The Worst, Most Poisonous Bags of Brainless Protoplasm On the Planet

by Gov_William_J_LePetomane | last updated - 15 May 2014 | Public

1. Rush Limbaugh

Actor | Forget Paris

Rush Limbaugh was born on January 12, 1951 in Cape Girardeau, Missouri, USA as Rush Hudson Limbaugh III. He is an actor, known for Forget Paris (1995), The Drew Carey Show (1995) and The ½ Hour News Hour (2007). He has been married to Kathryn Rogers since June 5, 2010. He was previously ...

Professional liar, slanderer, libeler, drug addict, racist, misogynist, raging hypocrite, homophobe, felon, and telemarketer Douche Limbaugh was born on January 12, 1591 at the base of Orodruin in the northwest portion of the Black Land of Mordor. He is the son of Countess Elizabeth Báthory de Ecsed and the Dark Lord Sauron.

He is a despiser of all things not male, white, heterosexual, Republican, rich or Christian, i.e. anything not exactly like him. He enjoys making fun of those with Parkinson’s disease, referring to law students and women's rights activists as "sluts" and "prostitutes," instructing black callers he’s unable to understand to "take that bone out of your nose and call me back,” and calling children “dogs” on the national airwaves. Despite all this, he cowardly refuses to debate anyone he ever differs with or criticizes.

Limbaugh (an avowed drug abuser) has been an outspoken critic of what he sees as leniency towards criminal drug use in America. Limbaugh (an AVOWED DRUG ABUSER) stated, "too many whites are getting away with drug use (!?!)" and illegal drug trafficking. Limbaugh (himself an avowed abuser of drugs) proposed that the racial disparity in drug enforcement could be fixed if authorities increased detection efforts (apparently of drug abusers like himself), conviction rates (of drug abusers like himself), and jail time for whites involved in illegal drugs (such as himself).

Naked, barely conscious, and lying in a corner of the floor of his kitchen, Douche was once quoted as saying “There's nothing good about drug use. We know it. It destroys individuals. It destroys families. Drug use destroys societies. Drug use, some might say, is destroying this country." When asked for further comment, the visibly inebriated puss bag stated "We have laws against selling drugs, pushing drugs, using drugs, importing drugs. And the laws are good because we know what happens to people in societies and neighborhoods, which become consumed by them. And so if people are violating the law by doing drugs, they ought to be accused and they ought to be convicted and they ought to be sent up.” Editor's Note: Douche Limbaugh has proudly admitted to being a frequent drug user.



Just a select few of his many, many lies:

“It has not been proven that nicotine is addictive, the same with cigarettes causing emphysema."

"Banks take the risks in issuing student loans and they are entitled to the profits."

"There's no such thing as an implied contract."

"The poorest people in America are better off than the mainstream families of Europe."

"I mean, let's face it, we didn't have slavery in this country for over 100 years because it was a bad thing. Quite the opposite: slavery built the South. I'm not saying we should bring it back; I'm just saying it had its merits. For one thing, the streets were safer after dark."

"Mount Pinatubo in the Philippines spewed forth more than a thousand times the amount of ozone-depleting chemicals in one eruption than all the fluorocarbons manufactured by wicked, diabolical and insensitive corporations in history.... Mankind can't possibly equal the output of even one eruption from Pinatubo, much less 4 billion years' worth of them, so how can we destroy ozone?"

On Abu Ghraib: "This is no different than what happens at the Skull and Bones initiation ... And we're going to ruin people's lives over it and we're going to hamper our military effort, and then we are going to really hammer them because they had a good time."

"Let's assume you're right. So, David Paterson will become the massa who gets to appoint whoever gets to take Massa's place. So, for the first time in his life, Paterson's gonna be a massa."

"If you could send us 400 words on your hope for the Obama presidency, we need it by Monday night, that would be ideal. I don't need 400 words, I need four: I hope he fails."

