The Worst Movies I've Ever Seen in My Life
This list isn't about technical quality. It's about how much the movies upset me. For example, I have seen and enjoyed all of M. Night's movies. Most of them are horrendously bad but I have fun watching them so none of them go on this list.
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- DirectorTom SixStarsDieter LaserLaurence R. HarveyEric RobertsTaking inspiration from The Human Centipede films, the warden of a notorious and troubled prison looks to create a 500-person human centipede as a solution to his problems.Still the most repugnant and utterly insulting movie I've ever seen. This series didn't start very good and still managed to get exponentially worse with every entry. This movie was not funny when it wanted to be, it was just bad. This movie has no redeeming value.
- DirectorHarmony KorineStarsRachel KorineBrian KotzurTravis NicholsonFollows the lives of a small group of sociopathic elderly people in Nashville, Tennessee.I don't hate Harmony Korine. I think Kids was a perfectly fine if hard to watch movie and Spring Breakers was mostly not very good with a few moments of genuinely transcendently good scenes. I even kind of liked Mister Lonely. Trash Humpers however is less of a movie and more of a practical joke where Korine tries to see how many unpleasant images he can get you to look at under the pretence of "art." I can almost respect it even if I never ever want to watch it again.
- DirectorLars von TrierStarsWillem DafoeCharlotte GainsbourgStorm Acheche SahlstrømA grieving couple retreat to their cabin in the woods, hoping to repair their broken hearts and troubled marriage, but nature takes its course and things go from bad to worse.Lars Von Trier's first and most egregious entry on this list. I've heard a number of interpretations on this movie but honestly the framing of the whole thing is so sexist it's hard to take anything else away from it. Honestly, I always feel like I'm fighting with Von Trier when I watch his films. The ones I do enjoy I always feel I enjoy despite his intents, not because of them.
- DirectorEli RothStarsJordan LaddRider StrongJames DeBelloFive college graduates rent a cabin in the woods and begin to fall victim to a horrifying flesh-eating virus, which attracts the unwanted attention of the homicidal locals.I hate this movie because I think it has a really solid concept that it completely ruins with obnoxious characters and *beep* jokes. Roth has always made pretty bad movies but I mean, when I watched this movie I didn't know that and that legitimate disapointed has carried this movie into a special place of hate in my heart.
- DirectorLars von TrierStarsCharlotte GainsbourgStellan SkarsgårdWillem DafoeThe continuation of Joe's sexually dictated life delves into the darker aspects of her adulthood, obsessions and what led to her being in Seligman's care.See Vol 1 Below
- DirectorLars von TrierStarsCharlotte GainsbourgStellan SkarsgårdStacy MartinA self-diagnosed nymphomaniac recounts her erotic experiences to the man who saved her after a beating.What an utterly miserable film. Ever wanted to watch like 6 hours of Lars Von Trier's masterbation material. Well now you can in this horrible two part abomination. Vol 2 goes above Vol 1 because Vol 1 at least has some interesting or amusing moments like the Uma Thurman scene and the ending. The second part appears to just want to destroy anything Vol 1 had going for it and all together it's just one overly long, horrible trainwreck. Also if Von Trier doesn't stop adding random scenes of women peeing to his movies that serve no narrative purpose people are just going to start assuming he just has a fetish (which I'm like pretty sure he does).
- DirectorJason FriedbergAaron SeltzerStarsKal PennJennifer CoolidgeFred WillardA spoof on previous years' epic movies (The Da Vinci Code (2006), The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005) + 20 more), TV series, music videos and celebs. 4 orphans are on an epic adventure.This movie is a pretty special cause it marked the first time I ever went to watch a comedy movie that didn't make me laugh even a single time. I was about 13 when this movie came out and I really enjoyed the Scary Movie movies and even at that point in my life I STILL thought this movie sucked. Even watching the Unrated version with the prospect of seeing boobs couldn't keep me interested.
- DirectorDennis DuganStarsAdam SandlerJohn TurturroEmmanuelle ChriquiAn Israeli Special Forces Soldier fakes his death so he can re-emerge in New York City as a hair stylist.My step brother was a fan of this movie so I ended up watching it more than once which was WAY too many times since I hated it the first time. *beep* Adam Sandler.
- DirectorJason EisenerStarsRutger HauerPasha EbrahimiRobb WellsA homeless vigilante blows away crooked cops, pedophile Santas, and other scumbags with his trusty pump-action shotgun.I hated this film more for how much it got praised when it first came out. It was part of a much larger "this sociopath goes on a killing spree to FIX SOCIETY" movies and I hated just about every one of them besides maybe Super which had no hang ups about it's protagonist being in the wrong. This movie is more or less a riff on exploitation but not one that really challenges it in any way. Actually, it's more or less played straight. "This city is sick and he has the cure... a bullet." Blah blah blah blah.
- DirectorEli RothStarsLorenza IzzoAriel LevyAaron BurnsA group of student activists travels to the Amazon to save the rain forest and soon discover that they are not alone, and that no good deed goes unpunished.I can only imagine the thought process behind greenlighting this one. "Let's bring back the racist cannibal movies of the 1970s but with the humor and characters of Eli Roth and see how that goes!" Poorly, the answer is it goes pretty poorly. This would be higher but I felt no disappointment or even really anger at this movie. I knew exactly what it was going to be going in.
