This is a journey I took to look at some of the worst movies ever made, what makes them bad, and what little nugget of good can be found in them, if any. However along the way I was joined by some of my friends and family. I actually had a lot of fun doing it. It was interesting and entertaining to watch these films that those involved in the making of them thought that they were going to some film that people would like, enjoy, or find epic, when quite the opposite happened.

Now this is a list of 50 of the worst movies ever so I would suggest that you invert the list so that you have a countdown. I have always liked countdowns. So, yeah make sure the list is inverted for your own viewing pleasure. And I have placed them in this order of the least worst to THE worst starting at number 50 as the least worst and number 1 being the worst. Now some that are near the bottom are not down there because I actually hated them, but that they were really bad and deserve that slot. Actually a few near the bottom of the list I really enjoyed watching and would actually watch again with someone because they are movies that are so bad they are good.

Now you will notice that each movie has a synopsis from IMDb and one from me. Mine is my impression of the plot overall. Some of them seemed harder to pull out than others. And the last thing you will notice is that I will talk about the flaws of the film. This is a my review of it and what I thought about it. Along the way you will see reviews from Sam (He made it through some of the worst with me and somehow we remained friends), Crash (She is cool and helped me get started with some of the first movies I watched), Seth (He thinks he watched THE worst and is forever scarred by it), Sarah (My beautiful wife who constantly demanded Starbucks as payment for sitting through the movies and sighing the whole time asking when it will end), and Justin (Who shares the same spirit of adventure into the world of really bad movies as I do).
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Freddy Got Fingered (2001)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 4.5/10 X  
An unemployed cartoonist moves back in with his parents and younger brother Freddy. When his parents demand he leave, he begins to spread rumors that his father is sexually abusing Freddy. (87 mins.)
Director: Tom Green
“ And the Number one WORST. MOVIE. EVER. is this! Congratulation, Tom Green I want to hurt you so bad.

The story of a young man trying to make his way in the world by fulfilling his dream of becoming an animator. A lot of other pointless things happen.

Jake: This movie is tasteless, trite, and should be condemned never to be watched. This movie was absolutely unbearable. And I thought Disaster Movie/Birdemic/Trolls 2/etc was bad. Those movies are a cake walk compared to this one. Where to even begin, well, it wasn’t funny, never once did I laugh at any scene in this dark and vulgar “comedy”. There really was nothing to laugh about anyway. Every joke was gross out, shock value humor.

Next the acting, it was horrendous Tom Green basically just shouted out whatever came to his head. Oh, did I mention that it is directed and starring the same guy. Tom Green? If you have never heard of him you are to consider yourself lucky, after watching this movie, I have nothing but hatred for the man. His directing suck and his acting sucked more. Not only was the comedy tasteless and the acting horrible, but the plot really wasn’t there.

The title itself has only a small portion to do with the rest of the film. There is just one part of the movie where this is actually talked about, a little snippet about the title. Then the movie just carries on and on every second you are hoping that the movie would just end and hopefully with the death of the main character. Sadly it never happened, what happens in the end is that it just ends. That’s it, it just ends and you are grateful for it. Just glad that you can finally just be done with it.

Overall, this has been the worst movie I have ever seen, it tops all of the movies I had watched and ever watched and if there is a movie that is worse than this one...may God have mercy upon our souls. It is that bad, don’t watch it, just don’t, even if you are a Tom Green fan. I have read that even some of Tom Green’s fans hated the movie. And for people who actually like this crap, I don't care. Say whatever you want, there is nothing redeemable about this movie, there is nothing that I would have to say to you.

Redeemable Quality: None. There is nothing redeemable about this movie. This is the Worst. Movie. Ever Made. Hands down. ” - kte-926-555493
Monster a-Go Go (1965)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.3/10 X  
A space capsule crash-lands on Earth, and the astronaut aboard disappears. Is there a connection between the missing man and the monster roaming the area? (70 mins.)
Director: Bill Rebane
“ Synopsis:
An astronaut, Frank Douglas, who was shot into outerspace for reasons not really explained, was given drugs that would make him unsusceptible to radiation. Only his ship never made it and it fell back to earth. Scientists go out to the scene to investigate to find the astronaut gone and people dead. It is later revealed that Douglas has turned into a monster and is killing many people, leaving them horrible mangled. The heroes come in to save Douglas with an antidote, but what is this? It turns out that there was no monster and that Douglas is fine and has been picked up by NASA. HUH!?

Jake: Well, the first thing that should be known about this film is that the movie title is wrong it should have been named Monster A-Bore Bore! This was one of the most BORING movies EVER. You want something to either melt your mind or put you to sleep this movie is it. Scenes will just drag on and on and on and everything about it is uninteresting. There are no interesting character, no interesting scenes, no interesting effects, there is no interesting anything. The film really says a lot about nothing, nothing at all. Even though things happen the action is so slow it is enough to put you to sleep.

There are also so many things that JUST DON’T MAKE SENSE! There are parts where the monster attacks people and they are then twisted and mangled and beyond recognition, but the moment the camera pans over to their body it look perfectly all right, they don’t look mangled at all, in fact they just look like they are sleeping. Not only that but, the “twist” ending, doesn't make any sense either. It just ended miserably. A complete waste of time!! I think the whole thing is one fabricated joke to make people sit through it and say, "What am I doing with my life!?"

Redeemable Quality: The fact that the movie actually ends! ” - kte-926-555493
Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 1.8/10 X  
A horde of mutated birds descends upon the quiet town of Half Moon Bay, California. With the death toll rising, Two citizens manage to fight back, but will they survive Birdemic? (105 mins.)
Director: James Nguyen
“ Synopsis:
First Act: Boy falls for girl and get together. Act Two: Suddenly for no good reason “.gif” birds attack humans.

Jake: Shocking in the fact that this is played straight and terrifying in the fact that this movie was made. Well, there are SO many problems with this movie and we will look at them in both acts. In act one the acting is just horrible, but not that the script itself is any better.

There really was only one good actress in the entire movie and that was the Female lead, everyone else is wooden and does not convey the emotion that is appropriate. The script itself is pretty bad it is kind of funny how all numbers are completely round: The main character sells his product for $1,000,000 and the company that he works for is sold for $2,000,000, yeah unrealistic. It was like a child wrote the script.

The second act only gets worse, before all of this the movie has no foreshadowing whatsoever. There really is no mention of birds attacking elsewhere or anything of that nature. So, after the couple “do their dirty deed” act two begins and suddenly birds attack and these are cheesiest birds you could probably never imagine. Yeah you cannot imagine how cheesy these effects are, think of th wrost movie effects you possibly can then multiply it with the highest prime number.

Not only that, but the birds attack in strange ways killing people in ways that are not actually possible. I could go on and on about the birds, but I am not going to waste my time. Finally overall the editing is terrible and the movie is poorly put together it is just a poor quality movie and the movie just ends with no real plot resolution. This movie sucks!

But I love it. No really, I love this movie. It is my favorite of the worst movies ever just because it is so bad. It is fun to sit through and make fun of it because it is an easy target. This is a movie I want to share with all of my friends. If you like snarkbait type movies this a movie for you.

Redeemable Quality: It has an AWESOME trailer! ” - kte-926-555493
The Room (2003)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 3.5/10 X  
Johnny is a successful banker who lives happily in a San Francisco townhouse with his fiancée, Lisa. One day, inexplicably, she gets bored of him and decides to seduce Johnny's best friend, Mark. From there, nothing will be the same again. (99 mins.)
Director: Tommy Wiseau
“ Synopsis:
This is the story of Johnny and how Johnny is the world's greatest guy, he is caring, successful, has a stable job, and a beautiful fiancee. Well, despite Johnny being this great guy his future wife is cheating on him with best friend. And it is tearing him apart.

Jake: All right this is an easy one to see the main flaws: it is the acting... and the script... and the dialogue... Okay, so maybe a little bit of everything is wrong with it, so time to dissect it a piece at a time. First, the acting is pretty bad all the way around, but in particular the main actor who happens to be the director himself. You can barely understand him through his accent of unknown origins. Seriously, no one knows where his accent originates from. There is no emotion in his acting and terrible transitions from one emotion to the next, he is experiencing anger one moment then not even a second later he is happy and chatting it up with his best friend lightheartedly. This has now become a pet peeve of mine. Director, please don't be in your movie and direct it at the same time, especially if you are the main character. A cameo, okay, whatever, but the main problem with being in your movie is that you cannot give yourself good enough direction to get the scene right it just doesn't work.

Second, the overall story was stupid. It really seems that Tommy Wiseau was writing some kind of personal story where everyone has betrayed him for no real good reason, just because of some stupid contrived reason. It is like the the whole world is against him. So, it builds this character Johnny to be this great guy, stable and “likable”, but his best friend is just so stupid and his future wife is just bored of Johnny, so cheating on him with said best friend is the best route.

Third and finally is the dialogue, this is both confusing and hilarious all at the same time. You have lines that are just delivered wrong, but also just awkward to begin with. Like the Mother-in-Law talking about her breast cancer, almost as if it is not a big deal. That and the mother-in-law and Johnny's future wife have the same dialogue THREE times!! “How things are going?” “I don't want to be with Johnny anymore.” “But Johnny is so great and you would be lost without him.” “Still he is boring.” And multiply that by three and add an x variable in there and you have something that are worse than fractions, but that is essentially their dialogue.

Redeemable Quality: This movie is hilarious to watch, it is funny because it is not suppose to be. ” - kte-926-555493
The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.7/10 X  
Dodger must confront the struggles of life as he is visited by the Garbage Pail Kids and intimidated by some older bullies. (100 mins.)
Director: Rod Amateau
“ Synopsis: Seven gross little, um, kids? No. Mutants? No. Monsters? No... Mutant Monster "Kids" come out of a garbage pail to teach us all a lesson on theft, breaking and entering, and vandalizing.

Jake: ...

That is about where I would like to stop this review because I don't think I have all of the words in the world to be able to describe to you what is wrong with this movie, but since it wouldn't make for a very good review I will have to go on and attempt it anyway. This movie...nothing was right about it. It was just a moral dissonance wrapped up in a disgusting package. So image the Cabbage Patch Kids' ugly cousins put into the form of costumes like the Ninja Turtles. That is kind of what they look like but gross. Yeah each one of these kids have disgusting powers. One can vomit, one can pee his pants, one is an alligator that will eat your toes, one is a baby(?), one farts, and one is a greaser(?). Yeah I really don't get that last one.

One of the other major problem with the movie is that the Gabage Pail kids would NEVER. shut. up. Every moment they were on screen they were making some sort of noise of some kind. It was rather annoying. Not only that but the movie's lesson basically can be summed up with two things ugly people are people too and it is okay to steal as long as it is for a good cause. Yeah the "heroes" of the story stole not on one occasion, but twice.

Finally, the movie was overly morbid. Two things made it this way. One, apparently there is a State Home for the Ugly, a place where you send ugly people to because they don't got no reason to live. No seriously, they don't in this movie. They take the ugly people and place them into a trash compactor and squish them. Oh, and the ugly people include: Santa Claus because he is too fat, Abraham Lincoln because he is too tall, Ghandi because he is too bald!! I know this is suppose to be a parody of some kind, but really!!?? The second reason being that the ugly are then placed into a garbage compactor and then crushed up..................... Placed into a garbage compactor and crushed up. Let that sink in.

Redeemable Quality: This was the last movie I had to watch. ” - kte-926-555493
Disaster Movie (2008)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 1.9/10 X  
Over the course of one evening, an unsuspecting group of twenty-somethings find themselves bombarded by a series of natural disasters and catastrophic events. (87 mins.)
“ Synopsis:
Comedies of errors as some people try to survive the world coming to an end. Drawing from all of the movies out or coming out around this time, this parody goes through major movies making fun of them while all following the story of a guy trying to save his ex-girlfriend.

Jake: The obvious joke would be that this movie is appropriately named and I am sure that every critic before me has used those words when describing this movie, but to be honest it is more than a disaster, it is an absolute atrocity. Its mere existence should be considered pure shame for movies and parody movies especially.

Who goes out and watches this crap? It was only funny about twice. It is like someone coming out with a comedy series to tell the same joke in different ways every time and it was not even funny the first time. It took every ounce of my strength not to just end my life right then; just to end the pain and agony and suffering that I endured every time a “joke” was made. I kept track the amount of times I laughed and that was only three times and two of the three was a mere snicker, but that cannot be considered a redeemable quality, because who wants to sit through an hour and half of complete crapfest just to snicker at about three jokes.

Not only that but this movie’s sense of humor is comparable to a couple of twelve-year-olds laughing at potty jokes. They were gross and unfunny. Maybe that’s it maybe it is just a bunch of twelve year old boys who sneak into this R rated movie and watch this crap, that is the only explanation I can have for why this genre persists. Plus the jokes would go on and on continuing not to be funny, but the joke just wouldn’t stop, they just don’t know when to quit, thinking the whole time that the longer the joke runs the funnier it will be. That must have been what they were thinking as the scenes dragged on.

I could probably go on and on about what was wrong with this movie, but I don’t want to take up that much space. I am so glad that my list only had one of the “Something” movies in its list or I doubt I would have been able to finish it all.

