I Want My Money Back
by ChuckBooby | created - 09 Oct 2011 | updated - 01 Feb 2017 | PublicMovies that are so mind-numbingly bad that I wanted to jam an ice pick into my forehead after watching them.
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1. My Soul to Take (2010)
R | 107 min | Horror, Mystery, Thriller
A serial killer returns to his hometown to stalk seven children who share the same birthday as the date he was allegedly put to rest.
Director: Wes Craven | Stars: Max Thieriot, John Magaro, Denzel Whitaker, Zena Grey
Votes: 21,607 | Gross: $14.64M
Sorry Wes, you've clearly lost your mojo.
2. Shark Night (2011)
PG-13 | 90 min | Horror, Thriller
A weekend at a lake house in the Louisiana Gulf turns into a nightmare for seven vacationers as they are subjected to shark attacks.
Director: David R. Ellis | Stars: Sara Paxton, Dustin Milligan, Chris Carmack, Katharine McPhee
Votes: 27,191 | Gross: $18.87M
Worst film of 2011 and that is saying a lot considering Transformers 3 and Green Lantern both came out in 2011.
3. My Name Is Bruce (2007)
R | 84 min | Comedy, Fantasy, Horror
Mistaken for his character Ash from the 'Evil Dead' trilogy, Bruce Campbell is forced to fight a real monster in a small Oregon town.
Director: Bruce Campbell | Stars: Bruce Campbell, Grace Thorsen, Taylor Sharpe, Ted Raimi
Votes: 25,136 | Gross: $0.17M
Don't get me wrong I love The Chin, but the Patron Saint of Bean Curd? C'mon Bruce.
4. A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)
R | 95 min | Crime, Drama, Horror
The spectre of a disfigured man haunts the children of the parents who murdered him, stalking and killing them in their dreams.
Director: Samuel Bayer | Stars: Jackie Earle Haley, Rooney Mara, Kyle Gallner, Katie Cassidy
Votes: 107,431 | Gross: $63.08M
Completely unnecessary remake of a classic. Great casting of Jackie Earl Haley but he is wasted under makeup that looks like those stupid cat creatures from Sleepwalkers. Add an unlikable protagonist and the result... a turgid piece of crap.
5. Friday the 13th (2009)
R | 97 min | Horror, Mystery, Thriller
A group of young adults visit a boarded up campsite named Crystal Lake where they soon encounter the mysterious Jason Voorhees and his deadly intentions.
Director: Marcus Nispel | Stars: Jared Padalecki, Amanda Righetti, Derek Mears, Danielle Panabaker
Votes: 116,888 | Gross: $65.00M
Someone really needs to boot those Platinum Dunes guys upside the head.
6. Survival of the Dead (2009)
R | 90 min | Comedy, Drama, Horror
On an island off the coast of North America, local residents simultaneously fight a zombie epidemic while hoping for a cure to return their un-dead relatives back to their human state.
Director: George A. Romero | Stars: Alan Van Sprang, Kenneth Welsh, Kathleen Munroe, Joshua Peace
Votes: 22,518 | Gross: $0.10M
I thought Diary of the Dead was bad. This one is even worse.
7. Halloween II (2009)
R | 105 min | Horror
Laurie Strode struggles to come to terms with her brother Michael's deadly return to Haddonfield, Illinois; meanwhile, Michael prepares for another reunion with his sister.
Director: Rob Zombie | Stars: Scout Taylor-Compton, Tyler Mane, Malcolm McDowell, Sheri Moon Zombie
Votes: 59,783 | Gross: $33.39M
Zombie can make a good movie but he was the wrong choice for the Halloween franchise. His first one was barely passable but this one is horrible.
8. The Woman (I) (2011)
R | 101 min | Drama, Horror, Thriller
When a successful country lawyer captures and attempts to "civilize" the last remaining member of a violent clan that has roamed the Northeast coast for decades, he puts the lives of his family in jeopardy.
Director: Lucky McKee | Stars: Pollyanna McIntosh, Brandon Gerald Fuller, Lauren Ashley Carter, Chris Krzykowski
Votes: 25,842
Someone needs to kick Lucky McKee out of the Directors Guild. Has he made a good movie yet? He's the Brett Ratner of horror.
