of a cat, walks a thin line between criminal and hero, even as a detective doggedly pursues her, fascinated by both of her personas. (104 mins.)
Director: Pitof
“ Halle Berry looked good but this is a pretty stupid movie that was made for no good reason. ” - jwoehr
 
17.
This Means War (2012)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6.3/10 X  
Two top CIA operatives wage an epic battle against one another after they discover they are dating the same woman. (103 mins.)
Director: McG
“ Good actors wasted as self-centered jerks, especially Chris Pine who plays the biggest A-hole here. While Witherspoon isn't innocent, she's dating 2 men at the same time and only gets pissed when she learns they know each other. ” - jwoehr
 
18.
Gulliver's Travels (2010)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 4.9/10 X  
Travel writer Lemuel Gulliver takes an assignment in Bermuda, but ends up on the island of Liliput, where he towers over its tiny citizens. (85 mins.)
Director: Rob Letterman
“ Yep, they can't even make a movie based on a classic book without turning it into a lame comedy. ” - jwoehr
 
19.
Planet of the Apes (2001)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.7/10 X  
An Air Force astronaut crash lands on a mysterious planet where evolved, talking apes dominate a race of primitive humans. (119 mins.)
Director: Tim Burton
“ I'm a Burton fan and the actors playing apes were excellent, too bad the script sucked and that ending was beyond bad. ” - jwoehr
 
20.
Wild Wild West (1999)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 4.8/10 X  
The two best hired guns in the West must save President Grant from the clutches of a nineteenth-century inventor-villain. (106 mins.)
“ Jamie Fox kicked ass in Django, Will Smith was only cast in a white role so he can make that lame theme song. If you want to see a good movie with a black cowboy, watch Django. ” - jwoehr
 
21.
Grown Ups (2010)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6.0/10 X  
After their high school basketball coach passes away, five good friends and former teammates reunite for a Fourth of July holiday weekend. (102 mins.)
Director: Dennis Dugan
“ Good friends just hanging-out acting like big kids, while we watch. Just because it made money, a sequel is coming out. ” - jwoehr
 
22.
Little Fockers (2010)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.5/10 X  
Family-patriarch Jack Byrnes wants to appoint a successor. Does his son-in-law, the male nurse Greg Focker, have what it takes? (98 mins.)
Director: Paul Weitz
“ Made just for the heck of it. ” - jwoehr
 
23.
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.8/10 X  
An elite military unit comprised of special operatives known as G.I. Joe, operating out of The Pit, takes on an evil organization led by a notorious arms dealer. (118 mins.)
Director: Stephen Sommers
“ A big cast wasted in a poor excuse for a G.I. Joe film. ” - jwoehr
 
24.
The Last Airbender (2010)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 4.2/10 X  
Follows the adventures of Aang, a young successor to a long line of Avatars, who must master all four elements and stop the Fire Nation from enslaving the Water Tribes and the Earth Kingdom. (103 mins.)
“ Here's what the action is like "here's some wind for you firenation, oh you want some wind thrown at you too? Here you go!" ” - jwoehr
 
25.
The Happening (2008)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.0/10 X  
A science teacher, his wife, and a young girl struggle to survive a plague that causes those infected to commit suicide. (91 mins.)
“ Something is happening, bad lines and actors killing themselves after realizing they are in a bad movie. ” - jwoehr
 
26.
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.2/10 X  
In the Far East, Alex O'Connell, the son of famed mummy fighters Rick and Evy O'Connell, unearths the mummy of the first Emperor of Qin -- a shape-shifting entity cursed by a witch centuries ago. (112 mins.)
Director: Rob Cohen
 
27.
Spy Kids: All the Time in the World in 4D (2011)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 3.6/10 X  
A retired spy is called back into action, and to bond with her new step-children, she invites them along for the adventure to stop the evil Timekeeper from taking over the world. (89 mins.)
“ Robert Rodriguez almost lands himself on worst director list every time he makes a kids movie these days. This movie feels like one of those bad spoof movies like Disaster Movie, that's how bad it is. ” - jwoehr
 
28.
Epic Movie (2007)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.3/10 X  
A comedic satire of films that are large in scope, reputation and popularity. (86 mins.)
“ Epic *beep* ” - jwoehr
 
29.
Max Payne (2008)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.4/10 X  
Coming together to solve a series of murders in New York City are a police detective whose family was slain as part of a conspiracy and an assassin out to avenge her sister's death. The duo will be hunted by the police, the mob, and a ruthless corporation. (100 mins.)
Director: John Moore
 