Redeemable Quality: The character Gisele is the only funny character in the film, but that really doesn’t say much with this brand of comedy. ” - kte-926-555493
Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 1.9/10 X  
A family gets lost on the road and stumbles upon a hidden, underground, devil-worshiping cult led by the fearsome Master and his servant Torgo. (70 mins.)
“ Synopsis:
About a family going on vacation, but getting lost. They decide to spend the house owned by a cult following of the god Manos, who loves women. The house is run by Torgo, a minion of the Master, who is the servant of Manos. And that pretty much covers it. Yep.

Crash: much to be said....where to begin? Well the cinematography fails so hardcore, the cut scenes literally place people in different positions from where they were two seconds ago. The kids voice was dubbed, and whole scenes are spent just looking at scenery or Torgo trying to walk. The music consists of two instruments: a piano and a sax. Once drums came in, and a woman sings at the beginning and the end. The acting was like a 60s commercial.

No joke. And the plot....didn’t exist. This movie explains NOTHING. What we put in the synopsis is as much as we understand except that the Master collects wives? For some reason? And somehow takes people’s hands which kills them? Oh and you can kill someone by smacking them a ton. That’s fun.

The movie attempted a twist ending too which also failed. I mean, this is an hour and eight minutes of pure fail. There is nothing to it. Nothing. No message. No character development, not even a good musical score! It’s just pure nothing.

Jake: Honestly I think this was comparable to watching a home video of someone elses vacation, there is nothing interesting about it. Really Crash sums a lot of it, it was nothing to write home about it. It was just continuous pointless scene after pointless scene. There were even parts to the movie that could have been edited out, like the making out couple. We have THREE FULL SCENE of them. They had no bearing on the plot, if you could have the kindness to call it that.

If the film had been edited properly I think would have only had to endure 20 to 30 minutes of this horrible movie rather than the full hour and eight minutes of it. This movie is a hard one to get through, it was like pulling teeth, without anesthesia. It hurt. A LOT!!

However the worst of them all is the twist ending. It ends in a fringe logic horror with the little girl, daughter to the two protagonists, ends up as a wife to the master. That is just sick!

Redeemable Quality: The cat fight with the women, lots and lots of women. ” - kte-926-555493
Highlander: The Source (2007 TV Movie)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 3.1/10 X  
Duncan MacLeod and his fellow Immortals quest to locate the Grail of their world. (86 mins.)
Director: Brett Leonard
“ Synopsis:
Following the story of Duncan McCleod of the clan McCleod, he is the relative of the movie’s McCleod, Connor. He is on a quest with his fellow immortals and his wife to find the Holy Grail of all immortals: The Source. However they are being chased by a powerful enemy known as the Guardian whose sole purpose is to stop them.

Jake: One thing I have learned from watching these two movies, Highlander: The Quickening and Highlander: The Source, is that the creators just love to take the things that the fans love and take one big heaping, steamy dump all over them.

It is time for a little history lesson: Highlander: The series was a great series, having not watched it myself, but after researching I just might have to, I hear that there were many great elements to the series and it had fans coming back for more. Many reviewers of the series said that each season that it only got better than the previous, that is until came to the end of the series, when the creators were just making it a cash cow and milking it for all of its worth. Regardless of that it was an awesome series where it decided to take an interesting direction by following a different immortal and all of his struggles and add a different element to it. It changes the story from the first Highlander a little, but it was still really well done and kept people interested. So, obviously the creators said, “Hey lets make a movie out this!” And they did and it wasn’t bad, at least according to the reviews. They said Highlander: Endgame was marginally good. So they thought well might as well make another one and they did and it blew chunks.

Highlander the source was horrible, However I honestly cannot say which was worse, The Quickening or The Source. The Quickening was hard to follow and didn’t make sense according to the mythos it originated from and was all around silly and stupid, while The Source was silly and stupid maybe a little more so, but it made a little bit of sense. Really what made it silly and stupid was the fight scenes, they were a reverse “300-esque”. Where in 300 they slow the action down to show the swords clang and the make it look cool, they instead just sped everything up trying to be cool and different and different and cool. It didn’t work, you barely knew what was going and it just came off a goofy. In the end this movie was really bad I guess I would just say it was on par with The Quickening. One last thing, creators of Highlander, if you are reading this, please do us one thing and stop punching your fans in the groin with crappy sequels, just stop.

Sam: Highlander 2 was an agonizing trip down memory lane, even worse than I had remembered it as a wide-eyed youth. After viewing it again, I was sure that it was the worst film of the Highlander franchise, bar none.

And then I watched Highlander: The Source.

Let's first talk about The Source's "plot." Let's talk about the fact that I'm not entirely sure what it is. Something about what I guess was the source of immortality? And they had to fight over it? The rest is sort of just a blurry mess, like it's in fast-forward. Oh wait! That's exactly what the rest of the film was! The bad guy, just called the guardian, is an immortal who guards the Source, which is funny because he leaves it unattended for most of the movie. He has the idiotic ability to run and fight in blurry fastforward. He's also "crazy," which apparently means he sometimes talks in a high voice, or calls people dumb names, or repeats things people say, preceded by "yeah!" As I recall, he even sang, awfully. It's like all of the worst fanboy Joker impressions you've ever heard, but done by a dumpy guy in white paint who runs blurry. Speaking of singing, my favorite part of the movie has to be when the immortals heroically get in a brawl with a bunch of mortal thugs who were going to burn some guy For Evil. After defeating them in an incredibly one-sided fight, the movie abruptly screeches to a halt to allow for a music video. All of a sudden, we get treated to the immortals walking in slow motion toward the screen with the worst cover of Princes of the Universe ever recorded screeching in the background. I almost couldn't believe what I was seeing, but looking back, what I really can't believe is that they didn't take the opportunity to show the band standing next to them on screen, gyrating, as hooligans gyrate, whilst they rock out.

The final battle was probably envisioned as something Matrix-esque by whatever well-intentioned idiot choreographed these fights, but came off more like that guy from Robin Hood: Men In Tights who cuts up arrows before they reach him, if he got in a fight with the Flash from the 90's TV series. They even use the 'run in a circle around the other guy to make a whirlwind' gag, but take it a step further toward a Looney Tune by having it drill him into the ground. At that point, I fully expected Duncan to materialize a hammer from behind his back and thwack the guardian, who would then pull out a sign reading 'I GIVE UP,' much like I wanted to at this point.

There was literally not a single part of this movie that I liked, and I'm not sure I feel comfortable being a Highlander fan after this. Highlander, I mourn thee. How the mighty have fallen.

Redeemable Quality: It could have been a good movie, but it was just a poor execution of it. ” - kte-926-555493
The Creeping Terror (1964 TV Movie)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.1/10 X  
A newlywed sheriff tries to stop a shambling monster that has emerged from a spaceship to eat the citizens of an American town. (75 mins.)
Director: A.J. Nelson
“ Synopsis:
A newlywed deputy returns home to find an alien spacecraft that has landed in his home town. The military gets involved, a creature escapes and begins to eat a lot of people. The military finally steps in to take out the monster.

Jake: This is most appropriately titled movie yet. This movie is a terror and everything in the movie creeps at slow speeds. The monster, the people “running” from the monster, the PLOT!!! Man, every time the monster appears and eat the people, by the time the monster gets close enough the people could have been halfway across the state if they would have just RUN!!! However everyone must have been stricken with a sever case of paralysis of the legs because the "giant walking carpet" (No not Chewbacca, that would have been cool) was so horrifying they could move or run away instead they decide it is best just to crawl inside of the monsters mouth. But I know it is an old movie therefore the cheesiness will be through the roof, but some scenes that should be disturbing actually just come out comically.

Any time the monster eats someone it looks like the actor is having actually crawled INTO the mouth. Not only is there that, but the creature itself looked like a giant blanket with legs. And yet in the actual credits someone claims the title of costume creator!! I would have kept my name far from that title even if I did do it.

Redeemable Quality: Gives new meaning to car sex. Ew. ” - kte-926-555493
The Underground Comedy Movie (1999)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.5/10 X  
A series of comedic short films guaranteed to offend. (88 mins.)
Director: Vince Offer
“ Synopsis:
A movie that promises to offend. Essentially a bunch of variety style skits and shorts.

Jake: Well, just another crapsack movie and I knew that it was going to be going into this because it tells you right off the bat that this movie is guaranteed to offend you. However offensive it is it doesn’t actually compare to the Worst. Movie. Ever. on my list. It was just as tasteless and trite, but I actually didn’t feel like I had to throw up. I think watching the Worst. Movie. Ever. had prepared me in some way for any other piece of crap Hollywood decides to throw my direction, at least I can always say, “It is not as bad as the Worst. Movie. Ever.”

Some of the major problems with this film is that it is not a comedy. I didn’t laugh once, it only did one thing and that was offend people. It had all the usual potty jokes, lame puns, and references to other good movies, but just did not come off as funny. Plus they, like other horrible comedies, perpetuate the joke hoping that it gets funnier and funnier with each take, but nope it doesn't. It wasn't funny the first time through and it isn’t funny the third, fourth or fifth run through. Anyone who wants to write a comedy should seriously take some notes on what is actually funny and what is not.

However I will give one thing there was at least one joke that made me laugh later at only because the idea was funny the execution wasn't. It was only made funnier in my head later on. The joke was: "One thing you will never see...A young, pretty girl dating an older guy...who isn't rich." Then they showed a young girl with this older balding guy who is looking at expensive clothing and suggesting it to her to which she replies that he shouldn't spend the money on her, but save it for his retirement. It came to mind later when I was talking to someone else about and only then did it make me laugh.

Redeemable Quality: At least it was not as bad as the worst movie ever. ” - kte-926-555493
Highlander II: The Quickening (1991)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 4.1/10 X  
In the future, Highlander Connor MacLeod must prevent the destruction of Earth under an anti-ozone shield. (91 mins.)
Director: Russell Mulcahy
“ Synopsis:
In the future of 2024, the Highlander from the last movie, aka Conner MacLeod of the clan MacLeod, has helped create a shield to protect the world, because the ozone layer has been depleted, but since that time the ozone layer has regenerated and the company that keeps the shield running doesn’t want anyone to know because they make a ton of money off of it. However, this is just a side story to the main plot which involves the highlander actually being from an alien race that had been banished and they become immortals that can only die if they lose their heads, fighting happens and yeah it doesn't make any sense when compared to what is known from the previous movie.

Jake: This movie was…special. I have seen the original Highlander and it was not bad, sure it was old, but it had some good qualities to it, it was interesting and intriguing. This movie on the other hand just **** all over the previous movie. “Continuity? What is that?” Says Highlander II. Highlander which was actually a good movie, however dated it may be.

The first Highlander was about a Scotsman who died and for reasons really unexplained to my recollection, became immortal. He was considered a demon by his own people and left them. He came across another woman whom he fell in love with until she died, being that he was immortal and did not age it was a little creepy, anyway he meets up with another immortal who is named Ramirez teaches him the ways of the force, err, immortals, I guess. He learned the rules which are stuff like Immortals must fight to the death and that is by decapitation, Immortals can’t fight on holy ground, and a few others. Well, Highlander II pretty much takes those elements shifts them and makes them no longer make sense. Honestly it would have made MORE sense if was titled without Highlander.

However this is just a small portion of what was wrong with this movie. The worst of it was some of the villains and the action sequences. Now it can be fun to see over the top villains, because they are funny and interesting, but these villains are just…weird. They are crazy, but not in the sense that you are actually afraid of them, more like, “Oh, you are so silly I can’t take you seriously as any kind of threat.” I mean they try to pass them off as EVIL, but really it is just goofy how they do it. Plus, physics doesn’t affect villains in this movie, but whatever.

Overall, this movie was absolutely ridiculous, so much so that the rest of the movies of the Highlander franchise refuse to acknowledge its existence. However, they apparently is an edited version of the film called the "Renegade edition" that takes out some of the stupider moment of the plot and I might want to look into to see if it makes the movie any better than this crapfest.

What!? That was the “Renegade edition”!!?? NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Yeah, we found out later that we watched the edited version and that it wasn’t even the “bad version” in the end Sam found the real version and the whole reason why it is even worse is because it made LESS sense. The other version is stupid, but at least it is a little coherent.

Sam: I had already seen Highlander II, but I had honestly forgotten just how bad it was. The immortals are apparently aliens, whose legal system works like this: Exile a bunch of criminals to some random place, have them kill each other until only the meanest killer remains... and then allow him back among the populace. I think we should adopt this exciting policy.

Moving along, Connor has won the game but doesn't want to go back to the home planet, probably because he's not done practicing what may be the most hideous Marlon Brando impression of all time. Really, I kept waiting for him to stuff a pair of cotton balls into his cheeks and perhaps even begin talking about offers of an unrefusable nature. Michael Ironside does some hamming and dispatches Corta and Reno, a pair of goggled assassins who laugh by sticking their tongues out giggling, a laugh which I mimic whenever I think it will annoy Jake the most. During this fight scene, Connor takes one of their hoverboards and flies around for about 2 or 3 sustained minutes before he clotheslines one of them with a wire, decapitating him. I'm sure those reading this will assume that the wire was thin, like piano wire, as it would need to be to decapitate someone, but no, the wire I am talking about was a rubber electrical wire about as thick as my index finger.