- DirectorJordan DowneyStarsDaniel UsajJoe HartzlerPreston AltreeFowl-mouthed villain Turkie carves through the likes of a rapping grandma, a mindless puppet, a wig-wearing inventor, a bisexual space worm, and their equally ridiculous friends on his quest to recover the last copy of "ThanksKilling 2".The first Thankskilling was a not very good, not very funny horror comedy that I liked in high school. The third movie was funded on kickstarter or something I think. I enjoy that this movie hired puppeteers from the puppet college if I remember correctly and I appreciate the low budget nature of the thing. The movie is not funny... like at all tho. And the plot is absolute nonsense. I had a lot more hate for this movie when I first watched it because I had memories of the first Thankskilling honestly being much better than it was and it's placement on this list is probably residual from that. If you want to watch a grossly offensive movie about an angry bird monster I'd suggest Poultrygeist over this.
- DirectorTom McCarthyStarsAdam SandlerMelonie DiazSteve BuscemiA cobbler, bored of his everyday life, stumbles upon a magical heirloom that allows him to become other people and see the world in a different way.I watched 4 different new Adam Sandler movies in 2015, each was more horrible than the last but this was the crown jewel of *beep* on the garbage dump that was Adam Sandler's career. While I hate Don't Mess With the Zohan more on a personal level I think this movie is probably actually significantly worse.
- DirectorTom SixStarsLaurence R. HarveyAshlynn YennieMaddi BlackInspired by the fictional Dr. Heiter, disturbed loner Martin dreams of creating a 12-person centipede and sets out to realize his sick fantasy.Here's another Human Centipede. Like I said, exponentially worse. The First one was mediocre, the second one gets a spot on my worst movies of all time list and the third one is the *beep* crown jewel of the list that I honestly hope can never be dethroned. This movie is just pretty garbage and takes itself too seriously to enjoy on any level. Keep going for those shock points at the expense of anything watchable Tom Sixx.
- DirectorMarco SchnabelStarsMike MyersJessica AlbaRomany MalcoPitka, an American raised outside of his country by gurus, returns to the States in order to break into the self-help business. His first challenge is to settle the romantic troubles and subsequent professional skid of a star hockey player whose wife left him for a rival athlete.I saw this for the first time in the same double feature as Don't Mess With the Zohan and I think it moved from a bad movie that I'd never want to see again to a movie I'm semi repulsed by by association to Don't Mess With the Zohan alone.
- DirectorJohn Alan SchwartzStarsMichael CarrSamuel BerkowitzMary Ellen BrightonA collection of death scenes, ranging from TV material to homemade super 8 movies.The only reason to watch this movie is so that you can say you watched it and it's really not worth it.
- DirectorScott SpiegelStarsKip PardueBrian HallisayJohn HensleyFour men attending a bachelor party in Las Vegas fall prey to the Elite Hunting Club, who are hosting a gruesome game show of torture.None of the Hostel's are good but Hostel 3 is a special kind of bad cause it's bad in comparison to the other not very good Hostel movies. I honestly have no real hate for Hostel 3 besides the fact that it made me feel more positively about Hostels 1 and 2 it's just a very bad movie.
- DirectorLars von TrierStarsEmily WatsonStellan SkarsgårdKatrin CartlidgeOilman Jan is paralyzed in an accident. His wife, who prayed for his return, feels guilty; even more, when Jan urges her to have sex with another.This movie gets a place on this list for introducing the world to my personal least favorite director Lars Von Trier. Also because I don't think it's very good. I was too tired and too familiar with Von Triers *beep* to be particularly upset by the time I got around to watching it though.
- DirectorJody HillStarsSeth RogenAnna FarisRay LiottaBi-polar mall security guard Ronnie Barnhardt is called into action to stop a flasher from turning shopper's paradise into his personal peep show. But when Barnhardt can't bring the culprit to justice, a surly police detective is recruited to close the case.I don't know what this movie was but it certainly wasn't a comedy... not a funny one at least. This was another movie that I only remembered AFTER looking at my one star ratings. If I were to give a second chance to any movie on this list it would probably be this one. I dunno, maybe I just didn't get it when I was 16 and I would now? Probably not. It's probably just bad but hey, you never know.
- DirectorHenry JoostAriel SchulmanStarsStephen DunhamKatie FeatherstonMatt ShivelyIt has been five years since the disappearance of Katie and Hunter, and a suburban family witness strange events in their neighborhood when a woman and a mysterious child move in.I went through my ratings to see if there were any other movies I rated one star and found this. Me and my mom used to watch Paranormal Activity movies every year when they came out and I didn't like any of them but I guess I especially hated this one. Honestly, I barely remember it, they all run together in my head and it's mostly not very good.
- DirectorRon HowardStarsJim CarreyTaylor MomsenKelleyOn the outskirts of Whoville lives a green, revenge-seeking Grinch who plans to ruin Christmas for all of the citizens of the town.This was another one my step brother really liked so I ended up watching it a BUNCH when I was younger. There are other worse movies that that happened with like Kangaroo Jack and Cat in the Hat but this one was more upsetting because I like the original How the Grinch Stole Christmas quite a bit and thought this movie was pretty garbage in comparison.
- DirectorTom GreenStarsTom GreenRip TornMarisa CoughlanAn unemployed cartoonist moves back in with his parents and younger brother Freddy. When his parents demand he leave, he begins to spread rumors that his father is sexually abusing Freddy.I have no real hate in me for Freddy Got Fingered but I think it deserves a place on this list for how absolutely I did not enjoy the act of watching it.