9. Deep Impact (1998)
PG-13 | 120 min | Action, Drama, Sci-Fi
A comet is discovered to be on a collision course with Earth. As doomsday nears, the human race prepares for the worst.
Director: Mimi Leder | Stars: Robert Duvall, Téa Leoni, Elijah Wood, Morgan Freeman
Votes: 190,313 | Gross: $140.46M
Laughable.
10. Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)
PG-13 | 154 min | Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi
The Autobots learn of a Cybertronian spacecraft hidden on the moon, and race against the Decepticons to reach it and to learn its secrets.
Director: Michael Bay | Stars: Shia LaBeouf, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Tyrese Gibson, Josh Duhamel
Votes: 431,944 | Gross: $352.39M
I can sum this movie up in one word... incoherent.
11. Twilight (I) (2008)
PG-13 | 122 min | Drama, Fantasy, Romance
When Bella Swan moves to a small town in the Pacific Northwest, she falls in love with Edward Cullen, a mysterious classmate who reveals himself to be a 108-year-old vampire.
Director: Catherine Hardwicke | Stars: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Billy Burke, Sarah Clarke
Votes: 487,443 | Gross: $192.77M
If this is what young people enjoy nowadays, I fear for our future.
12. 11-11-11 (2011)
PG-13 | 90 min | Horror, Mystery, Thriller
After the death of his wife and child, an author travels to Barcelona to see his estranged brother and dying father, where he learns that his life is plagued by events that occur on 11/11/11.
Director: Darren Lynn Bousman | Stars: Timothy Gibbs, Michael Landes, Brendan Price, Wendy Glenn
Votes: 12,592
90 minutes of my life I'll never get back.
13. Don't Let Him In (2011)
Not Rated | 80 min | Horror, Thriller
Two couples spend a weekend in the country, only to cross paths with a brutal serial killer. As the body count rises, suspicion spirals into paranoia, climaxing in a terrifying battle for survival.
Director: Kelly Smith | Stars: Sophie Linfield, Sam Hazeldine, Gordon Alexander, Gemma Harvey
Votes: 1,899
Don't Let It Into your Blu-Ray
14. Suing the Devil (2011)
TV-PG | 97 min | Drama, Fantasy
A down-and-out law student sues Satan for $8 trillion dollars. Satan appears to defend himself with seven of the greatest trial lawyers, and the trial of the century begins.
Director: Timothy A. Chey | Stars: Malcolm McDowell, Shannen Fields, Corbin Bernsen, Tom Sizemore
Votes: 4,150
Ignore the "planted" reviews. This is a wretched piece of *beep* Just when you thought Malcolm McDowell couldn't sink lower than Zombie's Halloween II he cranks out this turd.
15. The Wicker Tree (2011)
R | 96 min | Drama, Horror
Charmed by the residents of Tressock, Scotland, two young missionaries accept the invitation to participate in a local festival, fully unaware of the consequences of their decision.
Director: Robin Hardy | Stars: Brittania Nicol, Henry Garrett, Graham McTavish, Jacqueline Leonard
Votes: 2,947
Abysmal
16. Battleship (2012)
PG-13 | 131 min | Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi
A fleet of ships is forced to do battle with an armada of unknown origins in order to discover and thwart their destructive goals.
Director: Peter Berg | Stars: Alexander Skarsgård, Brooklyn Decker, Liam Neeson, Rihanna
Votes: 257,302 | Gross: $65.42M
I really didn't think they could make a good movie based on a board game. Turns out, I was right. If this is what movie-goers are asking for nowadays, we are screwed.
17. The Corridor (I) (2010)
Not Rated | 98 min | Drama, Horror, Sci-Fi
Friends on a weekend excursion take a path into a forest that leads to death and destruction.
Director: Evan Kelly | Stars: Stephen Chambers, James Gilbert, David Patrick Flemming, Matthew Amyotte
Votes: 2,874
A pretty decent first and second act ruined by an abysmal third act.
18. Red Tails (2012)
PG-13 | 125 min | Action, Drama, History
A crew of African American pilots in the Tuskegee training program, having faced segregation while kept mostly on the ground during World War II, are called into duty under the guidance of Col. A.J. Bullard.
