The Worst movies you must see so you don't make one (but only if you haven't made a film yet)

It's one thing to make Battlefield Earth. It's another thing entirely to make a film so horrible, that anyone you're asking to give you a job in the industry will shun you as soon as they look it up. Watch these films so you don't make the same mistakes they did. (Viewer discretion is advised: Absolute crap.)
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1.
The Room (2003)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 3.6/10 X  
Johnny is a successful banker who lives happily in a San Francisco townhouse with his fiance, Lisa. One day, inexplicably, she gets bored with him and decides to seduce his best friend, Mark. From there, nothing will be the same again. (99 mins.)
Director: Tommy Wiseau
“ It's bad. It's horrible. It makes Fabio sound like a playwright. As Adult Swim fodder, it's great. As a film, well...at least it's not the MOST laughable bad movie in recent memory. When having breast cancer is casually written off in your movie, you may want to hire a writer. ” - boonose
 
2.
Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 1.8/10 X  
A horde of mutated birds descends upon the quiet town of Half Moon Bay, California. With the death toll rising, Two citizens manage to fight back, but will they survive Birdemic? (105 mins.)
Director: James Nguyen
“ I said The Room wasn't the MOST laughably bad film in recent memory, and that's because this IS. How bad is it? Well, the acting is bad, but the audio is even worse. The birds look like they were created in "My First Maya", and are clearly superimposed over the video. Not that you'd know this if you turn it off 20 minutes in because the first half is a romantic comedy. Need I say more? For best results, buy the Blu-Ray. Because Blu-Ray is always better, unless of course your film was originally shot on blurry, bleeding, bland video. In which case, why DID you put it on Blu-ray? ” - boonose
 
3.
Ax 'Em (1992)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 1.2/10 X  
A weekend retreat at a remote cabin in the woods for a group of childhood pals turns into a terrifying fight for survival, as a former friend whose family was killed years earlier comes along looking for revenge. (71 mins.)
Director: Michael Mfume
“ Or "Ax 'em", as the WordArt box covering the title will claim. This film wouldn't be so bad if it was relegated to a showing at the local theater by the director. Instead, it was put on a DVD you must pay for to watch ten years later. That, and the DVD version, while being the final cut, is edited from at least THREE different video masters of the longer original. One is taken from an unwatchably faded VHS, one is taken from a grainy film print, and one is also taken from a grainy print, but one that only takes up a quarter of the screen. Oh, and the film sucks. Hard. Bad acting, slow buildup, built around 90's culture in a film that takes place in 2003, you name it. How could a 71-minute film be that excruciating? Somehow, it is. ” - boonose
 
4.
Weasels Rip My Flesh (1979)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 3.2/10 X  
Returning from the planet Venus, an errant NASA spacecraft crashes into the ocean, spilling its radioactive cargo... (67 mins.)
Director: Nathan Schiff
“ In 1979, a group of teens made an exploitation flick in the Long Island suburbs. 25 years later, their footage was found.

Like "Weekend", this suffers from being a homemade film released on DVD, and the "Cult Cinema Collection" label makes it seem all the more credible. Sadly, this isn't MST3K fodder. This is from a 16-year-old who enjoys MST3K-fodder and got his friends to make a tribute. Two more of his "Cult Classics" are also available. ” - boonose
 
5.
Night of Horror (1981)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 1.4/10 X  
Steve's buddy Chris can't understand why he's reluctant to play in their band. So, one night at Steve's house... (76 mins.)
Director: Tony Malanowski
“ In this film, a group of twentysomethings head out into the woods and...

If you can make it past that part without falling asleep, I congratulate you. Muffled conversations played over piano music and "Manos"-style driving scenes do not make for a captivating film. If you break out the coffee, you'll find out that the characters are visited by the ghosts of confederate soldiers on a night. Not a "Night of Horror", just a night. Also, whose bright idea was it to put a zombie on the cover of a movie about ghosts? ” - boonose