Captain Cockblock's List Of Failed Rapings

by schweinehunder | created - 04 Oct 2011 | updated - 9 months ago | Public

This list is to commemorate the many thwarted heroes who failed in the noble art of fornication without consent, and thus instead were greeted with extreme pain if not worse. Rape on, fallen heroes.... Rape On. Scenes from films listed in order of the severity of the cockblocking. NO actual penetration allowed.

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1. Cape Fear (1991)

R | 128 min | Crime, Thriller

7.3
Rate this
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 7.3/10 X  
73 Metascore

A convicted rapist, released from prison after serving a fourteen-year sentence, stalks the family of the lawyer who originally defended him.

Director: Martin Scorsese | Stars: Robert De Niro, Nick Nolte, Jessica Lange, Juliette Lewis

Votes: 139,962 | Gross: $79.10M

Vengeful Max Kady tries raping the Boden family women.

Cockblock punishment: Face set on fire, severe beatings and eventual death by drowning.... PWND

2. Ex Drummer (2007)

Not Rated | 100 min | Comedy, Crime, Drama

7.0
Rate this
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 7/10 X  
36 Metascore

Three handicapped losers who form a band ask famous writer Dries to be their drummer. He joins the band and starts manipulating them.

Director: Koen Mortier | Stars: Dries Vanhegen, Norman Baert, Gunter Lamoot, Sam Louwyck

Votes: 8,535

Big Dick tries shoving his big dick where it's not wanted

Cockblock punishment: Loss of big dick and subsequent death.

3. Braveheart (1995)

R | 178 min | Biography, Drama, History

8.4
Rate this
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 8.4/10 X  
68 Metascore

When his secret bride is executed for assaulting an English soldier who tried to rape her, Sir William Wallace begins a revolt against King Edward I of England.

Director: Mel Gibson | Stars: Mel Gibson, Sophie Marceau, Patrick McGoohan, Angus Macfadyen

Votes: 817,476 | Gross: $75.60M

Wife of William Wallace reminds slimy old english soldier of daugther back home. Naturally rape was the only due course of action.

Cockblock punishment: Scratched, kicked in the face, subsequently slaughtered.... nicht fickt mit Wallace frauen

4. Moonlight (2002)

91 min | Thriller

6.2
Rate this
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6.2/10 X  
59 Metascore

Claire lives with her wealthy adopted parents in a luxurious and isolated house in the woods. She discovers a wounded and bleeding boy her age in her family's garden shed. The boy is a ... See full summary »

Director: Paula van der Oest | Stars: Hunter Bussemaker, Franck Sasonoff, Andrew Howard, David Bustard

Votes: 549

Sinister paedophile tries raping beautiful Laurien Van Den Broeck.

Cockblock punishment: Death resulting from a fatal stab to the neck.

5. King Arthur (2004)

PG-13 | 126 min | Action, Adventure, Drama

6.3
Rate this
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6.3/10 X  
46 Metascore

A demystified take on the tale of King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table.

Director: Antoine Fuqua | Stars: Clive Owen, Stephen Dillane, Keira Knightley, Ioan Gruffudd

Votes: 145,078 | Gross: $51.88M

Raping and pilaging barbarian warrior decides to try raping a peasant girl.

Cockblock punishment: Big bad barbarian leader claims she does not meet his standards for rape. Warrior argues, then gets sliced in two.

6. Thelma & Louise (1991)

R | 130 min | Adventure, Crime, Drama

7.4
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    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 7.4/10 X  
88 Metascore

Two best friends set out on an adventure, but it soon turns around to a terrifying escape from being hunted by the police, as these two girls escape for the crimes they committed.

Director: Ridley Scott | Stars: Susan Sarandon, Geena Davis, Harvey Keitel, Michael Madsen

Votes: 111,125 | Gross: $45.36M

Drunken barfly tries raping Geena Davis in parking lot.

Cockblock punishment: Shot in the face.

7. Pale Rider (1985)

R | 115 min | Western

7.3
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    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 7.3/10 X  
61 Metascore

A mysterious preacher protects a humble prospector village from a greedy mining company trying to encroach on their land.

Director: Clint Eastwood | Stars: Clint Eastwood, Michael Moriarty, Carrie Snodgress, Sydney Penny

Votes: 43,581 | Gross: $41.41M

Chris Penn & co. try raping sweet, virginal, racially non descript teenager.

Cockblock punishment: Shot in both hands. Poor bastard couldn't even go home and jerk off.

8. Extremities (1986)

R | 89 min | Drama, Thriller

6.3
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    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6.3/10 X  

A woman takes revenge on the man who invades her home and tries to rape her.

Director: Robert M. Young | Stars: Farrah Fawcett, James Russo, Alfre Woodard, Diana Scarwid

Votes: 2,737 | Gross: $13.42M

Frustrated family man tries raping beautiful Farrah Fawcette... twice.

