Here is a list of 30 horror films in 3 different flavours (In this order): 10 Great ones, 10 crappy ones, and 10 funny ones. =D
A brilliant but eccentric scientist begins to transform into a giant man/fly hybrid after one of his experiments goes horribly wrong. (96 mins.)
“ This is my all time favourite - regardless of its genre. As a drama, it works. As a horror, it works. As a sci-fi, it works. Cronenberg kicks ass and this is his masterpiece. Check it out! ” - Kadath Read
Mourning his dead child, a haunted Vietnam War veteran attempts to discover his past while suffering from a severe case of dissociation. To do so, he must decipher reality and life from his own dreams, delusion, and perception of death. (113 mins.)
“ This flick is a much more cerebral horror film than its brethren. The key to this films success is that it is a piece of art; and art, as we all know, imitates life. The film follows a man in his final days as he fights encroaching death, and the way the film portrays his life follows through several near-death experiences that all genuinely feel as though you are watching someone die over a long, painful period. Definitely worth a watch - intelligent, moving, and genuinely frightening at times. ” - Kadath Read
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre
Two siblings visit their grandfather's grave in Texas along with three of their friends and are attacked by a family of cannibalistic psychopaths. (83 mins.)
“ I don't think anyone could have predicted the impact this flick would have. Made on a shoe-string budget and with intentions to resemble legendarily bad Drive-in flicks like "The Legend of Boggy Creek" or "The Town that Dreaded Sundown" who knew that this would become one of the freshest and most terrifying horror films of its age? Not to mention one of the most controversial despite its lack of true gore.
The lack of gore or explicit content is part of what makes this film so brilliant though. A Chainsaw massacre is likely to be pretty nasty, but regardless it probably wouldn't resemble the level of gross violence a lot of horror films like to represent and I can certainly say that getting bumped on the head with a meat hammer would hurt but it wouldn't cause a giant eyeball and gobs of gore to spray everywhere, and the filmmakers understood that. The film is minimalist and yet it feels so much more realistic because of that. It is raw, unnerving, and twisted. Like "Nightmare on Elm St." and "Halloween," it has been imitated countless times but no film has done it better than the timeless classic. ” - Kadath Read
A Nightmare on Elm Street
Several people are hunted by a cruel serial killer who kills his victims in their dreams. While the survivors are trying to find the reason for being chosen, the murderer won't lose any chance to kill them as soon as they fall asleep. (91 mins.)
“ Do I really need to introduce this one? Any horror or slasher fan worth his/her salt knows of this one and has probably seen it at least 30 times. Yet this flick still holds up. Freddy may not seem scary anymore, but going back to this flick - he's still pretty creepy when you see him in his true, pre-bastardized form.
Plus you cannot deny the impact this film left. Slashers at the time were nothing more than lumbering monsters that starred in increasingly gorier copies of Carpenter's classic, "Halloween." Then Freddy came along - he was not a lumbering monster who chased busty brainless bimbos (Alliterations are fun =D) and for that alone, this film would have been fresh - but thanks to solid atmosphere and a surprisingly likable lead character, "Nightmare" became something even more beyond its famous villain. ” - Kadath Read
Henry Spencer tries to survive his industrial environment, his angry girlfriend, and the unbearable screams of his newly born mutant child. (89 mins.)
“ Does this movie count as a horror? Well, whether it truly is or not; I'm counting it. This movies scares the crap out of me. The thing looks like a bloody nightmare, feels like a nightmare, and plays out like a nightmare. Despite its slow pace and infamously confusing and abstract plot, this is one helluva trip that is pretty damned hard to forget about. ” - Kadath Read
It's the first week of winter in 1982. An American Research Base is greeted by an alien force, that can assimilate anything it touches. It's up to the members to stay alive, and be sure of who is human, and who has become one of the Things. (109 mins.)
“ As I mentioned in my comments on "Texas Chainsaw Massacre," I feel that exaggerated gore can often cheapen a horror film. However there are exceptions and arguably the greatest exception is John Carpenter's "The Thing." The effects in this film are disgusting, horrifying, and creative. It's also nice that the film has a great psychological element, as the eponymous "Thing" has no true form and infects other humans and your trust can either save you or kill you. Couple that with the atmosphere of being cold and lonely thousands of miles away from home, and you have a hit. ” - Kadath Read
A sleazy cable-TV programmer begins to see his life and the future of media spin out of control in a very unusual fashion when he acquires a new kind of programming for his station. (87 mins.)
“ David Cronenberg again! "VideoDrome" is a very good flick that manages to be thought provoking, occasionally funny (Some of the violence towards the end is Grade A B-Movie cheese) and yet overall weird and creepy all at the same time. It has a great atmosphere and a unique story, and while the visuals seem dated at times Cronenberg's artistic sensibilities are in full force here. ” - Kadath Read
A widower takes an offer to screen girls at a special audition, arranged for him by a friend to find him a new wife. The one he fancies is not who she appears to be after all. (115 mins.)
