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Quotes for
Hassan (Character)
from Achmed Saves America (2014) (V)

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Achmed Saves America (2014) (V)
Hassan: [high-fives Achmed and accidentally knocks his skeleton hand loose and sends it flying down the road] Sorry.
Achmed: No worries.
[takes out a huge "Captain Hook" prosthetic and snaps it onto his wrist in place of his hand]
Achmed: We've got OBAMACARE!

Hassan: [in a low sneering growl of restrained fury and disgust] Achmed! **Why** are you still ALIVE?
Achmed: [in cheerful imperturbability] Nice talking to you, too!
on-camera crowd: [cheering on the trivia-quiz show on Hussan's TV in the background] Wheel - - Of - - TORTURE!
Hassan: I should have heard a BIG BOOM by now! You have worked for us for T'REE YEA'S now, and you STILL haven't killed INFIDEL ONE! I swear - - you are da most useless suicide bomber in da ENTIRE WORLD!
Achmed: Not to worry, Hussan - - I will get it right this time.
Hassan: Achmed! You blundering EEMbecile! Are you forgetting that you BLEW UP OUR TRAINING CAMP? Da only t'ing left was da MONKEY BAHS!
older of two observing chimps: [contemptuously watching a line of terrorist-trainees awkwardly swinging themselves along by their hands from underneath the tubular metal framework] Oh, puh-lease - - we are SO-O-O much better at this stuff than they are!

Hassan: [disgustedly, upon hearing Achmed say he wants to return to America and help the Wilsons] I cannot believe that you would want to go back to that devil-filled country of INFIDELS! You are insane. I would pay more attention to the shrieks of a rabid WUTAH BUFFALO!
Achmed: [sarcastically] Ah, yes - - and how is your wife?
[snickers heartily at his own joke]
Achmed: Pithy American put-down humor!
Hassan: [fist-swipes Achmed across the head and knocks his sombrero off, then glowers fiercely at him] For that insolence I should KEEL you until you are DEAD!
[abruptly relaxes his face into a casual considering expression as he calmly ponders Achmed's question]
Hassan: But - - she is fine, thank you for asking... she has lost some weight... more COW than WUTAH BUFFALO these days, I'd say.