Mediocre Movie Monday: Year One

This list is the complete canon of films screened by the ladies of Mediocre Movie Monday in the first year of our existence. We are in no way experts in what films are good and bad and, therefore, this list should not be taken as an authority in what films are classified as "mediocre." We do, however, strongly encourage the further viewing of "mediocre" film as a source of enlightenment and entertainment -- mostly because, although these movies are pretty much terrible, most of them were so bad... they were glorious.
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1.
Troll 2 (1990)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.7/10 X  
A family vacationing in a small town discovers the entire town is inhabited by goblins in disguise as humans, who plan to eat them. (95 mins.)
Director: Drake Floyd
“ The movie that started it all. Troll 2 has no trolls, and although the movie Troll does exist, it has nothing to do with Troll 2. And that is reason enough to watch it. ” - rkuebler
 
2.
Best Worst Movie (2009 Documentary)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 7.3/10 X  
A look at the making of the film Troll 2 and its journey from being crowned the "worst film of all time" to a cherished cult classic. (93 mins.)
“ The documentary about Troll 2, created by the man who was the child star of Troll 2. Revisit the cast and crew and learn why Troll 2 is so freakin' awesome. Then go watch Troll 2 again, wiser. ” - rkuebler
 
3.
Dolls (1987)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6.4/10 X  
A group of people stop by a mansion during a storm and discover two magical toy makers, and their haunted collection of dolls. (77 mins.)
Director: Stuart Gordon
“ Because dolls on their own aren't creepy enough, someone had to go and make a movie about creepy dolls that have a secret life in the shadows. And the credits... just... keep... rolling. ” - rkuebler
 
4.
Rubber (2010)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.8/10 X  
A homicidal car tire, discovering it has destructive psionic power, sets its sights on a desert town once a mysterious woman becomes its obsession. (82 mins.)
Director: Quentin Dupieux
“ In my opinion, there's nothing "mediocre" about Rubber. That being said, this movie is polarizing: you either love it or you hate it. You love it because it's a sentient, serial-killing tire. You hate it because... it's a sentient, serial-killing tire. ” - rkuebler
 
5.
Hobo with a Shotgun (2011)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6.1/10 X  
A homeless vigilante blows away crooked cops, pedophile Santas, and other scumbags with his trusty pump-action shotgun. (86 mins.)
Director: Jason Eisener
“ It's hard to believe this grindhouse-style film was made so recently. It screams 1990's, and that's what makes it mediocre. It's the heartwarming tale of a hobo... with a shotgun. ” - rkuebler
 
6.
Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus (2009 Video)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.5/10 X  
The California coast is terrorized by two enormous prehistoric sea creatures as they battle each other for supremacy of the sea. (88 mins.)
Director: Ace Hannah
“ This is the quintessential mediocre movie from the patriarch of all mediocre movie makers: Asylum Films. Their b-movie blockbuster knock-offs and animal-themed horror films are all worthy to be screened by our Monday gang. This one stars former teen pop sensation Debbie Gibson in her "serious" acting debut. ” - rkuebler
 
7.
Titanic II (2010 Video)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 1.6/10 X  
On the 100th anniversary of the original voyage, a modern luxury liner christened "Titanic 2," follows the path of its namesake... (90 mins.)
Director: Shane Van Dyke
“ Another selection from Asylum Films, Titanic II proves that, yes, lightning really can strike twice. As well as icebergs. And tsunamis. And global warming. ” - rkuebler
 
8.
Xanadu (1980)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.0/10 X  
The story of a girl who makes dreams come true. (96 mins.)
“ What about a 1980's musical staring Olivia Newton-John as a muse on roller skates doesn't scream "mediocre"? The answer is nothing. ” - rkuebler
 
9.
The Evil Dead (1981)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 7.6/10 X  
Five friends travel to a cabin in the woods, where they unknowingly release flesh-possessing demons. (85 mins.)
Director: Sam Raimi
“ Cult classic. I don't think I need to explain why it's here. ” - rkuebler
 