After they die and he becomes magically young again, a woman he literally just met maybe ten, eleven minutes ago falls instantly in love with him. Connor also resurrects his old friend Ramirez, who adds comic relief and little else, aside from a jab at modern art. Most puzzlingly, during the final fight scene, Connor suddenly changes clothes and has a completely different sword. This movie had so many bizarre things going on, with little to no sense or explanation, and precious little connection to the original Highlander. There was no character development, the romance was tacked on, Sean Connery could not have been more wasted in this film, (I mean not used to his full potential, though if I were cast in this film I would have made sure I was the other kind of wasted) and it was not even written by the original scriptwriter of Highlander. In fact, after it went over budget, the insurance company started removing scenes as they saw fit. That's right, the insurance company had a say in this script. And it shows.
And as a final note...

*sticks tongue out* :P HEHEHEHEHEHEHEH!

That was for you, Jake.

Redeemable Quality: That it was not the fault of the creator of the Highlander series that this movie is an utter failure. ” - kte-926-555493
Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 4.0/10 X  
Aliens resurrect dead humans as zombies and vampires to stop humanity from creating the Solaranite (a sort of sun-driven bomb). (79 mins.)
“ Synopsis:
Aliens come to earth to resurrect our dead so that we would acknowledge their existence. They resurrect three people who attack other earth people. The army gets involved, trying to hush it up. They enter the alien spacecraft and debate on the stupidity of humanity and building greater bombs that will destroy the universe!

Crash: The idea for this movie was good. Aliens AND zombies?!?! It could be totally cool! Except the execution of said idea did not work in this film. The plot holes were rampant. The aliens’ reasonings made no sense, we have no idea why certain characters did things, and why the government was hushing everything up is a mystery. The acting was awful.

For a town being invaded by aliens and zombies, everyone is pretty calm and comfortable. The scene changes from day to night and back again within seconds, and the special effects are so obviously fake it’s ridiculous. They also reused scenes over and over. Not the worst movie we’ve watched, but for a horror about aliens and zombies, it could totally put you to sleep.

Jake: The major problem with the movie is the editing. Scenes were choppy and didn’t make sense and definitely recycled. And as Crash said there were plenty of scenes were it would be night one moment and day the next. In fact, in Ed Wood fan circles, (Yes there are fans of his works in the since that they were snarkbait) people are sure to shout out "Day!" or "Night!" every time there was a change.

Not mention the actors did not seem all too interested in anything that happened around them. They stood there while being attacked and had delayed reactions to events that happen. In fact I read that one of the actors who was the sheriff/police chief waved his gun around, using it to point at people, and do everything they would tell you not to do in gun safety classes just because he was bored.

The saddest thing about the film is that an actor had to be replaced because he died mid-film, literally died, but on stage at least, so an obviously not the same actor replaces him. (Bela Lugosi RIP)

Redeemable Quality: Watching it with rifftrax! Hilarious!! ” - kte-926-555493
Battlefield Earth (2000)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.4/10 X  
After enslavement and near extermination by an alien race in the year 3000, humanity begins to fight back. (118 mins.)
Director: Roger Christian
“ BATTLEFIELD EARTH: A Saga of the year 3000 (2000) Roger Christian

Synopsis: It is the year 3000 and man has been taken over by an alien race that has come to earth to strip mine it of all of its gold. However the human race does have a hard time remaining enslaved, so of course they fight their oppressors to regain their freedom and hopefully a little dignity.

Jake: You could write a book on all of the flaws with the plot alone. My book would start out like so, "Chapter One: The Absurdity." Yeah, that is only one way I would discribe this movie other chapters/adjectives would be ridiculous (one of my personal favorites), stupid, nonsensical, and stupid, stupid, stupid. So, what you may ask is so stupid about this movie? Well, good question and to answer that question I will answer it with another question: What isn't stupid about this moive? That would be an easier one to answer.

First of the aliens a freaking morons. By their virtue of stupidity alone I refuse to believe that they could take over the planet Earth. They have no idea what earth's culture, they think that humans are as dumb as earth's animals, and they are just WAY too trusting. I believe that the day these aliens took over pot had been legalized everywhere and to celebrate this momentanous occasion everyone had to light up a doobie and smoke it right there and right then. That is the exact time the aliens attacked and overthrew the world's government. It is the only rational way I can come up with how in the world these moron aliens took over the planet earth.

Justin: I will start out by saying that all scifi dealing with aliens sucks, in my opinion. I'm not a fan of any of it because it all looks cheesy this includes Star Wars all the way through the crap they are putting out today.

This movie however is an other turd in the punch bowl of awful scifi movies. Awful acting, awful story, awful camera angles just all around awful. The only like about this movie is the scenery. They chose some pretty snazzy locales to shoot in. Other than that this movie sucks. If you bought this movie and liked it you need to be sterilized and hit several times with a tack hammer.

(The opinions of Justin do not neceesarily reflect the opinion of Jake. In fact some of it is quite the opposite.)

Redeemable Quality: It is unintentionally funny. "Before you were even able to SPELL YOUR NAME!!" ” - kte-926-555493
Eegah (1962)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.2/10 X  
Teenagers stumble across a prehistoric caveman, who goes on a rampage. (90 mins.)
“ Synopsis:
A young lady driving in the night runs across a giant of a man who looks to be dressed like a cave man. The young lady’s father and her boyfriend investigate. It leads the father out into valleys to find him. The daughter and her boyfriend go out to pick the father up only he does not show at the rendezvous point. While looking for the father the daughter gets captured by the giant and finds that her father is captured to. The giant falls in love with the girl and after she and her father escape the giant follows them into the city.

Jake: Well, it is your typical giant creature falls in love with girl story, but it is definitely of the least quality, but yet not the worst I have seen. Sure there were some unexplained parts like how the cave man stayed alive for so long apparently using sulfur water? Yeah, sulfur water. Does it have some sort of magical property to it that keeps people alive longer that we don't know about? If so, why are we not using it now? It is simply because it would taste nasty?

How come every time the boyfriend sings a song it sounds like he is singing into a microphone when there is none about and when they are even in the middle of the desert? Is there some sort of hideen microphone out in the desert and he is putting on a show for his girlfriend? And if so why? Did the coyotes out in the desert enjoy it just as much as the girl did?

Why in the heck did that guy at the party try to steal the boyfriend’s girl when he clearly has dibs on her? Are they in an open relationship? Or did the bully think that if he just butt in he would have shown his male superoirity and thereby impress the girl enough to make her want him? If he did think that why did he go for that girl when their are plenty of other girls out there that had boyfriends that were dorkier than hers?

Why in the world did the father just look on whilst his daughter is groped by the giant man-thing? Was he turned on? Did he not want the gian to rip his arms out of his sockets and use them for baseball? If the monster did rip his arms and use it for baseball would the story have taken a different direction and be about a dumb man who likes to hit things become a baseball legend?

Anyway it was just a weird and boring film that makes you ask more questions than it answered, but that is kind of what I have come to expect and it does not put me back like it use to, especially after Monster A-Go Go. Nothing is more boring than that.

Redeemable Quality: The dune buggy scene when the girl is yelling out, “WHEEEEEEEEEEE!” ” - kte-926-555493
Gigli (2003)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.4/10 X  
The violent story about how a criminal lesbian, a tough-guy hit-man with a heart of gold, and a mentally challenged man came to be best friends through a hostage. (121 mins.)
Director: Martin Brest
“ Synopsis:
This is the story of a tough professional hitman who is hired to kidnap a retarded boy, however his employer doesn’t trust him to do the job right so he hires another to help, but it’s a girl. Romantic Comedy ensues…ish.

Jake: Nothing can quite compare to the plain and weird story of Gigli. Pronounced Gee-Lee, not Gig-lee or Guy-gly. Gee-Lee. Go figure.

First of all, ALL of the characters were wrong. Jennifer Lopez does not portray a good Lesbian, she really doesn’t even seem like one really, she was supposed to be this dyke like character, but she was just too feminine for it to work and Ben Affleck doesn’t seem like an effeminate male at all, even when they try to make it look so, it was very contrived. Yeah that is how this romantic comedy was suppose to work. She is an hit-woman who is really masculine, with feminine flair I suppose and he is a tough-guy put on hitman who has feminine tendencies. And together they fight crime. Yeah they do not do what they are contracted to do instead they fight crime.

And that is what really stood out Gigli si suppose to be the female of the relationship and Jennifer Lopez's character is suppose to be the male. Okay think about that for a few minutes... Ben Affleck is the female and Jennifer Lopez is the girl. It doesn't work. Interesting idea, but no.

Lastly, the actor that is trying to portray the retarded kid (The one the two of them are suppose to be keeping captive) seems like he was trying too hard, it just didn’t work. I think he was going for an oscar like the guy in Rainman, but I am sorry you picked the wrong movie.

The movie really wasn’t very funny at all either. All of its jokes either fell flat or just didn’t work for me. The movie premise itself is a joke, not only did either of the main actors portray the characters right, but they really didn’t fit their jobs either. These two are supposed to be hardened criminals, but when it came down to it both of them were just too soft for this job. How do you get into this profession and be so soft.

One of the few parts I did laugh was not supposed to be funny and that is Lopez’s “New York” accent. It was terrible and she just sounded goofy using it, I think she thought so too so there were times when she didn’t have the accent and then it would come back.

The last thing that needs to be mentioned is that the F-word was used too much for a Romantic Comedy, it didn’t make the movie edgier or add anything, it just seemed out of place for a Rom Com.

Sarah: One of the first things that I noted is that the whole thing was unrealistic. Lopez and Affleck did not come across as these hitmen they were supposed to be, but really come off as hitmen wannabes. They were too soft for the job they were supposed to do.

Even the “villain” wasn’t even realistic either, he had the guts to kill off one character that wasn’t too important, but let Affleck and Lopez live because she comes up with a speech that really doesn’t make any sense. Plus there were just some unrealistic things with the guns used.

Whoever did the casting did a poor job picking Lopez as a lesbian, she really didn’t fit the part, at all really she seemed to read a lot and have a lot knowledge about “girly” stuff that would seem uncharacteristic of her profession. It is not one of the worst movies I have seen, but it was pretty bad.

Redeemable Quality: Christopher Walken, enough said. ” - kte-926-555493
Troll 2 (1990)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.7/10 X  
A family vacationing in a small town discovers the entire town is inhabited by goblins in disguise as humans, who plan to eat them. (95 mins.)
Director: Drake Floyd
“ Synopsis:
Part of some sort of home exchange program (?) a family from the suburbs switches homes for the week with a small town family of Nilbog. However, little does the family know that the people in this small town are actually Goblins that is trying to eat them.

Jake: This movie has been called the “Best Worst Movie of all time” and it is not a bad title. This movie is just filled with fail, but it is kind of weird and funny kind of fail. The first mistake is the name, to break it down it is called Troll 2, but the movie has nothing to do with Trolls it is about goblins and to add to that it is in no way a continuation of the first movie Troll, I know, I have seen it in bits and pieces, the plot is totally different.

Besides all of that the acting is laughable and internet meme fodder. However the weirdest scene of the entire movie, if you can say that there is one scene that is weirder than the rest, would be the “sex/make-out” scene: An evil goblin sorceress disguises herself as a beautiful woman and meets with a young man in his RV and she brings out an ear of corn. They take it and “make-out” through the corn, I can’t tell if they are making out with the corn or just eating it. Okay that is weird, but it takes it to 11 when during this out of nowhere popcorn starts popping. It is not even the piece of corn that is popping it is some popcorn popping around it. To end the scene the guy is left alone buried in popcorn. Now according to Rule 34 of the internet somewhere out there (possibly the director or the writer, maybe both) is getting off to that scene.

The final thing that I want to bring up about the movie is that the Goblins are vegetarians, so they turn humans into vegetables to eat them… O_o I am trying to wrap my mind around that. Vegetables, greens, and all of those things that are found out in nature would rather turn humans made of meat into vegetables (more like green goo) so they can eat them. Maybe there is something deep like plants have feelings to and that the vegetarian society are ignoring it for their own eating pleasure? That is doesn't matter what you eat animal or vegetable someone will suffer? Whatever the message is, I don't get it.

Redeemable Quality: It is the best worst movie of all time. It is still fun to watch for laughs. ” - kte-926-555493
It's Pat (1994)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.7/10 X  
The comedic misadventures of a person of indeterminate gender. (77 mins.)
Director: Adam Bernstein
“ Synopsis:
A...person of indeterminable gender named Pat falls in love with a...person of similar quality. All the jokes revolve around the sexual ambiguity of Pat. Then there is this guy who is obsessed with knowing Pat's gender to the point that he falls in love with Pat despite being recently married.

Jake: Well, not a lot can be said about this terrible movie. It was stupid, the jokes were only funny about once and towards the end the movie turns just plain creepy. Well, first of all the most, nay, ALL of the jokes revolved around Pat's unidentifiable gender and that you thought you were going to find out, but you don't. Fak out after fake out after fake out ad nauseum. It was funny maybe once or twice.