“ Y'know? I hate to put this movie on here, and I hate the way they package the DVD. Why? Because it's NOT a bloody horror movie! It's a bloody Romantic Drama with a tragic ending! Yet there's no denying it. The last 40 ot minutes are horrific and disturbing. I would put this higher on the list for that reason, but once again, this simply ISN'T a true horror movie; but its shock is strong enough to warrant a place here. ” - Kadath Read
“ This is a highly underrated movie. I will say that if you want tons of scares or shocks, you'll be disappointed. If you want a creative and occasionally eerie vampire story as well as a great "Movie about making movies," check this flick out! It's classy and well-made. The scenes where they re-enact actual scenes from "Nosferatu" are fantastic and look gorgeous.
The performances are also worth mentioning. DaFoe does a fantastic job as Max Shreck/Count Orlock, but John Malkovich steals the show. Malkovich's portrayal of F.W. Murnau is funny and yet disturbing at the same time; a genuine portrait of insanity that Malkovich delivers on big time. Definitely worth a look. ” - Kadath Read
Two detectives, a rookie and a veteran, hunt a serial killer who uses the seven deadly sins as his modus operandi. (127 mins.)
“ This would be higher up on the list, but once again; I feel this is more of a drama/thriller than a true, white knuckle horror flick. However there is no denying that this film is genuinely disturbing and scary at times, and the story is creative, clever, and it all leads to a gut wrenching and shocking end. I'm not really a fan of Brad Pitt, but he does a decent job here and Morgan Freeman, as always, is absolutely sensational.
Well, there are 10 great horror flicks. Let's move onto 10 genuinely terrible ones, before getting back into the fun stuff with 10 funny/silly (but enjoyable) ones. =) ” - Kadath Read
Emily and her friend Angelica go to a rave in the woods, and when they arrive, they meet a stranger... (74 mins.)
“ I'm no fan of Wes Craven's "The Last house on the Left," but as far as Rape/revenge films go, it is one of the more tolerable ones even if I still have no desire to ever see it again. Chaos, a remake (More or less) of Craven's "Last house on the Left" is true trash. The director claims that the film is meant to prove to us that there is evil in the world, and we must live with it.
Yes - that is true, but do we want to watch it? No. I don't know how anyone can find a movie that is more or less nothing but a rape and torture film 'entertainment,' and just because it proves to us that there is evil out there, that doesn't make it acceptable or any less misogynistic and cruel. Avoid this trash at all costs. ” - Kadath Read
I Spit on Your Grave
An aspiring writer is repeatedly gang-raped, humiliated, and left for dead by four men whom she systematically hunts down to seek revenge. (101 mins.)
“ This movie is sick, reprehensible, and cruel. A friend of mine brought it over to watch with me and my wife, and neither of us could see what in the name of god appealed to him about it. All it is is a long, unrelenting and unbearable rape scene followed by a tiny bit of giddy revenge; but not even that can save the cruel and tasteless content of the rest of the film. ” - Kadath Read
Faces of Death
A collection of death scenes, ranging from TV-material to home-made super-8 movies The common factor is death by some means. (105 mins.)
“ Faces of Death is a pointless film. I'm not just another person who hates on it because of the supposedly real depiction of death, but more because it's just a really crappy film. I found it to be boring and pointless. Yeah, it's unpleasant, but above all it's dull and practically unwatchable - even if you can work your way through the gore, it's not worth your time. ” - Kadath Read
A demented, wicked, deformed, cannibalistic killer named K. The Butcher Shitter, escapes from the police and slaughters people in many gory, bloody ways. (75 mins.)
“ Violent Shit 1 and 2 are pretty damned bad. I'll be honest and say that Violent Shit 3: Infantry of Doom (AKA Zombie Doom) is a guilty pleasure, but the first two are genuinely crap. Much like "Faces of Death," it's just a gag-reel of death scenes with no plot, no point, no entertainment. The only thing I will give Violent Shit part 2 is this: It IS pretty funny when Karl Jr. yells "I AM STAPLER FACE!" after fixing a cut on his face with staples. ” - Kadath Read
Return of the Boogeyman
Poor Annie every time she falls asleep, her dreams are haunted by visions of a faceless man committing unspeakable crimes... (76 mins.)
“ The original Boogeyman was a dull and uninteresting, but competently made thriller. Boogeyman II was a rehash filled with stock footage and maybe about 15 minutes of actual new content. Return of the Boogeyman was about 3 times as boring as the first, and like #2, it rehashes footage from the first two films! Pure laziness and pure boredom. ” - Kadath Read
Three friends out to disprove cannibalism meet two men on the run who tortured and enslaved a cannibal tribe to find emeralds, and now the tribe is out for revenge. (93 mins.)
