Provisional Transmetropolitan Cast

Just what it says on the tin. I fully acknowledge that cast this star-studded for a relatively unknown property will never, ever happen. A man can dream.
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1.
Tim Roth
Often mistaken for an American because of his skill at imitating accents, actor Tim Roth was born Simon Timothy Roth on May 14, 1961 in Lambeth, London, England. His mother, Ann, was a teacher and landscape painter. His father, Ernie, was a journalist who had changed the family name from "Smith" to "Roth"; Ernie was born in Brooklyn, New York, to an immigrant family of Irish ancestry...
“ as Spider Jerusalem ” - badhelvetica
 
2.
Ellen Page
Actress, Inception
Ellen Philpotts-Page was born on February 21, 1987, in Halifax, Nova Scotia, to Martha Philpotts, a teacher, and Dennis Page, a graphic designer. Page wanted to start acting at an early age and attended the Neptune Theater School. She began her career at the age of 10 on the award-winning television series Pit Pony...
“ as Yelena Rossini ” - badhelvetica
 
3.
Charlize Theron
Charlize Theron was born in Benoni, a city in the greater Johannesburg-area, in South Africa, the only child of Gerda Theron (née Gerda Jacoba Aletta Maritz) and Charles Jacobus Theron. She was raised on a farm outside the city. Theron is of Afrikaner (Dutch, with some French Huguenot and German) descent, and Afrikaner military figure Danie Theron was her great-great-uncle...
“ as Channon Yarrow ” - badhelvetica
 
4.
Oliver Platt
Oliver Platt was born in Windsor, Ontario, to American parents, Sheila Maynard, a social worker, and Nicholas Platt, a career diplomat. His parents were both from upper-class families, and his maternal great-grandmother, Cynthia Roche, was the sister of Princess Diana's maternal grandfather, Maurice Roche...
“ as Mitchell Royce ” - badhelvetica
 
5.
John Goodman
John Stephen Goodman is a U.S. film, television, and stage actor. He was born in St. Louis, Missouri, to Virginia Roos (Loosmore), a waitress and saleswoman, and Leslie Francis Goodman, a postal worker who died when John was a small child. He is of English, Welsh, and German ancestry. John is best known for his role as Dan Conner on the television series Roseanne...
“ as "The Beast" ” - badhelvetica
 
6.
“ as Senator/President Gary "The Smiler" Callahan ” - badhelvetica
 
7.
Rashida Jones
Rashida Jones was born in Los Angeles, the younger daughter of media mogul, producer, and musician Quincy Jones and actress Peggy Lipton. She has an older sister, Kidada Jones, and five half-siblings by her father's other relationships. Her father is African-American, and also has Welsh ancestry...
“ as Vita Severn ” - badhelvetica
 
8.
Matthew Modine
The youngest of seven, Matthew was born in Loma Linda, Ca, to Dolores (Warner), a bookkeeper, and Mark Alexander Modine, a drive-in theater manager. After graduating high school in Imperial Beach, Ca. Modine moved to NYC (1979). Matthew studied with Stella Adler at her Conservatory of Acting. While still a student of hers...
“ as Alan Schact ” - badhelvetica
 
9.
“ as Rep. Joshua Schreiber Freeh ” - badhelvetica
 
10.
Chris Cooper
Christopher Walton Cooper was born in Kansas City, Missouri, to Mary Ann (Walton), a homemaker, and Charles Sherwood Cooper, a cattleman and internist who served as a doctor in the US Air Force. His parents were from Texas, where Cooper was raised. Educated at the University of Missouri school of drama...
“ as Bob Heller ” - badhelvetica
 
11.
Ewan McGregor
Ewan Gordon McGregor was born on March 31, 1971 in Perth, Perthshire, Scotland, to Carol Diane (Lawson) and James Charles McGregor, both teachers. His uncle is actor Denis Lawson. He was raised in Crieff. At age 16, he left Morrison Academy to join the Perth Repertory Theatre. His parents encouraged him to leave school and pursue his acting goals rather than be unhappy...
“ as Fred Christ ” - badhelvetica
 