Then I guess this whole thing with Pat's next door neighbor trying to figure out Pat's gender was suppose to be funny, but more came off as creepy and gag worthy. Like I said he was recently married and moved in next door to Pat and wants to find out whether s/he is female or male. Over time he became more and more obessed about to the point that he stopped caring which gender s/he was and wanted him/her romantically regardless of his/her gender. To the point of disturbing.

The story to it all was pretty weak and cliché, but honestly what can you expect from a Saturday Night Live skit turn movie. It just was boring and humdrum. And of course the movie just teases you the whole way through and never reveals Pat's gender, but once again it is to be expected. It is just a poorly executed, funny only once SNL skit. And that is all you can really say about the whole thing.

Redeemable Quality: I hear it at least was funny on SNL. ” - kte-926-555493
Robot Monster (1953)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.9/10 X  
The monstrous Ro-Man attempts to annihilate the last family alive on Earth, but finds himself falling for their beautiful daughter. (66 mins.)
Director: Phil Tucker
“ Synopsis:
Umm, stuff happens? Okay, so try to follow this one, there is this kid playing around near these caves where these scientists looking at stuff in the caves when his mother calls him and his friend over to eat in a picnic style. They ALL, all being the mother, the boy, the friend, and the boys older sister, take a nap, which the boy wakes up early and goes to play. He is...struck by lightning??? I don't know. He is somehow sent to the future, but the future is the present and there are these alien creature that may or may not be from Italian descent, called Ro-men who have killed almost all of earth population except like 6-8 people. One of the Ro-men falls in love with the boy's older sister, one of the scientist becomes like his grandfather or something, how? ...not sure, but in the end the human race is on the brink of exstinction when we found out that it was ALL a dream........ Got that?

Jake: And what what a messed up dream it was. All of that to explain a whole lot of nothing. Well, you might think we should be lienant on them because it was made a long time ago, but I say no because it doesn't make a lick of sense until you realize it was all a dream. Before that you would have this perpetual furrowed brow of confusion trying to make sense of this sudden time/dimension/reality jump. The whole thing was confusing, okay!?

Not only was it hard to follow (yeah I actually had to watch it twice to get it and even then that was not as helpful as one would have hoped), but the acting was grade A cheesy. The hand motions of the bad guys, really one guy dressed up in a gorilla outfit with a diver helmet on, were really silly. Just watching them speak and move their hands was unintentionally comical, made me think they were Italian or something. You know screw it, they are Italian. They moved their hands when they talked all the time and they are called Romen, so they must be from Rome. It makes sense.

It was also preachy, but what wasn't in the 1950s. We were constantly worried about where will we go with all of these nuclear warheads on our hands. In the end though this movie was really just bizarre.

Redeemable Quality: Watching the movie by itself is strangely better than watching it with MST3k. Go figure. ” - kte-926-555493
The Beast of Yucca Flats (1961)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.4/10 X  
A defecting Soviet scientist is hit by a nuclear explosion near Yucca Flats and roams around as a beast. (54 mins.)
Director: Coleman Francis
“ BEAST OF YUCCA FLATS (1961) Directed by Colin Francis

Scientist (Tor Johnson) comes to America to deliver a package only to be killed by an atomic bomb that turns him into a monster.

Jake: Watching horrible movies has taught me that the A-bomb is good for only two things: Killing people and an excuse to turn people into monsters. Beast of Yucca Flats is no different in that regard, no one is educated on what an atomic bomb can actually do. It doesn’t turn people into a monster, it only kills them and you can’t just test a bomb in an area near people, because if the explosion doesn’t kill the radiation will.

This movie really drags with long periods of driving sequences, parking sequences, confusing action. The whole time you are trying to figure out who is shooting who and why. There are some ridiculous scene and things in the movie, the first being the nonsensical narrator. He narrates parts that you can understand, but the parts where a little narration might help it is dead silent. Also it sounds like he is trying to go for a Twilight Zone kind of tone. "For your consideration, Tor Johnson, trying to pass himself as a scientist carrying important information. We all know that he only good for monster movies. As he movies into this unseemingly town he was just entered the Yucca Flats Zone." Cue music.

Another thing is the sequences where a man is trying to shoot another man down because he thinks he might be the monster FROM A MOVING AIRPLANE NO LESS. So many things wrong with this, first they have not seen the monster yet and so they just automatically assumes that he is monster when they really have no evidence for it at all, second he is shooting a moving target while in an airplane. I don’t know, maybe he is really good, but I would think that it would really hard to shoot something that is moving while you are moving even faster. Anyway this movie sucked.

Redeeming quality: The cute little bunny rabbit scene, it was completely unscripted ” - kte-926-555493
Hobgoblins (1988)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.3/10 X  
A young security guard must track down diminutive aliens who kill people even as they make their fantasies come true. (88 mins.)
Director: Rick Sloane
“ Synopsis:
It is story about Kevin, an assistant security guard, guarding an empty movie studio that houses the "Hobgoblins," in a vault that is never locked. The Hobgoblins are creatures from space that can tap into your mind and make you wildest dreams come true, but it usually kills you. Kevin accidently releases these hobgoblins into the world and it is up to him to kill them before they kill his friends.

Crash: First of all the effects are, as expected, 80's esque except they don't even try to hide the fact that the hobgoblins are puppets. It's pretty obviously puppets especially someone is either always holding them or they are always behind something. Secondly the acting is totally overdone. Thirdly the plot holes are ridiculous. If the old guy could have always blown up the hobgoblins, then why did he waste THIRTY YEARS OF HIS LIFE guarding them?! And how did Nick survive BURNING FROM A GRENADE EXPLODING BENEATH HIM?

BUT the KICKER for me is the moral implications. It's a horror film (?) so there should be some message, right? Apparently the message is guys need to be tough by showing their chicks random dangerous nonsensical fights they can get into and that girls are more fun as sluts, which apparently every girl fantasizes being. And not just premarital sex but full on sluttiness, sleeping with every guy and ditching the "romantic" types for the army "i'll sleep with you in a van" types. And to make it all worse, the implied sex scenes aren't even realistic. Plus the rock band singing Kiss Kicker for 7 minutes really really....failed.

Jake: This Horror Comedy is neither scary nor funny, it is anything but! Overall the movie tries so hard and has potential for good jokes, but in some they messed it up and it just ends with the viewer having a puzzled look on their face. Obviously poorly written, poorly acted, and poorly edited.

Seriously a whole scene in which a band performs a whole song that you are forced to watch and has absolutely no bearing on the plot. Maybe it was one be music video or they made for the song they are going to play the whole thing, damnit. Not only that, but I really could not tell what they were singing. Was Pig Kicker? Twig Sticker? Rig Licker? OH! Pig Liquor!!! What? It's not... huh.

Obviously trying to run on the fame of Gremlins as a critter creature film, this just about takes the cake in the most horrible critter creature films out there and believe me there are quite a few. I have seen some of them. The best way to overall describe this film is as a Horror Comedy it is horrorific to watch and funny to think that someone actually thought that this movie was a good idea.

Redeemable Quality: You did not have to witness the sex scenes! Eww... ” - kte-926-555493
Jaws: The Revenge (1987)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.9/10 X  
Chief Brody's widow believes that her family is deliberately being targeted by another shark in search of revenge. (89 mins.)
Director: Joseph Sargent
“ Synopsis:
Jaws is back and for revenge. He is after the Brody family. After the family loses one of the brothers, Ellen Brody, the Mother, moves down to the Bahamas to get away from it all. But Jaws drags his plastic butt all the way down to get back at the family that wronged him.

Jake: Holy crap! Are you serious!? A shark is after a certain family FOR REVENGE!!?? Really!? I mean, Really? But yeah it is true Jaws is back and he is after the Brody family, you know, the family of the man that…um…killed him in the first movie. The man who asked the sonnabitch to smile. That time where shark blew up into a million tiny pieces. Yeah, that guy. The shark is out for blood against his family.

I am not sure, maybe it is just Jaws' brother back for vengeance or maybe Jaws was a girl and it is its child or maybe the shark didn’t die or maybe it is just an undead shark avenging its own death. Anyway you put it, it sounds ridiculous! I mean a shark is after only the Brody family, it is complete stupidity. Except for that last idea I had. That would have been crazy awesome. A zombie Shark after the Brody family. Now there needs to be a sequel called Jaws: The Revenge 2 Attack of the Zombie Shark!

Not only the actual premise horrible, but the shark itself is completely unbelievable, it is the most plastic looking shark ever. I was almost surprised I didn't see the little fingers of the eight-year-old child controlling the little toy shark as came to attack. And of course they took plenty of good parts out of the first movie to stick into their bad movie. This movie is just plain stupid and unbelievably ridiculous. This is definitely the worst of the Jaws series.

So what we have learned is don't kill a shark, because it's sibling/parent/child/undead corpse will come back to haunt your family.

Redeemable Quality: The little girl was REALLY cute! ” - kte-926-555493
The Hottie & the Nottie (2008)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 1.9/10 X  
A woman agrees to go on a date with a man only if he finds a suitor for her unattractive best friend. (91 mins.)
Director: Tom Putnam
“ Synopsis:
A young man whose relationships never seem to work out travels across the country to find his first love, back from first grade. Only once he does he finds out that she has an ugly friend who has not gone out with anyone ever and the hottie will never date a guy nor marry until her friend, the nottie, finds the one she was meant to be with.

Jake: A lot of the this film is not much worse than the Romantic Comedies of today, but what about this makes it stand out from all the other crappy Rom Coms? It really comes down to the humor really. One thing I have noticed about what sort of comedies that are on the Worst Movies Ever list is that there humor is a lot of gross out, shock value humor and this one is really no different. A lot of the humor is just fart jokes and other grossities. Which really, in my opinion, really don't belong in a romantic comedy. I would expect that from a comedy with Adam Sandler in it, but something like this.

The story of course is predictable, trite, and cliché, but really what were you expected from a romantic comedy, especially one of this caliber. You get what you pay for. (And I did not pay a thing for this one, mwahahahahahahaahahahaha) Overall it was a really bad Romantic Comedy, but what kills it is the “Seen one romantic comedy you have seen them all” and its gross out humor. It was all unneccessary.

This movie was just so forgettable. I had to actually watch twice in order to a proper review of the movie. Watching it the second time did not make it any better. In the end I regret having to do this one twice, but I needed to get this done with this.

Redeemable Quality: Paris Hilton is nice to look at, at least until the “Nottie” has her transformation ” - kte-926-555493
An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn (1997)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 3.5/10 X  
When a rookie filmmaker with the unfortunate name Alan Smithee realizes he's an unwitting studio puppet, being forced to make a big-budget action film he knows is horrible, he steals the master reels and tries to make a deal. (86 mins.)
“ Synopsis:
The director of a film, Alan Smithee, sees what the executives had to his film, editing it all wrong and thereby making it a really bad movie. In order to save his art he steals the master copy and begins to run amok trying to keeps his work out of the hands of the general public so that they do not have to see this abomination.

This movie was entirely boring and I did not laugh one time during the course of it. However, it is still one of the funniest movies ever. You must be by now wondering why am I contradicting myself in saying that I didn't laugh once, I didn't even laugh at anything unintentionally funny, but to understand why this movie is hilarious you have to understand some history first.

There was a time, before the year 2000, when a director of a movie didn't like the way the movie turned out that he would have his name changed to "Alan Smithee" on the film label. Now the movie is about a man named Alan Smithee and his film is terrible, but he can't changed the name, because it is his name. This movie isn't anything less than ironic, because the movie itself had become the very thing that it was about. The movie sucked and the director hated it, so what did the director do: He changed the director's name on the film to Alan Smithee.

In a twist, art imitates life in the very movie about a terrible movie, which you never get to see, becomes a terrible movie. This movie is so bad, that I would have loved and even enjoyed watching the movie that the Alan Smithee in the film never wanted anyone to see. It had Sylvester Stallone, Whoopi Goldberg, and Jakie Chan, for crying out loud. Disaster or not it would be a movie worth seeing. Instead we get this piece of crap! The movie is boring. Nothing funny to be found just heartache, pain and misery lie within this movie. It was suppose to be a satire, but ultimate becomes satire of itself. This movie is Meta. It has become a movie about itself and should have been taken by its director, much like the one in the movie, and burned the Master Copy.

Redeemable Quality: That this movie is a mockery of itself. It is a hilarious twist or cruel irony. ” - kte-926-555493
Kazaam (1996)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.8/10 X  
A troubled kid inadvertently releases a genie, who must grant him any three wishes he requests. (93 mins.)
Director: Paul M. Glaser
“ Synopsis:
A boy growing up in a tough neighborhood, while dealing with his parents divorce, finds Shaquille O'Neal trapped in boombox. Turns out that Shaq isn't a famous basketball player, but a Genie who is looking to get into a rap career.


