2013 Sequels, Prequels, Reboots, Remaks, and Spinoffs
A catalogue of Hollywood's unoriginality.
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- DirectorJ.J. AbramsStarsChris PineZachary QuintoZoe SaldanaAfter the crew of the Enterprise find an unstoppable force of terror from within their own organization, Captain Kirk leads a manhunt to a war-zone world to capture a one-man weapon of mass destruction.Star Trek 12. Keep punching them out, and every two or three Star Trek films turns out okay. Sadly, never two in a row.
- DirectorPeter JacksonStarsIan McKellenMartin FreemanRichard ArmitageThe dwarves, along with Bilbo Baggins and Gandalf the Grey, continue their quest to reclaim Erebor, their homeland, from Smaug. Bilbo Baggins is in possession of a mysterious and magical ring.Next, "The Hobbit: 18 Steps Closer to The Mountain."
- DirectorJohn MooreStarsBruce WillisJai CourtneySebastian KochJohn McClane travels to Russia to help out his seemingly wayward son, Jack, only to discover that Jack is a CIA operative working undercover, causing the father and son to team up against underworld forces.Next: "Die Hard Forever."
- DirectorSam RaimiStarsJames FrancoMichelle WilliamsRachel WeiszA small-time magician is swept away to an enchanted land and is forced into a power struggle between three witches.Because prequels always improve on a classic.
- DirectorShane BlackStarsRobert Downey Jr.Guy PearceGwyneth PaltrowWhen Tony Stark's world is torn apart by a formidable terrorist called the Mandarin, he starts an odyssey of rebuilding and retribution.Iron Man tries to go legit, but "they keep pulling me back in!"
- DirectorJon M. ChuStarsDwayne JohnsonChanning TatumAdrianne PalickiThe G.I. Joes are not only fighting their mortal enemy Cobra; they are forced to contend with threats from within the government that jeopardize their very existence.Because the toys had so much complexity, they needed a sequel.
- DirectorAlan TaylorStarsChris HemsworthNatalie PortmanTom HiddlestonWhen the Dark Elves attempt to plunge the universe into darkness, Thor must embark on a perilous and personal journey that will reunite him with doctor Jane Foster.Thor 2: More Asgard, less Earth. Who cares about our planet anyway?
- DirectorKenneth BranaghStarsChris PineKevin CostnerKeira KnightleyJack Ryan, as a young covert C.I.A. analyst, uncovers a Russian plot to crash the U.S. economy with a terrorist attack.Because story continuity is overrated.
- DirectorJustin LinStarsVin DieselPaul WalkerDwayne JohnsonHobbs has Dominic and Brian reassemble their crew to take down a team of mercenaries: Dominic unexpectedly gets sidetracked with facing his presumed deceased girlfriend, Letty.Fastester and Most Furiousest Ever.
- DirectorNoam MurroStarsSullivan StapletonEva GreenLena HeadeyGreek general Themistocles of Athens leads the naval charge against invading Persian forces led by mortal-turned-god Xerxes and Artemisia, vengeful commander of the Persian navy.They do know that everyone died in the original, don't they?
- DirectorZack SnyderStarsHenry CavillAmy AdamsMichael ShannonAn alien child is evacuated from his dying world and sent to Earth to live among humans. His peace is threatened when other survivors of his home planet invade Earth."Dark" and "gritty" worked on Batman. Let's do the exact same thing on a completely different character. Foolproof.
- DirectorJames MangoldStarsHugh JackmanWill Yun LeeTao OkamotoWolverine comes to Japan to meet an old friend whose life he saved years ago, and gets embroiled in a conspiracy involving yakuza and mutants.Jean Valjean: The Revenge.
- DirectorFrancis LawrenceStarsJennifer LawrenceJosh HutchersonLiam HemsworthKatniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark become targets of the Capitol after their victory in the 74th Hunger Games sparks a rebellion in the Districts of Panem.Someone in Hollywood is lying awake at nights wondering, "How in blazes are we going to keep Hunger Games 3 & 4 at PG-13?"
- DirectorThor FreudenthalStarsLogan LermanAlexandra DaddarioBrandon T. JacksonIn order to restore their dying safe haven, the son of Poseidon and his friends embark on a quest to the Sea of Monsters, to find the mythical Golden Fleece, all the while trying to stop an ancient evil from rising.Harry Potter 10.
- DirectorMalcolm D. LeeDavid ZuckerStarsSimon RexAshley TisdaleCharlie SheenA couple begin to experience some unusual activity after bringing their lost nieces and nephew home. With the help of home-surveillance cameras, they learn they're being stalked by a nefarious demon.Because the first four were so good.