“The media has been very desirous that a black quarterback do well, black coaches and black quarterbacks doing well. There is a little hope invested in McNabb, and he got a lot of credit for the performance of this team that he didn't deserve.”

“If we are going to start rewarding no skills and stupid people, let the unskilled jobs, let the kind of jobs that take absolutely no knowledge whatsoever to do, let stupid and unskilled Mexicans do that work.”

“One thing I want to do before I die is to conduct the Homeless Olympics. Events would include the ten-meter Shopping Cart Relay, the Dumpster Dig and the Hop, Skip & Trip.”

“There are more American Indians alive today than there were when Columbus arrived or at any other time in history. Does this sound like a record of genocide?” [according to US Census Bureau estimates, there were approx. 15 million Indians in America when Columbus arrived. There are approx. 2 million in America as of 1996]

“Have you ever noticed how all composite pictures of wanted criminals resemble Jesse Jackson?”

“There are more acres of forestland in America today than when Columbus discovered the continent in 1492.” [Both the United States Forest Service and the American Forestry Association indicate precolonial forests have been reduced by about 24 percent or nearly 300 million acres.]

"Some of the wealthiest Americans are African-American now."

Wisconsin is "one of the bluest" states, but under Scott Walker its unemployment rate "is around 3.5%."

President Barack Obama shut down NASA space flights and turned the agency "into a Muslim outreach department."

Says the media created the term "polar vortex" and the cold air proves "the ice isn’t melting."

"One person, Kathleen Sebelius, was going to determine whether or not" 10-year-old lung patient Sarah Murnaghan would live or die.

Research shows that "a vast majority of arriving immigrants today come here because they believe that government is the source of prosperity, and that's what they support."

Alaska's Prince William Sound "is pristine now."

People "can't go fishing anymore because of Obama."

The government is "going to have the right to get into your bank account with the health care bill and make transfers without you knowing it."

"President Obama . . . wants to mandate circumcision."

Sotomayor "ruled against the white firefighter — Ricci and other white firefighters — just on the basis that she thought women and minorities should be given a preference because of their skin color and because of the history of discrimination in the past. The law was totally disregarded."

"You can't read a speech by George Washington . . . without hearing him reference God, the Almighty."

Number of weeks at the #1 position: 116 (In other words, all of them. He’s not likely to be dethroned until well after he finally fcking dies)

2. Mitch McConnell

Self | CBS News Sunday Morning

Mitch McConnell was born on February 20, 1942 in Tuscumbia, Alabama, USA as Addison Mitchell McConnell Jr. He is known for his work on CBS News Sunday Morning (1979), Randslide: The Election of Rand Paul (2014) and CBS This Morning (1992). He has been married to Elaine L. Chao since February 6, ...

3. Lindsey Graham

Self | Courting Des Moines

Lindsey Graham was born on July 9, 1955 in Central, South Carolina, USA.

4. Sarah Palin

Writer | The Undefeated

Sarah Palin is an American politician and television personality. She was born on February 11, 1964 in Sandpoint, Idaho, as Sarah Louise Heath, the daughter of Chuck Heath and Sally Heath. She grew up in Alaska and received a bachelor's degree from the University of Idaho. She has been married to ...

5. Wayne LaPierre

Self | Crime Strike

Wayne LaPierre was born on November 8, 1949.

6. Toby Keith

Actor | Beer for My Horses

Born July 8, 1961, Toby Keith Covel was the second child of Joan and Hubert Keith (HK) Covel. He was born in Clinton, Oklahoma, and grew up with his sister (Tonnie) and his youngest sibling (a brother, Tracy) in Moore, Oklahoma. After graduating from Moore High School; Toby did not go on to college...

7. Sean Hannity

Actor | The Siege

Sean Hannity was born on December 30, 1961 in New York City, New York, USA as Sean Patrick Hannity. He is an actor and producer, known for The Siege (1998), Atlas Shrugged: Who Is John Galt? (2014) and The First American (2016). He has been married to Jill Rhodes since January 9, 1993. They have ...