Jake: So, I am just to say it, Shaq cannot rap. At all. And guess what this movie has Shaq doing the most...If you said rapping give yourself a cookie. Shaq's version of rapping is more like talking in rhymes, when last I checked rap is more about the rhythm than the rhyme. Not only that but the rhyming scheme was down right horrendous. It was as if Dr. Suess and Edgar Allen Poe had a black baby... Maybe that was a little racist, but this movie is more racist than anything I could come up with that is for sure.

Anyway this movie is just plain awful, because it is just creepy having the humongous Shaq next to the prepubescent kid. He comes off as a stalker and a pedophile, who tries to rap. Yeah, I know I keep bringing that up but seriously it was horrible. He was following the kid around and they eventually came to what seemed like a rap music video with both the kid and Shaq. Neither off them were any good, but Shaq was still worse. They should have called the police someone to take away the weirdo black stalker. All he was missing was a white windowless van to follow the kid in and his stalker training would be complete.

So what is up with that, movies who pretty much stop everything to have a "music video" in the middle of the movie. Was anyone listening to them rap? Someone had to have watched it be like, "Really? You are trying to pass that off as rap!?"

Not only that there really wasn't any message to take away from the overall movie it was just a stupid movie with nothing interesting to entertain and nothing about morals. Unless you count that Moms usually divorce Dads because they are insensitive jerks. You learned absolutely nothing that would be applicable to life and the story is just some sort of cash cow that someone was trying to ride on with Shaqs. This wasn't the first time anyone has tried this either, they tried with the superhero movie Steel with the Shaq. Being a basketball player doesn't mean you can be an actor there is no correlation. I do not know why people think that. Because movies with basketball players do not work well, unless you can count Space Jam. Like Space Jam, okay. It has nostalgia value for me. Regardless this movie is worse!

Sam: Kazaam's another one I'd seen before. I think Jake likes to make me relive old horrors. If you didn't know the premise of the movie, it's about a genie named Kazaam who can only grant wishes through the power of rap, but he does it the rest of the time, too. The part of Kazaam is played by Shaquille O'Neal, who is neither an actor nor a rapper. In an adorably clueless display of possibly unintentional racism, massive black man Shaq is the slave of a whiny white kid named Max. Now, I know what you're all thinking. "How could such an amazing premise ever go wrong? Surely this movie must have been a runaway hit!" I, too, was baffled, but somehow, they screwed it up.

Looking back, it's hard to pinpoint where they went wrong. Was it the utter talentlessness of those involved, and the miscasting of a basketball player as a rapping genie? Could be. Might it have been the indescribable creepiness of a huge black man stalking a child, living in his home, sleeping with him, spontaneously showering in front of him, and Max's mother not questioning it in the least when Kazaam appears in her house claiming to be her son's assistant? Might've been. Could it be the lack of a real plot, outside of Max whining about his dad and responding with wailing prepubescent rage when his single mother finds a nice, upstanding man she actually likes who can support them, as opposed to Max's skeevy dad who deals with what is apparently the Indian Mafia, and a diminutive Indian man named Punjab? I'd say it's not outside the realm of possibility. But I guess the world will never really know.

Kazaam was a mess. It was a series of hijinks that were more embarrassing than funny, strung loosely together by an especially sorry attempt at one of the most cliche plots in existence. Shaq was miscast, certainly, but let's be honest, any actor would have been miscast, because this movie should never have even gotten to the casting stage, and should certainly never have seen the big screen.

Thanks for making me relive it, Jake.

Redeemable Quality: This movie didn't jump start Shaq's rapping career ” - kte-926-555493
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.5/10 X  
The Martians kidnap Santa Claus because there is nobody on Mars to give their children presents. (81 mins.)
“ Synopsis:
Poor Martian children have no emotions. So, the Martians decide to give them joy by kidnapping Santa. Villain tries to stop them, but good conquers all. Even though good had done some very wrong reasons. At least their heart was in the right place. It was for the better meant of Martian-kind to kidnap two kids and an old senile man to bring joy to children all over Mars.

Jake: Santa Claus “conquers” the Martians, if by conquer you mean come to their world and sets up a toy shop to give children toys and not diligently follow their studies, then yes. Yes he did conquer them, entirely. And now they have become his mind slaves of fun and joy and the Martian-kind became stupid to the point that they became extinct. Santa dominates yet another race. Too bad human are so darn resiliant.

Well, this movie was just so bad it was actually laughable, the scenes and plot were ridiculous. The Villain was a doofus and the Aliens were awkward at best. I mean if they were so advanced why do they have to steal our cable for "entertainment". Oh, wait they apparrently don't know what "entertainment" is. Stupid Martian kids.

The movie was entirely cheesy and I would be embarrassed to say I had taken a part of this if I did. Some of the funniest scenes were the “polar bear” attacking the children and the “Robot” attacking Santa Claus. The reason being that the "polar bear" was a polar bear skin rug placed on top of a person, which by the way, is now on my wish list of things to have in my house. Even if it was a fake one it would be awesome to have one!! And the "robot" moved slowly when attacking Santa, Santa thought it was a toy and called it such, the "robot" then thought it really was a toy. SANTA! Master of Robot Psychology!

Overall there were just a lot of plot holes and the movie was just plain silly and can’t be taken seriously.

Seth: I could leave it at a blanket statement such as but not limited to: the movie was made. Anyway, the plot was riddled with so many holes it was ridiculous. It was like every character knew what was going to happen. I mean these people seriously would put Sherlock Holmes to shame with their ability to know things about what happened and such.

For instance: the antagonist tampers with some machinery, and the good guys find the tampering, and they knew exactly who did it. With no other evidence other than that it was tampered with. Also, a little boy from earth out of nowhere knows the inner workings of a Martian space ship. I could critique the lack of special effects, but really, it was the 60s, I will give some grace in this area. Though this movie does contain the worst animal costume I've ever seen, I mean it was bad enough that it made the ROUS look believable as a real threat to mankind. Also, I can't give grace to the Martian guns that the actors apparently had to make the noise for themselves by saying "Puh."

Redeemable Quality: The narm of the polar bear. ” - kte-926-555493
Laserblast (1978)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.5/10 X  
A teenager stumbles upon an alien weapon, which transforms him into a grotesque killer. (85 mins.)
Director: Michael Rae
“ Synopsis:
Boy travels into the desert and finds alien technology: A laser gun. He starts using it to take revenge against those who wronged him, but he soon finds out that it is not he who is controling the laser gun, but the laser gun is controling him. *Cue twilight music*

Jake: Well, what to say about this movie that tries to compete with the names of the likes of "Star Wars". Well, it didn't go well at all. In fact it ends up being on MST3K, so yeah it was a bad flop. The movie is just plain weird and hard to understand where it is going with all of this and why. There are some many plot holes that you can see right through the movie and notice that it is just a sham and has no quality in it whatsoever.

The main character is not even likable, in fact he even looks like someone I once knew who I didn't even like. He looked like he was on drugs, but wasn't in the 70s. Either that or he was always jonesing for a cigarette. So, I am not sure whether we are suppose to feel for him or relate or feel sympathetic towards him. In the end he dies and nobady cares.

One part of the movie though needs considerable mention and that is the strangest duo you would have ever seen since since Slyvester Stallone and Estelle Ghetty. It was a Jock with a really bookwormy looking fellow. They do not look like they would ever be hanging out...ever. At least that is the way I would see it. Those two should not even know each other or acknowledge each others existence, but no they are pals. The nerdy guy is the jocks "yes man" and attempts to help the jock out in fights, but like the puss he is he just stands off on the side lines getting in cheap shots. Really the nerd should have been getting wedgies from this jock guy.

Redeemable Quality: The odd couple choice for the two bullies. It is kind of funny. ” - kte-926-555493
Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 1.9/10 X  
A group of smart-talking toddlers find themselves at the center of a media mogul's experiment to crack the code to baby talk. The toddlers must race against time for the sake of babies everywhere. (88 mins.)
Director: Bob Clark
“ Synopsis: Evil man tries to control the world by means of hypnosis through television. It is up to a crack squad of toddlers and one super hero baby to save the day.

Jake: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAA! AHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! AHahahahhahhaaaaaa... This movie is hilarious, but not in the good way, but in the totally awful horrendous way. The thick layer of hot cheese that coats this film is able to keep you warm on the frigid world of Hoth if you wrapped yourself around with it. There is a certain point when any amount of just goofy plotpoints comes to when you stop ask how is that even possible and say, "You know what? What the hell, this movie sucks might as well stop trying to figure it out and just laugh at it."

To even list the amount of flaws this movie has you would need a long book, but the best place to start is that it is a sequel and an entirely unnecessary one at that. The first movie was unnecessary, but is at least better than this movie, at least in comparison. Smart babies? Who thought that was a good idea and would make a good movie?

After you get past that almost every scene is impossible to be real or even be concievable enough to suspend your own disbelief. They just took it a little to far to the point that it was funny only because it was stupid. I just watched each scene and laughed and laughed and laughed, because if you didn't and you kept asking, "How is that possible?" you would miss just so much of the funniness of this movie and the over the top ridiculocity!

Redeemable Quality: Watch it with some friends and make fun of it the whole time. ” - kte-926-555493
Catwoman (2004)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 3.3/10 X  
A shy woman, endowed with the speed, reflexes, and senses of a cat, walks a thin line between criminal and hero, even as a detective doggedly pursues her, fascinated by both of her personas. (104 mins.)
Director: Pitof
“ Synopsis:
A woman dies and is brought beack to life by a magical cat and then becomes a catwoman, not THE catwoman just a catwoman. She fights crime...kind of...I really couldn't tell.

Jake: How devastating it must have been for all of those fans to go to the movies expecting to get a good DC movie about the Batman villain Catwoman. It would have been cool, different, and something all together interesting. Okay so it is Halle Berry and she is not just like the character in the comic book, but maybe it will be a cool kind of different. *insert really sad face* The movie has been called, "Catwoman in name only," because it has absolutely nothing to do with the Catwoman of Batman Lore. In fact, I do not even think it is set in Gotham.

Now you might be thinking, "Well, okay, so it is not about the Catwoman from the Batman does that instantly make it the worst movie ever?" Well, this is where the Batman fans' faces got even sadder, it was a piece of crap. Not only did they pay a lot of money to see it in theaters and not be about the Catwoman they were hoping for, but it wasn't even a good movie period. It was piss poor. One of the major problems was its heavy reliance on CGI and not even good CGI, we are talking it is so obiviously a Computer Geneterated Image CGI, that it was just silly. At certain parts it almost seemed that you could just replace Halle Berry with a CGI image just to make it mesh better with the film.

The final nail in the coffin was the plot. The plot is barely there, I mean there is not much to talk about. Really insert generic plot here and you have the plot. But from what I could ascertain it was about some make-up company selling additive, dangerous, magical make-up that makes you super human or something like that. It was about to hit the streets and it is Catwoman's job to stop it. Apparently the lesson is that women are like cats and cats are sometimes bad and sometimes good and some other made up crap. The end!

Redeemable quality: There is one scene that it funnier than it should be: The catnip scene. Go! Watch it! ” - kte-926-555493
Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 3.6/10 X  
Tasked with destroying each other, an FBI agent and a rogue DIA agent soon discover that there's a much bigger enemy at work. (91 mins.)
Director: Kaos
“ Synopsis:
Well, the is as follows, if you can call it a plot, kid is taken from his mother by his evil gangster father because the kid has nanotechology in his body that could be the perfect assassin. Some government company needs one of their best agents back, but he is retired (Movie cliché 757). While there is this other woman who comes in and steals the kid from the gangster father because she lost who own child because of him and wants revenge (Movie cliché 990). Stuff blows up (Movie cliché 024), guns are fired (Movie cliché 072), bullets are dodged (Movie cliché *insert arbitrary number here*), completely mindless action film happens. If you still didn't get what this movie is all about, watching the movie doesn't help.

Jake: So, I can enjoy a good mindless action film when I am in the mood, but this is no GOOD mindless action film. If you couldn't tell it was really cliché. A good mindless action film doesn't have holes so big you could drive a semi through it, backwards. Why did I say backwards? Well, not because I was just trying to be cool or funny or something, but because it seemed to be the thing to do in this movie, drive backwards. There are several scenes where people are driving backwards, in fact I think there was even a scene with a car chase driving backwards. Driving Backwards: Superior to driving forward any day.

The other thing is that some times it is just stupid to have a fighting scene for fighting scene sake. For example one of the Big Bad minions, played by Ray Park, fights the good guy girl, played by Lucy Liu, but they decide to just throw their guns to the side and fight each other in hand to hand combat. Who does that!!?? “I have a gun, but I also have honor so I will kill you with my fists.” Just Indiana Jones the guy. I could understand that if maybe they were out of bullets, but they weren't. Mostly because I am sure at the beginning fo the movie they placed in the cheat code for infinite ammo.

This movie is more than a mindless action film, a brain is not even required in fact I am sure that it is encouraged to disregard having one while watching it.

Seth: The movie was bad. It had little if any plot, and what plot it may have had involved every cliché in the book. There is really not much to say about the movie. Except for some of the ridiculous, stupid things. They have a gun that shoots backwards. Yeah. There is no possible way to explain that one, other than the gun shoots backwards. To get a good laugh, and to understand that better, you'd need to watch the movie, though I don't recommend that.