30.
Valentine's Day (2010)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.7/10 X  
Intertwining couples and singles in Los Angeles break-up and make-up based on the pressures and expectations of Valentine's Day. (125 mins.)
Director: Garry Marshall
 
31.
New Year's Eve (2011)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.7/10 X  
The lives of several couples and singles in New York intertwine over the course of New Year's Eve. (113 mins.)
Director: Garry Marshall
 
32.
Predators (2010)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6.4/10 X  
A group of elite warriors parachute into an unfamiliar jungle and are hunted by members of a merciless alien race. (107 mins.)
Director: Nimród Antal
“ I was excited about this due to Robert Rodriguez writing the script but all he did is pretty much throw characters on the Predator planet with too many familiarities to the first one. Plus the film just ends without the survivors finding a way off the planet or an explanation to why they were there. ” - jwoehr
 
33.
Halloween (2007)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6.1/10 X  
After being committed for 17 years, Michael Myers, now a grown man and still very dangerous, escapes from the mental institution and immediately returns to Haddonfield to find his baby sister, Laurie. (109 mins.)
Director: Rob Zombie
“ A disturbing and gruesome mess. The original is much better. ” - jwoehr
 
34.
The Love Guru (2008)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 3.8/10 X  
Pitka, an American raised outside of his country by gurus, returns to the States in order to break into the self-help business. His first challenge is to settle the romantic troubles and subsequent professional skid of a star hockey player whose wife left him for a rival athlete. (87 mins.)
Director: Marco Schnabel
 
35.
Year One (2009)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 4.9/10 X  
After being banished from their tribe, two hunter-gatherers encounter Biblical characters and eventually wind up in the city of Sodom. (97 mins.)
Director: Harold Ramis
“ Harold Ramis and Judd Apatow team up but I guess neither of them read the script. Neither did Olivia Wilde, Paul Rudd or Bill Hadar. ” - jwoehr
 
36.
Battlefield Earth (2000)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.4/10 X  
After enslavement and near extermination by an alien race in the year 3000, humanity begins to fight back. (118 mins.)
Director: Roger Christian
 
37.
Punisher: War Zone (2008)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6.0/10 X  
After hunting down and killing hundreds of violent criminals, Frank Castle, aka The Punisher, faces his most deadly foe yet: Jigsaw. (103 mins.)
Director: Lexi Alexander
 
38.
Pearl Harbor (2001)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6.1/10 X  
A tale of war and romance mixed in with history. The story follows two lifelong friends and a beautiful nurse who are caught up in the horror of an infamous Sunday morning in 1941. (183 mins.)
Director: Michael Bay
“ Michael Bay's version of a war movie isn't very good, yet better than some of his other movies. ” - jwoehr
 
39.
Basic Instinct 2 (2006)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 4.2/10 X  
Novelist Catherine Tramell is once again in trouble with the law, and Scotland Yard appoints psychiatrist Dr. Michael Glass to evaluate her. Though, like Detective Nick Curran before him, Glass is entranced by Tramell and lured into a seductive game. (114 mins.)
“ The original was hot and steamy, this is just a stupid B movie. ” - jwoehr
 
40.
Dragonball: Evolution (2009)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.6/10 X  
The young warrior Son Goku sets out on a quest, racing against time and the vengeful King Piccolo, to collect a set of seven magical orbs that will grant their wielder unlimited power. (85 mins.)
Director: James Wong
“ Just like the Smurfs and G.I. Joe, a Dragonball movie had potential but this is extremely forgettable. ” - jwoehr
 
41.
Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 3.6/10 X  
Tasked with destroying each other, an FBI agent and a rogue DIA agent soon discover that there's a much bigger enemy at work. (91 mins.)
Director: Kaos
 
42.
Gigli (2003)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.4/10 X  
The violent story about how a criminal lesbian, a tough-guy hitman with a heart of gold, and a mentally challenged man came to be best friends through a hostage. (121 mins.)
Director: Martin Brest
 
43.
Alex Cross (2012)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.1/10 X  
A homicide detective is pushed to the brink of his moral and physical limits as he tangles with a ferociously skilled hired killer who specializes in torture and pain. (101 mins.)
Director: Rob Cohen
“ Tyler Perry as a younger Alex Cross after Morgan Freeman played the role? What, Will Smith, Idres Elba, Denzel Washington and Jamie Fox all weren't available? ” - jwoehr
 