“ Umberto Lenzi is not a very talented director, but some of his films (Like Nightmare City) are giddy enough to be somewhat enjoyable. Yet the notorious Cannibal Ferox is anything but enjoyable. It's got real animal cruelty, Umberto Lenzi's curious fetish for tearing off womens breasts in graphic detail, and it's yet another Rape/Revenge film that is too graphic and misogynistic for its own good. ” - Kadath Read
Despite Jigsaw's death, and in order to save the lives of two of his colleagues, Lieutenant Rigg is forced to take part in a new game, which promises to test him to the limit. (93 mins.)
“ I'm mixed on the Saw series. I think the original is a masterpiece, but they got worse and worse after the surprisingly decent Saw II. Most people consider V to be the worst, and while V was pretty mediocre it wasn't quite as painful as Saw IV. This movie was just a bloody mess and I lost interest around this entry. ” - Kadath Read
Hostel: Part II
Three American college students studying abroad are lured to a Slovakian hostel, and discover the grim reality behind it. (94 mins.)
“ Like "Violent Shit," I'm counting BOTH of the Hostel films here. However I am adding "Part II" on the list simply because I hated it more. Hostel 1 had SOME creepy moments and some nice bodies on display early on, but otherwise it was complete and total crap. However - Hostel II was just awful through and through. It didn't make much sense and it all felt like a fetish film and Eli Roth's fetishes are a little disturbing. I'm being literal as well - there's a scene where a woman murders an innocent girl and bathes in her blood; and apparently Roth had his hands down his pants during that scene. Roth is a bit twisted and I do NOT want to know what goes on in his head. ” - Kadath Read
The Human Centipede (First Sequence)
A mad scientist kidnaps and mutilates a trio of tourists in order to reassemble them into a human centipede, created by stitching their mouths to each others' rectums. (92 mins.)
“ Call me sick or crazy, but the reason this is on the list isn't because I was offended by its content - but rather because I found the movie to be disappointing, boring, and idiotic. Yes - I actually saw a disturbing movie in the films premise, and yes, I understand why it offended a lot of people but I was expecting a scary time. Instead, we got a lame and pointless exploitation film that was boring and utterly brainless. The only somewhat creepy scene is the scene where the doctor explains how the experiment works.
However people - I need you to stop complaining. When you admit you are offended or sickened by this film, Tom Six looks and says "Look! I exploited those poor saps!" and that will only inspire him to make more garbage, so let this be the last time we mention this worthlessly lame film. ” - Kadath Read
A grieving couple retreat to their cabin in the woods, hoping to repair their broken hearts and troubled marriage. But nature takes its course and things go from bad to worse. (108 mins.)
“ Like Human Centipede, this isn't here because I was just blindly offended by the content though I was definitely offended by this film at times. No, this is here because this movie is pure bullshit. It's an Emo-Porno film and despite some excellent direction and cinematography (Which is why I didn't put it higher) this film is worthless and dis-interesting.
Yet all those Emos that liked this film defend it saying it's an "Allegory about the loss of a child." Oh, you mean because of the baby that falls out of the window at the beginning? That doesn't make it an allegory, especially since it is never mentioned or referenced again you morons; not even in sub-text. There is no sub-text. This is just an Emo Porn flick. The end. Like Human Centipede, let's leave it alone and quit whining, k?
Now that we've talked about 10 genuinely crappy horror movies, let us cap off this list with 10 really funny horror flicks whether said humour was intentional or not. ” - Kadath Read
A young man's mother is bitten by a Sumatran rat-monkey. She gets sick and dies, at which time she comes back to life, killing and eating dogs, nurses, friends, and neighbors. (104 mins.)
“ BrainDead (Or Dead Alive as the IMDb lists it, but honestly I've NEVER seen it called that. Maybe that was the original New Zealand name or something *shrugs*) is quite possibly the funniest 'horror' film of all time. It has just about everything we want from a B-movie, but it goes for genuine laughs and it gets genuine laughs. It's infamously gory and over the top final act had me and my wife laughing so hard that we had bruised ribs for a bloody week.
If you are a fan of B-horror films and haven't seen this hilariously foul entry, go and check it out; now! ” - Kadath Read
Army of Darkness
A man is accidentally transported to 1300 A.D., where he must battle an army of the dead and retrieve the Necronomicon so he can return home. (81 mins.)