Also, there seems to be an obsession with driving backwards in this movie. Even if there is no reason at all to do so, people will just drive in reverse. And I know this is common in action movies, but they just were ridiculous with the guns. Guns are that are used for close ranges are shot, effective and accurately, mind you, over some pretty long distances. It was bad. The movie was bad! Don't watch it unless you want to have an occasional laugh or two at the awfulness.

Redeemable Quality: Learning that driving backwards is better than driving forwards any day of the week. ” - kte-926-555493
Daddy Day Camp (2007)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.9/10 X  
Seeking to offer his son the satisfying summer camp experience that eluded him as a child, the operator of a neighborhood daycare center opens his own camp, only to face financial hardship and stiff competition from a rival camp. (89 mins.)
Director: Fred Savage
“ Synopsis: Pretend Eddie Murphy and pretend John Goodman decides that sending his kid to a camp filled with jerks is not a good idea so he opens one himself and hilarity supposedly ensues.

Jake: This is how I picture this movie being decided on a green light: Someone comes in, possibly Fred Savage, "All right so I have a great idea. Remember how mediocre Daddy Day Care was!? Well, what if we were to take the same formula and apply it to a Day Camp." The executives have dollar signs in their eyes. "Great! Wow! I can't believe you got Eddie Murphy to sign on for a sequel!" "Ummm, well, actually I didn't get Eddie Murphy, but I got an incredible simulation!"

So what is up with sequels and not getting the same star to reprise his role? If you don't do that you might as well not make. Maybe there is a reason why they are not coming back, like your idea sucks. Where Daddy Daycare was mediocre Daddy Day Camp was just plain predictable. Every line every action I could have had a two-year-old write it after watching 30 minutes of television.

Really that is where movies have made their biggest mistake. Movies that are made simply to make money suck. Movies that are made for the art of it, to truly tell a good story are the ones that thrive. It doesn't even have to be a new story it just has to be a good one. But sequels are almost always the worst, because they will take a good story and run it into the ground. Why? Well, when an executive producer says, "Hey, we made a good amount of money off of this premise instead of breaking up the formula and going out on a limb and try to be a little different let's just repackage the moive into a different location and tell basically the same message." Cha-ching!

Redeeming quality: Eddie Murphy had been learning the art of dodging bullets. Good save Eddie Murphy, good save. ” - kte-926-555493
Howard the Duck (1986)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 4.6/10 X  
A sarcastic humanoid duck is pulled from his homeworld to Earth where he must stop an alien invader. (110 mins.)
Director: Willard Huyck
“ HOWARD THE DUCK (1986) Willard Huyck

This is a story of a Duck, a Duck from another dimension where the dominant species is the Duck, anthropomorphized of course. It follows his misadventure is our world from finding his place on earth to defeating Trans-dimensional Space Demons bent on taking over the cosmos. All in a normal days work, right?

Jake: Yes, well, this movie was, uh, special. It started off just showing Howard in his home world getting home from work and then suddenly he is transported off of his planet to ours. And things only get stupid and silly from here on out, pretty much downhill really. I mean the costume was barely believable, oh yeah, this was live action and not animated, if this was animated it might fared better, but no, with the success of the live action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movies they thought, “Hey why not do it that way??”

Well, I can tell because it looks stupid! And because Howard the duck is not that well known!! ANd the whole reason why Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fared better was because it had a large fan base!!! AND though critics didn’t much care for it the fans loved it because it stayed true to the comic books that it was based on!!!! (Knid of sorta) Plus, TMNT did not rely so heavily on special effects as George Lucas SO loves to do. Oh, I didn’t mention that, yeah George "freakin'" Lucas had a hand in this as the producer and pushed for it rely on special effects. You know what Mr. Lucas maybe you should spend a little more time on the story of things rather than the special effects, because special effects can only take you so far. Honestly, just give us movies that tell a good story, people like special effects, but honestly it will live longer if it has a good story and mythos to go with it.

Besides the cheesy special effects the fact that there is some strange sexual tension between the female and the male lead (Duck) is a little off setting when they are in bed. Now nothing happens, but it is a rather strange exchange. If something did it would definitely take the goofiness out of the roof. The main reason why this is a problem is that the movie doesn’t know if it is for kids or for adults.

Anyway about halfway through the film it begins this trans-dimensional demon thing which is a little close to what Howard the Duck was like in the beginning of its comic book days, but it was just plain silly to think that Ferris Bueller’s Principal is a Dark Overlord or at least the host of one. He acting was just goofy all around as this Demon thing. It was about here I began to wonder when this thing will be over with only to find that I was only a halfway through the film. I sighed and trudged on to the end which ends with a climactic battle between Howard and this puppet demon thing and stuff blows up. The end.

Redeemable Quality: Knowing that Ferris Bueller’s Principal went on to become an Astrophysist. ” - kte-926-555493
Myra Breckinridge (1970)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 4.3/10 X  
Myron Breckinridge is waiting for her sex-change operation while a stoned surgeon stumbles into the operating room... (94 mins.)
Director: Michael Sarne
“ Synopsis: The story of a man who became transexual and is trying to change the human race and make it more androgynous. How s/he is doing this is anyone's guess.

Jake: Where to even start? Well, every scene is a punch to the face. Straight to the face. The scene changes are so joslting that it is hard to keep up with what is going on. I think the movie is just trying so hard to be symbolic, but it just doesn't work. What makes it confusing is that there are pieces from older movies intersparsed throughout the movie having little to nothing to do with the actually movie. They may be commenting on what is happening with the movie or they are...are...something. Yeah I got nothing.

Besides that the whole premise is silly. Making so that there is no difference between one person or another for the sake of making them equal. Without either side we would not have such a diverse and wonderful world in which we live. Men need women for the soft and emotional side and women need men for protection and strength. Not to even say that a women cannot be strong for herself and stand up for herself, but to say that men historically have this role. Like for example my wife thinks long and hard and takes her time to come to a decision which at times is needed when thoughtfulness is needed, but for me I make quick and immediate decsions when it needs to be done and no time is to be had. Without the differences humanity would either never stop fighting or never be able to protect itself.

The last thing is its nonsensical ending. It just doesn't make sense. I am not even sure what to tell you. I guess it was that he never went through with the process or that he was reverted back. There is not a message to learn, nothing to laugh at, nothing good about this movie. To put it short and concise: This movie is an affront to your senses. No value what so ever. I believe one critic put best when he said, "This movie (which is suppose to be a comedy) is about as funny as a child molester." A hyperbole this may be, but it gives you the general idea.

Redeemable Quality: It is bad but nowhere near the bottom of the barrel. That is why it sits at number 32. ” - kte-926-555493
I Know Who Killed Me (2007)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 3.6/10 X  
A young woman who was missing reappears, but she claims to be someone else entirely. (105 mins.)
Director: Chris Sivertson
“ Synopsis: All right see if you can follow. Girl gets kidnapped and her twin is found who is believed to be the girl that was kidnapped. There is some stuff about twin stigmatas. And a downer ending. Um, decipher that!

Jake: Just when you have think you have seen it all. You think you have seen the worst, the ones that are just plain stupid you run into another one. I had been at this for a year and still this one was yet another fine example of what it takes to be one of the worst. To even begin with the title is completely wrong in fact it should be renamed "I Don't Know Who Didn't Kill Me". Because not only did the "main" character not die, but she didn't didn't know who killed her twin until the end.

And that is only the beginning there is the whole thing about symbolism that doesn't make sense, well, okay this whole movie didn't make sense. From the beginning to the end. There is this whole thing about how the daughter is not really the daughter and she has a twin. Yes Lidsey Lohan plays twins once again, I guess she is being typed cast. This would be "The Parent Trap" if written by Edgar Allen Poe, if he recieved some brain trauma and became a screen writer. In fact twins was a stupid idea it would make more sense if it was just one girl with a split personality disorder. In the end the movie really didn't really know what it wanted to be: gorn, sleeze (with Lindsey Lohann pole dancing), thiller, mystery, and more.

Probably the worst part about the whole movie is the plot device they decide to use Twin Stigmata. Apparently when one twin gets hurt, cut, maimed, etc. the other one automatically gets it as well. Really? So, one of the twin loses her hand and foot and the other twin loses them both for no reason whatsoever. It is not that, "Oh, she accidently lost her hand about the same time the twin did." Nope it just falls right off and she doesn't freak out or anything she shrugs it off with, "People get cut, that is life." NO! Bad movie! Don't try and pass off your quasi-philosophy on the masses.

Redeemable Quality: Um, introduced me to the weird concept of stigmata twins? ” - kte-926-555493
Glen or Glenda (1953)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 4.1/10 X  
A psychiatrist tells two stories: one of a transvestite (Glen or Glenda), the other of a pseudohermaphrodite (Alan or Anne). (65 mins.)
“ Synopsis: A man struggles with his sexuality and trying to decide how to make himself happy being a transvestite.

Jake: Ed Wood knows how to make some moviesssssssSuck. In this movie he attempts to get surreal and I guess meaningful, but ends up being all around goofy. If he was making arguments for being a transvestite he has some weird ones. First for your edification a transvestite is a person who dresses up like a woman but is a man. So someone who feels more comfortable in the other gender's clothes and one of his arguments for a man to dress up like a woman is because women's clothes are more comfortable than a man's. Ladies do you have something to complain about here? *Sarcasm mode activate* Now this was done in the 50's back when men had to wear clothing that was tight and constricting especially the men's hats. Man those things would cut off circulation to their brains. Therefore wearing a woman's clothing would be the best option.

Besides men's clothing being constrictive being a talking point there is this really weird and surreal scene with light bondage of men by women and vice versa. Don't ask what it meant because it came out of nowhere and left with little to no explanation. It was mainly disturbing and the low part of the movie that made one wish they were not watching.

Finally the wierdest character in the whole movie was "The Scientist" played by the ever creepy Bela Lugosi. His role in the film was indeterminable. He would appear and talk about...things over pans of people walking on the street, saying cryptic paragraphs about...things you weren't really sure about. So, yeah, the movie was horrible.

Redeemable Quality: I learned that a transvestite is actually just someone who dresses in the opposite genders clothes. I thought it was someone who trying to become the opposite gender. ” - kte-926-555493
All About Steve (2009)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 4.8/10 X  
Convinced that a CCN cameraman is her true love, an eccentric crossword puzzler trails him as he travels all over the country, hoping to convince him that they belong together. (99 mins.)
Director: Phil Traill
“ Synopsis:
A Rom Com about an awkward woman chasing after a guy that doesn’t really like her, because she is weird. Valuable lessons are learned about love, life, and being unique.

Jake: Well, the least worst of the comedies I had watched, but the main problem with this movie is just the awkward humor. Everything about this movie is awkward from the comedy to the dialogue and the interaction between the two leads. Awkward really describe this movie in general. There were moments that were funny, but they were far and few in between. In the end you are kind of waiting for it to end counting down the minutes until the awkwardness ends. However it was surprising that some of the jokes were really crude and more kind of a “What!? Did that really happen!?” Than anything else.

It is kind like the first time you were making love. You really don't know what is going to happen, but you have some ideas fromt hings you have seen on the internet. Yet once you actually get into it you feel silly and ackward hoping that you were doing it but, you end up hurting the other person and feel bad about your poor performance and you curl it a ball sobbing softly. She tries to comfort, but you know you did a horrible job and that there is not amount of words that can ever fix that. So you decide to go into therapy only to find out that the person that is a "sex therapist" doesn't know as much as you thought you and your rela- Wait... Where was I going with that? Oh, yeah. This movie was ackward.

Sarah: Not only was the movie awkward, but it made the viewers awkward. It gives you the same feeling that you get when you see an awkward person in public, even if you are not really talking to them, but you see them, you feel awkward and embarrassed for them.

Sandra Bullock did a good job however playing an awkward person so she must be a good actress to be able to portray an awkward person, but it was the role in the movie that it just didn’t work. So, I would blame more of the writers and director than the actress for the performance because she performed well as this character.

In the movie there was only about one “normal” character especially compared to all the rest of the characters on the screen and that was the male lead. I can’t believe Jake made me sit through the movie, I think he is crazy for trying to watch all of these bad movies. I can’t say that I pity him though he has brought this upon himself.

Redeemable Quality: The funniest of the worst movie. ” - kte-926-555493
Leonard Part 6 (1987)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.2/10 X  
A secret agent is called out of retirement to save the world from an evil genius. (85 mins.)
Director: Paul Weiland
“ Synopsis:
Retired CIA agent comes out retirement to do battle with an evil vegetarian bent on using animals to kill humans for exploiting them over the years. Hijinks ensue.

Jake: Bill Cosby! NOOOOO! How did you sink so low? This movie is just weird. It starts off and by the first few shots I am already confused and not sure what is going on. Not to mention the beginning credits were creepy. Literally. The music was creepy the kids art animation was creepy the whole beginning was weird and creepy. In fact, it would make sense if a kid did write the script. In a little kids voice, "And then Bill Cosby will be riding a llama away from the bad guys while all of these other animals will be running with him... AND THEN THERE WILL BE AN EXPLOSION!!"