- DirectorDan ScanlonStarsBilly CrystalJohn GoodmanSteve BuscemiA look at the relationship between Mike Wazowski and James P. "Sully" Sullivan during their days at Monsters University, when they weren't necessarily the best of friends.Pixar 14.
- DirectorPierre CoffinChris RenaudStarsSteve CarellKristen WiigBenjamin BrattWhen Gru, the world's most super-bad turned super-dad has been recruited by a team of officials to stop lethal muscle and a host of Gru's own, he has to fight back with new gadgetry, cars, and more minion madness.Pixar Imitation 37.
- DirectorFrank MillerRobert RodriguezStarsMickey RourkeJessica AlbaJosh BrolinSome of Sin City's most hard-boiled citizens cross paths with a few of its more reviled inhabitants.The Artist proved audience's demand for classic black and white cinema.
- DirectorKimberly PeirceStarsChloë Grace MoretzJulianne MooreGabriella WildeA shy girl, outcast by her peers and sheltered by her religious mother, unleashes telekinetic terror on her small town after being pushed too far at her senior prom.After the stellar reception of the Psycho and Friday the 13th remakes, who could resist?
- DirectorSpike LeeStarsJosh BrolinElizabeth OlsenSamuel L. JacksonObsessed with vengeance, a man sets out to find out why he was kidnapped and locked into solitary confinement for twenty years without reason.All the gratuitous violence, none of the Korean.
- DirectorGregory PlotkinStarsChris J. MurrayBrit ShawIvy GeorgeUsing a special camera that can see spirits, a family must protect their daughter from an evil entity with a sinister plan.Because repeating the exact same formula just never gets old, does it?
- DirectorRaja GosnellStarsNeil Patrick HarrisJayma MaysKaty PerryThe Smurfs team up with their human friends to rescue Smurfette, who has been abducted by Gargamel, since she knows a secret spell that can turn the evil sorcerer's newest creation, creatures called "The Naughties", into real Smurfs.Someone lost a bet.
- DirectorFede AlvarezStarsJane LevyShiloh FernandezJessica LucasFive friends head to a remote cabin, where the discovery of a Book of the Dead leads them to unwittingly summon up demons living in the nearby woods.Evil Dead remake.
- DirectorTodd PhillipsStarsBradley CooperZach GalifianakisEd HelmsWhen one of their own is kidnapped by an angry gangster, the Wolf Pack must track down Mr. Chow, who has escaped from prison and is on the run.Hangover 3.
- DirectorDennis DuganStarsAdam SandlerKevin JamesChris RockAfter moving his family back to his hometown to be with his friends and their kids, Lenny finds out that between old bullies, new bullies, schizo bus drivers, drunk cops on skis, and four hundred costumed party crashers sometimes crazy follows you.
- DirectorDean ParisotStarsBruce WillisHelen MirrenJohn MalkovichRetired CIA agent Frank Moses reunites his unlikely team of elite operatives for a global quest to track down a missing portable nuclear device.
- DirectorJames WanStarsPatrick WilsonRose ByrneBarbara HersheyThe Lamberts believe that they have defeated the spirits that have haunted their family, but they soon discover that evil is not beaten so easily.
- DirectorDavid TwohyStarsVin DieselKarl UrbanKatee SackhoffLeft for dead on a sun-scorched planet, Riddick finds himself up against an alien race of predators. Activating an emergency beacon alerts two ships: one carrying a new breed of mercenary, the other captained by a man from Riddick's past.
- DirectorCody CameronKris PearnStarsBill HaderAnna FarisWill ForteFlint Lockwood now works at The Live Corp Company for his idol Chester V. But he's forced to leave his post when he learns that his most infamous machine is still operational, and is churning out menacing food-animal hybrids.
- DirectorMalcolm D. LeeStarsMonica CalhounMorris ChestnutMelissa De SousaWhen college friends reunite after 15 years over the Christmas holidays, they discover just how easy it is for long-forgotten rivalries and romances to be reignited.There was a Best Man 1?
- DirectorAdam McKayStarsWill FerrellChristina ApplegatePaul RuddWith the 1970s behind him, Ron Burgundy, San Diego's former top-rated newsreader, returns to take New York City's first twenty-four-hour news channel by storm.
- DirectorCarl RinschStarsKeanu ReevesHiroyuki SanadaKô ShibasakiA band of samurai sets out to avenge the death and dishonor of their master at the hands of a ruthless shogun.How did they make 46 other Ronin films without me ever hearing about it?