“ Yes, I am putting Army of Darkness before Evil Dead II. Don't get me wrong - Evil Dead II is a romp and will show up on this list, but I genuinely preferred Army of Darkness. It is one of the funniest movies ever made, let alone one of the funniest horror comedies. The ONLY thing that Army of Darkness didn't do better than its predecessor is gore, but AoD doesn't really need it to be funny. ” - Kadath Read
“ This move is bloody brilliant. It's a parody/tribute to classic Alien invasion films, and it more or less follows the same basic plot for said invasion films; A small town is beset by a race of evil Aliens who cause havoc and the only people brave enolugh to stop them are a bunch of teens.
The twist? The Aliens are Clowns that cocoon humans in cotton candy and drink their blood through silly straws....
THAT IS FRICKEN' BRILLIANT!!
This movie is quite clever with it's Clown related gags, and is both genuinely funny and occasionally the humour comes from the low budget. Regardless - it is always entertaining and puts a smile on my face whenever I need one. ” - Kadath Read
After a tragic car accident that kills his wife, a man discovers he can communicate with the dead to con people. However, when a demonic spirit appears, he may be the only one who can stop it from killing the living and the dead. (110 mins.)
“ This is a HIGHLY underrated movie. I'll admit I should put it lower on the list because although there are some hilarious moments, it isn't as gut busting as some of the others I've mentioned already or some of the ones I will mention. It would probably be more at home at #7, but I'm putting it this high simply because of how under-appreciated it is and because although it is humorous - it isn't all played for laughs, and the story is creative and there are some genuinely creepy moments as well. Definitely check it out if you haven't already. ” - Kadath Read
Evil Dead II
The lone survivor of an onslaught of flesh-possessing spirits holes up in a cabin with a group of strangers while the demons continue their attack. (84 mins.)
“ Okay, here's Evil Dead II folks. Do I really need to introduce this one on a list of "Funniest horror films?" Seriously, I don't think I do. Everyone knows this masterpiece. I'll just leave it at that =) ” - Kadath Read
“ Attack of the killer tomatoes!
Attack of the killer tomatoes!
They'll beat you, bash you,
Squish you, mash you
Chew you up for brunch
And finish you off for dinner or lunch!
They're marching down the halls
They're crawling up the walls
They're gooey, gushy, squishy, mushy
Rotten to the core
They're standing outside your door!
Remember Herman Farbage
While taking out his garbage
He turned around and he did see
Tomatoes hiding in his tree
Now he's just a memory!
I know I'm going to miss her
A tomato ate my sister
Sacramento fell today
They're marching into San Jose
Tomatoes are on their way!
The mayor is on vacation
The governor's fled the nation
The police have gone on strike today
The National Guard has run away
Tomatoes will have their day!
Attack of the killer tomatoes!
Attack of the killer tomatoes!
They'll beat you, bash you,
Squish you, mash you
Chew you up for brunch
And finish you off for dinner or lunch
Dinner or lunch, lunch, lunch
Dinner or luuuuuunch
('Nuff Said) ” - Kadath Read
“ Don't let the "Part 2" or the surprisingly 'Saw' like cover fool you - this is NOT a horror movie. This is a batshit insane and absolutely gruesome comedy that is more of a parody than a true sequel. With that said, give it a chance - it's bloody hilarious. Denis Hopper fights Leatherface with a pair of Chainsaws. If that in itself isn't ingenious, than I don't know what is. ” - Kadath Read
One morning a young man wakes to find a small, disgusting creature has attached itself to the base of his brain stem. The creature gives him a euphoric state of happiness but in return demands human victims. (84 mins.)
“ This movie is great fun. Easily the best of Frank Henenlotter's goofy films and most definitely worth a look. I can't really comment much beyond that, as I said it's just plain fun. Though I will say that the show is stolen by Zacherle (The Cool Ghoul!) and the voice he provides for Alymer, an evil brain-parasite who has surprisingly good table manners. ” - Kadath Read
Two cannibalistic brothers kill various young women to make their flesh part of their new special dish at their rundown restaurant while seeking blood sacrifices to awaken a dormant Egyptian goddess. (88 mins.)
“ Anyone want some Finger Fries?
Seriously though, if you like funny B-Movies; check this out. It's extremely entertaining and quite underrated in my opinion. ” - Kadath Read
A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors
Survivors of undead serial killer Freddy Krueger - who stalks his victims in their dreams - learn to take control of their own dreams in order to fight back. (96 mins.)
“ The 3rd Nightmare on Elm Street is the only numbered sequel to "Nightmare" worth seeing (I specify 'numbered' because New Nightmare is pretty good.) due to a couple things. One, it gets the creative juices flowing again. This is where they learn that they can fight Freddy in his own domain - dreams, and a group of teens turn into the eponymous Dream Warriors. It isn't surprising that this one was written by Craven as it has an inventive premise, and there are some genuinely creepy scenes too!
But it makes this list for the humour, which is the other reason to see it. Sure - all of them had humour, but the humour is richest here and as always Robert Englund is a joy. ” - Kadath Read