Director: Anthony Hemingway | Stars: Cuba Gooding Jr., Gerald McRaney, David Oyelowo, Andre Royo
Votes: 37,241 | Gross: $49.88M
An insult to the real Tuskegee Airmen. Lucas proves, once again, he hasn't a clue how to make a good film anymore.
19. The Barrens (2012)
R | 94 min | Horror
A man takes his family on a camping trip and becomes convinced they are being stalked by the legendary monster of the New Jersey Pine Barrens: the Jersey Devil.
Director: Darren Lynn Bousman | Stars: Stephen Moyer, Mia Kirshner, Allie MacDonald, Peter DaCunha
Votes: 4,730
Congrats Mr Bousman, you've made my list twice. You are starting to make Lucky McKee look like an auteur.
20. Red Dawn (2012)
PG-13 | 93 min | Action, Drama, War
A group of teenagers look to save their town from an invasion of North Korean soldiers.
Director: Dan Bradley | Stars: Chris Hemsworth, Isabel Lucas, Josh Hutcherson, Josh Peck
Votes: 80,546 | Gross: $44.81M
There are so many things wrong with this film I don't have enough space to list them all. This makes the original look like Citizen Kane.
21. Zero Hour (2013)
TV-14 | 60 min | Drama, Fantasy, Thriller
Revolves around a bizarre twist of fate that pulls a man who's spent 20 years as the editor of a skeptics magazine into one of the most compelling conspiracies in human history.
Stars: Anthony Edwards, Carmen Ejogo, Scott Michael Foster, Addison Timlin
Votes: 5,495
I realize that this is a TV series but an exception had to be made. This is the most mind-numblingly stupid thing I have ever seen. How this made it beyond the script stage is beyond me.
22. Jug Face (2013)
R | 81 min | Drama, Horror, Thriller
When she learns the supernatural pit worshipped by her remote community in the woods has demanded her as a blood sacrifice, Ada struggles to find a way to survive, while the pit lashes out in anger.
Director: Chad Crawford Kinkle | Stars: Sean Bridgers, Lauren Ashley Carter, Kaitlin Cullum, Larry Fessenden
Votes: 7,955
It's as if someone had a list of things that would offend people and tried to check all the boxes. Incest... check. Miscarriage... check. Mom diddling her daughter's privates... check. I'm not a prude but this flick was pointless.
What a surprise, Lucky McKee was involved.
23. The Sacrament (2013)
R | 99 min | Horror, Thriller
A news team trails a man as he travels into the world of Eden Parish to find his missing sister, where it becomes apparent that this paradise may not be as it seems.
Director: Ti West | Stars: Joe Swanberg, AJ Bowen, Kentucker Audley, Amy Seimetz
Votes: 20,898 | Gross: $0.01M
An insult to the Victims of the real Jonestown Massacre.
24. Ghostbusters: Answer the Call (2016)
PG-13 | 117 min | Action, Comedy, Fantasy
Following a ghost invasion of Manhattan, paranormal enthusiasts Erin Gilbert and Abby Yates, nuclear engineer Jillian Holtzmann, and subway worker Patty Tolan band together to stop the otherworldly threat.
Director: Paul Feig | Stars: Melissa McCarthy, Kristen Wiig, Kate McKinnon, Leslie Jones
Votes: 246,267 | Gross: $128.34M
I could care less if it has an all-female cast, the thing I do care about is that is horribly unfunny.
25. Paranormal Activity (2007)
R | 86 min | Horror, Mystery
After moving into a suburban home, a couple becomes increasingly disturbed by a nightly demonic presence.
Director: Oren Peli | Stars: Katie Featherston, Micah Sloat, Mark Fredrichs, Amber Armstrong
Votes: 256,120 | Gross: $107.92M
Watching people sleep is not my idea of entertainment.
26. Night of Something Strange (2016)
Unrated | 97 min | Comedy, Horror
Teenage friends out for beach week get unexpectedly detoured to a isolated motel where a deadly STD virus now runs rampant, turning those infected into the living dead.
Director: Jonathan Straiton | Stars: Trey Harrison, Rebecca C. Kasek, Wayne W. Johnson, Michael Merchant
Votes: 2,125
A steaming bag of dung
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