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: So, Alan tells me you're a homosexual. Tommy Ballenger
: Only because there was nothing good on television. Beverly
: Well, I just find it so intriguing. Tommy Ballenger
: Not always, Liberace for example. Beverly
: Liberace is a homosexual? Tommy Ballenger
: Sadly, yes.
: So what do you two have planned on the menu, a menage-a-trois? Beverly
: Oh, no. Alan hates French food.
: Did you take the little bus to school?
: So what made you want to become a writer? Alan Oakley
: It's always been my dream since a child. When did you first realize you were gay? Tommy Ballenger
: It's always been my dream since a child.
: [to a reporter
] I'd like to make a deal with the Anita Bryant people. You stop telling lies about us and we'll stop telling the truth about you.
: What part of fuck off, drop dead, go to Hell, you're not getting a Christmas card did you not understand, hmm?
: What do you want? Alan Oakley
: I want to say I'm sorry. Tommy Ballenger
: Absolution granted, go with God. We're done.
: So how do the two of you know each other? Alan Oakley
: Umm...the young republicans club. Tommy Ballenger
: Ya, I just love Dick. Alan Oakley
: [proceeds to spray his coffee over the kitchen table, recovers
] Ah! Too much sugar!