Cockblock punishment: Beaten, blinded, sprayed with bug spray, chained. PWND

9. Viridiana (1961)

Not Rated | 90 min | Comedy, Drama

8.2
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    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 8.2/10 X  

Viridiana, a young nun about to take her final vows, pays a visit to her widowed uncle at the request of her Mother Superior.

Director: Luis Buñuel | Stars: Silvia Pinal, Francisco Rabal, Fernando Rey, José Calvo

Votes: 18,021

Drunken hobo guest tries raping the lady of the house.

Cockblock punishment: Second drunken hobo guest is solicited to kill him, but a good bash to the head did the trick instead.

10. Streets (1990)

R | 85 min | Action, Drama, Thriller

6.0
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    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6/10 X  

Serious, well-made story of runaways living in Venice, California, under the threat of a psychotic cop who is a serial killer of prostitutes.

Director: Katt Shea | Stars: Christina Applegate, David Mendenhall, Eb Lottimer, Jane Chung

Votes: 565 | Gross: $1.51M

Psycho cop tries raping street kid Christina Applegate.

Cockblock punishment: A kick to the nuts will soon become the least of his worries.

11. Ripe (1996)

R | 92 min | Drama, Romance

3.9
Rate this
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 3.9/10 X  

When their abusive parents are killed in a car crash, twin sisters Rosie and Violet vow to run away to Kentucky in search of a better life. While on the road, the girls meet up with Pete, a... See full summary »

Director: Mo Ogrodnik | Stars: Monica Keena, Daisy Eagan, Gordon Currie, Ron Brice

Votes: 904

U.S. army soldier tries raping sweet innocent teen girl who stumbles onto their army base.

Cockblock punishment: Royal ass whooping.

12. The Fan (1982)

Unrated | 92 min | Drama, Horror, Music

6.5
Rate this
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6.5/10 X  

The hero-worship that Simone has for a pop singer is built to a crescendo until she passes out when she finally sees him up-close in a crowd of fans pushing him for autographs. She is later... See full summary »

Director: Eckhart Schmidt | Stars: Désirée Nosbusch, Bodo Steiger, Simone Brahmann, Jonas Vischer

Votes: 710

Beautiful Désirée Nosbusch learns the drawback of being a hitch-hiker

Cockblock Punishment: Old Fatty is repeatedly squashed with car door.... Ouch.

13. The Common Man (1975)

100 min | Drama

7.4
Rate this
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 7.4/10 X  

As every summer, Georges Lajoie, his wife Ginette and grown-up son Léon go on holiday to Loulou's campsite. They join old friends, the Schumachers and the Colins. Brigitte Colin, the ... See full summary »

Director: Yves Boisset | Stars: Jean Carmet, Pierre Tornade, Jean Bouise, Michel Peyrelon

Votes: 613

Mr. Lajoie proceeds to rape friend's daughter when she refuses his advances.

Cockblock punishment: Her accidental death leading to a huge scheisse sturm of trouble.

14. Con Air (1997)

R | 115 min | Action, Crime, Thriller

6.8
Rate this
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6.8/10 X  
52 Metascore

Newly paroled ex-con and former U.S. Ranger Cameron Poe finds himself trapped in a prisoner transport plane when the passengers seize control.

Director: Simon West | Stars: Nicolas Cage, John Cusack, John Malkovich, Colm Meaney

Votes: 241,446 | Gross: $101.12M

Convicted serial rapist is about to rape sexy latino prison guard.

Cockblock punishment: He gets tooooooold...... meh... worthless R rating.

15. Welcome to the Dollhouse (1995)

R | 88 min | Comedy, Drama

7.4
Rate this
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 7.4/10 X  
83 Metascore

An unattractive seventh grader struggles to cope with inattentive parents, snobbish classmates, a smart older brother, an attractive younger sister, and her own insecurities in suburban New Jersey.

Director: Todd Solondz | Stars: Heather Matarazzo, Christina Brucato, Victoria Davis, Christina Vidal

Votes: 28,320 | Gross: $4.77M

Punk teen boy tries raping nerdyHeather matarazzo on her way leaving school

Cockblock punishment: He got off easy.

16. The Last Bid (2016)

TV-14 | 120 min | Thriller

5.7
Rate this
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.7/10 X  

Two unsuspecting girls purchase a storage locker from a dangerous man who begins hunting them down in an attempt to rescue the locker, which holds incriminating evidence inside.

Director: Casper Van Dien | Stars: Cassi Thomson, Samantha Cope, Casper Van Dien, Randy Wayne

Votes: 147

17. Stealing Candy (2003)

R | 83 min | Thriller

4.3
Rate this
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 4.3/10 X  

Three ex-cons kidnap a famous movie star and force her to shoot a live sex tape to be aired over the internet for a paying audience.

Director: Mark L. Lester | Stars: Daniel Baldwin, Coolio, Alex McArthur, Jenya Lano

Votes: 540