Overall the movie is very goofy, but you would think, “Oh, it is a comedy it is supposed to be goofy.” But no this is a not funny kind of goofy, the jokes are mostly slapstick and that stopped be funny a while back, but even if you were to show it to an audience that love slapstick they still wouldn’t laugh because they did it wrong. It stop being funny slapstick when it started to look painful.

The movie had its moments, but for a lot of it, it just dragged. What was particularly annoying was the getting ready for a date montage. It took forever. Seriously the longest montage I have ever seen. Montages done right are good, but I think it is something that really doesn’t need to be in movies anymore, sure it use to work, but it is done no longer need. It has been done to death. Maybe if they did a good homage to the old montages and MAYBE if done right in a good comedy.

In the end the movie is just strange and creepy and maybe Bill Cosby wasn’t made for the big screen, but he is still a lovable guy all around.

Redeemable Quality: Bill Cosby is still a lovable guy regardless ” - kte-926-555493
House of the Dead (2003)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.0/10 X  
A group of college students travel to a mysterious island to attend a rave, which is soon taken over by bloodthirsty zombies. (90 mins.)
Director: Uwe Boll
“ Synopsis: Young adults head out to a rave out on an island called "The Island of Death", but it is in Spanish so I guess they all failed basic Spanish or were too stupid to care. Anyway they arrive, Zombies attack, they fight back.

Jake: What to say about Uwe Boll? Well, most of his movies just suck, especially his video game movies and then there some are just so bad, so awful, so horrendous, so stupid, so retarded, they are AWESOME! Don't get me wrong this is a bad movie for sure, but it is so funny, nay hilarious, to watch. It is just so unrealistic it is almost like a stealth parody. The scenes are just so over the top. The Zombies are so unrealistic, I mean they have Zombies that can defy gravity! Plus one of the girl headbutted a Zombie and it worked. Who does that!? Uwe Boll that's who!

Well, the flaws in this one are quite obvious. The acting is horrible, I am convinced that they could not act any worse if that was what they were suppose to do. Moaning the loss of any of their friends is almost comical. Either they are crying, but the crying is SO fake you can tell or when their loved one dies they seem like, "What happened to 'so-and-so'? He's dead! Drats! Oh, well..." Continue on merry way. The action scenes are way over the top and features the main character looking totally BA, but it is still goofy how they do it. Only Uwe Boll.

Finally one of things that just was so out of place was the little inserts of clips from the video game into the movie. They really didn't add anything to it, it really just detracted. Placing the old graphics of Sega's "House of the Dead" against a live action movie doesn't do anything, but look silly. But that is Uwe Boll's schtick, making good video games look silly.

Redeemable Quality: This movie is SO crazy that it is actually kind of fun. You can have nachos with this movie!! ” - kte-926-555493
Alone in the Dark (2005)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.3/10 X  
Based on the video game, Alone in the Dark focuses on Edward Carnby, a detective of the paranormal, who slowly unravels mysterious events with deadly results. (96 mins.)
Director: Uwe Boll
“ Synopsis:
An ancient civilian finds a gateway to the Dark World, but then disappear. Some 10,000 years later a government project figures this all and tests these creatures DNA on children. Then 22 years a government group called 713 tries to stop the creatures from getting into our world. So, they go to a place and shot things and then everyone in the city disappears.

Jake: Well, many bad things have been said about Uwe Boll and this movie, but you know it wasn’t that bad. Sure there was cheesy acting, horrible graphics, and a hard to understand plot, but I have truly seen worse movies than this. This was just another plain jane movie about atypical plot with atypical characters.

I think the hype of it being a really bad movie is overrated. Maybe if some of the actors tried harder and the graphics were done better and the plot made more sense, then it could have been a better movie. The plot definately needed the most work. You really had to work hard to understand what was going on. Blink you missed a huge chunk of incomprehensible plot. So, you didn't miss much, in fact watching it with your eyes close might be more exciting.

I’m sure if I would have played the game I would be singing a different tune, but whatever. It was a bad movie, but just not the worst ever.

Seth: In my honest opinion, I don't think this movie was as bad as people have made it out to be. I mean, it was cheesy, unbelievable, and poorly acted, but I have seen much worse. I think the thing that goes with my opinion though is I never played the video game the movie is "based" off of.

From what I can tell, the lack of attention to source material is what people really hated about this movie, and being that I have seen some of my favorite characters from comic books, etc. completely butchered on screen, I can understand the hatred for this movie with that in mind. If, however, you are like me and never played the game, this movie is just purely mediocre, nothing absolutely terrible and nothing great.

The acting was pretty bad, though. The main actor was pretty good, and I am not really sure if he was that great or he just looked good by comparison since all the others just acted like they really didn't care about their role. That's what I liked about the lead, he at least made me feel like he cared. The chick, half of her lines felt like she was reading them off of a cue card or something, and there was just plenty of script problems in general. Regarding the chick, I would advise anyone who is going to watch this movie to, whenever she delivers dialogue, just mute it and watch, because she is quite attractive to the eyes.

Redeemable Quality: The girl is hot. You can at least mute the movie and not listen to her “Dialogue” and just look at her. ” - kte-926-555493
From Justin to Kelly (2003)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.1/10 X  
A waitress from Texas and a college student from Pennsylvania meet during spring break in Fort Lauderdale, Florida and come together through their shared love of singing. (81 mins.)
Director: Robert Iscove
“ Synoposis: Girl meets boy. Girl and boy happen to be singers. A Highschool Musical breaks out.

Jake: Well, I guess before Highschool: the Musical could even come out there was this movie From Justin to Kelly or as I like to call it: College: the Spring Break Musical. And that is about the entire movie right there in a nutshell. You have the typical romance plot, the subtrefuging best friend because she wants to sleep with the guy that her friend likes, well, because she is a *insert word for woman who sleeps with every guy for no money*. So, with that alone the movie is already one you don't want to see.

Besides all of that there really is not plot or character development, there is no interesting dialogue, but what can really expect from a movie that is solely riding on the fact that the two stars were the top two in the American Idol show. The singing is about par, I won't say it is bad, but it just trite and sometimes a little silly. Okay a lot of silly. Overall it really is just about on par with Highschool the Musical. So, if you liked that movie I am sure you will like this one.

Sarah: This was a silly attempt of a movie. Don't the people know that the movie was going to flop, how could you not know? Was someone like, "Oh, my gosh! American Idol is so hot right now, so what if we were to take the winner and put her in a movie with the other guy and we will make it a musical it will be awesome!" Please! This moive wasn't going to fly.

The biggest flaw is that it is lame. There is no interesting development of romance, it is suppose to be this great romantic story, but it just was, lame, uninteresting, and did not capture your attention. To say it in so many words. One of the parts that just didn't seem to fit was that even though the girl's friend who backstabs her to try and get at the boy that they both like in the end she just forgave and pretended as if nothing had ever happened. Forgive and forget. Real girls would never be so forgiving. So, even though it is a musical and musicals are not the most realistic it lacked any sense of realistic-ness. So, yeah there is that.

Redeemable Quality: If you like Highschool Music this one will be okay. ” - kte-926-555493
Son of the Mask (2005)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.2/10 X  
Tim Avery, an aspiring cartoonist, finds himself in a predicament when his dog stumbles upon the mask of Loki. Then after conceiving an infant son "born of the mask", he discovers just how looney child raising can be. (94 mins.)
“ Synopsis: Man finds the ancient mask of Loki and his wife concieves while he is wearing said mask baby becomes super CGI impowered. Lessons are learned.

Jake: Why did this movie suck? Well, it's biggest problem is that it is a sequel that was never needed to be made and there a lot of those out there. Sequels are for stories/movies that did not have a proper conclusion and there is more to the story than just the first one. If a movie is able to be self contained, meaning that you have left no huge loose ends that needed to be tied then there is no need for there to be a sequel. However you are making a sequel because the first movie was good so we should try it again, then, please, just don't make a sequel because now you are doing just for the money and when you something for the money is not going to grade A material. Like I hear they are going to make an Avatar sequel...please don't. I know it was a big success and a lot of people (I not being among them) really liked it. However that movie had a beginning, a middle, and an end. There were no loose ends that needs to be tied up. The story is self contained there is no need for a sequel except to make some more money off of it.

Well, besides its glaring problem of being an unneeded sequel it also suffered from just too much CGI. It is becoming a regular problem for some movies. Too much reliance doesn't give the actors much to work with. It just just becomes too cartoonish that it would probably work better if it was a cartoon. SO, yeah stop that. In the end this movie would have been better off just not existing and no one would miss it. It is just quite forgetable and bland. The end.

Redeemable Quality: Jim Cary is smart enough to stay away from unneeded sequels. ” - kte-926-555493
Glitter (2001)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2.2/10 X  
A young singer dates a disc jockey who helps her get into the music business, but their relationship become complicated as she ascends to super stardom. (104 mins.)
“ GLITTER (2001) Vondie Curtis-Hall

Synopsis: Girl goes from rags to riches and may have forgot her friends along the way, but who can replace friends? Money, fame, and abusive boyfriends!! That's who!

Jake: Well, Smashmouth lied, all that glitter is not gold. Especially this one. Now it was a particularly bad movie, but it was just boring, trite, and been told on the Disney channel at least 30 times with anyone of their made for TV movies. The acting was subpar and silly. The premise in and of itself boring. Nothing about this movie was interesting or held any weight whatsoever.

The movie was acutally so boring that there really nothing to write about it. I can't make fun of it because it didn't have any ridiculous moment that I can think of. I have nothing to work with here. Now you might be wondering why it is so high on the list. That is because it was just another movie that was plain. It had a plot, it had actors, it had everything a movie was suppose to have, but it just wasn't any good.

It would probably have been more productive to watch the TV screen while it is blank, it would have accomplished the same effect except I probably would not have had a headache after it. No, really this movie gave me a headache after it was complete. In fact just having to rethink about this movie is causing another headache for me. Now where is my vicodin?

Redeeming Quality: Powerful drugs of healing ” - kte-926-555493
North (1994)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 4.4/10 X  
Sick of the neglect he receives from his mom and dad, a young boy leaves home and travels the world in search of new parents. (87 mins.)
Director: Rob Reiner
“ Synopsis:
A boy named “North”, who is like the perfect child, decides that it would be in his best interests to divorce himself from his parents, because they do not appreciate him. Therefore he becomes a free agent and travels the world looking for the perfect family. Lessons are learned.

Jake: This movie is surreal. I mean, I know it is supposed to be, but honestly this movie was just plain ridiculous. So, ridiculous I do not think the word ridiculous truly covers how strange this movie is. I know the end of the movie kind of explains why this movie is strange, but still I do not think that even that really can cover all of the things that happened and make them okay.

Not only is the movie audaciously weird, but it is really insulting to people groups all over the world. They go through stereotype after stereotype of pretty much all of the countries and makes sure they all have a good slap across the face, a kind of “Ha, take that you!” moment each time.

What did I learn from the movie? I learned that Texas are fat, people of Hawaii have low self-esteem, Eskimos send their old off on ice blocks when they can no longer contribute to society, the Chinese wants everyone to have their “strange” haircuts, the Amish speak in King James “language”, and so on and so forth. Another thing is that this movie had a LOT of famous people in it and at least one debut of a star-to-be. Finally I wouldn’t say I laughed a lot at this movie, but that I was just in awe of the sheer audacity of it.

Redeemable Quality: If there wasn’t so much insult to different people groups it could have been possibly a good movie. ” - kte-926-555493
Swept Away (2002)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 3.6/10 X  
A snooty socialite is stranded on a Mediterranean island with a communist sailor. (89 mins.)
Director: Guy Ritchie
“ Synopsis: Some rich snobs rent a cruise boat where our plucky hero is the one who catches all of the fish. He is mistreated the most, especially by this one woman played by Madonna. Those two get shipwrecked and the shoe is on the other foot as he has the skills to survive and she does not.

Jake: O_O; Well, this movie...was...uh...different. Most of the movies I have watched had poor acting, poor special effects, and/or terrible plot. Well, this movie had really none of those. The acting was decent, there weren't any special effect to speak of, and the plot is typical. What made it bad was just how boring and weird it was.

The First part of the movie was pretty standard for a romantic comedy, which is what this movie was trying to sell itself as: The male lead and female lead hate each others guts and really want nothing to do with each other. Even the second part is what should logically come next, they are stuck on an island and now they have to deal with each on more consistent basis. However in the seecond act it kind of takes a dark turn. Like in a BSDM sort of way.

The male takes control of the situation and puts the rich girl, who is a snob and hasn't worked a day in her life, in her place, but it is just really humiliating. First off he slaps when she tries to order him around and make her give him his food that he caught. He told her that if she wanted to eat then she was going to have to work. Then he just begins taking it too far: making her call him master, making her dance for him, making her kiss his hand. I mean she did some mean and nasty stuff, but to sink to her level and then go lower, wow! The crazy thing is that she begins to like it! She falls in love him and never wants to leave him, even though he treats her like dirt.