8. Ted Nugent

Soundtrack | Superbad

Ted Nugent was born on December 13, 1948 in Detroit, Michigan, USA as Theodore Anthony Nugent. He has been married to Shemane Nugent since January 21, 1989. They have one child. He was previously married to Sandra Ann Jezowski.

9. Ted Cruz

Self | Courting Des Moines

Ted Cruz was born on December 22, 1970 in Calgary, Alberta, Canada as Rafael Edward Cruz. He has been married to Heidi Cruz since May 27, 2001. They have two children.

10. Nancy Grace

Actress | Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

Nancy Grace was born on October 23, 1959 in Macon, Georgia, USA as Nancy Ann Grace. She is an actress and writer, known for Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016), Midnight Special (2016) and Hancock (2008). She has been married to David Linch since April 21, 2007. They have two children.

11. Ann Coulter

Actress | Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!

Ann Coulter was born on December 8, 1961 in New York City, New York, USA as Ann Hart Coulter. She is known for her work on Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! (2015), Real Time with Bill Maher (2003) and Comedy Central Roast of Rob Lowe (2016).

12. Michele Bachmann

Actress | Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!

Michele Bachmann was born on April 6, 1956 in Waterloo, Iowa, USA as Michele Marie Amble. She is an actress, known for Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! (2015), Janeane from Des Moines (2012) and Fred (2014). She has been married to Marcus Bachmann since September 10, 1978. They have five children.

13. John McCain

Actor | Saturday Night Live

John McCain was born on August 29, 1936 in Canal Zone, Panama as John Sidney McCain III. He is an actor and writer, known for Saturday Night Live (1975), Democrazy (2007) and Faith of My Fathers (2005). He has been married to Cindy Hensley McCain since May 17, 1980. They have four children. He was ...

14. Donald J. Trump

Actor | Ghosts Can't Do It

Donald John Trump was born on June 14, 1946 at the Jamaica Hospital Medical Center in the Queens borough of New York City. He is the son of Mary Trump and Fred Trump.

From kindergarten through seventh grade, he attended the Kew-Forest School. At age 13, he enrolled in the New York Military Academy.

...

15. Karl Rove

Self | Journeys with George

Karl Rove was born on December 25, 1950 in Denver, Colorado, USA as Karl Christian Rove. He is known for his work on Journeys with George (2002), CBS This Morning (1992) and 16 for '16: The Contenders (2016). He has been married to Karen Alexandra Johnson since June 2012. He was previously married ...

16. Roger Ailes

Producer | The Mike Douglas Show

Roger Eugene Ailes was born in Warren, Ohio, the son of Donna Marie and Robert Eugene Ailes, a factory foreman at a local factory. Later in life, Roger Ailes was inducted into the Warren High School Distinguished Alumni Hall of Fame.

Roger Ailes graduated from Ohio University in Athens, Ohio with a ...

17. Jerry Sandusky

Self | Dateline NBC

Jerry Sandusky was born on January 26, 1944 in Washington, Pennsylvania, USA as Gerald Arthur Sandusky. He has been married to Dottie Gross since September 3, 1966. They have six children.

18. Kanye West

Soundtrack | The Great Gatsby

Kanye West was born on June 8, 1977 in Atlanta, Georgia, USA as Kanye Omari West. He has been married to Kim Kardashian West since May 24, 2014. They have two children.

19. Michelle Malkin

Director | Daniel in the Den

Michelle Malkin was born on October 20, 1970 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA as Michelle Perez Maglalang. She is a director, known for Daniel in the Den (2016), Michelle Malkin Investigates (2016) and We Will Not Conform (2014). She has been married to Jesse Dylan Malkin since July 24, 1993. ...

20. Chris Brown

Actor | Takers

Chris Brown was born on May 5, 1989 in Tappahannock, Virginia, USA as Christopher Maurice Brown.