10.
The Magic Sword (1962)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 4.2/10 X  
The son of a sorceress, armed with weapons, armour and six magically summoned knights, embarks on a quest to save a princess from a vengeful wizard. (80 mins.)
Director: Bert I. Gordon
“ Old movies aren't mediocre just because they're old. Okay, maybe they are, but that's not the only reason The Magic Sword made the cut. The main reason is... his creepy freakin' mom. ” - rkuebler
 
11.
Battlefield Earth (2000)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.4/10 X  
After enslavement and near extermination by an alien race in the year 3000, humanity begins to fight back. (118 mins.)
Director: Roger Christian
“ Based on the L. Ron Hubbard book of the same name, Battlefield Earth is a bizarre look at an alternate reality future where alien people have nose tubes and the world has three colors: green, blue and purple. Also, everything happens at a 45-degree angle. Unfortunately for John Travolta, his Scientology masterpiece -- which he looked forward to making his entire adult life -- fell short of the glory it could have been. Just kidding. It is full of majesty, just not for the reasons he had hoped. ” - rkuebler
 
12.
Mega Piranha (2010 TV Movie)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.4/10 X  
A mutant strain of giant ferocious piranha escape from the Amazon and eat their way toward Florida. (92 mins.)
Director: Eric Forsberg
“ There are not enough words in the English language to describe how brutally terrible this movie is. I will merely state that this movie in no way, shape or form adheres to the laws of physics, and that's reason number one why it is so hilarious. Reason number two? The bombs. Definitely the bombs. ” - rkuebler
 
13.
Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 1.8/10 X  
A horde of mutated birds descends upon the quiet town of Half Moon Bay, California. With the death toll rising, Two citizens manage to fight back, but will they survive Birdemic? (105 mins.)
Director: James Nguyen
“ If I had to rank movies in order from best to worst, Birdemic would be at the bottom of the list. This is a movie with zero production value, staring actors with zero acting ability acting out a plot that makes zero logical sense. It. Is. Awesome. ” - rkuebler
 
14.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.5/10 X  
The Martians kidnap Santa Claus because there is nobody on Mars to give their children presents. (81 mins.)
“ Our selection for Christmas in July, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is adorably... wobbly. ” - rkuebler
 
15.
Transmorphers (2007 Video)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 1.7/10 X  
About a race of alien robots that have conquered Earth and forced humanity underground. After 400 years, a small group of humans develop a plan to defeat the mechanical invaders in the ultimate battle between man and machine. (86 mins.)
Director: Leigh Scott
“ And now we have arrived at the b-movie blockbuster knock-off segment of our trek through Asylum's greatest hits. Transmorphers is, obviously, a rip-off of Transformers, but in name alone are the two at all alike. The best part? I've seen it multiple times and I still can't keep all of the female protagonists straight in my head. ” - rkuebler
 
16.
Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies (2012 Video)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 3.2/10 X  
While the Civil War rages on, President Abraham Lincoln must undertake an even more daunting task - destroying the Confederate Undead. (96 mins.)
“ Enough. Said. ” - rkuebler
 
17.
Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 1.9/10 X  
A family gets lost on the road and stumbles upon a hidden, underground, devil-worshiping cult led by the fearsome Master and his servant Torgo. (70 mins.)
“ This is the kind of movie you leave and ask yourself, "What the heck did I just watch?" It's not that you want the last two hours of your life back. No, they were well spent. You just want to know what exactly you spent them on. ” - rkuebler
 
18.
Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus (2010 Video)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.5/10 X  
A megalodon battles with a crocosaurus causing massive destruction. The US Army has to try and destroy the havoc creating monsters. (88 mins.)
“ The sequel to the aforementioned Mega Shark title, Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus is exactly what you would expect it to be. Plus Steve Urkel. Yep. Steve Urkel. ” - rkuebler
 
19.
Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6.1/10 X  
Aliens who look like clowns come from outer space and terrorize a small town. (88 mins.)
Director: Stephen Chiodo
“ Three words: Cotton. Candy. Cocoons. Think about it. ” - rkuebler
 