The message that the movie really did seem to be trying to portray is that women are inferior to men and should be treated as so. That women have a place and that in today's society they do not know that place anymore, because men are no longer man enough to step up to them. So, make sure you males make females around feel inferior to you. Oh, I learned capitalism is bad.

I am sure there is someone out there that would like this movie and get a real kick out of it. But there are all sorts of people out there.

Redeemable Quality: There is one daydream sequence that is a "I cannot believe that just happened" moment it is really funny. ” - kte-926-555493
The Conqueror (1956)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 3.4/10 X  
Mongol chief Temujin battles against Tartar armies and for the love of the Tartar princess Bortai. Temujin becomes the emperor Genghis Khan. (111 mins.)
Director: Dick Powell
“ Synopsis: The story of Ghangis Khan's rise to power told by racist Americans.

Jake: John Wayne plays Ghangis Khan. Just let that sink in for a moment........ Yeah, an american actor whose schtick is to play in Western's is play an Asian from the east (where else would they come from?). In fact, going into this movie I had no idea what or who this movie was about and I saw John Wayne in the billing so I immediately assumed it was a Western. Boy was I surprised.

There are so many flaws with this movie that I could take a long time just write about them all, but my personal favorite flaw in this movie was Susan Hayward. She was hilarious. Never once would you see her smile, frown, smirk, or anything except for her single look that she had plastered to her face. She looked like a doe in headlights the whole movie. She had the same look ALL THE TIME. Every time they showed her I could not help but laugh and laugh and laugh. The other great thing is how her character fell in love with the lead. It was just weird. She would have that same look on her face and you can't tell it was affection, apathy, or what, but it looked like John Wayne's manliness would just overpowered her and she could not help but kiss him. Then again who could resist John Wayne.

Redeemable Quality: Susan Hayward ” - kte-926-555493
The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 3.8/10 X  
In the future, a man struggles to keep his lunar nightclub out of the hands of the mafia. (95 mins.)
Director: Ron Underwood
“ Synopsis:
Futuristic Ex-Smuggler turned club owner is in knee deep of trouble as the Moon Mafia tries to buy out his club to turn into a casino. After being chased all across the moon he has a final showdown with the head boss who is actually himself. Yeah you can't make this stuff up.


Jake: The main problem is for a comedy it wasn’t very funny and I don’t know what it is, I mean it has Eddie Murphy in it and he can be a really funny guy, but it seemed more like an action film with a little bit of comedy thrown in. It also didn’t make a very good action flick either because it was slowed down by its “jokes”.

One of the major flaws is that it gave no real believable setting. Set in the year 2080, all I can gather is that the moon has been inhabited and that the whole film took place on the moon. You know they could have just as well set the movie on Earth and not in the future and it could have been just as good if not better and cost less.

But by far the gaping hole for this movie was just it's batcrap insane plot. The synopsis I give does not do it justice in how crazy this thing was. It was like a story told by one of those guys who say, "Come down to CAR-AYzee Mike's. Our prices are insane!" About a mad man who lived on the moon who teamed up with a psycho and together the two of them fought against an omnicidal maniac who was going to end the world by cloning everyone and having their clones kill the person that they were cloned from. Actually that would probably be a better movie.

Redeemable Quality: It would make a good made for TV movie, for kids. ” - kte-926-555493
Basic Instinct 2 (2006)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 4.2/10 X  
Novelist Catherine Tramell is once again in trouble with the law, and Scotland Yard appoints psychiatrist Dr. Michael Glass to evaluate her. Though, like Detective Nick Curran before him, Glass is entranced by Tramell and lured into a seductive game. (114 mins.)
“ Synopsis: A writer/possible murderer plays mindscrew games with a psychologist. Thills ensue?

Jake: What a cruddy piece of crap! This movie was boring and I had to trudge with it basically twice. I had not seen the first movie so I had no real basis to judge it on. Therefore I had to watch the first movie before getting to this one. The first was okay. It would have been actually interesting if it didn't have so much sexuality to it. If they would have implied all of that it would have been fine and actually could have enjoyed it better. This movie however just dragged and dragged and dragged. It wasn't as thrilling as the first movie and was just a repeat of the same script with different characters, different settings.

What!? That has never been tried before with a sequel. Do the same thing, but with different stuff. Someone please show me somewhere, even once where this worked. Where they redid the same plot of the movie, but gave them different character and different settings. I want to see this movie. I want to see it so bad because until I do I will refuse to see anything else that the movie sequel making mill is churning out until this happens.

Overall the movie is just one big mindscrew, not even the audience knows who the real murderer is. It just keeps switching back and forth between the antagonists and in the end you are still not sure, but you know they decided, "Hey we haven't really screwed with the audience's mind enough lets just add in a third possiblity as the murderer, let's pretend that it could have also been the protagonist as well." Well, that really isn't even a possiblity because of certain circumstances in the movie that made it obvious that he didn't do it.

In the end it is just another ploy by Hollywood to peddle out crap so that they can get more money. There is no need to watch the first movie and there certainly no need to watch the second movie.

Redeemable quality: The first movie was decent. ” - kte-926-555493
Night of the Lepus (1972)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 4.0/10 X  
Giant mutant rabbits terrorize the southwest!! (88 mins.)
“ Synopsis: Cute little furry bunnies turn into perspetive shot ravenous, but still cute widdle bunnies.

Jake: Well, it is an old horror film what did you expect really? The terrifying bunnies were so cute hopping all around the little minature sets. They were just SO cute with their widdle paws and widdle noses and their cute widdle fluffy tails, maiming and mutilatiing all the people. And by mutilating I mean when they attack people they just smear red stuff all over their bodies and not even a scratch. In fact in one seen a man that was attacked and survived only really looked mildly displeased at the incident at all.

One of the biggest things that gets me the contrived method that attack rabbits get out into the wilderness. The little girl to the scientists (husband and wife duo) messes with experiment for no more than a simple fact than to get one of the bunnies that have been mutated for her very own. She could have any of the normal bunnies in the pin, but want I that one. Stupid kid! I wish the bunnies harrassed her with their ketchup smeared paws. One thing I did learn from this movie is that giant killer rabbits cannot hop over train track that have been electricified. True story! I saw it happen. Oh the body count of the rabbits.

Which leads me to my last point and that is: I have heard the phrase breeding like rabbits, but having millions upon millions of giant killer rabbits in the matter of a few days when only one of the mutated ones was released into the public is a little incredulous doncha think?

Redeeming Quality: The rabbits were actually really cute. ” - kte-926-555493
Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 4.1/10 X  
A tough police sergeant's overbearing mother comes to visit him and begins to meddle in his life and career. (87 mins.)
“ Synopsis:
Mom comes to see her son from out of town, only to meddle with his career and love life.

Jake: What do you get when cross an action film stars with one of the ladies from the Golden Girls? You get this great big piece of shhhhhh-urely well done movie...Not really. Nope you get “Stop! Or My Mom will Shoot” which she does. Well, this movie's main problem is that it shouldn't have been made. Really it wasn't needed no one wants to she someone's mom going around and messing with her sons love life and career. It is not funny and not interesting. It was just one of those movies you just felt pain that you actually paid money to see it. Luckily I did not have to pay for it.

The worst element of it was just the mother character she really is what made this movie so bad. She was basically playing her character from the Golden Girls and it just isn't pretty. Talking about embarrassing moments of a man's life, doesn't make you life it makes you cringe. You are thinking to yourself, “Well, I could have gone my whole life not hearing that.” No they go there, over and over and over again. It just comes to a point when you like, “So this movie is over because we have watched it for two hours, right? THIRTY MINUTES!!!! GAH!!!!!” Insert fork through eye to reach brain.

Sam: Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot is ostensibly a comedy starring Sylvester Stallone, whose mouth is half-dead, and Estelle Ghetty, who is also half-dead. Estelle Ghetty purportedly only signed onto this movie, whose title assumes that her character will shoot or at least threaten to shoot someone, on the promise that there would not be guns. Normally, I would say she deserved it, but I really cannot in good conscience say that anyone deserved this film. Especially me. Thanks, Jake.

Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot is about Sergeant Joe Bomowski and his obnoxious, nagging mother who butts into all of his police work, and his personal life, with oblivious motherly gusto. There. That's the movie. Really. I sort of remember some underlying plot with some vague criminal elements and Joe's mom witnessing a murder, but the movie is really mostly just her doing things like washing his gun with soap and water and a scrub brush, and sending his girlfriend flowers, and telling stories about the time he got stuck in his zipper. There's also a shot of Sylvester Stallone's naked posterior that I really, really think I could have gone my entire life without seeing. At the end of the film, the title makes good on its threat, and Joe's mom shoots the villain dead. As I watched her wrinkled, cracking lips blow the smoke from the barrel, I could only think two things: That blowing the smoke away from a gun would never be cool again, and that I wish she had just shot me.

Especially when I remember that scene where Stallone is caught showering.

There was no moral to this story, no greater message as far as I can tell, no redeeming value, barely even a plot. What was this movie trying to say? Listen to your mother? Joe's mother was an idiot, and if he listened to half the things she told him, he'd be out of a job and possibly dead. Is that the message? Your parents may be out of touch with reality, and overwhelmingly annoying to you and everyone around you, but you should put up with it anyway because you never know when they're going to arm themselves? How did a diminutive 70-year-old woman who had never fired a weapon before in her life suddenly become a crack shot who kills hardened criminals?

These questions are the ones that keep me awake at night and haunt my dreams. Also, that shot of Stallone's butt.

Redeemable Quality: It makes good on it's title...I guess. ” - kte-926-555493
Mac and Me (1988)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 3.4/10 X  
An alien trying to escape from NASA is befriended by a wheelchair-bound boy. (95 mins.)
Director: Stewart Raffill
“ Synopsis:
During a trip to unknown planet an exploratory spacecraft accidently brings an alien family to earth. They escape the research labs and the youngest of the family, later dubbed Mac with no real explanation why, finds himself with a human family going to California far from his parents. The family eventually discovers him and makes it their mission to return him to his family.

Jake: This movie is a total knock off of ET and basically a commercial to boot. Throughout the movie you find the miracle wonders of Coca Cola on these strange creatures from outer space and the wonders that is McDonalds. McDonalds is a magical place where people dance and sing about the wonder of McDonalds and how everyone should eat there because the food is really good. Not only that, but Coca-Cola is a inferior soda to Pepsi, but it has magical properties to that can cause Mac to do magic things.

The plot is subpar and has some of the strangest and nonsensical sequences, such as a dance scene in McDonalds. I am not even sure what that was all about. The creatures themselves are not really ever explained, but they are just able to do magic things, like bring people back to life THROUGH THE POWER OF COKE!!!

Well, this movie is just a safe and dumb family movie that is not really interesting, it would just be better to watch the superior version: ET. And while you are watching ET be sure to get yourself a Big Mac from your local McDonalds with a large Coke because we love to see you smile. Enjoy. (What!? I can sell out too!)

Redeemable Quality: The kid rolling down the hill in his wheelchair and the girl strapped to the vacuum cleaner scene. ” - kte-926-555493
The Postman (1997)
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6.0/10 X  
A nameless drifter dons a postman's uniform and bag of mail as he begins a quest to inspire hope to the survivors living in post-apocalyptic America. (177 mins.)
Director: Kevin Costner
“ Synopsis:
In the year 2013, the United States of America is a desolate waste land with Kevin Costner as a lone traveler with his donkey. (Stop me if you hear this one.) He ends up being force drafted into a militia. He eventually escapes and finds a mail truck, taking the mail and the uniform he begins to deliver mail to towns as a means of getting food and shelter. He thereby accidentally starts a revolution by recreating the US postal service and bring hope to those you had none.

Jake: Maybe I watched one too many of the worst movies ever, but I actually do not think that this movie is deserving of such a title. It was a... good movie, mediocre at the worst. The acting was decent, the story was kind of heartwarming and I would actually recommend it to someone to watch. That being said this is suppose to be about its flaws, so, while the acting was decent the way the characters were portrayed was a little inconsistent and none of them stood out as great actors.

The story kind of meandered its way through the story taking its time with nothing particularly exciting. Certain parts were kind of strange, like the death of two characters that you thought were going to be with the main character to the end. Their deaths were not heartbreaking, because there wasn't enough time built up between them to make it so, but that at least made it seem a little realistic by doing it that way. Sometimes things did get a little silly, but it didn't make it unbearable just a little unintentionally humorous.

The last things I would have to critique are just little pet peeves that I have. The first is that giving the movie a date has always be a silly and dumb move. You can just as easily said that it is in the not too distant future or in the far distant future, but by giving it a date it kind of says something about the film when 2013 rolls around and none of that happens. I realize it is like an alternate time line, but it still bothers me. The other thing is there is a trend in some of these worst movies ever and that is the director being also the main star. One of the reasons why I think a film fails is that a person cannot really direct themselves. You are not able to see the flaws in their own acting and it doesn't get changed or made better. Overall this film is the least worst film on this list, even though it is kind of a long movie.

Redeemable Quality: This movie is actually really good, it is funny, the acting is decent, great story and morals, and is probably undeserving of all of the negativity around this film ” - kte-926-555493