21. Larry the Cable Guy

Actor | Cars

Larry the Cable Guy was born in Pawnee City, Nebraska, as Daniel Lawrence Whitney. He is an actor and producer, known for Cars (2006), Cars 2 (2011) and Cars 3 (2017). He is also an original member of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. He has been married to Cara Whitney since July 3, 2005. They have two...

22. Alex Jones

Actor | A Scanner Darkly

Alex Jones was born on February 11, 1974 in Dallas, Texas, USA as Alexander Emerick Jones. He is a producer and director, known for A Scanner Darkly (2006), Waking Life (2001) and Are You Practicing Communism? (1999). He was previously married to Kelly Jones.

23. David H. Koch

Self | Citizen Koch

Is the co-owner and the executive vice president of Koch Industries, the second-largest privately held company in the US.[Jan 2017].

24. Charles G. Koch

Self | Citizen Koch

His Net Worth is 42.9 billion.[Jan 2017].

25. Glenn Beck

Producer | For the Record

Glenn Beck has built his rising media company "Mercury Radio Arts" from the ground up. The former Top 40 DJ entered the talk format in 2001 and already his show is broadcast nearly 200 stations nationwide. Millions of listeners are drawn to this modern-day story teller who is armed with a quick wit...

26. Ray Lewis

Actor | Draft Day

Ray Lewis was born on May 15, 1975 in Bartow, Florida, USA as Ray Anthony Lewis. He is an actor, known for Draft Day (2014), Route 65 Nashville and NFL Monday Night Football (1970).

27. Gretchen Carlson

Actress | Persecuted

Gretchen Carlson was born on June 21, 1966 in Anoka, Minnesota, USA as Gretchen Elizabeth Carlson. She is an actress, known for Persecuted (2014), House of Cards (2013) and The Real Story with Gretchen Carlson (2013). She has been married to Casey Richard Close since October 4, 1997. They have two ...

28. Rick Santorum

Producer | 77 Chances

Rick Santorum was born on May 10, 1958 in Winchester, Virginia, USA as Richard John Santorum. He is a producer, known for 77 Chances (2015), Hoovey (2015) and The Redemption of Henry Myers (2014). He has been married to Karen Garver since June 2, 1990. They have seven children.

29. Michael Irvin

Actor | The Longest Yard

Michael Irvin was born on March 5, 1966 in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, USA as Michael Jerome Irvin. He is an actor, known for The Longest Yard (2005), Jack and Jill (2011) and Criminal Minds (2005). He has been married to Sandy Harrell since June 23, 1990. They have four children.

30. Jim Rome

Actor | The Longest Yard

Jim Rome was born on October 14, 1964 in Tarzana, California, USA as James Phillip Rome. He is a writer and actor, known for The Longest Yard (2005), Space Jam (1996) and Two for the Money (2005). He has been married to Janet Hagman since July 19, 1997. They have two children.

31. Justin Timberlake

Soundtrack | Trolls

Justin Randall Timberlake was born on January 31, 1981, in Memphis, Tennessee, to Lynn (Bomar) and Randall Timberlake, whose own father was a Baptist minister. At the age of 11, he appeared on the show Star Search (1983), and even though he didn't win, it didn't dampen his ambitions. He also ...

32. Newt Gingrich

Producer | We Have the Power

Newt Gingrich was born on June 17, 1943 in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, USA as Newton Leroy McPherson. He is a producer and actor, known for We Have the Power (2009), Parks and Recreation (2009) and Murphy Brown (1988). He has been married to Callista Gingrich since August 18, 2000. He was previously ...

33. Fred Phelps

Writer | Fred: The Movie

Fred Phelps was born on November 13, 1929 in Meridian, Mississippi, USA as Frederick Waldron Phelps. He is known for his work on Fred: The Movie (2000), The Most Hated Family in America (2007) and Judgment Day. He was married to Margie Phelps. He died on March 19, 2014 in Topeka, Kansas, USA.