12.
Michael Rooker
Michael Rooker was born in 1955 in Jasper, Alabama. When he was 13 his parents divorced and he went with his mother to live in Chicago. He caught the acting bug while attending college, and began appearing in local stage productions. On first breaking into film, his intensity and "don't-mess-with-me" good looks were highlighted to chilling effect as the title character in Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer...
“ as the voice of Officer Stomponado ” - badhelvetica
 
13.
Gina Torres
Actress, Serenity
Gina was born in New York City and is youngest of three children in a close-knit Cuban American family. Attended New York City's High School of Music and Art She is a gifted mezzo soprano and was trained in opera and jazz and also sang in a gospel choir.
“ as Detective Malandra Newton ” - badhelvetica
 
14.
Patrick Stewart
Sir Patrick Stewart was born in Mirfield, Yorkshire, England, to Gladys (Barrowclough), a textile worker and weaver, and Alfred Stewart, who was in the army. He was a member of various local drama groups from about age 12. He left school at age 15 to work as a junior reporter on a local paper; he quit when his editor told him he was spending too much time at the theatre and not enough working...
“ as Oscar Rossini ” - badhelvetica
 
15.
Jenna Fischer
Actress, The Office
Emmy-nominated actress Jenna Fischer, known for playing the character of receptionist Pam Beesley in The Office, was born Regina Marie Fischer on March 7, 1974 in Fort Wayne, Indiana. She is the daughter of Anne (Miller), a teacher, and James E. Fischer, a plastic engineer. Her ancestry includes German...
“ as Mary ” - badhelvetica
 
16.
“ as Robert McX ” - badhelvetica
 
17.
Helen Mirren
Actress, The Queen
Dame Helen Mirren was born in Queen Charlotte's Hospital in West London. Her mother, Kathleen Alexandrina Eva Matilda (Rogers), was from a working-class English family, and her father, Vasiliy Petrovich Mironov, was a Russian-born civil servant, from Kuryanovo, whose own father was a diplomat. Mirren attended St...
“ as Kristen ” - badhelvetica
 
18.
Raymond Cruz
Raymond Cruz is a mild-mannered man who studied writing and theater. He is perhaps best-known for his portrayal of the frighteningly lethal "Tuco Salamanca" in AMC's ground-breaking show Breaking Bad, a character he later reprized for the first two episodes of the "Breaking Bad" spin-off, Better Call Saul.
“ as Tico Cortez ” - badhelvetica
 
19.
“ as Indira Ataturk ” - badhelvetica
 
20.
Olivia Munn
Actress, The Newsroom
Lisa Olivia Munn was born in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Her mother, Kimberly Schmid, lived in Vietnam, and is of Chinese ancestry, while her father, Winston Barrett Munn, is from a family with deep roots in the American South. Olivia's parents divorced when she was two years old, and she was raised by her mother and stepfather...
“ as Lau Qi ” - badhelvetica
 
21.
Krysten Ritter
Actress, Jessica Jones
Krysten Ritter stars as Jessica Jones in the Peabody, Hugo, and Emmy Award winning Netflix original series, "Marvel's Jessica Jones." Her performance, which earned her a prestigious Critics Choice nomination, a Saturn nomination, a Webby Award and a Glamour Best International TV Actress Award, has received...
“ as Liesl Barclay ” - badhelvetica
 
22.
Patrick Wilson
Patrick Joseph Wilson was born in Norfolk, Virginia and raised in St. Petersburg, Florida, the son of Mary Kathryn (Burton), a voice teacher and professional singer, and John Franklin Wilson, a news anchor. Wilson has a B.F.A. in Drama from Carnegie-Mellon University. His theater work has produced many nominations and awards...
“ as Heroic Television Spider Jerusalem ” - badhelvetica
 
23.
“ as the voice of Anime Spider Jerusalem ” - badhelvetica
 
24.
Jason Mewes
New Jersey born and bred actor, who burst onto cinema screens in 1994, playing the grass smoking, fast talking, foul mouthed and over sexed,...but very likable "Jay" in Kevin Smith's hilarious low budget hit Clerks. The off beat & philosophical drug dealing characters of "Jay and Silent Bob" (Mewes and Smith) cropped up again in four more films directed by the talented Smith...
“ as "Dick Stone" AKA Pornography Spider Jerusalem ” - badhelvetica