20.
The Man Who Fell to Earth (1976)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6.7/10 X  
Thomas Jerome Newton is a humanoid alien who comes to Earth to get water for his dying planet. He starts... (139 mins.)
Director: Nicolas Roeg
“ If I had one regret from Mediocre Movie Monday: Year One, it would be watching this movie. Because nothing is more regrettable than accidentally showing young ladies Rip Torn porn. Nothing. ” - rkuebler
 
21.
Star Wars Uncut: Director's Cut (2012 Video)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6.9/10 X  
In 2009, Casey Pugh asked thousands of Internet users to remake "Star Wars: A New Hope" into a fan film... (124 mins.)
Director: Casey Pugh
“ I'm surprised that there is even an entry for this on IMDB, but then again, it is the Internet Movie Database for a reason. Star Wars isn't mediocre -- we all agree about that -- and portions of Star Wars Uncut are very far from mediocre. This fan-generated re-make of Star Wars: A New Hope features everything from stick figures and Lego men to detailed CG graphics and live-action recreations of one of the most iconic movies in the history of film. Although it's a little hard to follow at times, it's seriously an incredible piece of work and I want so badly to be a part of the next film. ” - rkuebler
 
22.
Reefer Madness (1936)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 3.7/10 X  
Cautionary tale features a fictionalized and highly exaggerated take on the use of marijuana. A trio of drug dealers lead innocent teenagers to become addicted to "reefer" cigarettes by holding wild parties with jazz music. (66 mins.)
Director: Louis Gasnier
“ When a new drug called "reefer" infiltrates the lives of these seemingly innocent young people, all sorts of debauchery and sin emerges. Haha, or not. ” - rkuebler
 
23.
UHF (1989)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 7.0/10 X  
A local public station gets a new owner. The station becomes a hit, with all sorts of hilarious sight gags and wacky humor. (97 mins.)
Director: Jay Levey
“ I know God has a sense of humor because He created Weird Al Yankovic. And the platypus, but he's not in this movie. ” - rkuebler
 
24.
Pinocchio's Revenge (1996)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 4.0/10 X  
Defense attorney Jennifer Garrick acquires a Pinocchio puppet from a condemned serial killer. Her pre-teen daughter... (96 mins.)
Director: Kevin S. Tenney
“ Did I mention dolls are creepy? Yep, they still are. But which is creepier: the Pinocchio doll or the girl who loves him? The world may never know. ” - rkuebler
 
25.
Children of the Corn (1984)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.6/10 X  
A young couple is trapped in a remote town where a dangerous religious cult of children believe everyone over the age of 18 must be killed. (92 mins.)
Director: Fritz Kiersch
“ What did we learn today? Never trust a ginger. ” - rkuebler
 
26.
Santa Claus (1959)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.4/10 X  
With the aid of Merlin, Santa Claus must defeat the evil machinations of the devil Pitch to ruin Xmas. (94 mins.)
Director: René Cardona
“ Santa and Satan, together in one film, proving once and for all that they are not one in the same. Also starring "racial stereotypes" and "child labor". ” - rkuebler
 
27.
One Magic Christmas (1985)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6.7/10 X  
An angel must show a mother the true meaning of Christmas. It's not just presents and materialistic things, but the people she cares about. (89 mins.)
Director: Phillip Borsos
“ Yes, Mary Steenburgen, there is a Santa Claus. And he is god. Now watch as he kills your entire family to teach you the meaning of Christmas. That'll teach you. ” - rkuebler
 
28.
The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978 TV Movie)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.4/10 X  
Chewbacca and Han Solo try to get home to Chewie's family to celebrate Life Day, which includes various forms of entertainment. (97 mins.)
Director: Steve Binder
“ It's the Star Wars movie George Lucas doesn't want you to know exists. Featuring long conversations in Wookie language with no subtitles, Darth Chinstrap, Boba Fett's first appearance in the Star Wars canon -- riding a stegosaurus and holding a trident... no biggie -- and a creepy porn hat, this is a Star Wars movie unlike any other. ” - rkuebler