34. Ron Artest

Actor | Think Like a Man

Ron Artest was born on November 13, 1979 in Queensbridge, New York, USA as Ronald William Artest Jr. He is an actor and writer, known for Think Like a Man (2012), Waking (2013) and When the Bell Rings (2014). He was previously married to Kimsha Artest.

35. Jay Z

Soundtrack | The Great Gatsby

Shawn Corey Carter was born 4 December 1969 in Brooklyn, New York, USA. Raised in Brooklyn, Carter was a school friend of The Notorious B.I.G.. He first started releasing records in the late 1980s. In 1990, he appeared on records by his close friend, Jaz ("The Originators") and Original Flavor ("...

36. Tucker Carlson

Actor | Swing Vote

Tucker Carlson was born on May 16, 1969 in San Francisco, California, USA as Tucker Swanson McNear Carlson. He is an actor, known for Swing Vote (2008), 30 Rock (2006) and The King of Queens (1998). He has been married to Susan Andrews since 1991. They have four children.

37. Sean Combs

Actor | Get Him to the Greek

Sean Diddy Combs, AKA Puff Daddy, is the definition of a mogul. Starting his career as the director of A&R at Uptown Records, he was integral in launching the careers of Mary J. Blige and Jodeci, and later started his own label, Bad Boy Records, which has fostered talent that includes Mariah Carey,...

38. Deion Sanders

Soundtrack | Street Fighter

Deion Sanders was born on August 9, 1967 in Fort Myers, Florida, USA as Deion Luwynn Sanders. He is a producer and writer, known for Street Fighter (1994), Draft Day (2014) and Deion's Family Playbook (2014). He was previously married to Pilar Sanders and Carolyn Chambers.

39. Dick Cheney

Self | Glorious Things Are Sung of Zion

Dick Cheney was born on January 30, 1941 in Lincoln, Nebraska, USA as Richard Bruce Cheney. He has been married to Lynne Cheney since August 29, 1964. They have two children.

40. Pat Robertson

Self | The 700 Club

Pat Robertson was born on March 22, 1930 in Lexington, Virginia, USA as Marion Gordon Robertson. He is known for his work on The 700 Club (1966), Route One USA (1989) and The Temple of Phenomenal Things (1997). He has been married to Adelia Elmer since August 26, 1954. They have four children.

41. Geraldo Rivera

Actor | Contact

Geraldo Rivera was born on July 4, 1943 in Brooklyn, New York City, New York, USA as Gerald Michael Riviera. He is an actor, known for Contact (1997), All About Steve (2009) and Sail to the Century (1999). He has been married to Erica Levy since August 10, 2003. They have one child. He was ...

42. Sam Brownback

Self | Killer at Large

Sam Brownback was born on September 12, 1956 in Garnett, Kansas, USA.

43. Steve Doocy

Self | News4

Steve Doocy was born on October 19, 1956 in Algona, Iowa, USA. He is a producer, known for The Newscenter (1947), The People's Court (1981) and The Anna Nicole Show (2002). He has been married to Kathy Gerrity since June 30, 1986. They have three children.

44. Grover Norquist

Self | Alpha House

Grover Norquist was born on October 19, 1956 in Sharon, Pennsylvania, USA as Grover Glenn Norquist.

45. Kevin Trudeau

Actor | Tranced

Kevin Trudeau was born on February 6, 1963 in Lynn, Massachusetts, USA as Kevin Mark Trudeau. He is an actor, known for Tranced (2010), Debt Cures (2007) and Investigating Free Money (2010).

46. Ashton Kutcher

Actor | That '70s Show

Christopher Ashton Kutcher was born on February 7, 1978 in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, to Diane (Finnegan), who was employed at Procter & Gamble, and Larry Kutcher, a factory worker. He has a fraternal twin brother, Michael, and a sister, Tausha. He is of Czech (father) and Irish, German, and Czech (mother...