Upcoming movies I have very little faith in.
21 Jump Street
A pair of underachieving cops are sent back to a local high school to blend in and bring down a synthetic drug ring. (110 mins.)
“ Forget preposterous or unrealistic, this is plain dumb-looking. Not a huge Jonah Hill fan, but I know that it's a thin line between "hilarity" and "flat-out lame" with his movies. Makes The Other Guys look like The frikin' Departed. ” - danhollow
A fleet of ships is forced to do battle with an armada of unknown origins in order to discover and thwart their destructive goals. (131 mins.)
“ Oh Liam Neeson, you are an amazing actor, why do you get stuck with movies like this? It's like the effects of Transformers meets the storyline and quality assurance of the Strause Brothers. Gonna be crap.
"Fire the guns."
"...All of them." ” - danhollow
G.I. Joe: Retaliation
The G.I. Joes are not only fighting their mortal enemy Cobra; they are forced to contend with threats from within the government that jeopardize their very existence. (110 mins.)
“ The Rock and Bruce Willis? You gotta be frikin' kidding me. There's dumb action flicks, and then there's the G.I. Joe movie. ” - danhollow
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace
Two Jedi Knights escape a hostile blockade to find allies and come across a young boy who may bring balance to the Force, but the long dormant Sith resurface to reclaim their old glory. (136 mins.)
“ The 3D re-release. Seriously, we hated it the first time it came around, do they really think 3D will solve that? Our problems were not with the effects! Or not nearly as much as they were with everything else. ” - danhollow
An evil queen steals control of a kingdom and an exiled princess enlists the help of seven resourceful rebels to win back her birthright. (106 mins.)
“ Given Snow White and the Huntsman is also coming out; this movie looks just silly. It beats this movie on every level; scale, intensity, creativity, art design, casting, effects; and the dwarves in this seem like twits.
"Snow Way!" ” - danhollow
The Smurfs 2
The Smurfs team up with their human friends to rescue Smurfette, who has been abducted by Gargamel since she knows a secret spell that can turn the evil sorcerer's newest creation - creatures called the Naughties - into real Smurfs. (105 mins.)
“ I frikin' love Neil Patrick Harris; but the Smurfs movie was nothing deserving of a sequel. If I have to sit through any more "____ ___ smurf" jokes, I'll freak. ” - danhollow
The Devil Inside
In Italy, a woman becomes involved in a series of unauthorized exorcisms during her mission to discover what happened to her mother, who allegedly murdered three people during her own exorcism. (83 mins.)
“ Exorcism movies haven't been good since Poltergeist. These pseudo-realistic movies have never been good. This gonna be crap. ” - danhollow
Paranormal Activity 4
It has been five years since the disappearance of Katie and Hunter, and a suburban family witness strange events in their neighborhood when a woman and a mysterious child move in. (88 mins.)
“ 1 was okay, 2 scared the crap out of me, 3 was just pitiful. Brought absolutely nothing new (besides the name "Toby"), and ended ridiculously. My hopes for 4 are low. ” - danhollow
A woman is convinced her kidnapper has returned when her sister goes missing. (94 mins.)
“ I swear a movie with this title comes out every 3-4 years. I like Amanda Seyfried a lot, but this does look like crap. I'm going to make a prediction for the plotline (date 2/5/12). There is no kidnapper, Amanda Seyfried's character is crazy, she did it, it's all in her head, she ends up in a mental institution. Let's see if I'm right. ” - danhollow
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
When a kingpin threatens New York City, a group of mutated turtle warriors must emerge from the shadows to protect their home. (101 mins.)
“ Platinum Dunes is doing the TMNT reboot. That's right, Platinum Dunes, Michael Bay's boys; the morons behind the remakes of A Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and all that other crap. Bay is producing, his studio is doing the project (meaning lots of unnecessary and bad CGI for the Turtles), and the director of Battle: LA and the upcoming Wrath of the Titans is directing. Seriously, it's like they aren't even trying. ” - danhollow
What to Expect When You're Expecting
Follows the lives of five interconnected couples as they experience the thrills and surprises of having a baby, and realize that no matter what you plan for, life does not always deliver what is expected. (110 mins.)
“ Lacks anything I would pay to see. And yes, I mean anything. ” - danhollow
That's My Boy
While in his teens, Donny fathered a son, Todd, and raised him as a single parent up until Todd's 18th birthday. Now, after not seeing each other for years, Todd's world comes crashing down when Donny resurfaces just before Todd's wedding. (116 mins.)
“ Adam Sandler's been going (more notably) downhill over the last few years. 2011 saw him earning 11 Razzie nominations. The casting calls for this movie actually happened near me, back when the movie was called "I Hate You, Dad", and my sister and I signed up. My sister was called back, I wasn't; however, my sister couldn't go because of schoolwork. When I finally saw a trailer for this movie, I became somewhat glad she didn't go.
It's remarkable, but even in the extended trailer and the red-band trailer, I failed to laugh, at all. I admire Andy Samberg but this thing just looks awful. ” - danhollow
House at the End of the Street
After moving with her mother to a small town, a teenager finds that an accident happened in the house at the end of the street. Things get more complicated when she befriends a boy who was the only survivor of the accident. (101 mins.)
“ A rather mediocre attempt to cash in on Jennifer Lawrence's popularity for The Hunger Games. It's a challenge to even care about this movie. ” - danhollow
In a violent, futuristic city where the police have the authority to act as judge, jury and executioner, a cop teams with a trainee to take down a gang that deals the reality-altering drug, SLO-MO. (95 mins.)
“ Looks like crap. But! Judge Dredd was crap, that's part of it's charm. This takes that crap and polishes until it glistens. They say you can't polish a turd; they were wrong. This looks like one of the most fun crap movies since Grindhouse! ” - danhollow
A cropdusting plane with a fear of heights lives his dream of competing in a famous around-the-world aerial race. (91 mins.)
Please stop? ” - danhollow
A Haunted House 2
Having exorcised the demons of his ex, Malcolm is starting fresh with his new girlfriend and her two children. After moving into their dream home, however, Malcolm is once again plagued by bizarre paranormal events. (86 mins.)
“ I've read the script. I'll say this much about the filmmakers; they write fast. They based this primarily on The Conjuring, and wrote a 123 page script within two weeks of The Conjuring coming out.
Besides that, I'll say this looks very stupid. ” - danhollow