44.
The Smurfs 2 (2013)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.4/10 X  
The Smurfs team up with their human friends to rescue Smurfette, who has been abducted by Gargamel since she knows a secret spell that can turn the evil sorcerer's newest creation - creatures called the Naughties - into real Smurfs. (105 mins.)
Director: Raja Gosnell
“ The Smurfs are now in Paris, man screenwriters are ingenious these days. ” - jwoehr
 
45.
Godzilla (1998)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.3/10 X  
A giant, reptilian monster surfaces, leaving destruction in its wake. To stop the monster (and its babies), an earthworm scientist, his reporter ex-girlfriend, and other unlikely heroes team up to save their city. (139 mins.)
Director: Roland Emmerich
“ An ugly CGI giant lizard attacks. ” - jwoehr
 
46.
Annie (2014)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.3/10 X  
A foster kid, who lives with her mean foster mom, sees her life change when business tycoon and New York mayoral candidate Will Stacks makes a thinly-veiled campaign move and takes her in. (118 mins.)
Director: Will Gluck
“ A cute but unnecessary film that was made because it could be. Which goes for so many movies these days. ” - jwoehr
 
47.
The Honeymooners (2005)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 3.1/10 X  
Working class New York bus driver Ralph Kramden is always coming up with get-rich-quick schemes for him and his best friend, Ed Norton, who's always around to help him get in (and out of) trouble. (90 mins.)
Director: John Schultz
“ Even the cover is pretty arrogant, it's like "look what we made, you mad bro ?" Even if it was a white remake of the show; it still would be unnecessary. You just don't make a movie or new show or anything based on the Honeymooners. ” - jwoehr
 
48.
Point Break (2015)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.3/10 X  
A young FBI agent infiltrates an extraordinary team of extreme sports athletes he suspects of masterminding a string of unprecedented, sophisticated corporate heists. (114 mins.)
Director: Ericson Core
“ The original was a totally awesome guilty pleasure action film. But to remake it shows how much Hollywood is out of ideas. ” - jwoehr
 
49.
G.I. Joe: Retaliation (2013)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.8/10 X  
The G.I. Joes are not only fighting their mortal enemy Cobra; they are forced to contend with threats from within the government that jeopardize their very existence. (110 mins.)
Director: Jon M. Chu
“ There should only be one leader and that's Duke. But they killed him off just so the Rock can be the leader for no good reason. Playing with G.I. Joe men with my cousin as kids was more faithful to the show. ” - jwoehr
 
50.
Man of Steel (2013)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 7.1/10 X  
Clark Kent, one of the last of an extinguished race disguised as an unremarkable human, is forced to reveal his identity when Earth is invaded by an army of survivors who threaten to bring the planet to the brink of destruction. (143 mins.)
Director: Zack Snyder
“ I only sort of like it. I just don't see a point in a dark, macho and serious version of Superman that wants to be Batman Begins. Just like Superman Returns; it hardly made me forget Superman 1 and 2. ” - jwoehr
 
51.
Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit (2014)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6.2/10 X  
Jack Ryan, as a young covert CIA analyst, uncovers a Russian plot to crash the U.S. economy with a terrorist attack. (105 mins.)
Director: Kenneth Branagh
“ It's not based on a Jack Ryan book; there for it shouldn't even exist. The film is cliche and just not as good as any other Jack Ryan movie. And it has no real idea what a Jack Ryan film should be like. ” - jwoehr
 
52.
San Andreas (2015)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6.1/10 X  
In the aftermath of a massive earthquake in California, a rescue-chopper pilot makes a dangerous journey with his ex-wife across the state in order to rescue his daughter. (114 mins.)
Director: Brad Peyton
“ Really ? Yet another disaster film about a family being separated during a crisis. Even the new Godzilla would have been better without that sub plot. ” - jwoehr
 
53.
Fantastic Four (2015)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 4.3/10 X  
Four young outsiders teleport to an alternate and dangerous universe which alters their physical form in shocking ways. The four must learn to harness their new abilities and work together to save Earth from a former friend turned enemy. (100 mins.)
Director: Josh Trank
“ The era where it's cool to not read a book or comic while making a film that's supposed to be based on that book or comic.
You can just wing it; cast whoever you want and make Doctor Doom a hacker. So that's who hacked Sony! ” - jwoehr